Writing, BlogTalking, Coolwalking, Smoothtalking...Yeah, Right!

Well, let’s try a new font while I sort through a bunch of activities, things, semi-accomplishments and observations, as I come out of realizing that my body is growing old.

Not me, mind. Just the vehicle I’m traveling around in. As the parts start to age, I find I’m dealing with the realization that upgrades and tune-ups may no longer be an option.

My hands are definitely becoming an issue. My touch-typing is not what it once was, and I feel like my brain and body need to be in tune and in sync in order to work. If not, my fingers are all over the place, and the muscle memory is not quite as good.

Finding out also that I have to really focus to keep on point. Certain tasks require it, and I’ve been able to focus my mind on them, and accomplish them pretty well.

Other things, not so much. I have too many things, interests, and I have to figure out how to manage them.

Case in point: I end up doing a lot of small projects, such as writing for Broadwayworld.com, PopImpressKA Journal (more on that in a bit), and now contributing to Plaisted Publishing House.

Okay, have I namedropped enough?

Then we have the radio fun and merriment. Radio PA continues apace, and going well; my stability is pretty much predicated on that. Not a job, again; but also my last stop in the business.

Now I’ve gone on at length about The Music Club, on Radio-Airwaves Station, which is still a hell of a lot of fun, and keeps me up on the new music that interests me.

I have also been tabbed by my publisher, Brown Posey Press to host a talk show.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bookspeak/2018/04/13/brown-posey-press-show--tory-gates-interviews-author-sharon-marchisello

My first show...here on the site you will find shows from the varied imprints of Sunbury Press Books, and it’s getting easier for me to get back into to swing of hosting such a program.

Now, getting my fellow authors to do the show...well, it’s a help and a boost to the sales, believe me.

I made a trip to Carlisle today in honor of the Indie Bookshop recognition day. Whistlestop Bookshop is right in town, a neat little place with exceptional taste.

The cat's name is Mulan. 

I’ve spent the past several months working the owner to get my books in there...or a signing, or something.

You have to keep working it...Jeff promises to check my work out.

I was there today as my old friend T.M. Becker celebrated the release of her book, Full Moon Rising, on Prospective Press.

Tsiph (her full name is Tshipuneah) is a lady I met eight years ago through a writer’s group. She was working on this story way back then. I know the feeling of working, editing, writing, rewriting, and waiting years for your opportunity. Very happy for her.

Can’t wait to start reading this. And you know, reading other people’s books is a must as an author. Been trying to expand out on that, and I have to with the Blog Talk program. Sharon Marchisello’s work is out of my field, Going Home was not unlike my latest work, Live from the Cafe. Going back to the hometown, to find what’s changed and what has not was Luc and Emily’s MO, but for different reasons, and two people not expecting to see one another again.

I’ll be interviewing Robert Barsky, author of Hatched, also of the Brown Posey imprint next week. I think that will be a fun interview. I try to make them fun, two people talking about books and stuff, and that makes it work.

I am also open to those from outside the imprint. Tsiph wants to do it.

      

We also talked about finding places to sign and sell, and it gets harder than ever. Even indie bookstores aren’t always so interested...to be fair, time, space, resource, I get it.

But like Tsiph, I can do a signing and not be in your face and in the way. Damn thing works, and you can make it work.

It has boosted interest in this, HINT HINT HINT...

https://www.sunburypressstore.com/Live-from-the-Cafe-9781620067147.htm

I guess for me I am still finding my audience. I know my voice is finding its way to the page, and in a manner that is necessary.

Three books down, and the first of the Sweet Dreams Series will go later in the year. Searching for Roy Buchanan is the subtitle, and I’ve talked a lot and at length about it.

More editing, and I’ll be seeing my cover artist in May, hopefully; more legal stuff to do, more of too many things to do, and the knowledge we cannot quit this thing.

I do not quit.

Notice that yet? Yeah, I’m stubborn as fuck, but if it’s worth doing, you do it.

This is.

Now, back to health briefly...spending a bit more time at home, partly due to feeling like I have to get back to it. Lived here two years; not much has changed in the home, but I will be making a few minor changes as time goes by. It’s most comfy here; and regardless of where I live, I prefer and can handle it.

Also have to decide whether or not a certain Rx is gonna keep being used. I did something to my back over a week ago, and spasms were pretty bad.

I have seen the chiro, seen the doc, changed my sleeping position, etc. Now I do have a lovely muscle relaxant, but I can’t use it before work.

But two days of it, and I know what it’s done. I am alert, but it drops me back a gear, and I do not like it. I think the rest for a couple days outside the job was good, but I’m feeling better, and I just don’t want to go a full month of this shit.

People who really need it? I get you. The opioid epidemic here in PA is pretty bad, but I think we know where we can point the finger. Not at the victims of this, either.

And for those of you who ask:

Kao is adjusting well. She is a little monster. She “garbages,” which my mother used to castigate our old Beagle Rufus for doing. I’ve made it so she can’t really do that, and Kao has managed to get along with the others.

She is a quirky cat; doesn’t like getting picked up, and petting her is when she damn well feels like it.

Now what else?

Well, the feeling I have of not being able to relax, yet knowing I need to. I have a string of books that while not ready, are close to it. I could put one out a year for a very long time, but I think a bunch won’t see the light of day in my lifetime.

But I plan to hang out in this body for a while, so...get used to it.

I think as an excuse, I find other things to finish, or do, to avoid whatever unidentified thing exists that I don’t want to do. I still have no idea what that is.

Oh yes...I have a photo shoot tomorrow, courtesy of my longtime friend Alice. These are for this little publication:

https://popimpresskajournal.org/

Pretty cool, eh? Well, I have written a short piece on my good friend Gene Dante for the upcoming magazine, which can be picked up physically or online...the art world collides with fashion and so much more.

So much more to do...reading...been working on a number of books, and getting through them. Isabelle Allende’s The Japanese Lover was interesting; not a fan of hers, but this one worked out nicely.

The Gift of Rain...this is fucking brilliant. Tan Twan Eng’s historical novel of pre, during and postwar Malaya from a British mixed-race young man (and old man’s view). Detailed, graphic, violent, and unflinching.

We can only hope to write like this.

Not sure why, but I gave Amy Tan another chance. The Bonesetter’s Daughter was not as great as many made it out to be, just hard to follow. But The Joy Luck Club, despite jokes some have made...not done yet, good, but still a focus thing I have not been able to figure out. But the characters are very well done, and crafted nicely.

Tsiph’s book goes up top with all these others. As for the SDS, I am slowly probing the areas that need to be, to get it a bit better, and to also figure out how to promote again, and to do it right.

I also finished a manuscript, or the second draft, of a YA work, The Feels. It’s got a way to go; but I am now seeing there is a real, dual line of my writing.

The SDS is one line, and that contains, ready for this, two other trilogies written, and a book that could be three!

WTF, right?

And...the string of stories that are of a different vein. Serious ones, but also stories that find a way to celebrating a youth that I never celebrated.

So we’ll see where we go.

As usual, I’m a man in a hurry, but whatever. It’s how I’ve always been.

Peace, Out. 

The Sweet Dreams Series, Rebooting the Blog, and Writing Stuff!

The reboot is underway...welcome to mid-November and the return of "Words of a Pre-Curmudgeonly Zen Pagan."

I was inspired by my old friend Riz to finally do something I've been wanting to do for a long time and see if I can actually make things work. 

To show you how incredibly brain-dead I am when it come to computers, it took me this long (w/help from a nice tech support lady) to figure out how to link my old blog to my website.

Not like a lot's going on, but we gotta get that back in action. So what is going on?

Well, I'm forever going to be Pre-Curmudgeonly, because I don't think I've gotten that old, or that grumpy that I'm gonna be like that. I'm doing my best to deal with growing older, and knowing that while I can't fight off Father Time, I can still live with him.

I write this as I'm doing a Ninja Book Signing in the metropolis of Dillsburg, PA.

Wait for it...

Don't know why it's so small on this page, but whatever. Yes, sitting about, making like the pretentious author to see if any of the Millenials or Boomers will notice that stack of books with my name on them before their eyes...but then, most people don't come here to buy books.

But you never know.

Add to it, the battle rages on to get books in stores, even indie shops. They sell only what they can sell, that's about all.

Now if you've not seen my blog posts here in a while, that is because I was blogging on my website, and Wix didn't tell me specifically that I could fucking link this to that. Until that nice young lady told me I could and showed me. 

So "More" at the top of the old webpage, and you can find the recent stuff.

No one's really looking, so the grumpy old guy is gonna blog here again, so there!

Now...where are we at this point?

Okay...let's take this under further review: "Live from the Cafe" is the latest, and I'm flogging it best I can. The big news of late is that Sunbury Press Books is spinning off into a number of new presses. I'm on Brown Posey Press.

Cute. And different. I like different.

So "Live..." and "A Moment in the Sun" are on Brown Posey, and "Parasite Girls" can still be found at Amazon.

Link Time!

https://www.amazon.com/Tory-Gates/e/B01LXQ5YSQ?ref_=pe_1724030_132998060

OK...everything is right there. Or here...

http://www.sunburypressstore.com/Tory-Gates_c146.htm

Now...the next one is coming...back in 2007, I began combining weird elements of Japan, time travel, anime, and the blues into a thing I called the Sweet Dreams Series. The first book of the series, "Searching for Roy Buchanan" is set for sometime next year.

The story has changed a lot. I am not finished with it. Years of dreaming, weird conversations with crazy characters, scenarios that made zero sense, and a lot of discussions have brought the gang just a little bit closer to their coming out.

It's still completely mad. 

The thing that is important to me is to expand the markets for all my works. When I write, I write like I'm watching a movie. What does this look like on screen? In the pages of a graphic novel? Does this adapt, and still tell the story?

So far, I've done pretty well with it I think. Now...getting these into the hands of people who actually buy things.

And also to get those other fun things, such as the people who can help bring those to reality, the book is one thing, the movies, the anime, and graphic novels, so much more that is out of my hands, at least for now.

So there is that. I have many more titles. More stories. Not in the series, but more written, and nearly ready to go. I have to figure how to get these out in the coming years. 

A lot of possibilities, but sometimes I feel I need an agent or a booker, or a manager, or something.

Now what else? My life is reasonably stable. Life in Harrisburg is good; I'm quite enjoying my home, and it feels more like one as time goes by. 

Of course, I have to get out to be around the humans, my cats will go mad having me in there all the time!

Depression seems to have finished with me for now, but I also know it is always there...I've managed to get that past for a bit, and I've had to make some changes.

I'm still a bit mad; still a bit hyper-focused, still cynical, still probably very weird to be around. But I gotta do something.

I want to share this again. I generally do not write poetry, but this came out the last time I blogged. I rather like it.

“Me”

10/20/17

TG

"I don't honestly expect anyone to love, or even remotely like me. I must seem really awkward to people who have never met me before, or have only heard of me. I almost have never watched myself on video, and while I do have to listen to my voice pretty often in the journalistic world, I don't take too much time to marvel at how fabulous I am.

Because I'm not. I'm me.

Me is a loner, a depressive, anxious, obsessive character.

Me is someone who has slowly tried to peel away the various layers of dead skin, to consider what is inside.

Me is curious about that internal character; one that tries to do the right things, tries to be nice to people, and tries to treat them the way he'd like to be.

Me occasionally finds that odd person who he recognizes, meaning he recognizes himself in that person. Two different people, two different personalities, two different human beings, but who see the unique in one another, and are cool with that.

Me does not try to outdo people, outsell people, or step on people to get his own way. 

Me tries not to hurt people, but sometimes does, usually inadvertently.

When that happens, Me agonizes over it, and wants to make things right. Even after doing that, and even being forgiven, Me remains unforgiven for a very long time.

Me spent years in self-loathing, but not self-pity. Those are different things.

Me spent years on medication, which stabilized and calmed him enough to where he could function again. After 12 years of that, Me finally had to give it up. 

Giving up the drug was easier than quitting smoking, go figure. 

After 3-4 weeks of withdrawal, Me saw colors again.

Me wonders how he was able to create, to write nonstop for 10 years, and now after three published works, is prepared to unveil the one that started everything...the first book of the Sweet Dreams Series.

Me has found a few good things. Me can do a few things well, if he applies himself to it, and is mindful.

Me also likes to write, to create, and to him it is fun, and also therapy.

Work to Me is not work. Me has spent more than 30 years doing just what he wanted to do.

Me is no longer unhappy about not being something he really had no right trying for, because he just was not that thing. Me was better than that.

Me takes a little pardonable pride (hopefully) that what he creates is at least appreciated, even if not understood.

Me does not know where this will end. Me wonders about what could occur, because nothing would make him happier than to see someone, even if one person, enjoy what he has to offer, and know he made a difference, even for one moment.

The characters in Me's books are not all Me, they are friends, acquaintances, people Me has run across, and those from the back of Me's self-consciousness. They are interesting, diverse, funny, saddened, crazed lunatics who generally are trying to make their way and figure out what the point of their lives are.

Me doesn't own a lot of shit. Me is trying to get rid of a lot of shit. Me does not drive a big car, does not have a big house, does not own a time-share in Cozumel, and has never traveled that much. 

But Me knows the time for things will come when they come, and Me just hopes to not have to leave this body before finding out how that road he started on so many years ago ends. Probably like Shel Silverstein's book cover, it might just be that hilariously silly edge of disaster, but who knows?

Me doesn't hate you for what you have, nor is Me jealous. Enjoy what you have; Me is thankful to have what he does.

Me likes being at home now, taking some sort of care of his home, his catkids, and puttering about in his studio, his bedroom, or wherever.

Me likes a good stiff cup of Morebucks (the coffee, really), and to just fucking exist.

Me is all right. Me is gonna be all right, because he's looking after himself, and thinking about what little thing he can give that'll help.

Me won't save the world, but he might save himself.

What do you think? Weird, eh?

Oh well...I'm doing okay, and I must continue to be patient, but also drive forward each day if ever I'm to get these things out, and to get a public to actually look at my work, and see the potential for the other things.

Anyway, this is where we are now. I hope we can keep on moving, past the madness in our world right now, before we become the dystopian idiocy that everyone likes to wank about but doesn't want to live for real.

95% of the world does live that way, it feels like.

Anyway, this grumpy old cat needs more coffee, and he's gotta move.

Let me know if you like my work...please leave a review at Amazon, Brown Posey or wherever you like if you've read my shit, and let me know what you think.

Gotta move, gotta move. 

Peace, Out.

The Great Northeastern Book Tour, "Live from the Cafe," and Other Musings

Well, here we are again...fooling around with colors, fonts and other inane things as I sit here, trying to stay awake, and also working to figure out what on earth I am to do next.

It's been nearly a week, and my new book, "Live from the Cafe" is out...

SMLXL

 

It's just arrived in my hands, the physical books, and they look great. The book is 328 pages, but the print is of decent size, and I feel this will be a good, fast read. 

I have been fooling around with a bunch of ideas in my head, and I have decided to try a few promotional things this summer. I've gotten an opportunity, and so I've built around it.

Seems like we're always on display and always on the make, so I figure best to embrace it. Before and after events, I am trying my own weird little concept:

NINJA BOOK SIGNINGS!

SMLXL

 

I know, you're asking, "What the fuck are those?"

Well...be vewy, vewy quiet..."

Since I've discovered that book shops (even indie ones!) and other places of business just don't have the time or wherewithal to have every single undiscovered and unknown author in their establishment, you have to do your own thing.

I am stealing an idea from Amanda Palmer...any fan of hers knows when on tour, she likes to do "Ninja Gigs." She'll show up with a ukelele (or if there's a piano, even better) at a place and do a free, spontaneous gig. Those are more fun sometimes.

SMLXL

 

Those just look like more fun, don't they?

So, I'm doing this...I'll choose random places, and then promote on social media that I'll be doing a ninja book signing. If you want to get a copy of "Live..." or one of my other books, just show up.

"Aren't you gonna get in trouble for that?" You may ask.

Well, I might. But it's like this. I put up NO signs. The book sits next to my laptop and my coffee, like so:

SMLXL

 

Sorry for the glare. But that's it. I'm just sitting here, enjoying my coffee, while a couple hundred people in various forms of dress/undress fly through this place and get tanked up.

Now trouble? As I say, I'm not bothering anyone. I'm not talking to anyone. I'm just here. If anyone sees the book and asks, then I'll talk to them.

If you come see me, and decide to buy, the transaction is done between two agreeing parties.

No one gets hurt, no one is bothered, and I'm also paying for my drinks. 

I'll have fun with this, and refine it. I don't expect huge sales, but as I spend lots of time out and about, why not have fun?

Now...the Great Northeastern Book Tour, haha...well, I have a couple of events lined up, and here's what I'm doing so far.

On Thursday, July 13th, I'll be reading and signing (and hopefully selling) at DogStar Books in Lancaster as part of the Turning Wheel series of authors. This will be fun. Eliot White is the head of a site called Triangle, and he's working to bring the arts communities from around the region together. Really nice, enthusiastic guy...I like him very much and I think this is a great inroad for us all.

Later this month, I head back to my native New England for a needed vacation...but I'm not without enterprise.

On Friday, July 28th, I'll be at the Diesel Cafe on Elm St. in Somerville, Massachusetts to do a signing at the place that started "Live from the Cafe." 

http://www.diesel-cafe.com/

This is where it all began. And I didn't even know it.

Years ago, I went in there and saw a large, open place that had pint glasses of coffee, good food, and a cool place to hang out. I wrote, drank, and enjoyed it.

Back in York, PA, where I lived at the time, I was spitting distance from Borders. When it closed, I thought about opening my version of the Diesel there. The size, space, color and location made me think it could be a different place.

But different doesn't translate very well, does it? I don't think it would have worked, because change is not embraced too well at times. I also would not have had the money to get started, and who knows what a lease would have cost.

But it was a fun thought...and in my mind, I often asked myself, "What kind of coffee place would I run, if I opened one?"

From years of hanging out in coffee shops, corporate and otherwise, I started to find something that I thought would be cool. It might not make money in the real world, but I left it as a "Who Cares?" attitude for the story.

Le Cafe began to form in my head, and I drew upon the many people I watched, listened to and hung out with in places like these.

I had enough fodder for characters in my head to begin with, and then others started to filter in. 

And here we have it...a strange little place in a strange little town. The people are recognizable, I hope, the issues they face are real, and I hope I put you into a land that is at least understandable to your own situation.

I had a lot of fun writing this, and now I hope to bring it to you.

So yes, that strange author will be sitting about, hawking his wares in a different way...getting rid of the middleman...usually.

Diesel has been kind enough to have me, and then comes the really interesting one.

The next day, July 29th, I'll be doing a signing at my college. Saint Joseph's College of Maine is having me at the 30th reunion...well, mine is 30 years.

I hope to see old friends, and find out just how different we've become (or not), and I hope they'll see that awkward radio geek didn't turn out too badly.

I'm still in radio. That's enough to certify me, but I had that to start with.

So I'm gonna do that one, too. That's gonna be fun.

Been years since I was up in Maine, so I'll be hanging out with my sister and brother in law in Freeport, in their amazing old house, hooking up with old radio and music friends...

And on the radio as a subject!

WMPG 90.9 FM in Portland was WSJB's rival back in the day, or one of them on the left side of the dial. On Tuesday, August 1st, at 7:30 pm, Christopher White will host me on the Tuesday Night Talk Radio Club. They have a stream and everything...that will be fun...one of my old friends from Rocky Horror days, DJ Pete, will do a swing show right after that...fun.

I will move about the region, and head to the midcoast for a bit of research, but also to help blast Pennsylvania out of my head for a time. 

So many people I'd like to see, and also a time to consider what next I'll do.

Now...back to the house...I'm really enjoying living in the 'burg, and the home is a cool little spot. I don't spend enough time in it, and I wish I could. I spent the better part of two days home, while inspections went on.

My chimney needed a metal sleeve and a cap, after UGI found it clogged by birds, and who knows what else. Got that done, and on the same day, UGI came back to untag my water heater, clean it and do the same assessment to my AC.

Costly, but needed. That's life.

Well, I have some touring to do this summer, books to sell, and I hope you'll find it in you to pick up "Live from the Cafe," and my others...the labor of love that these are comes with various prices, but I have enjoyed this long several years of creativity, and there's more to come. Much more.

http://www.sunburypressstore.com/Live-from-the-Cafe-9781620067147.htm

Enjoy...and I hope to see you so I can sign your work and thank you personally for the support...and just to see anyone these days is important.

Not starting at screens or our phones. Like in the cafe, the rule ought to be: "No Wifi. Drink coffee, and talk to each other."

Peace, Out. 

"Live from the Cafe" Unveiling, Among Other Things

Well, here we are; cue 2001: A Space Odyssey theme!

SMLXL

Pretty colorful, eh?

Once again, great work by Mitch Bentley of Atomic Fly Studios, Harrisburg, PA. This time my publisher, Larry Knorr of Sunbury Press Books did the honors with the lettering.

We've kept it pretty close to the style and way of "A Moment in the Sun," and I think this is a good way...the cover always makes it, right?

Does it not make you want to enter the cafe...?

So what is all this? The hamlet of Harlandsville, Quebec is a very small town, tucked off the Trans Canada Highway somewhere in the neighborhood of Montreal, but far enough out that it's a distant land.

Where the life revolves around this weird little cafe, where the coffee is made through a strange machine, the owners are quirky, the workers and regulars even quirkier, and there are strange, mysterious and famous(?) guests who drop in, drink coffee, talk and play music.

What more fun do you need?

Now...in the midst of my writing this...

...my attorney and I engaged in a long discussion that led us into a caffeine-fueled world of other possibilities, for writing, for the various odd things I do, and the where the weird IS THE NEW FUCKING NORMAL.

The possiblities are there...I'm feeling better and more positive right now than I have in a very long time. It's a nice feeling. The work is going to pay off, in ways I had not imagined. 

It's all good.

Now...I'm going to sign my documents, and get into Mark Manson's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck."

Among other things my mind works upon.

Thank you for the support. I hope you find it in you on July 11 or after to pick up "Live..." either from Sunbury Press, or that online monster company, or me.

Peace. Out.

Find What You Love, and Let it Kill You

Yeah, that's about what's happening with me right now...let's just have a little preface, which will lead you along in this business...

SMLXL

That should pretty much tell you everything. While I do not intend to sink into an alcohol and drug-fueled end (I did that in the past, not to mention the psychosis), I will tell you that there are things that lead us there, whether we want this or not.

Case in point: I am THIS FUCKING CLOSE to having everything in for my next book, Live from the Cafe, but it does seem something is holding us up. If not one thing, another...it only serves to fuel my own weirdness, and if there is not enough stress in my life at this point, I didn't need more of it.

The big issue is: Sunbury Press has a release date planned for July 11th. I want to hit that. In fact, I've done all that I can do from my end. The final edits were sent in early this morning...we hit that date, I'm alright.

My cover artist, Mitch Bentley, delivered another gobsmacking cover, which is now off into the hands of the publisher for the lettering, and I've sent the boilerplate, the legal stuff, the backflap, all that shit.

We hit that date. That's the killer. The date. We gotta hit it.

Now, I am not pointing any fingers here...no insinuations, or accusations, because who knows what hits us next, both the big things and little things.

...shit happens, I accept that shit happens, and that we can work through the shit that happens, and we make shit happen.

I don't fucking quit. Have you noticed that yet?

Mitch is now off at SoonerCon...so hopefully he runs into the Boys from Oklahoma who know how to roll their joints and he has a blast.

Such is the business, any business. These things happen, and I assume they happen for a reason.

Such as raising my blood pressure higher than fuck. 

Oh, here's a sneak peak at the clean cover...

SMLXL

Is that cool or what? Mitch paints vivid shots that open things up, and I hope once this also makes you want to drop in on the cafe In the Middle of Nowhere, Quebec.

Imagine a one-stop-light town, where everything seems old and out of time, but for a few things. There's one convenience store, a Chinese takeout joint, and all the life seems to revolve around this odd, rustic, massively uncorporate coffee place called Le Cafe.

Life in a small Northern Town, where the people are strong, the coffee stronger, and you never know who will show up to hang out, drink and play music.

You step back (I hope) into your own life. You remember change, resistance to change, what it was like to be young, and to stay young, and the people around you that you trusted, not just liked a little bit.

It's a weird place in our own lives but there it is. 

Not exactly a bucolic existence, and I have made it anything but. Some of this will make you uncomfortable because I am anything but comfy.

But I digress...

...I got into reading Bukowski's really gritty, nasty, down in the dirt poetry, his womanzing, drinking, horseplaying self, to the point you are on the bar crawls with this guy, the voyeur watching some of this stuff, and wondering how the fuck you got here.

It's life. We've all been there, or are there.

I am a bit more fortunate than others. I try not to judge, though I do admit to joking a lot. You have to have some kind of humor to get through this.

I am seeing things that are reflected in the book, but they come back in the alternative universe. Friends being torn to shit by stupid things like politics, the subtle difference between people is enough to unfriend them from Facebook, and then life itself.

Were any of us really friends?

Do we have friends?

I hate it when people bitch that so and so went off the rails because he/she didn't have "real" friends, and surrounded themselves with people who only did what they wanted 'em to do, enabled them, blah fucking blah.

To those to judge: LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR, THE CRACKED, SMASHED, JERKED UPON MESS YOU MADE!

Go to the mirror, boy...you have no more right than I do.

Now, friends...

It's funny...how sometimes...a chance meeting or a discussion will open the door to that person, the one you have not even met face to face, and you are presented with a really, genuinely nice, person. A kind person...one that is that cool with who they are, and does not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.

They are rare.

I won't say who she is, but this is someone I knew over a year ago (still have not met), and we reconnected. Her actual recollection of this insignificant interviewer was heartening to me, and that she remembered what I was working on, above the amazing project she is now engaged in.

She asked, "How do you do it?"

My writing? I didn't answer right away, because I didn't know. I guess I rambled one off...but the time, energy and effort put into her project is the same as mine.

You give all of it, at that given moment.

Live from the Cafe is the current give. It's actually a pretty fair one, I think. I'll be shamelessly plugging away at that.

But this friend...yeah, she is one. I hope to meet her one day and say thank you for reminding me that you can open yourself up and be rewarded for it.

Not shredded for it.

There's too much shredding right now, internally and outwardly. 

We gotta stop shredding each other. Put aside the bullshit differences, and take each person as they are.

As much as some people will not believe it...despite my views on things, I don't give a fuck what yours are. 

You make it an issue. I try NOT to. Not always good at it, but I'm doing my best.

I hope you are.

So yeah...we have to dive into the morass every now and then, get covered in it, roll around in it, and be reminded where we are.

I get up and out of it and say, "Psych! I'm still here! Get used to it!"

And I hope you can put my madness aside enough to see what I've offered, and I hope it does some good.

There's a reason I don't blog much anymore...I want to put all my energy, the positive, good energy into the story, the words, the phrases, those fucked-up dysfunctional characters that travel 'round and 'round in my brain.

'Cause they're a little bit me...and a little bit you (sorry to Neil Diamond).

Anyway, to borrow from Bukowski...there, I feel better.

Pour me another.

Peace, Out.