Showing posts with label Other Roads Club. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Other Roads Club. Show all posts

Saturday, February 11, 2017

The Other Roads Club, Reconsidered

Well, here's a look at an old manuscript...I began writing "The Other Roads Club" trilogy back in 2008 or '09...after a number of years of edits, and fooling around with it, I realize it's got a long way to go. But I wanted to play around with it again...it stands up pretty well. I can see where my style has changed over the years. I wonder what you think...this is the introduction from Book 1, "Take Another Road." Let's meet a new/old heroine, Aimi, and her interesting friends...

Chapter 1--Letters, and the Golden Pair
Dear Kira-chan: I have only a short time before breakfast, so I must make this note a quick one. I was up late into the night reading The Bonesetter’s Daughter. Amy Tan is a wondrous writer; the story was at times sad, but one that really made you think. I will see if I can find more of her stories in the library.
So yes, I still read a great deal. It helps in these days, but I am well, and I hope you are the same. I miss you very much, yet each day I do my best to move forward.
Kaz will be meeting up with Kaldera today, and I just might get to meet this other boy who has been taking lessons from him. Kaz says he is very different, but someone he’s sure I’d like. He too likes to read and is very much into the western classics.
Mother is calling me; I must go. I love you, Kira-chan, as always…Aimi.
Aimi Okuda set her writing aside and cast a brief glance at the framed photograph that looked down from the top shelf of her desk. Smoothing back her long black hair, she turned and stood before the mirror above the dresser. Aimi clipped two metal barrettes in place, adjusted the collar and matching blue neck ribbon of her school uniform and the waist of the short, pleated skirt; she then made sure the level of her blue legwarmers matched at the knees. Aimi then picked up her book bag and stepped out the sliding door into the narrow hallway.
Moving past her parents’ bedroom, Aimi looked out into the front of her home. To her right was the small, threadbare living room. To her left in the kitchen, a woman had just finished packing lunches for the family.
“Good morning, Mom,” Aimi said as she slid past the breakfast table behind her mother.
“Good morning.” Madoka returned her daughter’s greeting and closed the three wooden bento boxes before setting them on the counter next to the stove. “Aimi,” she asked, “would you shout down the basement to your father? Breakfast is ready, and we’ve got to leave soon.”
“Okay.” Footsteps clumped up the steps now, so Aimi took her place at the low table. Tucking her long pigtail securely inside her red morning robe, Madoka sat beside her daughter, and the two began to serve three plates of rice rolled in seaweed, setting them beside small bowls of soy sauce, along with last night’s leftover baked fish.
“Here I am, no need to yell for me.” Aimi’s father, Goro squeezed himself through the tiny door that led to the cellar and slid it shut behind him. Dressed in blue jeans and a dark blue work shirt, he entered the kitchen and sat down across from his wife. Goro was in his early forties, short but strongly built. He ran his hand through his black hair, which had a few grey streaks in it and picked up his coffee cup. “The new flutes are packed and ready,” he said before taking a sip of the black brew. “They should go over well today.”
The Okuda family owned and operated a small shop in the Ameyoko section of Tokyo. The area was once the source of black market goods following World War II, but had since evolved into a colorful, bustling place of business. Their shop specialized in traditional and modern Japanese artwork. The more popular items were prints of certain scenes the tourists favored, but Goro’s handmade flutes or shakuhachi were popular, as were Madoka’s calligraphy paintings.
As the three began to eat, Aimi told them, “I will be over after school to help.” She related to her parents of the meeting that was scheduled to take place.
“Good.” Goro nodded approvingly and said, “Tell Kaldera if you see him that I may have some money for him. I believe a buyer is coming for that guitar of his.”
“I will.” The family discussed the upcoming day’s work at the shop, and the activities at Aimi’s school. “The class trip to Koga is next weekend,” she commented, “it’s all anyone’s been talking about.”
Madoka looked with sympathy at her daughter. “I’m sorry we couldn’t afford for you to go, Aimi. It would have been good for you.”
Aimi shrugged. “It’s okay,” she replied, her expression and voice sincere. “Kaz and Mei aren’t going, either. Besides,” she went on, “I have a feeling something else is going to happen that will beat going to see the Ninja Museum!”
All three laughed as a knock came on the door, which slid back a moment later. “Morning, all,” a female voice called.
The Okudas welcomed in the new arrivals, a uniformed boy and girl. “Hello, Kaz, Mei,” Aimi returned.            
“Come sit,” Goro told the pair, and the two removed their shoes and took up spaces on either side of Aimi.
“Yes, and help yourselves,” Madoka told them. She motioned to the plates on the table, “there’s plenty.”
“Oh no, thank you,” the one called Kaz returned politely. “I’m well-fed.” Kazuhiro Ogawa was tall and thin; his black hair was worn long, but not so much to become a concern for the school district’s regulations. He lived next door to Aimi, as he had all their lives.
“Don’t mind if I do,” Mei said as she helped herself to a piece of the nori and dipped it into Aimi’s bowl. Meiho Maeda was another neighbor on the street, the most outgoing of the group. Mei was thickset in her build, the product of years of martial arts training. The uniform showed off her musculature, in particular her well-defined thighs and calves.
These, however, weren’t the first things people tended to notice when they saw Mei for the first time. Her face was plain, but bore the bloodlines of Korea as well as Japan. Her hair was black, thick and very long, held in place by several bobby pins and a black plastic hair clip. Her dark eyes were accented by the black eye makeup she wore; this plus her larger than normal girth gave Mei a menacing image. “How is everyone?” She asked, taking care to swallow before speaking.
“Another day,” Goro replied and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, “another day poorer,” which again drew laughter.
“How is your mother doing, Mei?” Madoka asked. “I feel sad I’ve not been over to visit in a while.”
Mei nodded. “Mom’s better today,” she replied, “and she says hello to all of you.” Mei’s mother had been ill for some time and was no longer able to work. As a result, Mei looked after her, especially on her more difficult days.
Aimi looked to Kaz. “How are your mom and dad, by the way?” She asked.
Kaz shrugged, and the look on his face showed right away. “They were both out the door before I was up,” he replied, “the usual.” Kaz’s father was lead mechanic at an automotive repair center in the city, while his mother worked in a downtown department store. The Ogawa’s of late were rarely seen, due to their schedules.
Aimi had known that her first question had struck a nerve, and inside she wished she hadn’t asked it. Changing the subject, Aimi then asked, “How about today? Kaldera’s coming over to school, right?”
At the mention of Kaldera, Kaz became more like himself. “Yes, and Minoru’s coming by, too,” he said. “You guys will love him. He’s quite the musician.” Kaz went on to explain that Minoru went to the exclusive public school near theirs.
Seated between her friends, Aimi detected the barely perceptible growl that came from her left, from Mei. She made no reaction to it, and Aimi continued to listen to Kaz. “He’s very good on the shamisen,” Kaz explained, “and he’s been learning guitar like I have from Kaldera. Oh, and another thing: Kaldera wants to take the boat out next weekend. He wanted to know if you would be interested.”
Madoka smiled. “Well, Aimi,” she said, “you just predicted something different might happen.”
“What does Kaldera have in mind?” Goro asked, equally interested.
“I don’t know,” Kaz replied. “He just mentioned it in passing the other day. He’s also planning to play out this week. I hope he’ll let us know more about that, too.”
Aimi then turned to Mei. “What’s up with your Tae Kwon Do?” She asked. “Did you hear about the testing?”
“Yes.” Mei smiled, probably her first broad one of the day. “Matsunaga-Sensei says I’m all but ready for my test, the big one.”
All voiced congratulations. Now sixteen (the same age as her friends), Mei had risen through the junior ranks to the red belt. The aforementioned final test would come soon, and if all went well, Mei would gain the long-sought black belt. “I’ve been waiting for this a long time,” she said, “and I’m hopeful; but I’m not gonna believe it until Sensei says so.”
“Well,” Kaz said, “we’ll be there to see it.”
The group broke up, and Madoka invited the pair over for dinner that evening. A regular occurrence, as Kaz’s parents tended to work long hours, and it gave Mei a break from home.            
The three watched and waved goodbye to Aimi’s parents as they drove down the narrow street in the old white Suzuki mini truck. With the Okudas on their way, the three teenagers headed in the other direction. In addition to his book bag, Kaz also carried his acoustic guitar in its hard case.
“So we’ll finally get to meet Minoru,” Aimi said. “You’ve spoken so well of him; I am anxious to find out what he’s like.”
Mei nodded, but said nothing. Her gaze appeared fixed ahead, but as Aimi was a little shorter, she could note that her friend’s eyes were downcast. Reaching out, she put her hand into Mei’s, the other into Kaz’s.
Aimi noticed that Mei’s smile returned, and Kaz had one as well. That made hers even larger. It will be a good day. I am glad to make my two oldest friends smile. Then I can smile a little more, too.
* * *
The silver Jaguar pulled up to the curb and stopped without a sound. The rear door opened, and the tall girl alighted. Bending from the waist, she leaned into the window and thanked the driver, then stood to watch him drive away.
She turned to look over the main courtyard of Katsuhashi Academy. The fan-shaped yard which led to the main doors of the impressive brick building was populated by numerous uniformed students. Most talked in small groups; a few were seated on the grass or on benches, studying or socializing before homeroom.
The girl checked her face in a compact mirror before walking in, and noted with some satisfaction that the eyes of many of the male students and older passerby were on her lean, athletic body. She ascertained her white and blue uniform blouse was straight, the red scarf and the seams of her short dark blue skirt in line. Shouldering her book bag, she walked into the courtyard and brushed back her long, flowing black hair with careful casualness.
She looked over the knots of boys, they in the all-black uniform of the spring semester. The girl listened as well, but not to the chatter of her fellow students. She did not hear that other sound which she expected at this time of the morning
“Asuka-san! Ohayo!” The call of two girls’ voices broke Asuka from her search, and she turned to greet her classmates as they rushed up.
“Ohayo.” Homoka and Masami were two of her closest friends; like Asuka, both were in their second year of high school. The former was Asuka’s teammate in field hockey. She was short and had the classic, thin build of a Japanese girl. Her hair was long and black and styled much like that of Asuka’s. Masami was also thin, but she did not play sports. Her own straight hair hung past her shoulders, and she wore expensive eyeglasses, plus a black beret perched at the correct angle on her head.
The girls walked on either side of Asuka as they passed through the courtyard. Over the typical questions of how her friends were doing plus other matters of the school day, Asuka was paying only scant attention. She continued to search ahead of her; then near the main doors, she saw a boy sitting alone on a bench with a curious musical instrument in his hands.
“Minoru-kun,” she called as she moved quickly to his side. As she did, the boy rose, carefully set down his shamisen, bowed and smiled.
Minoru Higa was a teenager that would stand out in any crowd. He was tall, and looked even thinner than he was in the uniform. His hair was thick and naturally wavy, the ends just a little past his collar. This was actually against regulations at Katsuhashi; but then, Minoru seemed to get away with such things.
“Good morning, Asuka-chan.” Minoru accepted Asuka’s police kiss. He also hailed Homoka and Masami and bowed to them, which pleased the girls much more than a simple greeting should.
“How are you today?” Asuka looked into those dark, almost black eyes.
“I am quite well, thank you,” he quietly replied. “I’m glad I got to see you before school, Asuka. I wanted to ask you about something.”
Longtime friends, Minoru dispensed with the honorific, usually after the initial greeting. That to Asuka was just one of Minoru’s “ways,” of which there were many.
“Of course,” Asuka replied.
As on cue, Asuka’s friends made their excuses and stepped away. Minoru chuckled at this. “They are so tactful,” he joked. “You have them well trained.”
The two laughed as they sat on the bench. As Minoru placed his shamisen in a padded leather shoulder bag, Asuka replied, “They are not trained, I can assure you, Minoru. They are merely kind about giving us our space.”
“Yes, and carrying on with the Camelot-like nature of what they, and everyone else thinks our relationship is.” Setting the bag alongside his books, Minoru said, still smiling (though Asuka could tell its meaning had changed), “I gather you have heard what they’re all saying about us.”
“I care not what others say,” Asuka replied. “It is what we both think that matters.”
“Supposedly,” Minoru went on, “we are the Golden Pair. That perfect couple.” He snorted with barely hidden distaste. “I don’t know about you, Asuka, but frankly I am embarrassed by it.”
Asuka gently laid her hand on Minoru’s shoulder. “No one means anything bad by it,” she said. “Yes, I have heard that too, and it is rather juvenile. Let the others talk; it means nothing to me.”
She watched as Minoru turned slightly and looked into her eyes. They seemed sad and apologetic. “I didn’t mean to put down your friends,” he told her. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t think that. You are so decent to everyone,” Asuka said. “Don’t worry about them, or me. We have each other; that is what matters, isn’t that right?”
Minoru smiled. “Right,” he replied. “Oh, if I may now ask you about that certain something?”
Asuka smiled and nodded. “You may.”
“Kaldera is going to be over at Masuyo today,” Minoru explained. “I’m meeting up with my good friend Kaz over there, too. Why don’t you come with me? You know Kaldera already, and I think you’d really get along with Kaz and his friends.”
As he spoke, Minoru examined Asuka’s expression. At the mention of the name of the public school, her eyebrows raised and her face, slimmer in its lines than most Japanese, took on a slight change and the smile fell away. Minoru expected this; it was the logical, almost programmed reaction where Asuka was concerned.
“I…don’t know,” Asuka replied, but she looked away and said no more.
“Oh, do come with me, Asuka.” Minoru took her hand, and quickly added, “It is not like we would be exploring a wild world. Kaz is a fine person, and I’m quite excited to meet these friends of his. A few new friends are always a good thing, wouldn’t you say?”
Asuka turned to face him, and her smile returned. “You can talk me into anything, Minoru,” she replied. “Yes, I’ll gladly go with you. The hockey season is over, and the dinner party is not until later in the evening. By the way, you are coming, aren’t you?”
“Indeed.” The two rose, and Minoru shouldered his shamisen. “Your father has become rather a patron of my music, which I am grateful for.”
As he picked up his books with his free hand, Asuka noted the familiar leather-bound volume atop the stack. “Here I stand amid the roar…” she chided.
…of a surf-tormented shore,” Minoru returned with a grin.

The outside loudspeakers then emitted the tones for homeroom, and the two entered the building hand in hand, awash in the mass of those wearing the school’s colors.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

In a Job/Outta Job, Book Signings, Creativity, Mania, and the Summer I Didn't Remember...

Well, greetings once more...been a while indeed since yours truly found a moment to sit down, think and actually have time to write this blog thing. I have got to tell you, this has been on crazy fucking summer, and as the title notes, I don't remember it.

I should say that I do remember it, but I don't remember having much time to enjoy it. The summer that was 2014 was one of intense work, travel, road-running, creativity and not a fair bit of madness.

I've talked a bit here and there about my new job, reporting with the GeoTraffic Network. It is no secret that there have been some issues, and I am one of the laid-off. The hope is that this is not for more than a short period. I'm still employed, I have some work here and there, and this old radio hound is back to jobbing about for different companies while keeping an ear to the ground.

That is how it goes, folks. Nothing is ever certain in this business, and I'm not here to rant, rave, bitch and moan about it. I've done this 30 years--it merely IS.

I am hopeful things turn around, and if they do, great. If not, life goes on, and we all do.

THAT SAID:

Let's get to the next important, big thing. I had my first-ever book signing last Saturday at Midtown Scholar Bookstore in Harrisburg, PA. "Parasite Girls" was front and center on the main stage. I shared the spot with Robert Walton, author of "Fatal Snow" and my cover artist Mitch Bentley also arrived:


Here we are...Mr. Walton is in the background, and we're doing our best to sell the book to this gentleman at the left.


Nice man, and we met quite a few cool folks. One good friend of mine I'd never met showed up...our dear friend Alice Potteiger came off a long run w/o sleep at the Pullo Center to take these photos and others (love you, Alice!)...had some nice conversations, and a big thanks to the Midtown Scholar for their kindnesses.

Good time all 'round...also made some good networking contacts. "Fatal Snow" is published by Sunbury Publishing, and I recently had an email exchange with its head, Lawrence Knorr. I am encouraged by Mr. Knorr's feeling that I am on the right track, and getting my work out there.

The whole weekend makes this thing worth it. It is going in the direction I wanted.

Now what is next? The potential for recording an audio version of "Parasite Girls" is there. I am looking into that possibility now, as well as planning my work towards getting more promotional time to put out the book.

At the same time, I must get ready for the follow-up. My first foray into the Young Adult Fiction world is "Drifters: Tales of the Southern Cross." You can read rough bits of that here at www.behance.net/torygates along with other things I've done.

I've been trying to figure out what to do with this story, and its potential for sequels. Today, I had a very deep creative urge, and suddenly the past few months of what would I do next with the Drifters Club became clear.

There is a possible sequel, and even a third book, another trilogy. Do you know how many of these I have?

I have two other, unpublished trilogies, "The Other Roads Club" and "The Outcast Society." When I'll get to 'em, no idea.

"Drifters" is next on the agenda, but in the meantime I continue to write, and consider the next steps.

There are so many steps, so many avenues, but I need to choose wisely and figure out the direction for each one. 

I feel very much like the Nowhere Man in "Yellow Submarine." I'm doing all these things, but who is there to read them? Or hear them? Will they ever?

I have assigned myself the task of living long enough to make sure I've gotten a requisite amount of work ready to be published. I aim to live long enough to see this, and all of this come to something, dammit.

The world is flying by me as I do this, but that is my life. I do not see any other option. Being out of work for so long left me time to do this. I could not spend years hiding behind my keyboard and sniping at the universe like a fucking troll, attacking people for the problems I think I have.

I don't have a problem, per se. I really don't. I have a lot of stuff to be thankful for, and I plan to make use of what I've got. My second life began in 2007, when I started writing the "Sweet Dreams Series," another that must be got out. 

I'll do this on my own, until the time comes someone gets what I am doing. Advice people ask for is how I do it...now that's gonna get me into a mini-rant:

Here's the thing: for years, YEARS, people have around me been saying, they have ideas for books, stories, this, that, etc. I'm gonna do this, do that, get this, be that...

...and they never fucking do it.

They don't think they can, don't think anyone will be there, don't have time, and invent a million excuses why and why not.

THERE ARE NO FUCKING EXCUSES THAT WILL WASH. NONE.

My painter friend Sunny said it over 20 years ago...you just have to do it.

That's what I do.

Am I fucking nuts? Probably. Clearly mental, at times...manic at times, depressed more often, but still fairly even keeled enough to know when to stop and when not to.

Okay, I don't always do that, it's true. But I'm working better at it.

So look...as fucked up as I'm sure a lot of people must think I am, this is what I do. I do what I love doing, I do not do things I don't enjoy. If I don't feel right in a situation, I leave. Not because I am paranoid, or whacked out or any of that. I have to do what is right for me, or I don't survive. That's it.

Anyway...I hope for things to improve in different areas, and I do my best to stay healthy,not worry too much and find good shit where I can.

I'm outta here...Peace.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Killing Our Gods, Loudly


I’m sure you’re wondering where this is headed, right from the start.  I was thinking about this today, and I knew a blog was coming.  Suddenly I realized I had a series of what seem to be disparate themes, which were about to come together to make this one up.

First, a recent update on things:  I am the kind of person that when I like something, I tend to dive into it in an effort to discover more.  When it comes to music I do this especially, but I also do it when it comes to reading material.

About three or four years ago, while writing “The Other Roads Club” trilogy, I decided that a certain character, Minoru had a very dark, eccentric way about him.  I made him an Edgar Allan Poe devotee, right down to the way he dressed.  He quoted Poe, read the writings and sometimes couched things in the way that Poe might well have done.
Later on, I felt Minoru needed to branch out.  He was an acting type, so I had him go out for plays.  But what would work for him?  The answer?  Oscar Wilde; I had him try out for some of that.

It seemed to fit, so I bought a collection of Wilde’s plays; I never acted in any of them, but I would love such an opportunity one day.  His lampooning of British upper class twit society remains among the most clever.

P.G. Wodehouse, yet another; my sister loved his stuff, and it’s funny…I love Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie together, but reading the “Jeeves and Wooster” books is somehow more entertaining.  Don’t know why, but that is how that is.

So my point?  I immerse myself in the material I need to write my own stuff, and develop characters, storylines and all the other things I need.  It also broadens my own, sorry to say narrow bloody horizons.

Next case in point to get us where we need to go:  Sylvia Plath.

Recently the 50th anniversary of her suicide passed our way.  I had known who Sylvia was, but I am not much of a reader or writer of poetry.  Irony:  not long ago, I stumbled across “The Bell Jar” in a used shop, and having not bought it, dispatched my friend Alice back to the shop to get it for me.

If you have not read this book, beware:  it is dark, scary, hard to read, but enlightening.  You go inside the tortured and yet brilliant mind of this woman.  She was only 30 when she offed herself; her son would also in time do the same.

I’d read this book, and saw horrific parallels to my own mental issues.  Plath even tried to kill herself in a way I envisioned, 20 years ago.  How shocking is that?

Not long ago, I joined Google+, and made friends with a young lady named Trina, who has put up a page there called “Sylvia Plath Lives.”  Only like four members, and Trina is surely into the lady’s writing more so than I.

I needed to research this more; I found something that really stunned me.  The cult of personality that surrounded Plath, her writing, and her death. 

Today I picked up “Ariel,” a restored version of which has been put out by Sylvia’s daughter, Frieda.  Plath bore two children by the British poet Ted Hughes, who we would know as the creator of the brilliant “Iron Man.” 

The relationship was good for both, and bad for Sylvia.  It’s no secret Hughes cheated on her; Sylvia was jealous and suspicious, but in this case had a right to be pissed off.  In the forward, 
Frieda writes of the hopes her father had to make it up to her.

His handling of Plath’s writings after her death, and the US and UK versions of “Ariel” attracted great attention, and great ire.

“Look in my eyes/What do you see/The Cult of Personality…”  -- Living Colour

Now the song is more about dictators and politicians, etc., but Plath attracted a rabid following.  Plath may well have been one of the first truly feminist authors, but Frieda rightly is unhappy with the way her mother has been used.

Used, abused, whatever you like for adjectives and superlatives.  Hughes was harshly criticized for changing “Ariel,” swapping out some poems for others, but it is a clear fact he had to be careful.  The poem “Lesbos” was about two acquaintances who lived in England.  The poem was not about lesbians, but it is a cutting and vicious three pages.  Hughes I think was right to drop that one.

But Plath has been taken up, she was then, and still now by a fan base that believes she is some kind of perfect “Goddess” and that all she ever did was wonderful.

When in fact, she was like you and I, a flawed human being.

I do not criticize her, and I cannot judge her.  I do not judge Hughes.  And here is where I get to my argument:

We kill our Gods…and we do it at the threshold of pain.

I’m reminded of the t-shirt Axl Rose used to wear onstage in the early days of Guns ‘N Roses, the one of Jesus, and I think it said something about killing your idols.  Very telling.

Think about it:  Plath’s followers, many of them are so fanatical.  Frieda writes she was accosted on a street by a man who was furious about a plaque being put up at the home in London where Frieda was born, where Plath lived happily with the family, and did some of her greatest work.

He was frothing about how it should be at the place where she killed herself.  Never mind that 
Plath was only there a few weeks; everyone thought she should die there.

Frieda’s response…she already has a headstone, we don’t need another.

Oh, and the defacement of Plath’s headstone by these rampaging assholes?  Talk about respect for the dead!  Talk about respect for the resting place of the one you supposedly revere!

All because they think Ted fucked things up with “Ariel,” and drove Sylvia to suicide.  That’s simplistic I know…but these people are even more simplistic than that!

So what else am I talking about here?

Next disparate thread:  because I live in Pennsylvania, I’ll shift gears for something a bit closer 
to home.  Yes, I’m going there.

JOE PATERNO AND PENN STATE.

I really hoped I could avoid talking about this again.  I tried to keep my mouth shut about the ongoing drama, one year after his death, and the fact that the Universe According to Joe still acts like he’s alive, walking around, and an omnipotent “God-Head” to the Blue and White.

I am really no longer upset with Paterno himself.  He is gone, a legendary coaching career tarnished by one big mistake.  I’m sure he committed a few others, too, but the one decision he made to shut up about Jerry Sandusky and what he was doing in order to protect the almighty football Program at Penn State.

The bleating continues to this day:  let’s work backwards.  The university itself continues to grudgingly shoulder its self-created cross of martyrdom over those terrible sanctions, that $60 million, piss drop in the bucket fine, and oh, so sad, no bowl games and no bowl game money.

The Nittany Lions did pretty damned well this past season; no one expected them to win eight games.  I covered two of those games at Beaver Stadium.  The fans showed up, smeared in blue and white, the nubile young (and not so young), both male and female bared their bodies and everything else in their passion for the university, the Program, and you know who.

But you know what?  Not many sellouts…sure, 97,000 for example?  That’s one hell of a crowd; but Beaver Stadium after its latest refit can hold 108,000 easily.

What’s that tell you?  Cracks.  They’re there.

Now…we can go a long ways down and fire off any number of people who still believe that Joe-Pa was wronged.  He was a scapegoat, they whine and howl!  It’s a conspiracy, they scream to the heavens!  The NCAA is out to get us, they shrilly proclaim.

The late Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, he who saw conspiracies against his team by the NFL every place he looked would shake his head in disbelief.

So…let’s go right to the family, because they can’t let it go.

I do not have an issue with Joe’s widow.  Sue Paterno strikes me as a lady of dignity, and she’s only doing what any partner/wife/etc. would do; she’s defending her late husband.  I think she was right out of the loop; it’s clear to me Joe was not gonna tell her anything about Sandusky or what was going down.

Joe’s sons on the other hand, really bug me.  It would seem they spearhead the drive to trash the Freeh Report in an effort to try and prove that Louis Freeh overstepped his bounds, and that the NCAA went all out to destroy their daddy and ruin the program, blah blah blah.

Well…let’s take a look at certain aspects of why they might really be doing this.

When you’ve got a guy like Paterno who is essentially the most powerful man on the state university’s campus, you know what you get?  Perks.  Lots and lots of nice little bonuses, not just for the man, but for the family.

Hell, when Sandusky retired in ’99, he was given loads of them, even though everyone already suspected of just why he suddenly was leaving.  A hall pass to go anywhere he wanted, an office, use of facilities, discounts on tuition for him an all the family.

Transpose to the Paterno family:  now one son, Jay was an assistant coach so he too was an employee.  He was dumped along with the rest of the staff.

The Paternos began to make demands of the university in the wake of Joe’s passing.  They wanted goodies, all the goodies that Joe saw they got, and now…get ready for it…without in so many words…DECIDED THEY WERE ENTITLED TO THEM.

Stuff like…use of a private jet!

WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A PRIVATE JET IF YOU DO NOT WORK FOR THE BIG U. ANYMORE?

And of course they still wanted a luxury box, this that and the other.

I’m sorry…but you know, that really was unseemly.  What made these spoiled brat kids in adult bodies think they were entitled to any fucking thing?

This is an example of how you Kill Your Gods.  Yet another; fun, isn’t it?

I think Joe himself would be appalled that his grown-up family would try and hold up the university for stuff that really does not matter.

What exactly do they have to gain?  Joe made great money for a lot of years; they don’t need it. 

Two adult sons, free of the scandal in terms of having involvement should be able (you’d think) to get on with their lives.  Jay should be able to coach again; it would be unfair to hold the mistake of the father against the son.

Scott…I don’t really know what he does.  He ran for Congress back in like ’02, and I interviewed him a couple of times.  Nice guy, really; but he was a political novice running on the “Who’s My Daddy?” ticket.  Tim Holden ate him for lunch that Election Day.

I think the family doth protest too much.  Their “independent” review of the Freeh Report was a paid-for whitewash that would have made the creative writing team of World Wrestling Entertainment cringe.  ESPN must have been holding its collective nose when they aired a full report of that.

Again my point:  we make “Gods” of people, and we really must not do that.  Look at what happens; we make people, human beings out to be something spectacular.  When they fail, either we feel duped, or we cling to the cult aspects of what we thought they were, and convince ourselves they still are.

An old and dear friend has more than once said:  “I don’t go back.”  Her statement is about returning to the past; past relationships, and other matters that no longer apply to her life.

We live in the past.  We revel in it, and pretend it’s still happening.  I suppose that is why I do not suffer fools for the past well.  I do not have the patience for people who continue to re-live things that happened years and years ago like they were yesterday.

It’s been very difficult for me to get rid of my past, and I acknowledge this.  I have spent a long time trying to rid myself of shame, of guilt, of self-hatred for things I did and did not do.  I write of this in a number of my stories, and I find characters that seek a way out of that past.

We do indeed cling to that past, don’t we?  Look at the ongoing examination of Sylvia Plath.  Her work is indeed timeless, brilliant, cutting, and edgy for her time.  She was a woman out of her time, that’s my feeling.

But was she a “Goddess?”  No.

Joe Paterno…what was he?  A very successful football coach?  A leader of young men, a teacher, a guy who tried to do his best?  Largely, yes.  I do think that.

I also have said that a man’s life such as his should not be remembered for one mistake.  That I believe; yet at the same time, why was there such an act as he put on?  Why did he have to do it?

Why could he not at the end ‘fess up and say, “I screwed up.  I’m sorry.” 

I can’t answer that.

Last part of this:  look at the madness of organized religion.  I’ve blogged about it here before, and I’d refer you back to the “Samhain, and the Death of Anything Meaningful” blog for more on this subject.

I do not disrespect those who believe.  If it works, then good.  But look at how mad we have gone.  Most religions to me are the same thing, only we feel the need to destroy any interpretation but that which is the one we believe.

Everything else must be destroyed.  Isn’t that it?

Today, radical Islamists rape the ancient sites of Mali the same way radical Christians blazed bloody paths through Europe and the Americas.  The entire native population of Cuba, one example, no longer exists.

Is this what Jesus called for?  Did the prophet Mohammed really call for this?  What “God” demands this kind of tribute?

To me it is more human demands to serve a human purpose, not a spiritual one.

The two names are examples…and they were HUMAN.  Look at others, such as Buddha and Lao Tzu; they were HUMAN.  They did not require such things nor demand them.

Just another method of how we Kill Our Gods.

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I have only read the foreword of “Ariel,” and skimmed “Lesbos” to get an idea of it.  I will read that once I’m finished here.  I think for me, I need to read more of her work, to expand my own horizon, and maybe get a bit more truth about myself.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense; this is all one draft, one stream of thought and consciousness.  I wonder what you will find, as I wonder what I’ll find in “Ariel.”

Peace, Out.