"You Only Became What We Made You"

Greetings, all...forgive my not blogging for quite some time, but I have been busy. There are an awful lot of things going on for me, and as usual I feel like the only time I arrive here to talk about it is either because:

1. I for once have nothing else to do (not true in this case).

2. I am wondering if the world around me really does exist in this fucked-up state (kinda).

3. I am falling back into significant depression and am trying to find my way out of it again (BINGO!).

You would think I should not have anything to be depressed about, but do not tell me that, because it changes from minute to minute.

I am right now in a sort of mixed-manic phase. I know this, because I am jumping ahead, and then backward again in an effort to recover lost ground, and on account of my thinking too far ahead so that I forget things. Too many things.

So anyway...GeoTraffic has been keeping me busy. Very busy, in fact so I am traveling an awful lot right now. It's good, the money is good, and I am hopeful to have a more set schedule in the fear future.

My usual summertime depression is upon me. You won't really see it, but I fucking hate summer.

I do not like the season. I do not like dealing with what Mainers like to refer to as "Summer Complaints," i.e., TOURISTS. I am also not enamored with a lot of things. I mean a lot of things.

I had kind of a strange date the other day. I won't say who this was with, but needless to say we were sort of introduced, and we talked a lot in leading up to a meeting. Went well; nice person, intelligent, etc.

We are too different.

Isn't that interesting?

Well, yes it is true. We like each other. No attraction beyond that. Nothing.

Oh well, you can't really force these things, can you? I have no regrets, and I'm not going to be on the hunt, so bear that in mind. 

I realize that I am not the most outgoing of people. But I do not think I am unapproachable. I am perfectly approachable and willing to engage, unless you want to talk to me about religion, politics or THE DRAMA YOU THINK I CAN HELP YOU WITH.

Forgive me, but: DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR THERAPIST?

Now...in the midst of all this madness, I am trying to figure out what the fuck I am going to do next.

I have some friends (thank you all) who are "beta reading" my upcoming Young Adult work, "Drifters." One friend has been reading bits at a time, and so far she has been quite positive.

Waiting on the others. Also, I just finished the mind-numbing and migraine-inducing proof of "Drifters." Went alright. Christie Stratos, my Proof Positive reader, did a fine job and pointed out some issues. 

Now, there is another: "A Moment in the Sun." One reader says so far, I have set a very fast pace. Faster than she usually can handle. But she likes it a lot.

This is good; can't wait for the others.

Now...if you like, you too can be a beta reader, let me know. But bear in mind, if you agree you will read it and give me an honest view, no punches pulled.

I can take criticism, lots of it.

So there's still "Parasite Girls." I have not done any readings or anything like that because I honestly have been too busy with the real world. Sales aren't good, but I didn't expect that. This was an object lesson in learning what to do and not to do.

Efforts to get signings lead to nowhere, but I kind of keep at it.

I wonder what is the point. I am adrift in a sea of horrific romance novels, smutty fan-fiction and knockoffs of whatever is popular now. Everyone thinks they're the next great author. I'm not saying I am that, but I write better than a lot of this shit.

At least I hope I do.

Don't worry, this is the usual cycle of doubt, self-criticism and verbal and literary self-mutilation that I go through about every three months. Nothing's changed at all, folks, haha...

And of course...I have another idea...another very strong, bizarre idea for a story. Do I write it? Do I start writing it?

Argh.

That's where I am, folks.

The quote of the Who song is because I just got the 2013 Wembley Stadium performance of Quadrophenia. Review is good, but mixed. Sonically, fucking insanely good! Roger, well, his voice was not all there, but in his mid-60's what do you expect?

He is in finer form on his new collaboration with Wilko Johnson, "Going Back Home." GO GET THAT!!!

"You only became what we made you..." -- No, you make yourself, you allow yourself to believe THEY did it to you!

I make ME...I remind myself of this...

...away I go.

UPDATE: this makes me feel better. Be prepared.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=402370749884864

Welcome to 2014, "Parasite Girls" and Other Things...

Well, here we are! Three days into 2014, and I have to get in an update...a lot has happened in recent times, and I'm thinking mostly about the past few weeks.

I don't really have any resolutions to make; I generally do not like to do things of that sort, because you set the bar too high, and then you set yourself up for depression because you can't reach them.

My health is good, and my state of mind is much more positive than my last post. I feel optimistic for the coming year, and I plan to accomplish things that were once distant, vague ideas and dreams.

In November came the culmination of a dream, of sorts. My debut novel "Parasite Girls" was released as an ebook. I knew full well this was going to be an uncertain exercise in what NOT TO DO, when it came to self-publishing.

Indeed.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/377011

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/parasite-girls-tory-gates/1117447289?ean=2940045431729

http://www.inktera.com/store/title/92c68514-bbc1-4cbe-a2c7-283a6af4eb2a

There's the original link for you e-book fans, plus two other sites. Thanks to Smashwords, the ebook is available through a number of such sites, very good distribution.

Of course, I should have also done print-on-demand or POD at the same time. Well, I have done so with Createspace:

https://www.createspace.com/4560182

http://www.amazon.com/Parasite-Girls-Tory-Gates/dp/1494401975/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388791559&sr=8-1&keywords=Parasite+Girls

Createspace is operated by Amazon.com, and for the most part you can get around a lot of the costs. I did not think I could, but that came to prove untrue, but you do need to know a couple of things:

Be prepared, as was the case with Smashwords, for formatting issues. You will need to be pretty savvy with Word and its variants, plus also how to properly format a document within parameters they set.

When it comes to a cover, they'll get you. Createspace offers professional design for $399. Don't! You can get it done for less, and more to your own specs.

I was fortunate to find Mitch Bentley of Atomic Fly Studios in Harrisburg. I won't go into the cost, but it was less, and he's done fixes and revisions at no additional charge. Thankful I am to him, and his patience; he had more than me at times.

You can submit your own, suffice to say. The proofing and other examinations required do take time, but not that much. Make sure your work is ready to go, and that you are not jumping the gun.

There will be false starts, hangups and holdups, but it's all geared toward getting your work as good as possible.

Now one thing you need to know about the POD thing: it does look quite good once you get it together. Word of advice: do not use unusual or way-out fonts. Createspace does not generally go beyond specific ones, but you can find what you need to make your work stand out.

The book form of "Parasite Girls" has pretty fair-sized type, so if you have vision issues this will suit you. The final count was 256 pages, about 69-thousand words. Standard sized for a novel, and I have to say, to hold it in your hands is rather cool.

My initial rush came in November when the ebook went out; a great feeling. The book is even better.

So now the fun begins of promoting. Since I don't have a PR person or the money to do this, I'm on my own. I'll be plugging away with that, and hopefully there will soon be another public reading.

The one in December was sparsely attended, the whole event was, but that's how it goes. For me, I had a good dry run and that is for me instructive. Lots more to do in that line, and I'm finding ways to get the book out there.

I will have at least one radio interview in the near future, and there will be other things I'll do to get the interest stimulated.

I'm finally an author. OK, so some big publisher didn't sign me and I'm not a fixture in the windows of bookstores (yet)...so what?

The landscape and business has changed. It is more difficult on a lot of fronts, but you can be creatively free.

That leads me to give you a stern piece of advice: when you think you have the book ready, YOU DON'T.

Why? You need a professional editor/proofreader. One you do NOT know; one who knows what's what with books, and what makes the English language go. Get one who is reputable and has a track record. You will learn a lot.

I have learned that my writing style has changed a great deal over the years, and in looking back I see the improvements needed.

I do not stop writing. I have finished a new book, "A Moment in the Sun," and I am working on editing that. The book is Young Adult, but has some serious matter for people of all ages. I examine the hikikomori, or as I call them in the story, the "Dwellers." 

Nearly one million people in Japan alone (many men, but some women) do not leave their rooms. They are not agoraphobic, it's something else. We all know someone of this kind of recluse, and I've been one on a lower level. I examine different parts of my life, and have added them what I hope will be compelling work one day.

My follow up work for 2014 boils down to one of two works: "Time the Healer," a YA story that is long, serious and at times harsh. Or "The Drifters," a more adventurous and fanciful tale. 

What to do, what to do? Think I'll need someone to look at these and say which is a good follow up, or a good first step into YA, which is what I primarily write.

I have other adult or straight fiction, but not ready. Suffice to say, I'm not done. I will put out my own work and do my best with it. Eventually, more things will break from this, I am certain.

You can see little bits of the here and there of my writing at www.behance.net/torygates -- I'll add more things and change stuff around as time goes by. There is a lot more to do, and I cannot stop this process. The creative one has been hot for nearly six years, and I am enjoying it thoroughly. I do not enjoy some of what it does to me, but that's gonna happen regardless.

So...I am hopeful that 2014 is better for you, and that we all carry on in the right directions.

Peace, Out.

Updates, and New Steps Forward

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? An awful lot has occurred since my last post, and I'll try to keep it concise. I'm not very good at that, as my posts are all one draft, not the edited, sculpted crafted work that is my writing.

"America Drinks and Goes Home" is going thorugh my iTunes and headset. Jean-Luc Ponty's version...my old school friend Jeremy sent me two boxes of CD's after he burned everything to computer...thank you, for turning both me and my friend Alice onto him. "King Kong," for those who don't know is Ponty's album of mostly Frank Zappa compositions. Works for what I'm doing here.

So...first a brief medical update: on the 1st, I underwent minor surgery to repair the old cyst issue in my leg which I wrote of earlier. The sebaceous cyst on my jaw is gone, and the one on my back is gone, kind of.

These things are not cancerous or dangerous, just there. The one on my back was the largest my surgeon had ever seen. The healing process is a long one, because it must heal from the inside out. So it's keep it clean, keep it bandaged, and stay outta the pool. I will not bore or gross you out further; I'm okay.

Now: it's time to shamelessly plug things!

https://www.facebook.com/ToryGatesMedia?ref=hl

The above is my new Facebook page: Tory Gates Media is a hub, which will direct you to the various places that you shall find my work. This includes the ReverbNation page of the Dharma Fools, and this:

http://www.behance.net/torygates

Behance is a site that is primarily used by graphic designers, so far as I can tell, but I fell in love with the site. Here you will find audio tracks from music projects (more as time goes on, bear with me), snippets of audio projects specifically for radio (in particular, WITF, Radio PA and others), and my writing.

Up at this point are rough cut openings for "Parasite Girls," "The Drifters" and "Time the Healer." I am very interested in what people think of these. As I say, apart from "PG" they are works in progress. I shall put up more as time goes by.

I appreciate the feedback, good or bad. I need to know. I am thankful to friends interested in the Young Adult and Anime worlds who have taken the time to check my stuff out. Their thoughts are constructive and useful.

This is a long, slow haul and an exercise in patience. I was talking with a friend recently, and at times you get a feeling that you've been braked to a stop. It's like, okay, I've done all this, but I don't feel like I'm moving at all.

Sometimes you have to take a break, stop, etc. Not much you can do at times, but you also have to know the limits, and that sort of thing.

So that is where we are: now, one last thing:

I have noticed in recent weeks, that a blog post I wrote over a year ago is getting slow, but steady traffic. It is the one I wrote about Post-Zoloft Withdrawal--the title included Psychosis, and that was partly a dark attempt at a joke. 

In my life, and my family's that took a pretty dark turn recently.

I am interested that so many people are still reading that blog about what happened to me when I went cold turkey on the Big Z. I think it's time to write the "Year After" blog, and I will do that soon. It has been a rough year at times, but in other ways it has been better.

I hope it will help.