Writing, BlogTalking, Coolwalking, Smoothtalking...Yeah, Right!

Well, let’s try a new font while I sort through a bunch of activities, things, semi-accomplishments and observations, as I come out of realizing that my body is growing old.

Not me, mind. Just the vehicle I’m traveling around in. As the parts start to age, I find I’m dealing with the realization that upgrades and tune-ups may no longer be an option.

My hands are definitely becoming an issue. My touch-typing is not what it once was, and I feel like my brain and body need to be in tune and in sync in order to work. If not, my fingers are all over the place, and the muscle memory is not quite as good.

Finding out also that I have to really focus to keep on point. Certain tasks require it, and I’ve been able to focus my mind on them, and accomplish them pretty well.

Other things, not so much. I have too many things, interests, and I have to figure out how to manage them.

Case in point: I end up doing a lot of small projects, such as writing for Broadwayworld.com, PopImpressKA Journal (more on that in a bit), and now contributing to Plaisted Publishing House.

Okay, have I namedropped enough?

Then we have the radio fun and merriment. Radio PA continues apace, and going well; my stability is pretty much predicated on that. Not a job, again; but also my last stop in the business.

Now I’ve gone on at length about The Music Club, on Radio-Airwaves Station, which is still a hell of a lot of fun, and keeps me up on the new music that interests me.

I have also been tabbed by my publisher, Brown Posey Press to host a talk show.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bookspeak/2018/04/13/brown-posey-press-show--tory-gates-interviews-author-sharon-marchisello

My first show...here on the site you will find shows from the varied imprints of Sunbury Press Books, and it’s getting easier for me to get back into to swing of hosting such a program.

Now, getting my fellow authors to do the show...well, it’s a help and a boost to the sales, believe me.

I made a trip to Carlisle today in honor of the Indie Bookshop recognition day. Whistlestop Bookshop is right in town, a neat little place with exceptional taste.

The cat's name is Mulan. 

I’ve spent the past several months working the owner to get my books in there...or a signing, or something.

You have to keep working it...Jeff promises to check my work out.

I was there today as my old friend T.M. Becker celebrated the release of her book, Full Moon Rising, on Prospective Press.

Tsiph (her full name is Tshipuneah) is a lady I met eight years ago through a writer’s group. She was working on this story way back then. I know the feeling of working, editing, writing, rewriting, and waiting years for your opportunity. Very happy for her.

Can’t wait to start reading this. And you know, reading other people’s books is a must as an author. Been trying to expand out on that, and I have to with the Blog Talk program. Sharon Marchisello’s work is out of my field, Going Home was not unlike my latest work, Live from the Cafe. Going back to the hometown, to find what’s changed and what has not was Luc and Emily’s MO, but for different reasons, and two people not expecting to see one another again.

I’ll be interviewing Robert Barsky, author of Hatched, also of the Brown Posey imprint next week. I think that will be a fun interview. I try to make them fun, two people talking about books and stuff, and that makes it work.

I am also open to those from outside the imprint. Tsiph wants to do it.

      

We also talked about finding places to sign and sell, and it gets harder than ever. Even indie bookstores aren’t always so interested...to be fair, time, space, resource, I get it.

But like Tsiph, I can do a signing and not be in your face and in the way. Damn thing works, and you can make it work.

It has boosted interest in this, HINT HINT HINT...

https://www.sunburypressstore.com/Live-from-the-Cafe-9781620067147.htm

I guess for me I am still finding my audience. I know my voice is finding its way to the page, and in a manner that is necessary.

Three books down, and the first of the Sweet Dreams Series will go later in the year. Searching for Roy Buchanan is the subtitle, and I’ve talked a lot and at length about it.

More editing, and I’ll be seeing my cover artist in May, hopefully; more legal stuff to do, more of too many things to do, and the knowledge we cannot quit this thing.

I do not quit.

Notice that yet? Yeah, I’m stubborn as fuck, but if it’s worth doing, you do it.

This is.

Now, back to health briefly...spending a bit more time at home, partly due to feeling like I have to get back to it. Lived here two years; not much has changed in the home, but I will be making a few minor changes as time goes by. It’s most comfy here; and regardless of where I live, I prefer and can handle it.

Also have to decide whether or not a certain Rx is gonna keep being used. I did something to my back over a week ago, and spasms were pretty bad.

I have seen the chiro, seen the doc, changed my sleeping position, etc. Now I do have a lovely muscle relaxant, but I can’t use it before work.

But two days of it, and I know what it’s done. I am alert, but it drops me back a gear, and I do not like it. I think the rest for a couple days outside the job was good, but I’m feeling better, and I just don’t want to go a full month of this shit.

People who really need it? I get you. The opioid epidemic here in PA is pretty bad, but I think we know where we can point the finger. Not at the victims of this, either.

And for those of you who ask:

Kao is adjusting well. She is a little monster. She “garbages,” which my mother used to castigate our old Beagle Rufus for doing. I’ve made it so she can’t really do that, and Kao has managed to get along with the others.

She is a quirky cat; doesn’t like getting picked up, and petting her is when she damn well feels like it.

Now what else?

Well, the feeling I have of not being able to relax, yet knowing I need to. I have a string of books that while not ready, are close to it. I could put one out a year for a very long time, but I think a bunch won’t see the light of day in my lifetime.

But I plan to hang out in this body for a while, so...get used to it.

I think as an excuse, I find other things to finish, or do, to avoid whatever unidentified thing exists that I don’t want to do. I still have no idea what that is.

Oh yes...I have a photo shoot tomorrow, courtesy of my longtime friend Alice. These are for this little publication:

https://popimpresskajournal.org/

Pretty cool, eh? Well, I have written a short piece on my good friend Gene Dante for the upcoming magazine, which can be picked up physically or online...the art world collides with fashion and so much more.

So much more to do...reading...been working on a number of books, and getting through them. Isabelle Allende’s The Japanese Lover was interesting; not a fan of hers, but this one worked out nicely.

The Gift of Rain...this is fucking brilliant. Tan Twan Eng’s historical novel of pre, during and postwar Malaya from a British mixed-race young man (and old man’s view). Detailed, graphic, violent, and unflinching.

We can only hope to write like this.

Not sure why, but I gave Amy Tan another chance. The Bonesetter’s Daughter was not as great as many made it out to be, just hard to follow. But The Joy Luck Club, despite jokes some have made...not done yet, good, but still a focus thing I have not been able to figure out. But the characters are very well done, and crafted nicely.

Tsiph’s book goes up top with all these others. As for the SDS, I am slowly probing the areas that need to be, to get it a bit better, and to also figure out how to promote again, and to do it right.

I also finished a manuscript, or the second draft, of a YA work, The Feels. It’s got a way to go; but I am now seeing there is a real, dual line of my writing.

The SDS is one line, and that contains, ready for this, two other trilogies written, and a book that could be three!

WTF, right?

And...the string of stories that are of a different vein. Serious ones, but also stories that find a way to celebrating a youth that I never celebrated.

So we’ll see where we go.

As usual, I’m a man in a hurry, but whatever. It’s how I’ve always been.

Peace, Out. 

A Need to Be Reminded

I guess I need to remind myself at this point, of what we're doing all of this for. I have been quite busy, far too busy for my own good as we begin 2018, and I'm not without enterprise.

I had to finish off a manuscript I call "Times Best Remembered," and it's done but will need fixes and work. Quite a bit, really; but when you have a story burning a hole in your head for two years, it's probably best to get that out of your system.

It's actually a good, solid contemporary novel, and it has possibilities. I quite like it. That's saying something.

That leads me to preparing to edit the first book of the long-awaited "Sweet Dreams Series." The story of youth, time travel and the power of music is finally going to happen, but I have a lot to do before I get there.

I'm finding there's an interesting parallel in my work in recent years: the SDS is going to be a long-running commitment, but I have another.

Some of the non-SDS works have a very intriguing theme to them, even though every one stands alone. All of them have themes of young people, dealing with growing up, falling in love (or not), battling adult problems, and trying to figure out their direction. It's also a strange celebration of life, that I think might be lost on some readers. It was lost on me for a while.

So yes, the story is going to come out, and I need to keep pushing the other avenues. The film, the anime and other methods, but trying to find the right person to help with that, not easy.

Need the agent, too...gotta find the one believer that opens that door. But I have to kick their in first.

I am reminded that I have to occasionally look back at where I was, to figure out how many steps I took to get here.

Perhaps I can remind you, or have you go take a look.

Well then, how about this?

https://www.amazon.com/Live-Cafe-Tory-Gates/dp/1620067145/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Now, whatever did they say about this book?

It draws you in, just as the cafe and its owners seem to draw in those in need of a comforting place to meet over coffee and to talk with friends and neighbors. The book explores varying backgrounds of the main characters, as well as others who drift through for a day or night of music, all of whom seem to find the warmth and friendship they are seeking through the cafe.

These are Amazon.com reviewers by the way. An old friend who doesn't do reviews told me he was quite pleased to see my writing has matured. Yes, he said that. I've improved, and from a fellow writer, that is a very high compliment.

https://www.amazon.com/Moment-Sun-Tory-Gates/dp/1620066327/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

This story really is in my view probably the best one of the three currently published. I did not expect this story to hit people as it did, but I should not have been surprised. As I battle a similar urge to sometimes not leave my home (even for the work I love doing), let alone get out of bed, I can get it.

Gates demonstrates a firm command and knowledge of a topic that most readers will find foreign, but his compelling characters and in-depth description of modern-day Japan helps ground the reader in a strong narrative. The characters are edgy, multifaceted, and devoid of stereotypical memes. Because Gates frames his descriptions of the isolated world of the hikikomori through the eyes of Rei, the mood does not slip into despair, but, rather, remains hopeful and retains the air of a survivors tale.

As a high school English teacher I have seen withdrawn students over the past 26 years who can identify with the "hikikomori." Some of them make it, and sadly, some don't. Tory Gates gives them a voice in A MOMENT IN THE SUN and that may be the most poignant and liberating aspect of this novel beyond being a well written book that pulls the reader into the world of Rei and her friends as they discover the resilience hidden inside themselves.

Well...these were two significant reviewers' looks at what I was trying to get across. A good story, I think, strong characters that were not stereotypical, and also a real look at what some people face. This is not your happy-happy-joy-joy work; it has real moments.

https://www.amazon.com/Parasite-Girls-Tory-Gates/dp/1494401975/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Now, that first one...what did they say?

A fantastic book. Please read! You won't be sorry. Mental Illness is never an easy topic to discuss. Mr. Gates handles it flawlessly.

A great read about a tough subject in an interesting setting. Tory Gates introduced me to a unfamiliar world and yet I felt truly immersed in the culture and was filled with compassion for the complex characters he created and the challenges they faced.

Please read! You won't be sorry. Mental Illness is never an easy topic to discuss. Mr. Gates handles it flawlessly.

For a fast reader, with only four major characters, it turned out nicely. A relative who suffers from the affliction the cover character (Sora) has in "Parasite Girls" told me I'd got it. She deals with what Sora does every day. 

The "Sweet Dreams Series" I hope is a step into a new world, but one that people can get familiar with, as I hope my other works shall do.

I have the writing somewhat done...now to plan the next move forward.

This is daunting, I'll not deny it. It feels overwhelming, that I've gotten this far, but now getting the doors kicked open that need to be done. 

If anything, I do not quit.

Anyway, I decry looking back to the past and especially living in it. I do NOT live in that past whatever...now, today and tomorrow, if I can do something in the forward direction, then it's good, even if it doesn't seem like I did shit.

So that's that. If you didn't check those out, I hope you do. If you did, leave me a review over there at Amazon or at Brown Posey Press. Every one counts.

Peace, Out.

Find What You Love, and Let it Kill You

Yeah, that's about what's happening with me right now...let's just have a little preface, which will lead you along in this business...

SMLXL

That should pretty much tell you everything. While I do not intend to sink into an alcohol and drug-fueled end (I did that in the past, not to mention the psychosis), I will tell you that there are things that lead us there, whether we want this or not.

Case in point: I am THIS FUCKING CLOSE to having everything in for my next book, Live from the Cafe, but it does seem something is holding us up. If not one thing, another...it only serves to fuel my own weirdness, and if there is not enough stress in my life at this point, I didn't need more of it.

The big issue is: Sunbury Press has a release date planned for July 11th. I want to hit that. In fact, I've done all that I can do from my end. The final edits were sent in early this morning...we hit that date, I'm alright.

My cover artist, Mitch Bentley, delivered another gobsmacking cover, which is now off into the hands of the publisher for the lettering, and I've sent the boilerplate, the legal stuff, the backflap, all that shit.

We hit that date. That's the killer. The date. We gotta hit it.

Now, I am not pointing any fingers here...no insinuations, or accusations, because who knows what hits us next, both the big things and little things.

...shit happens, I accept that shit happens, and that we can work through the shit that happens, and we make shit happen.

I don't fucking quit. Have you noticed that yet?

Mitch is now off at SoonerCon...so hopefully he runs into the Boys from Oklahoma who know how to roll their joints and he has a blast.

Such is the business, any business. These things happen, and I assume they happen for a reason.

Such as raising my blood pressure higher than fuck. 

Oh, here's a sneak peak at the clean cover...

SMLXL

Is that cool or what? Mitch paints vivid shots that open things up, and I hope once this also makes you want to drop in on the cafe In the Middle of Nowhere, Quebec.

Imagine a one-stop-light town, where everything seems old and out of time, but for a few things. There's one convenience store, a Chinese takeout joint, and all the life seems to revolve around this odd, rustic, massively uncorporate coffee place called Le Cafe.

Life in a small Northern Town, where the people are strong, the coffee stronger, and you never know who will show up to hang out, drink and play music.

You step back (I hope) into your own life. You remember change, resistance to change, what it was like to be young, and to stay young, and the people around you that you trusted, not just liked a little bit.

It's a weird place in our own lives but there it is. 

Not exactly a bucolic existence, and I have made it anything but. Some of this will make you uncomfortable because I am anything but comfy.

But I digress...

...I got into reading Bukowski's really gritty, nasty, down in the dirt poetry, his womanzing, drinking, horseplaying self, to the point you are on the bar crawls with this guy, the voyeur watching some of this stuff, and wondering how the fuck you got here.

It's life. We've all been there, or are there.

I am a bit more fortunate than others. I try not to judge, though I do admit to joking a lot. You have to have some kind of humor to get through this.

I am seeing things that are reflected in the book, but they come back in the alternative universe. Friends being torn to shit by stupid things like politics, the subtle difference between people is enough to unfriend them from Facebook, and then life itself.

Were any of us really friends?

Do we have friends?

I hate it when people bitch that so and so went off the rails because he/she didn't have "real" friends, and surrounded themselves with people who only did what they wanted 'em to do, enabled them, blah fucking blah.

To those to judge: LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR, THE CRACKED, SMASHED, JERKED UPON MESS YOU MADE!

Go to the mirror, boy...you have no more right than I do.

Now, friends...

It's funny...how sometimes...a chance meeting or a discussion will open the door to that person, the one you have not even met face to face, and you are presented with a really, genuinely nice, person. A kind person...one that is that cool with who they are, and does not give a shit about what anyone else thinks.

They are rare.

I won't say who she is, but this is someone I knew over a year ago (still have not met), and we reconnected. Her actual recollection of this insignificant interviewer was heartening to me, and that she remembered what I was working on, above the amazing project she is now engaged in.

She asked, "How do you do it?"

My writing? I didn't answer right away, because I didn't know. I guess I rambled one off...but the time, energy and effort put into her project is the same as mine.

You give all of it, at that given moment.

Live from the Cafe is the current give. It's actually a pretty fair one, I think. I'll be shamelessly plugging away at that.

But this friend...yeah, she is one. I hope to meet her one day and say thank you for reminding me that you can open yourself up and be rewarded for it.

Not shredded for it.

There's too much shredding right now, internally and outwardly. 

We gotta stop shredding each other. Put aside the bullshit differences, and take each person as they are.

As much as some people will not believe it...despite my views on things, I don't give a fuck what yours are. 

You make it an issue. I try NOT to. Not always good at it, but I'm doing my best.

I hope you are.

So yeah...we have to dive into the morass every now and then, get covered in it, roll around in it, and be reminded where we are.

I get up and out of it and say, "Psych! I'm still here! Get used to it!"

And I hope you can put my madness aside enough to see what I've offered, and I hope it does some good.

There's a reason I don't blog much anymore...I want to put all my energy, the positive, good energy into the story, the words, the phrases, those fucked-up dysfunctional characters that travel 'round and 'round in my brain.

'Cause they're a little bit me...and a little bit you (sorry to Neil Diamond).

Anyway, to borrow from Bukowski...there, I feel better.

Pour me another.

Peace, Out.

The Waiting Game, Advice, and Other Musings

Well, here I am once again, sitting in one of my various "offices," and starting to find that the rat race that I spent six years trying to get back in so I could "make a living" is taking its toll on me.

I'm certainly not unhappy to have a job, and to also have the health benefits that go along with it. Right now, no amount of holistic living, nuts and berries dieting and other obsessive ideas would be enough to keep me alive. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that, I lack the time, money and expertise in the field.

Too much travel. I drive too far, too often, etc. in order to make this living, and yet it is what I must do. Moving is not an option. There's not enough to make that work or worth it.

So when do I write? I don't. I do edit, and I do map things out, and consider, but actual writing is something I have to really make time for, and there's little of that.

I do not mean to complain. I know too many people in worse situations. I also refuse to succumb to Grumpy Old Man Syndrome, which I'm sorry to say afflicted certain people at said job. 

People who cannot accept change become an issue. Daily whining, bitching and moaning about the "way things used to be," and "back in my day, we did it like this..."

Change is very difficult. Veteran broadcasters, just as much as new people can have a difficult time learning new systems, new ideas, new procedures. It's not always fun. But when you go into it with a mindset that the new way is WRONG, and the boss is WRONG, and that everything is WRONG WRONG WRONG, you're not gonna get anywhere.

I am going to recall a passage from one of my favorite Douglas Reeman stories, "Pride and the Anguish." In a certain exchange, the first officer tells the navigator what he thinks of the ongoing, rancorous dislike between the latter and their captain. This fellow was disagreeable, stiff, and not always right, but he did have leadership qualities, stuck up for his men, and would never let them be put down by superiors who knew nothing about the war they were involved in.

The Number 1 tells the navigator (paraphrasing), "Your whole problem with the captain is that you have never even tried to get along with him, and never even tried to work with him!"

There's your point. This is not to play company man, either; you have to do what you can, best you can. If you can see changes needed, then you speak out, and you find a way to get them in.

I felt weighed down, sad to say, by certain people who are my friends, but who allowed ego and not getting their way to be their undoing. Someone wouldn't see any need to change; someone forgot who is signing the checks; someone who was out for themselves; someone who did a lot of nothing; someone who got all butthurt because he/she didn't get their way on something.

It gets a little easier as you get older, if you let it.

So I'm not unhappy as I've said. But is this what I really want? I have said I would take less money to have a little better quality of life. And more time to do what I want to do.

Now...about that:

We are at this time waiting for "A Moment in the Sun" to get a release date. I have to look over the copy one final time, I must wait for the cover art to be finished off, and then we can start getting ready for the push.

Have you see it yet? Have I mentioned?

Yes, I'm sure I have. If you see my Facebook posts or anything else, this cover by Mitch Bentley is all over the place. Yes, I'm shamelessly plugging this fucking thing.

I have to consider a book release event, a physical one, somewhere that is central to my location, and one that people would actually show up to. I'd like to do that, and hope we might generate some interest, and yes, sales.

These books to not make themselves. I would rather sell books and make a living like that, but as someone in "A Moment..." says the life of an artist making one's living that way is not practical.

But it would be nice.

Anyway, I am considering ways to get the word out there that my work will be available, and trying to get it into the right hands. 

Now, the good thing about my publisher, Sunbury Press Books, is that they primarily work with indie bookshops. Those odd little places that don't have gigantor space and signage, the one where actual, physical BOOKS can be bought, read, and so forth.

The online world has killed shopping of just about any kind...

[phone call, hang on]

I don't get many of these. But yes, one of my team got in touch, wow.

Okay, I gotta get going, but yes I am soliciting ideas for places, and things I can do to get YOU to buy and read my book...shameless, I am!

Peace, Out.

In a Job/Outta Job, Book Signings, Creativity, Mania, and the Summer I Didn't Remember...

Well, greetings once more...been a while indeed since yours truly found a moment to sit down, think and actually have time to write this blog thing. I have got to tell you, this has been on crazy fucking summer, and as the title notes, I don't remember it.

I should say that I do remember it, but I don't remember having much time to enjoy it. The summer that was 2014 was one of intense work, travel, road-running, creativity and not a fair bit of madness.

I've talked a bit here and there about my new job, reporting with the GeoTraffic Network. It is no secret that there have been some issues, and I am one of the laid-off. The hope is that this is not for more than a short period. I'm still employed, I have some work here and there, and this old radio hound is back to jobbing about for different companies while keeping an ear to the ground.

That is how it goes, folks. Nothing is ever certain in this business, and I'm not here to rant, rave, bitch and moan about it. I've done this 30 years--it merely IS.

I am hopeful things turn around, and if they do, great. If not, life goes on, and we all do.

THAT SAID:

Let's get to the next important, big thing. I had my first-ever book signing last Saturday at Midtown Scholar Bookstore in Harrisburg, PA. "Parasite Girls" was front and center on the main stage. I shared the spot with Robert Walton, author of "Fatal Snow" and my cover artist Mitch Bentley also arrived:

Here we are...Mr. Walton is in the background, and we're doing our best to sell the book to this gentleman at the left.

Nice man, and we met quite a few cool folks. One good friend of mine I'd never met showed up...our dear friend Alice Potteiger came off a long run w/o sleep at the Pullo Center to take these photos and others (love you, Alice!)...had some nice conversations, and a big thanks to the Midtown Scholar for their kindnesses.

Good time all 'round...also made some good networking contacts. "Fatal Snow" is published by Sunbury Publishing, and I recently had an email exchange with its head, Lawrence Knorr. I am encouraged by Mr. Knorr's feeling that I am on the right track, and getting my work out there.

The whole weekend makes this thing worth it. It is going in the direction I wanted.

Now what is next? The potential for recording an audio version of "Parasite Girls" is there. I am looking into that possibility now, as well as planning my work towards getting more promotional time to put out the book.

At the same time, I must get ready for the follow-up. My first foray into the Young Adult Fiction world is "Drifters: Tales of the Southern Cross." You can read rough bits of that here at www.behance.net/torygates along with other things I've done.

I've been trying to figure out what to do with this story, and its potential for sequels. Today, I had a very deep creative urge, and suddenly the past few months of what would I do next with the Drifters Club became clear.

There is a possible sequel, and even a third book, another trilogy. Do you know how many of these I have?

I have two other, unpublished trilogies, "The Other Roads Club" and "The Outcast Society." When I'll get to 'em, no idea.

"Drifters" is next on the agenda, but in the meantime I continue to write, and consider the next steps.

There are so many steps, so many avenues, but I need to choose wisely and figure out the direction for each one. 

I feel very much like the Nowhere Man in "Yellow Submarine." I'm doing all these things, but who is there to read them? Or hear them? Will they ever?

I have assigned myself the task of living long enough to make sure I've gotten a requisite amount of work ready to be published. I aim to live long enough to see this, and all of this come to something, dammit.

The world is flying by me as I do this, but that is my life. I do not see any other option. Being out of work for so long left me time to do this. I could not spend years hiding behind my keyboard and sniping at the universe like a fucking troll, attacking people for the problems I think I have.

I don't have a problem, per se. I really don't. I have a lot of stuff to be thankful for, and I plan to make use of what I've got. My second life began in 2007, when I started writing the "Sweet Dreams Series," another that must be got out. 

I'll do this on my own, until the time comes someone gets what I am doing. Advice people ask for is how I do it...now that's gonna get me into a mini-rant:

Here's the thing: for years, YEARS, people have around me been saying, they have ideas for books, stories, this, that, etc. I'm gonna do this, do that, get this, be that...

...and they never fucking do it.

They don't think they can, don't think anyone will be there, don't have time, and invent a million excuses why and why not.

THERE ARE NO FUCKING EXCUSES THAT WILL WASH. NONE.

My painter friend Sunny said it over 20 years ago...you just have to do it.

That's what I do.

Am I fucking nuts? Probably. Clearly mental, at times...manic at times, depressed more often, but still fairly even keeled enough to know when to stop and when not to.

Okay, I don't always do that, it's true. But I'm working better at it.

So look...as fucked up as I'm sure a lot of people must think I am, this is what I do. I do what I love doing, I do not do things I don't enjoy. If I don't feel right in a situation, I leave. Not because I am paranoid, or whacked out or any of that. I have to do what is right for me, or I don't survive. That's it.

Anyway...I hope for things to improve in different areas, and I do my best to stay healthy,not worry too much and find good shit where I can.

I'm outta here...Peace.

"You Only Became What We Made You"

Greetings, all...forgive my not blogging for quite some time, but I have been busy. There are an awful lot of things going on for me, and as usual I feel like the only time I arrive here to talk about it is either because:

1. I for once have nothing else to do (not true in this case).

2. I am wondering if the world around me really does exist in this fucked-up state (kinda).

3. I am falling back into significant depression and am trying to find my way out of it again (BINGO!).

You would think I should not have anything to be depressed about, but do not tell me that, because it changes from minute to minute.

I am right now in a sort of mixed-manic phase. I know this, because I am jumping ahead, and then backward again in an effort to recover lost ground, and on account of my thinking too far ahead so that I forget things. Too many things.

So anyway...GeoTraffic has been keeping me busy. Very busy, in fact so I am traveling an awful lot right now. It's good, the money is good, and I am hopeful to have a more set schedule in the fear future.

My usual summertime depression is upon me. You won't really see it, but I fucking hate summer.

I do not like the season. I do not like dealing with what Mainers like to refer to as "Summer Complaints," i.e., TOURISTS. I am also not enamored with a lot of things. I mean a lot of things.

I had kind of a strange date the other day. I won't say who this was with, but needless to say we were sort of introduced, and we talked a lot in leading up to a meeting. Went well; nice person, intelligent, etc.

We are too different.

Isn't that interesting?

Well, yes it is true. We like each other. No attraction beyond that. Nothing.

Oh well, you can't really force these things, can you? I have no regrets, and I'm not going to be on the hunt, so bear that in mind. 

I realize that I am not the most outgoing of people. But I do not think I am unapproachable. I am perfectly approachable and willing to engage, unless you want to talk to me about religion, politics or THE DRAMA YOU THINK I CAN HELP YOU WITH.

Forgive me, but: DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR THERAPIST?

Now...in the midst of all this madness, I am trying to figure out what the fuck I am going to do next.

I have some friends (thank you all) who are "beta reading" my upcoming Young Adult work, "Drifters." One friend has been reading bits at a time, and so far she has been quite positive.

Waiting on the others. Also, I just finished the mind-numbing and migraine-inducing proof of "Drifters." Went alright. Christie Stratos, my Proof Positive reader, did a fine job and pointed out some issues. 

Now, there is another: "A Moment in the Sun." One reader says so far, I have set a very fast pace. Faster than she usually can handle. But she likes it a lot.

This is good; can't wait for the others.

Now...if you like, you too can be a beta reader, let me know. But bear in mind, if you agree you will read it and give me an honest view, no punches pulled.

I can take criticism, lots of it.

So there's still "Parasite Girls." I have not done any readings or anything like that because I honestly have been too busy with the real world. Sales aren't good, but I didn't expect that. This was an object lesson in learning what to do and not to do.

Efforts to get signings lead to nowhere, but I kind of keep at it.

I wonder what is the point. I am adrift in a sea of horrific romance novels, smutty fan-fiction and knockoffs of whatever is popular now. Everyone thinks they're the next great author. I'm not saying I am that, but I write better than a lot of this shit.

At least I hope I do.

Don't worry, this is the usual cycle of doubt, self-criticism and verbal and literary self-mutilation that I go through about every three months. Nothing's changed at all, folks, haha...

And of course...I have another idea...another very strong, bizarre idea for a story. Do I write it? Do I start writing it?

Argh.

That's where I am, folks.

The quote of the Who song is because I just got the 2013 Wembley Stadium performance of Quadrophenia. Review is good, but mixed. Sonically, fucking insanely good! Roger, well, his voice was not all there, but in his mid-60's what do you expect?

He is in finer form on his new collaboration with Wilko Johnson, "Going Back Home." GO GET THAT!!!

"You only became what we made you..." -- No, you make yourself, you allow yourself to believe THEY did it to you!

I make ME...I remind myself of this...

...away I go.

UPDATE: this makes me feel better. Be prepared.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=402370749884864