2011--Where the Fuck Have I Been?!?

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged.  Since there hasn't been time, you should not be surprised at all that.


I don't really want this to be a Year in Review, but there's a lot to think about for certain.  I think it's going to be a jumbled mass of thoughts and ideas.


How much has gone on...how much has not as well.  I remember saying at the beginning of the year it would be my year; in some ways it has and in others not so much.


Hardly complaining, though.  Let's see if I can figure out the important factors of 2011 before we enter the dreaded 2012.


(Before we go further, I will let you know right now:  I DO NOT BELIEVE THE WORLD WILL COME TO AN END IN 2012, AT ALL!)  Okay, with that out of the way:


The working world remains elusive to me, in terms of full employment and the new brass ring, which is health insurance.  I'll talk about that in a minute.


I got a great opportunity at WITF; the chance to host NPR shows.  I have received some very nice reviews from friends and strangers who have heard me hosting "Morning Edition" and "All Things Considered."  I'm most grateful for compliments and criticisms, and there have been a few.


My reputation of sounding like I know what I'm doing is being put over well, hahahahah!  I also have garnered a reputation for playing some interesting "bumper" music.  If you listen to NPR, you hear strange bits of music they use between segments.  


When you hear me talk, you hear MY music.  It's different stuff, instrumentals and such.  It just comes from my CD collection, most of it is stuff most people would never hear, and it gave me the chance to play Ronnie Earl and the Broadcasters a lot for you!


Also got to play a bunch of Neal Schon, Dave Huttlinger, Santana and Frank Zappa.  Yes, to that last one...heh.  It's become what I do, I guess.


But anyway, the chance to do the NPR thing was one of those jobs that I never thought I had the skill or the "in" to get to do.  My sports job for Radio PA on the other side of the cubicle row, plus a few words of encouragement (thank you Rob Wilber) set me up for it.


So that plus sports jobbing at Clear Channel give me work, but not enough to live on.  I'm not dying, but it's a matter of hanging in there, and still trying to find work that'll cover the bills.


Insurance is now a needful thing; what I buy doesn't count for much.  I will be getting hit with bills for most of my colonoscopy this time.


For those who don't know, I suffer from Ulcerative Colitis, and have since 1994.  I am not sick from it anymore, it's in hand, but I have to get screened every two years because of the possibilities of colon cancer.


This last screening found something that if left there, might have become cancer.  It's gone, so it's all good, but it's not something I take lightly.  Both of my parents died from cancer, and there were probably others on the family tree that dropped from it.


My other health problems have finally been again raising their ugly heads.  The past two months, I was unaware of how badly I was losing the plot.  My depression has been under good control for a long time...but then the anxiety started kicking in.


Ever get that feeling of being overwhelmed, silently?  You have so much going on, and your brain just shuts off.  So you don't remember anything.  Or you have a tunnel vision where there is nothing going on but that one thing in your own universe.


Well, I have had my Zoloft dose doubled; I feel a lot more calm.  A bit better focused, but I worry that it may take away my energy.  It will take a while to get used to it.


Now...as of today, it is my six-month anniversary of joining a health club and quitting smoking.  For the latter, I still bum one now and then from friends, but I have been surprisingly free of it.  I have been swimming primarily, doing some cardio work, the sauna and other things.


I feel better than I have in 20 years.  I've lost fat, put on some muscle, and I've dropped about 12-15 pounds.  I really do feel great.  Of late, I've not been able to do as much in the pool as I have for a while; either the dreaded plateau, or my body is still adjusting to extra Zoloft.


Then there's my personal life:  my meeting Alice has been a huge blessing.  It is true, we have been on and off the past several months.  We are not "an item," at least not any longer.  But we are good friends, and that has been a huge help.


Alice is more intuitive than even those people who claim they are; she has her own issues going, but she's been able to tap into things with me, and push me in directions I've needed to go.  It may just be she is the first person in years to either have the smarts or the balls to tell me what I needed to hear.


Always nice; I am indebted to her.


Now, that leads me to associations.  I left Moonsong Coven earlier this year; a decision I put off for some time.  The last cable has been cut, and while I miss them, I left in good standing and the proper way.  No regrets; all good.


My spiritual side has been reading Krishna Das' Chants of a Lifetime:  Searching for a Heart of Gold.  Great story of searching and striving; it always goes on.


It's helped bring me back to the chanting that has helped inspire me and keep my head together.  I remain Buddhist, Wiccan, this/that/other; I too keep searching and trying to stay mindful.  Not easy, but you keep doing it.


I have not seen much of the old gang, and I do miss them.  I think however I have had to move on, and let a lot of things go the way they've meant to.  I don't know what any of it means; it is possible that work or real life will move me out of Pennsylvania, but I don't know yet.  


It does not have to; but I need to see what comes next.


Writing:  my agent is still pushing the Sweet Dreams Series, but I wonder now if there's more we must do.  Need to stay on the collaborators, because I think some visual stuff will be a need.


I finished a 600-page draft for Silk Road Days earlier this year, and I've edited it some.  More there I need to do, but it has something special.


Parasite Girls I think also has potential in the adult mainstream fiction market.  I need to consider the projects and what to do next.


Music:  Dan and I still get together to write and play, but nearly everyone else has been busy beyond belief.  What is next there?  I really don't know; not quitting, but wondering.


So it has been one hell of a year; I'm still running through it all and trying to figure out where it all leads.  But that's how it is; you can't just say this, that or the other will happen.  You have to make it happen, and I need to refocus.


Same as always.  Life goes on.  Hope your '11 was good, and we can do what we need to make '12 even better.

An Update on the Maniac...and Other fun Things

"take a look down at the madman..."


"Knife-Edge" by ELP kicked off my laptop iTunes as I begin this blog.  It's been a while since I've written one, and it's time to again take stock of the madness, and the madman...


I just got out of a visit to my doctor, whom I've not seen in 6 years.  Primary care...my issues are again being looked at, and here's what we have going.


My agitated state of mind and body has been noted and logged in more ways than one.  Of late, it has manifested itself into something that is slowly getting out of hand...again.


I've made it no secret that I suffer from depression.  I have been aware of it since I was about 12, and I'm sure it went before that.  With it came the motor agitation that at the time was just put down to general nervousness or hyperactivity.


I have NOT been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder or anything of that sort.  I'm pretty sure that is not my case; I have relatives and friends with it, and I've seen enough to know I'm not that extreme.


But it is extreme enough at times.


My stress level is way up...my blood pressure was 20 points higher than it should have been when they checked me this morning, but that came from the agitation of being late for the appointment and trying to find the place.


This kind of thing is happening way too much lately.  I had been thinking the past few months about what would happen to this country if suddenly things stopped working, and this gives you an idea:


What if...little things we rely on stopped working?


The power going out in the snowstorm recently here...whoa, didn't people get highly pissed at that?


I remember being very worried about my pipes freezing, and the widespread outages made me worry as well for my aging landlords.  But they had a wood stove, so they were okay.  


But that...or even tinier things:


At the Morebucks, the Internet has this very annoying habit of freezing your screens.  A lot.  Free WiFi comes with a w/o warning freezeup that freaks people out.


It is an annoyance for me, but not one I will die over.


But some people freak out over this shit.


Traffic...same thing...I've experienced and viewed how we all get right out of our fucking minds if things don't go just right.


Stress...our E-string gets wound way too tight.


It happens.


Well, for me it has been ongoing as a problem.  I am not a huge fan of "South Park," but the kid named Tweak...that was me at 12.


"I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS PRESSURE!"


I identify with him.  


The doc is pretty sure I don't have ADD...she has a kid with it, so I think she'd know.


We had a long talk about the depression, and where it stands.  She noted the tremors in my hands.  Not Parkinson's or anything like that, thankfully.  


But yeah, my past and the stuff I've finally come to terms with...that, plus my feeling so scattered, at a loss, and overloaded with shit.


It is causing problems nearly everywhere I go, and I have to get a grip on it all.


Certain things are in my favor.  I quit drinking 16 years ago because of my intestinal issues, and that's all good.  I stopped smoking six months ago, and I've been working out since then.


My weight is 12-15 pounds less than it was back then, and I do feel a damn sight better.  The workouts have helped relieve a lot of stress, but that's not all of it.


The meds...up they go for a bit.


"Hey Darlin'" by Racing Rain is up...very nice...


I've been on Zoloft for 11 years, a light dose...we're going to up it, and see what happens.  Hopefully I can tolerate it.


Trying as well to find other things to cool myself out, but just that alone does not always work.  


Oh, yes, I have to cut back on the caffeine!  Oh dear...what will I do?


I know what I have to do, so I'll handle it...a switch to tea shouldn't be too bad, and if I can find decaf that doesn't taste like muddy water I'll be happy.


Also, I will be seeing a therapist, I think.


I'm sure you're having images of Woody Allen in "Annie Hall," lying on a couch with some Freudian shrink asking about his sex life.  I don't think it's gonna be like that.  This will be a psychologist, not a shrink.  


"Dukes Intro," Genesis...semi-prog.


I think it will help me work out a bunch of issues that I have tried to handle on my own, and now cannot completely do.  I don't think we're going to find any great breakthroughs here, but I'm not afraid to admit that it might be time for such a thing.


Oh yeah...the man I'm being referred to is Jewish.  HAHAHA!  Isn't that a trip?  Doesn't matter to me, but it is funny, isn't it?


Anyway, I'm really alright, and I think I'll get this taken care of...


###


I do have to get some parts of my life better organized, and I hope to do that.


Now that I am done with serializing "Take Another Road," I was really hoping for some more opinions and critiques.  Haven't got many, and I'm hopeful someone would take the time to let me know what they thought of it, good, bad, indifferent.


###


I'm doing one final edit of "Silk Road Days" for now; I will be re-examining the "Sweet Dreams Series" to see what we can do next to make it viable.  I hope to again find a way to make this thing workable, but we need to push harder in certain areas.


"Breakout," an updated jazzy version by Swing out Sister.  I've always loved Corrine Drewrey's voice...sexy as all hell.


So much more to deal with...I'll see what comes next.


And life goes on I suppose...back on WITF this afternoon, then a game on the Ticket...things aren't too bad at all, are they?

Finally...a little recognition...

This is kinda cool...I'm sort of putting together all of my jumbled thoughts and other weird shit from the past several days, and it's good to have an opportunity to feel just a tiny bit of recognition for what you do.


It comes all at once I think...and with it, is all this other stuff especially at the time of Yule/Xmas.


"Thunderbird," by John Hiatt is now on my new iPod Classic.  Heehee...been cranking it and lamely burning nearly everything I own to my iTunes on the computer and the new toy.  Over 10,000 songs and counting...heehee.


Now yes, the iPod is my early gift to me; my old friend Jaz has the Walkman now, a going away present for her as she heads to New York State for a new job and I think a new step in life.  I wish her well.


You know, I honestly don't mind if people wish me a Merry Xmas, Happy Holidays or Joyous Yule.  I really don't care; I take it as friendly gestures or politeness.  Doesn't freak me out.


I do not do a lot of shopping though; my family and I stopped that business some years ago, for the money, primarily.  But I do a few little things for certain folk.


Where was I going with this anyway...?


Oh yeah.


I'm slowly girding my loins to get ready for a new book of Young Adult/YA strangeness.  Another examination of a part of my life that has not been touched yet, and will likely be difficult as fucking hell.  But none of it has been; therapy, I guess.


Also have another twisted crazy story working in my brain, I'll get to that one day.


"Abandoned," by Ronnie Earl, from Now My Soul.  Blues...yeah, and as you know I've been playing quite a bit of Ronnie and some other instrumentalists during my substitute hosting on WITF.


Another thread...anyway, I'll be doing a bunch more this month, as a couple of my colleagues take vacation/holiday time.  Be warned, haha.


Okay, here's what happened last night:  Dan and I did not have time to practice, but we headed up to HMAC for Open Mic Night.  Hadn't been there in a while, and it was time to go again.


As been the habit, we followed the compere, the amazing Mike Banks...but I think we did pretty damned well.  "Black Ambition" and "Dark Star" are my songs, and then we followed up with Midge Ure's "Call of the Wild."


Good hands...Dan says a lovely young Asian lady was watching him play...I'll bet she was, I'll bet she was...Alice came to watch Dan and "Mr. Nervous," but she seemed cool with what happened.


Had a nice talk with a folksinger named Matt in the backroom...he wanted to know the chord changes to "Black Ambition."  Nice.  We had a good talk; he followed us, and did some sparse, simple tunes, but really good stuff.  Less is more, he said, and I agree.


Mike paid me a nice compliment...he's been listening to me on WITF, and at first didn't know it was me!  He guessed though, and then heard my name...he also digs the bumper music I've been playing.  I have apparently found a twist that is all my own...heh.


Also got some really cool pics out of if from Mandeek Live--you'll find her on Facebook.  A pro photog who takes really good shots; she also was very complimentary of our music.


My voice, too...I'm honored...oh yeah, and Matt said I sound like Lou Reed!


I've gotten that before, and it is a compliment to me!


A little recognition is very nice...nice to know people are starting to realize that while I may not be the most serious guy in the world, I am about certain things, and I do my best.


Made my day, I gotta tell you...


...back to writing...Silk Road Days is being edited once more, I need to finish that before I can consider anything else.  As I say trying to get my brain wrapped around this new idea of mine.  It reads in my head well, but perhaps better as just a Manga?


Hmmm...won't know till I get it started.


"Set Me Free" by John Cale...interesting stuff...very.


OK, off I go to whatever...

Flooding, a New Concept Album, Activity of Varied Sorts

I've been busy of late, in different ways...been mostly seated at the temporary York Office (read:  Morebucks), and while on it, I've been trying to accomplish something.


My iTunes is a wonderful thing, once there's enough music in it.  It trumps the horrid burnt offerings that this shop has to play at eleven.  Who decides that this music is good?  Pretentious, and wanky for the most part.


"Eat Me" by Rachel Fuller is playing...wonderful song, and this lady's stuff has really been inspiring.  Doesn't hurt that she's Pete Townshend's collaborator and girlfriend, now does it?


But no, one of Rachel's songs, "Imperfection" has made its way into "Silk Road Days," a long-winded novel I am endeavoring to return to today.


"Revival," a little Allman Brothers, shall we?


Anyway...the flooding is a horrible situation.  If you thought we were out of it with Hurricane Irene, we're not.  Recent tropical storms and Hurricane Katia's behavior in the Atlantic have made things a terrible mess.  


Yesterday was another monsoon, and it snarled traffic badly all over the region.  Flooding shots from all over the state are pretty rough; we have had at least four deaths across the region, and hopefully no more.  


I'm not required; normally, I'm doing something, somewhere, but not this time.  I've actually had the past few days to myself, which is good, because starting next week, I will be busy as all hell.


Working out going well, broke 40 days without a smoke...gaining some definite strength, and I think I have lost a little weight.  Some tightness in the tendon areas of my arms, I've noted, but nothing painful.  There's a difference between feeling a bit tight, or burning, and pain.


Writing music and lyrics like made the past few days; I've assembled 13 songs and some bits for a concept album about my life in radio.  It comes out of listening to "Radio KAOS" by Roger Waters; a very good story and idea, but I don't know if the music overshadowed the story, or it was just not articulated as well as could have been.  Either way, a good revisit to the 80's.


"Dixie Highway," Journey...hmm...don't remember this song.  Never was a huge fan of theirs, but it's interesting.


So anyway, yeah...I have these songs, mostly new that fit together in a song cycle.  I also pulled a couple of old songs that I wrote in the 90's for this.  There is one song from the Ahltyrra days, and a cover by John Hiatt, which just fits.


Another thing I'm working on, as you can see...


...what else?  I have been putting together character sketches for a new story, and it's cooking a lot in my head.  I'm not ready yet to write it, and I wonder when on Earth I'll have time to do that!


"Silk Road Days," trying to get back to it, with new scenes.


"Take Another Road," Chapter 12 was just put up here the other day, and I'm going to need time before I can do the next one.


Songs...ei yi yi, music for several of the concept, new tracks, and a bunch of other ideas that are connected.  Going very close to manic the past few days.


One of my guitars is due out of the shop today; put off getting it fixed for a long time.  Another is awaiting a set of bridge pins, and yet another no longer has the electrics working.  Still plays beautifully as an acoustic; I'm not gonna worry about that yet.


Restrung (yes, I did!) my #1 Laguna...also gave it a good cleaning.  #2 (which is the one I am playing in my profile pic) needs the pins, and I'm getting brass ones, because this is the second time the plastic ones have gone to shit on it.  I generally do not restring my axes until they need it; my hands are fucking horrible at that, and I'm not one of these purists that changes them all the time.  Not needed, for what I do.


Trying hard not to buy a Martin...yeah, there is one I like very much where my Fender a/e is getting fixed, but I don't have the money, nor the justification for buying it...yet.


"Fire Lake," Bob Seger...skipping this one...not in the mood right now...sorry, Bob...


..."Street of the Broken Dreams," my song, done with Ahltyrra...no, not right now...


..."Anyway, Anyhow, Anywhere," the Who.  That's more like it!


Still some more cleaning at home to do, and other stuff on my mind that needs to be dealt with.


Interesting back and forth on the email from my bass player and me.  Dan really should do a blog, and I have encouraged him to do it.  He looked at my recent rant, and pointed out a few things.  He is right about this area, much much more so than I, as Dan has lived here all his life.  


There's things I don't see, and I wonder if I'm removed from a part of the world I need to see and know about again.  


My situation is thus:  I really can't move, unless I either get the chance of a lifetime, the Sweet Dreams Series gets picked up by a publisher, or I feel that this place becomes so untenable, spiritually politically and otherwise that I must get out.  So I'm doing my usual of making sure I am useful to my colleagues...that's where the concept comes in...this is what I do.


All these crazy insane things I do...hahahahah...wish all to be safe out there...

The People Who Worry Too Much, and Other Strange Observations

Well, it's been a few days since I have blogged, and I do have things on my mind that I've wanted to get out there.  It's been another of those weeks.

Surprisingly, I have four days off, technically.  Labor Day through Friday, I honestly don't have to work, except for the gym and a couple of appointments.  I'm not sure what I'll do with myself, but I see a pile of things I need to do at home.

Well, I can do a lot of my writing anywhere, and I usually do it elsewhere these days.  I have another idea cooking that I'm trying to put together, while editing the "Other Roads Club."  I don't know when Chapter 12 will be ready, to be honest with you.

Then there's "Silk Road Days," my latest plan to get back to it has been held up because I'm trying to figure out how to add new scenes.

And...another new story idea is in my head, and demanding to be released.  I have character sketches, but no idea how it's going to go.  As usual they don't make sense, yet.

Work...games, yes more games to deal with, and a bit more work on WITF.  I will again be hosting All Things Considered next week for at least one day, and then Morning Edition for a few more.

There's a lot of stuff I need to get down and done, but I have to proceed carefully. 

Had a bit of an epiphanous moment the other day, while talking to my friend Alice.  One of the reasons I've said I need to get the fuck out of PA is because of something I DID NOT see, when I was in New England; this leads to why I want to go back there someday.

Here are the differences, from Pennsylvania, in relation to Vermont, New Hampshire and Massachusetts:

--Words.  Yes, languages; in VT, but especially Boston, I heard a mix of languages, people from all over the world.  There is something very interesting to me about foreign languages, even if I don't know what people are saying.

In PA...my initial thought is that I don't hear anything like that.  I hear Spanish, but that's about it.  PA people just get their panties in a bunch, and bitch under their breaths, "Why don't they speak American?"

Oh, I'm sorry..."UH-MURRICAN."

--Speed.  I admit that the fast pace of city life got to me after I'd left it years ago.  Now I want that back; I want to be a part of a place where there is movement, and not lumbering about like each day is a day to survive, not to live.

--Lack of Worry.  Here is the one thing I saw up there, that does not exist here.  Even with the economy, the world being a rough spot, and personal difficulties going on, the people up there, especially the younger folks are moving!  They are moving on their lives, and going forward to make it, without worrying so much.  At least not vocally.

In PA?  Griping everywhere, in the papers, on the talk shows, everywhere I go someone is ranting about the end of the world, the latest conspiracy theory, how we need to join a political cult of personality (I'm not naming any names, there are too many), and this lack self-understanding and self-respect, even.

I know it exists up there too (esp. in parts of NH, still), but there is a definite can-do and will-do attitude up there that the Mid-Atlantic has lost.  It's so much easier to be depressed, to sit in a world of dejection, fear, anger and hatred, instead of looking past the TV or computer screen and considering the possibilities.

Had enough?  I have.  My main reason for remaining here, is because unless the world changes radically for me, I get a good chance of getting back into my chosen profession on a full-time basis, so I can then work on everything else.  Not right away of course, but I must work myself into that spot.

Funny thing...despite all the screaming about Harrisburg, I kind of like that little city.  I work here, and early this morning I was driving home from WITF, and as I went across the bridge, I looked over at the city, and the lights.

Not too big, not too small; there was still life over there.  Not a bad spot to be, I don't think, in the future. 

Just gotta look out and look beyond...and now, I must get back to work.  KYW is calling...

Saturday, Saturday, SaSaSaSa Saturday...

Yes, time for an Elton John crackback...I am in the most unusual position on a weekend.  I actually have the day off.  


The coven was supposed to perform a public ritual today, but due to scheduling, we can't.  And I work Sunday, so what choice have I but to opt out?  Too bad, because we've not done anything like this in years.


The last few days have been pretty hard.  Work was the easy part, two Senators games; I've spent the better part of the past three days whipping SDS-1 into shape again.


My writing style has changed a lot since I started this series nearly four years ago.  Since the Sweet Dreams Series was created, I've written a great deal more, and as I say, my style has evolved.


The book needed help again; I had to make a lot of changes, and take under scrutiny the advice of many to make this thing a whole lot better.  And it is better.


So that madness is done...while thinking of it, I have to have another bash at the series, because I know there is a lot missing, and a lot more needs to be done there.


First...I probably should finish the edit of "Silk Road Days."  Some have asked what that is...well, it's gonna sound almost stereotypical, but it's set in Japan (yes, I know), and takes place largely at an exclusive private high school, Silk Road Academy.


My thoughts immediately went to the "Ouran High School Host Club," which I've seen bits of, and my anime dork ~URRR!~ enthusiast friend Lex likes.  But there's no crossdressing in my book.


Not yet, anyway.


The plot revolves around a young woman who is an alumnus, and returns from university to take a teaching job.  It becomes clear that Keiko Miyazaki has some kinks about her, and we learn why she is as she is.


As Keiko reintegrates to the school, she views the differences, as the curmudgeonly old Founder has passed on, and his son has taken over.  Things are a little bit different now, thanks to him, and we soon find that some of the teachers are nearly as crazy as the students!


When you put a ton of smart kids in a boarding school, they're still gonna be kids.  Keiko also is a Floor Leader (at St. Joe's they were called Residence Advisors, or RA's)...so she also has to keep an eye on 13 twisted girls!


These include the foreign musician, the Goth, the loud girl, the extremely quiet girl, the book-smart, blorange-haired space cadet and the mysterious one who lives right across the hall from Keiko.  Then there's the charismatic boy, his jock roommate, and the deranged faculty to contend with, including a hook-wearing Frenchman, a persnickety old German lady and Zen Masterish professor who just lets everything roll by like it didn't happen.


We also learn another reason Keiko has returned, and we wonder just what is going on...


...anyway, that's it so far.  Just having fun with it.


Now...does that interest you...too much like the other stuff?  Working on it, believe me.


###


Last night, Dan made it over, but we spent nearly an hour trapped in a parking lot!


Someone at the West Manchester Township Highway Department I'm sure has gotten more than an earful about that horrible job of traffic management on Carlisle Road yesterday!


Dan live in the city, and we took Carlisle out toward 30, which is a straight shot to my house.  We did not know what they were up to...


First:  they depress Carlisle in our direction to one lane.  Okay...we saw a long line of traffic.  Dan suggests we try to do an end-run through the Lowe's parking lot...well, us and about 200 other vehicles had the same idea.


Would have worked, but for the closure of EVERY exit in the parking lot!  But for the one by the traffic lights!


Gridlock in a parking lot!  We proceeded to not move for a long time...pretty bad...bad job, townies!


So:  we did finally go back the way we came and got to the house.  The patience paid off, for we had a good work out on some new stuff.


We did some old stuff to warm up, then tackled a new song I've written, "Denied."  Folk-type of thing, and the music came fast.  Really good; has something special to it.


Now, I'm mentioning "SRD" again, because of a song I wrote for the story.  Dan liked that one, too, and Katie needs to sing it.  Actually, it needs piano and a female voice, because that's what that character does.  I'm sure she can handle it well.


So, I'm back at the Office and wondering whatever to do with myself.  Well, I have work to do, and I also have to consider errands, bleah.


What else, no idea...very strange to not have a plan today.  We'll see what happens...

Yes, I Have Been Here Before...

Well, fellow writers and others who are still trying to make your way, trying to find a job, etc., I think you will get where I am coming from.

When I started searching for an agent and/or a publisher in early 2009 (actually sent out my first query on Xmas, 2008), I was prepared for the R word...REJECTION.

I've had plenty of it...a long time back, I realized that finding one of these was like finding work.  There's legwork, searching, emailing, crafting the killer query letter, then doing it again and again ad nauseum...there are a lot of people all too ready to say no, but often it is done with good reason.

I have probably some 250 rejection letters, notes, emails, etc., and I expect I will have more.  The most recent came yesterday; a certain publisher my agent was working with came back with a shoot-down, but I must thank them for taking the time to consider what I've been working on and to offer constructive criticism.

I did not get the Simon Cowell response, thankfully.  No, I got some things I already knew about, and a bit more.

Armed with it, I am going back to work on Sweet Dreams:  Searching for Roy Buchanan.  Rewrite time, yet again!

After a few months of not even looking at the manuscript, I now realize there's, as my friend Alice says, "fresh eyes" for it.  

So far, much of what I've done is tighten things up, wordwise, and other related stuff.  I have more to do to push the story along...it meanders at times, not good.

I worked through seven chapters last night, and was up til 2 am.  Thankfully, I don't work today...well, not work that makes me money (yet).

Part of you feels a bit down when this happens, but let me give you a bit of advice:  as someone who has spent years dealing with rejection from everyone and everything in life (we all have, you know), you need to keep moving forward.

I again am facing this sucker head on, and I am going to make this series better.  To borrow an old friend and colleague's phrase, "that's it, that's all."

I refuse to be defeated.

I have not come all this way in four years, to write all that I have to have someone tell me it isn't good enough.  If not yet, it will be.

That being said...I'm also trying to finish the first edit of "Silk Road Days."  That one needs work, I know...but right now I have to get back to the first one, the one that started this wild ride of mine.

Remember it's okay to listen to critics, you just have to know who is telling you the truth and who is giving you shit.  You can tell.

That said, I'm off to Chapter 8 and beyond...

Racing Rain House Show in Towson (and possibly other things)...

Okay, I've crawled from the wreckage once again, and it's not even noon...fairly good progress I'd say. 

Dan and I were in Towson last night for the Racing Rain CD release party/house show.  I'll attempt to put on my concert critic's hat once again, and give you insight on all this.

Now as I've said here in the past, Carmen Yates is an old friend of mine since 1996, when he was in the Wicomicos.  After years of working behind the board, producing music for TV shows, commercials, etc., he returned to music with a four-piece lineup.  Sorry to say I didn't really get to talk to the other guys, but I will explain where my impressions come from.

So anyway, Dan and I roll up to the place in Towson, which is a pretty neat college town; always liked it there.  We are eventually led to a lovely home (no idea who owns it, sorry), and we fell in with about 40 or 50 folks of some means...I felt very out of place (and I am that way around people I have never met before) but everybody was really nice.

Got to meet Carmen's lovely sister, nice lady, and Dan worked the room.  He's quite good at that.  I leave him to it.

The setup was in the living room (so reminding me of the Ahltyrra house show in Beth & Chip's basement, but this was a much nicer room, haha!)...so eventually away they went.

Thor is the name of Carmen's studio partner...he played bass primarily and keyboards for a couple of songs, as well as added affects.  Drummer was quite proficient, and the guitarist had some serious licks and pulled some interest effects out of his axe.  He also sat down--glad to know there's one other guitarist who sits down, besides me.  We're gettin' old, y'know...

Carmen is back to his old self...he becomes a very different person onstage...he moves about a lot, and is able to let himself go without losing where he is.  His voice, damn, it has not changed...

Songs...nearly all were from the new album, and they got very good reactions.  New dimensions from Carmen's songwriting...the lyrics always have been thoughtful, and as I said to Dan later, there's definite songcraft going on.  That's not a bad thing.

I was happy to hear two old Wicomicos' tunes, "Stunned" and "By and By."  Glad some of those songs made the cut.

Carmen was quite happy to see me, and he looked well, back to himself, and for that I'm thankful.  We both came away pretty damned impressed.

There will be some shows in the future, and I aim to get more people out to them.  This is how things are supposed to work...and it does work well.

So quite a good night of music...I think we go to other people's shows to be entertained, but also re-inspired.  My hope is that is happening for me once again.

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My songwriting has not been much of late, but that's normal.  Add to it when you consider I have been working myself into a state of madness on "Silk Road Days."

The edit continues there, and I'm not sure when that's going to be done.  Rewrites are needed, and of course, I'm being patient about every other thing that goes along with this.

Sunday...urg.  Must get back to work this afternoon at WITF, for the KYW thing.  And whatever else...

Busy Week, and Racing Rain Tonight...

This is going to kind of be a composite blog of numerous odd things, so you will have to navigate through a lot of strange stuff.  At least strange if you don't know me that well...heh.

The big news from Japan this week has been the scandal unfolding from an attack and subsequent hospitalization of wrestler Nobukazu Hirai, aka Super Hate in All Japan Pro Wrestling.

This link has a fair amount of information, and discussion between the two principals involved in bringing this story out:

http://www.puroresuspirit.com/2011/06/03/nobukazu-hirai-hospitalized-and-following-information/

The basic points are, Hirai was hospitalized before he was attacked by fellow Voodoo Murders member Taru...he took a shot to the head, was hospitalized, then continued to wrestle on that tour.

The good news is that Hirai is being moved out of ICU, but there is no idea what his prognosis is going to be. 

http://www.cagesideseats.com/2011/6/5/2208226/nobukazu-hirais-brain-bleeding-another-lesson-in-the-dangers-of-head

This article shows the underside of the business...if you thought WWE was bad, this shows how things in Japan are done at times.  The whole thing is a scandal that will damage All Japan, an organization that has existed since 1972 and is one of the big three of puro organizations.

Almost two years to the day of the in-ring death of Mitsuharu Misawa, and we have this. 

You wonder probably why I'm blogging about this...my interest in Japan goes into a number of areas, and my interest in pro wrestling as a kid seems to go hand in hand.

I think American pro wrestling, apart from Ring of Honor, is garbage.  It's not wrestling, it's a show for primarily roided-up creatures, most of whom have little wrestling background or ability. 

In Japan there are varying amounts of entertainment, yes.  New Japan Pro Wrestling, formed the same year as All Japan is more about the in-ring competition, but there is the entertainment factor, too.  I appreciate the athletic and technical aspects more than anything, and the fact these guys (and women in the Joshi promotions) put their fucking bodies on the line more than anyone else.

Watch any New Japan or NOAH stuff on Youtube, and you'll see what I mean.  What happened to Hirai is not surprising, but the fact he was permitted to keep on wrestling when he was already injured is suspicious.  This is irregardless of what Taru did to him, but that in itself leads me to think criminal charges should be coming down on the guy.  Whatever his reasons or motives (and he may have had legit reason to be angry with Hirai), you don't do that.

Again, it goes to my interest in Japan...I had stopped watching and reading about pro wrestling years ago.  I just got sick of it; the pretense was gone, and it was just stupid.

I had never seen much from Japan, but I knew it was a different mindset.  You can be the most hated wrestler in America, but if you go to Japan and show you can wrestle and give a good match, they'll love you.

From documentary vids, I began to notice the nuances of Japanese society.  I saw how people interacted with one another, how they spoke, approached one another and showed respect for one another.  Very interesting to me, and I was fascinated by that.  It helped form my storylines for the Sweet Dreams Series, and other writings.

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Now about that:  I'm into the first edit of Part 2 of "Silk Road Days."  It's going smoothly, but it is almost too smooth.  I tend to think my mind wandered somewhere, and I'll have to keep editing until I hit on the areas that need to be fully examined.

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A short day at work.  Tonight, Dan and I head to Towson to see my old friend Carmen Yates and his new band, Racing Rain perform a house show.  The new CD dropped yesterday:

That is tonight!

Carmen is a former member of the Wicomicos, a group that my ex Kaitryth and I became big fans and friends of.  Haven't seen Carmen in over a decade, and I am thrilled he is out from behind the board and making music again. 

I'll have a full report later...