An Update on the Maniac...and Other fun Things

"take a look down at the madman..."


"Knife-Edge" by ELP kicked off my laptop iTunes as I begin this blog.  It's been a while since I've written one, and it's time to again take stock of the madness, and the madman...


I just got out of a visit to my doctor, whom I've not seen in 6 years.  Primary care...my issues are again being looked at, and here's what we have going.


My agitated state of mind and body has been noted and logged in more ways than one.  Of late, it has manifested itself into something that is slowly getting out of hand...again.


I've made it no secret that I suffer from depression.  I have been aware of it since I was about 12, and I'm sure it went before that.  With it came the motor agitation that at the time was just put down to general nervousness or hyperactivity.


I have NOT been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder or anything of that sort.  I'm pretty sure that is not my case; I have relatives and friends with it, and I've seen enough to know I'm not that extreme.


But it is extreme enough at times.


My stress level is way up...my blood pressure was 20 points higher than it should have been when they checked me this morning, but that came from the agitation of being late for the appointment and trying to find the place.


This kind of thing is happening way too much lately.  I had been thinking the past few months about what would happen to this country if suddenly things stopped working, and this gives you an idea:


What if...little things we rely on stopped working?


The power going out in the snowstorm recently here...whoa, didn't people get highly pissed at that?


I remember being very worried about my pipes freezing, and the widespread outages made me worry as well for my aging landlords.  But they had a wood stove, so they were okay.  


But that...or even tinier things:


At the Morebucks, the Internet has this very annoying habit of freezing your screens.  A lot.  Free WiFi comes with a w/o warning freezeup that freaks people out.


It is an annoyance for me, but not one I will die over.


But some people freak out over this shit.


Traffic...same thing...I've experienced and viewed how we all get right out of our fucking minds if things don't go just right.


Stress...our E-string gets wound way too tight.


It happens.


Well, for me it has been ongoing as a problem.  I am not a huge fan of "South Park," but the kid named Tweak...that was me at 12.


"I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS PRESSURE!"


I identify with him.  


The doc is pretty sure I don't have ADD...she has a kid with it, so I think she'd know.


We had a long talk about the depression, and where it stands.  She noted the tremors in my hands.  Not Parkinson's or anything like that, thankfully.  


But yeah, my past and the stuff I've finally come to terms with...that, plus my feeling so scattered, at a loss, and overloaded with shit.


It is causing problems nearly everywhere I go, and I have to get a grip on it all.


Certain things are in my favor.  I quit drinking 16 years ago because of my intestinal issues, and that's all good.  I stopped smoking six months ago, and I've been working out since then.


My weight is 12-15 pounds less than it was back then, and I do feel a damn sight better.  The workouts have helped relieve a lot of stress, but that's not all of it.


The meds...up they go for a bit.


"Hey Darlin'" by Racing Rain is up...very nice...


I've been on Zoloft for 11 years, a light dose...we're going to up it, and see what happens.  Hopefully I can tolerate it.


Trying as well to find other things to cool myself out, but just that alone does not always work.  


Oh, yes, I have to cut back on the caffeine!  Oh dear...what will I do?


I know what I have to do, so I'll handle it...a switch to tea shouldn't be too bad, and if I can find decaf that doesn't taste like muddy water I'll be happy.


Also, I will be seeing a therapist, I think.


I'm sure you're having images of Woody Allen in "Annie Hall," lying on a couch with some Freudian shrink asking about his sex life.  I don't think it's gonna be like that.  This will be a psychologist, not a shrink.  


"Dukes Intro," Genesis...semi-prog.


I think it will help me work out a bunch of issues that I have tried to handle on my own, and now cannot completely do.  I don't think we're going to find any great breakthroughs here, but I'm not afraid to admit that it might be time for such a thing.


Oh yeah...the man I'm being referred to is Jewish.  HAHAHA!  Isn't that a trip?  Doesn't matter to me, but it is funny, isn't it?


Anyway, I'm really alright, and I think I'll get this taken care of...


###


I do have to get some parts of my life better organized, and I hope to do that.


Now that I am done with serializing "Take Another Road," I was really hoping for some more opinions and critiques.  Haven't got many, and I'm hopeful someone would take the time to let me know what they thought of it, good, bad, indifferent.


###


I'm doing one final edit of "Silk Road Days" for now; I will be re-examining the "Sweet Dreams Series" to see what we can do next to make it viable.  I hope to again find a way to make this thing workable, but we need to push harder in certain areas.


"Breakout," an updated jazzy version by Swing out Sister.  I've always loved Corrine Drewrey's voice...sexy as all hell.


So much more to deal with...I'll see what comes next.


And life goes on I suppose...back on WITF this afternoon, then a game on the Ticket...things aren't too bad at all, are they?

Pittsburgh, Old Friends, and Jim Jeffries...and Other Strange Thoughts...

Alright...it's time blog again...a double shot of extended Kronos Quartet "Floodplain" material going through my Walkman right now...eerie weirdness that just goes with every other thing that has occurred in the past I don't know how many hours.  24?  36?


Friday...a day off, bizarre.  Of course not without enterprise; my beginning had a rude start when I went to the Money God !URRRR! ATM to get some cash...


...hmmm...barely sufficient funds.  Not insufficient, mind, but barely sufficient.  This is not good.  I don't have time to think about this shit.


Not to brag, but this is why I keep my credit card paid off (plus my rent, above all else)...if there's an emergency like this, it's required.


Okay, on the road and headed into Western Pennsylvania.  My first time in my life traveling west of Harrisburg.  The Pike was a good smooth ride, no big deal...nothing much to report.


Finding my way into a city I've never been to is always weird for me.  Actually didn't have to go there first.  Stopped off in Monroeville to see my old friend Lynn.  This a woman I met in New York in 1987, and while we met that one time, it was one of those strange defining moments in a person's life.


Well, Lynn is a PITT grad., and has lived in and around the city all her life.  She looks great, is married, has kids and is loving a nice quiet life.  You can tell; it was great to see her, and we had a very good meeting.


I was to meet up with Riz somewhere in the area of the Improv, in Homestead, for the Jim Jeffries show.  Well, turns out Riz is visiting her close friend KJ's mom in Monroeville...so I go across the street to the Morebucks (read:  Monroeville Office, since nearly every Borders out there was closed).  Get to see a lot of interesting people...lot of sales girls from the adjacent shopping center coming in for coffee, a lot of college kids, a contingent of Indian ladies and gentlemen, the women all attired in colorful traditional (sari) dresses...they were loud, though...real loud.


Oh well.  One young woman was extremely loud in talking about her fucked up young life and her allegedly planned arranged marriage.  Fuck, this girl can't be more than 25, WTF.


High school girl to my left talking LOUDLY to her boyfriend about her trip to France...woop de do, but then again I suppose it's big at that age.  Don't remember...the one opportunity I had to go to Paris as a kid was taken from me before I had it...oh well.


About 25 minutes of Kronos Quartet has segued into..."Little Red Rooster," by Luther Allison.  Okay...


Riz roars in...the Buick Bomber is loaded to the gunwales with her gear.  She is ready for the road in more ways than one...she has more tech gear than the average Geek Squadder, but it's entertaining.


We hang for a long while, and then it's follow Riz (Boston driver, remember that) through Pittsburgh and over the bridge into Homestead for the Improv.


Now, the Improv is located in some kind of Riverside mini-city.  If you live around here, think of Hunt Valley, where the Wegmans, and all those stores are.  Then multiply this by about 10.  That big. Clubs, restaurants, shops, really pretty cool setup.


We are inside and in second row, just off stage right...we have dinner, and then the show gets going.


The compere is a local woman whose name I can't remember...lot of dick and lesbian jokes, not impressive.  Opening act is someone named John Evans (I think); a few good lines, but I'm sorry, not that funny.  Needs to string things together a bit better.


Then right into Jim!  Now Jim Jeffries is Riz's CELEBRICRUSH!  She traveled all the way from Boston to see him!  


Dueling Shamisens....Yoshida Brothers doing "Kodo (Hishou Version)."  Mental picture for you I'm sure is really strange right?


Okay, Jim is on fire, and I mean he is just breathing it!  Nearly all new material, excellent pacing; not quite as good as the "Alcoholocaust" show, which comes out on Showtime in September.


Warning:  the Showtime performance will be edited.  Get the DVD via Amazon.uk if you want the real deal...or look on Youtube for it. A great performance, which Showtime will fuck up.


One of the "old" bits Jim did was one that was cut off because it would offend people.  Okay, I can see Auschwitz being a potentially offensive subject in a comedy act.  But it's very dark humor that you have to understand.


Anyway...show went fast...


"Then Came Lo Mein," by Robert Earl Keen and Johnette Napolitano...strange song by Keen.


So out we went, Jim signed DVDs of his other show, "I Swear to God," very good one, too...got to shake his hand, nice guy.


My biggest worry was getting the fuck out of Pittsburgh and back to the Pike, because it was gonna be a four hour drive.  But it was almost a straight line out of the complex, across the Grays Bridge, through a 'burb, and then to the highway.


Oy...one hell of a long ass day trip, but it was fun, and I can't regret it.  Considering the work is going to get completely fucked in the head, starting next Thursday.  Need to get my head together, need to get some more work done on "Silk Road Days," which I've been doing, and then see what the fuck else I have to do.


I have not had time to really do any writings or columns on things that piss me off, but perhaps I'm getting more mature and not worrying about that shit.


Ah...and my exchanges with Alice...hee...hee...hee...I cannot but smile.


Actually, Riz and I both have reason to smile.  Riz's new guy, Al sounds like a real-deal good man.  His daughter is an anime geek, and a sweet kid from what I have heard.  All good...the ex-wife sounds like a real high maintenance problem, but that should be someone else's you'd hope.


Anyway, good for all of 'em.  And yeah...good for Alice, and me, HELL MOTHER-FUCKING YES!


OK, off to it!