The Service Machines, and "We Are All Whores..."

Greetings, for the first time in a while. The sun has finally shone again for what feels like ages, and from mountains of melting snow and ice I think we're going to see our way out of all this.

https://www.facebook.com/tory.gates/media_set?set=a.10151892746485787.1073741827.552340786&type=3

Want to see pictures and video? Go there...

...so what has been happening? Well, I'm slowly getting back to work. My training with Tango Traffic is complete, and I'm now working weekends and fill-in, generally for northern cities.

www.tangotraffic.com is the site: that's a basic listen of what we do for major cities. The format is not much different than what I did for XM Radio, but the company is delivering this content in localized and specialized ways. I can't really tell you all the details, because I don't know them. Suffice to say, the vision is for something a little bit different. Tapping another market, so to speak.

I like the people I work with...just about every one of us has been in the business for some time...some of us, decades, and I mean decades. I'm back aboard with a couple of my former XM compadres, and everyone seems to know everyone from somewhere. Radio, and broadcasting in general is like a small town.

Now this is out in the Philly suburbs, and it's a drive on Route 30. I have considered moving, but I am not sure I will. See the link above? Why would I leave that?

Yes, getting up and down that hill in winter is dangerous...why I didn't buy a Jeep I don't know, but whatever. The drive is no longer than some I made in the past. From that place to DC? Even longer. It worked out that it became a best option.

This also lets me remain in this area, and I can keep my hand in the business around here. I will still do work for the Radio PA Network, and whatever else I can find and fit in. Needless to say, the Tango money is way better. But I don't just do it for money; this is what I do. We all find ways to stay in this business, and no matter what role we've got, we give it our best.

Besides, this beats working!

Now how about this:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1494401975/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1494401975&linkCode=as2&tag=coverscroll-20

"Parasite Girls" is selling slowly, across the Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords and other platforms, but I do not mind so much. I'm working on getting it out there. I have it in a few indie stores, most of them in the York area. I have also donated copies to the York and Dauphin County Library Systems. I even got one in the Varnum Library, in my old hometown in Vermont!

Suppose I could blanket more, but I have to select my targets. Made a trip yesterday to Lancaster to try and get some action there. Some places just don't do "new" books, and others have to also choose carefully. I did have a nice talk with the manager of the bookstore at Franklin & Marshall College. She might just take it, I gotta hope. 

Never been to the campus, and my short walk across it was interesting. Reminded me of days of walking across St. Joseph's...didn't feel much different.

Now...what is coming next? I hope to do more readings, once I get my schedule straightened out. And this:

https://www.behance.net/torygates

Selected bits of future projects are here...what one will I do next? Hmmm...

Not sure at this point, because I need to give a push to "Parasite Girls," as far as I can this year. But also get ready for the follow-up. 

My wish is to make my next one a first step into the Young Adult world. I will not be kept to one genre, no need to do that. I have to figure out which story fits, which story works, and so forth.

Either way, I'm having fun.

http://www.genedante.com/

At the bottom, click on the "Play" thingie, and listen:

If that song does not blow you the fuck away, I don't know what will. "We Are All Whores" is a great song that is direct in a way so many pop songs today are not.

Gene is an old and dear friend...we did Rocky Horror together in the 90's, and this guy was the one out of all of us that had the talent to take it wherever he wanted to go. His band has done some great music over the years, and I'll explain why I am plugging it.

I may be back in the writing and critiquing business for this part of PA. I was a music critic for years for the old FACE Magazine. Didn't always know what I was doing, because in writing that was an ongoing exercise. 

A certain publication might be taking me on, and I have a new way to serve the public around here, yet again. I hope. 

One thing you need to remember, folks: CRITICS (AND/OR REVIEWERS) ARE JUST PEOPLE WITH AN OPINION. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BELIEVE EVERY FUCKING THING THEY SAY.

I tended to not often agree with the writers of Rolling Stone or other publications about what they thought of music, bands, etc. We all have our views and we have a right to those views. We just have to remember a couple of things: THE OPINON IS LIKE AN ASSHOLE. WE ALL HAVE ONE.

Now, the other one is very hard for my colleagues in the media to figure out: JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE WRITING THE STORY DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE STORY.

I cringe when I listen to or watch people in the media (sports media, in particular) go on about some subject, when you know it's really all about them. Their views, their authoritative blatherings and rantings about what makes this good/bad, etc. And of course, what must we do about this...

Small-town and syndicated columnists are even worse. To get paid, they have to write the most ridiculous, inflammatory and downright hateful garbage. This is how they get attention. 

We don't need that kind of attention. I don't want it.

Look, if I write something nice about someone, or I criticize somebody's work, I'm not trying to kiss up/start a fight. Just opinion. You do not have to believe it.

But look at how we are...talk radio, scream TV, Internet mania, anti-social media...we believe every goddamn thing we hear/read, don't we?

I'm using this potential gig as a means to say to you: we are all here trying to get along, get forward, get going. At least I am...if you want to wallow in your private universe, and regurgitate everything you read/see/hear from what comes out of the radio, the TV, the net...go ahead. Don't expect me to give you the time of fucking day. I don't have time.

I have work to do. This is my role; I write, I create, I offer my services in the best way possible. I am a service machine; I admit it. I do my own original things, but I also can do things that I hope make a difference, even if that difference is just a miniscule blip on your radar screen.

I want it to help. 

I am not interested in being a talking head, where the head does all the talking and no thinking exists. I do not care to be a crotch-grabbing loudmouth pumping up the virtues of the local sports team, at the behest of whomever. 

None of that makes sense to me...I've lived it, seen both ends of it. At this stage of my life, if being a traffic reporter (as I was for several years before) makes a difference to a commuter, then good. I did something good, and right.

With regards to "Parasite Girls," I have received two positive reviews on one of its aspects, mental illness. Both have told me I hit on the issue correctly, and well. That's great news...I drew on the experience of those around me, and my own issues, to try and make it work.

The whole damn thing works, I know it does.

So you see, why I'm like this. I do not expect you to believe anything I say, or write, or whatever. Understand this exercise helps me do what I have to do to survive. I don't blog much, because I don't have time. Not for you, but I just have better things to write, to work on, and I have to be on the go.

The other point, in using Gene's title is this...we do get off on our attention, don't we? We're all human, we all do it. Sometimes, it's good to have a little of that.

I was relieved, and happy to hear a family member and a friend say what needed to be said about "Parasite Girls." 

I did something right. Nice feeling.

See ya.

One Year On, Two Years On...& the Question of the Use

I do wish for a bit better feeling than the one I have going right now. As it stands, I can look back from the end of July and see some definite steps forward, and really positive ones at that. But I still don't feel it.

Two years ago, I gave up smoking (read this as, buying $7 packs and sucking 'em down in two days...I now bum on occasion) and went back to the gym. Well, I've never really been in a gym, per se...but I went back to trying to get myself into some kind of condition, and I have to say I rather like what happened there.

I am not a weightlifter, and I have no interest in it. I primarily swim, and except for the past month as I recover from Giant Cyst Removal (you DO NOT want to know more or see pictures), I've been hitting the pool and the sauna. I meditate in the latter, and do whatever it is they say you do, when it's your body and your weight is being moved, worked, etc.

Result? I am 27 pounds lighter than when I started. I was never overweight, but the muscle is back, and I feel better than I have in about 20 years. I have not grown tired of it, though I do get pissed that I have to be very careful about this ice cream scoop sized hole in my lower back. It is healing though, so all good.

Now, about one year and a little more away from something else: Zoloft. I noted in my last blog that one of my writings, about "Post-Zoloft Psychosis" is still getting regular reads. People seem to be wanting to find out about it, and how it is going.

Well, here's where that lies: after about 14 months off the little blue pills, I find that life has returned to a semblance of "normalcy." But I am NOT normal...normal sucks, normal is boring, normal is far too mundane. Especially where I live.

I'm sorry...but you know what, Pennsylvania? With rare exceptional cases, we could lop off Pittsburgh, Philly and a portion of Harrisburg, and we could say you live in 1954. One of my old colleagues liked to gripe that the vast majority of Pennsylvania thinks, "Kennedy is still president."

No...it's Eisenhower. Hate to say that, but a lot of folks really do live in the past around here. I won't get into the political/religious/social whatever's about it, but you know what? The world has changed, beyond your door, beyond the county line, and even the state line. 

For all the people who sit glued to their iPhones, laptops, i-This and i-That (I admit, it seems my laptop and I are connected, too), there is still a non-nostalgic view of life. Instead of looking back, you still live it! The "Way it Used to Be" is OVER!

Now, that is an example of what I feel, post-Zoloft. My feelings are returning. They were always there, but I will tell you this: they are heightened once more. Not in a bad way (most of the time), but they are there, and they do again exist.

For the most part, my everyday life is all right. I do still feel the highs and lows, ecstatic and crushing respectively, and they are not always fun. I do not have delusional behavior, such as certain people do suffer when in the throes of the higher aspects--you will be relieved to know I do NOT consider myself a deity, an enlightened being or someone who lives with a view that I am a cut above. 

I am Me. Deal with it; I have to every day.

The upper and lower case emotions, feelings, etc. are 95% of the time pretty much okay. These are no different than what any person deals with; so I think for the most part what I am contending with is mild in comparison.

The darker side of it is not always so accommodating, however. There are days, were it not for the sun coming right through my bedroom window (and my cats jumping on me to alert me that the food dishes are empty), I might not get up in the a.m. Sometimes that move out of bed is near-impossible.

I write of this in my forthcoming novel, "Parasite Girls." One of the characters, Sora suffers from Bipolar Disorder, and we have talked of this here. I have a relative whom I shall not name, who is in the throes of it. 

You want to know how bad it is? In a black mood, she physically attacked her husband...she was at Maximum Rage (and I honestly don't think she realizes what she is doing)...he locked himself in a bathroom to let her run...she went THROUGH the door to get at him.  Yes, THROUGH it.

So, there's a pretty good example of the extreme side of these illnesses and disorders. My own dark side is a sight more laid back than that, but it has its moments.

When I feel the tension building inside, it does so slowly, and I've been able to kind of detect it and defuse it. Not always so easy, though; it can be black, and not fun. There are triggers, and each of us has to figure them out.

So far, I have done pretty well at it, but again there are times when I will admit I am not the person you want around when it's going down. 

I will also tell you I am not the person you want near you when you're having your own bad day. Sometimes, I just don't want to hear it. Not saying mine is worse than yours, but it feels that way.

The let-down where I begin to move in the darker direction usually comes from exhaustion, lack of sleep, lack of food, and so forth. I try to obey the law of nature when it comes to me. That sometimes does not put me on the same "clock" as the average person.

Tension again comes when I move too fast, or try to "multi-task." I have since learned that multi-tasking is the WORST FUCKING THING any of us can do!

Everybody says it's hip to be a multi-track minded person...NO. I used to be good at it; I could think on different tracks and projects, and juggle the plates well.

Not anymore. Age is part of it, but also my capacity for juggling is not there any longer.  I am not a person who has to focus 100% on one thing and one thing only, don't get me wrong. It's not OCD stuff; I just have to do things a little differently.

Story of my life right there.

What comes along with the body again making the stuff that the Big Z no longer does? Well, mine did start producing Serotonin (I think that's what it is) again after years of not having to or being able to. I am for the most part feeling okay with my body doing the things it does.

I have to add to it--my physical activity is a part of the well-being, that is for certain. It needs to be done. 

My diet is vegetarian, but believe me I'm not a flesh-of-dead-animals nut! What you eat is your own damn business. This works for me.

Ah...you know this fits into what I want to talk about next...wait for it...

SOCIAL MEDIA.

Yeah...we are connected to it aren't we? I admit as much as the next person. I am not one of those people that's against it, but I'm seeing over the years just how that can be death of you. The things you say, post, etc?

Learning that lesson, believe it.

My Facebook Newsfeed is interesting...I will tell you a lot of people that are my friends are NOT on it, because of the content and the stuff that people consider newsworthy to put up there. I admit...I confess...I put shit up there that most of you would scratch your heads and say, "Wha....?"

I'm working on it...each day I try to work on everything, I really do.

Now...one thing that may have estranged me from "friends," is the perception, and it is often incorrect, of when a person posts something...what is the intent behind it?

A joke? A deeply-held political view? An emotion that must be released, right this second? Or how about this one...ARROGANCE?

I am pretty sure that I'm wrong, but some of the things people put up make me feel like if you said that to my face, I'd be like...WTF?!?

I try not to even look anymore. So what else does this say?

Even with a bright sunny day and less humid, oppressive weather, I cannot feel that good about it. Some days I get it, and it's alright. Others, not so much.

As I write, a letdown is coming, and I try to not think too much about what it is doing to me. You don't need drugs to feel this way...some of us are to quote George Carlin, "paranoid on (our) own."

This is the world I live in. It's not a terribly depressing place on its own, but has its moments. I do my best, each day. I am not a devotional person, meaning I do not feel the need to ritualize my life. There are things I do, on my time that work when they do. I do not expect things to be handed to me; I do what I need to, in order to make those things happen, but it's nice when the universe is cool and lets you see something that says to you, you're doing it right.

Just as I've said, these blogs are not edited, hardly. I don't go back and check for grammar or any of that. You get Me, in the raw unadulterated form when I write on this blog. If anything, I am honest, heh.

NOW...a little shameless plugging:

http://www.behance.net/torygates

Again, on this page you will find a proof of Chapter 1 of "Parasite Girls." The update is thus: Mitch Bentley of Atomic Fly Studios is working on the cover, and soon I hope that we shall have something to share as we get ready for the launch. 

There are also audio tracks from my radio work (my prime income source for the moment), plus other writings, and bits. Hope you'll take the time to check them out.

Each day is a day, and you do what you can with each one. To borrow another colleague's phrase, "That's it, that's all."

Updates, and New Steps Forward

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? An awful lot has occurred since my last post, and I'll try to keep it concise. I'm not very good at that, as my posts are all one draft, not the edited, sculpted crafted work that is my writing.

"America Drinks and Goes Home" is going thorugh my iTunes and headset. Jean-Luc Ponty's version...my old school friend Jeremy sent me two boxes of CD's after he burned everything to computer...thank you, for turning both me and my friend Alice onto him. "King Kong," for those who don't know is Ponty's album of mostly Frank Zappa compositions. Works for what I'm doing here.

So...first a brief medical update: on the 1st, I underwent minor surgery to repair the old cyst issue in my leg which I wrote of earlier. The sebaceous cyst on my jaw is gone, and the one on my back is gone, kind of.

These things are not cancerous or dangerous, just there. The one on my back was the largest my surgeon had ever seen. The healing process is a long one, because it must heal from the inside out. So it's keep it clean, keep it bandaged, and stay outta the pool. I will not bore or gross you out further; I'm okay.

Now: it's time to shamelessly plug things!

https://www.facebook.com/ToryGatesMedia?ref=hl

The above is my new Facebook page: Tory Gates Media is a hub, which will direct you to the various places that you shall find my work. This includes the ReverbNation page of the Dharma Fools, and this:

http://www.behance.net/torygates

Behance is a site that is primarily used by graphic designers, so far as I can tell, but I fell in love with the site. Here you will find audio tracks from music projects (more as time goes on, bear with me), snippets of audio projects specifically for radio (in particular, WITF, Radio PA and others), and my writing.

Up at this point are rough cut openings for "Parasite Girls," "The Drifters" and "Time the Healer." I am very interested in what people think of these. As I say, apart from "PG" they are works in progress. I shall put up more as time goes by.

I appreciate the feedback, good or bad. I need to know. I am thankful to friends interested in the Young Adult and Anime worlds who have taken the time to check my stuff out. Their thoughts are constructive and useful.

This is a long, slow haul and an exercise in patience. I was talking with a friend recently, and at times you get a feeling that you've been braked to a stop. It's like, okay, I've done all this, but I don't feel like I'm moving at all.

Sometimes you have to take a break, stop, etc. Not much you can do at times, but you also have to know the limits, and that sort of thing.

So that is where we are: now, one last thing:

I have noticed in recent weeks, that a blog post I wrote over a year ago is getting slow, but steady traffic. It is the one I wrote about Post-Zoloft Withdrawal--the title included Psychosis, and that was partly a dark attempt at a joke. 

In my life, and my family's that took a pretty dark turn recently.

I am interested that so many people are still reading that blog about what happened to me when I went cold turkey on the Big Z. I think it's time to write the "Year After" blog, and I will do that soon. It has been a rough year at times, but in other ways it has been better.

I hope it will help.

Boston...Breathe...

I feel very unable to do much of anything right now.  

I was driving home from a workout when WITF/NPR reported what was going on.  I will not say I could not believe it; because I could.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-22160978

The link is BBC America's live coverage and it is working.  Local service in Boston is pretty much shut down, and sites are jammed.  Sites here in America have their issues with it as well.

So far, the Beeb is doing a very calm, measured job at covering the matter.  We are hearing from reporters and others at the site, and what strikes me about it is how calm people are.  They are not putting distraught people on the air for maximum whatever.

I won't give you figures, because they are going to change.  I do hope there are no more than the two deaths reported.

I felt a strange feeling of dread all day; things were just strange.  I had no idea why.

I am a native of New England, and I lived in Boston for nearly ten years.  I know Boylston Street, the site of the explosions very well.  I walked and/or drove down that street many times, though I never was there for the marathon events.

Today, for those who don't know is Patriots Day.  It is a Massachusetts state holiday; the Marathon runs, the Red Sox play an game at Fenway Park with an 11 am first pitch.  It is supposed to be a day of celebration.

From my own experience of being in newsrooms when things like this happen, believe me when I say that the media (at least...the media I WAS TRAINED FOR) does NOT want to report these things.  

I cannot speak for the new generation of alleged media, and those who have replaced many of my colleagues and me in newsrooms and out there in cyberspace.

I have seen the footage, and honestly?  The marathon has been considered a target for a long time; the one in NY and in Boston as well.

From what I have heard and seen, it appears security was in force and reacted quickly and professionally.  For them, we can be grateful.

I feel I can do nothing but take to the blog and write how I feel, and hopefully I can put this in the right words.

We will find out soon enough who is/was involved.  I cannot say for domestic networks, because I am not monitoring them.  The BBC has made a good point of not racing down a darkened corridor screaming bloody murder about Al Qaeda, terrorists, etc.

The discussion is on about how well coordinated the explosions are or were.  Hard to say at this point, but that two went off very close to one another.  I have no idea.

One thing, too:  they are giving equal weight to domestic terrorists, as well as foreign ones.  

Facebook friends, many of them are reporting they are okay, even though friends of mine were close to the blast site.

In the wake of this, I know what's going to happen...there is going to be a gigantic screamfest.

I have a pretty good idea of which media in Boston will do what.  Suit to be followed around the country, if not the globe.

This is a time when I have nothing to do, except this:  let's hope for the best for those up there, and if we can do something to help, then we must do it.

Please think before you post on Facebook, Twitter or social media.  Please do not spew emotional hatred when you don't have the facts.

I don't have any.  You don't have any.

We'll find out soon enough.

This time, it's really hit home for me.  Great sadness for those involved; let us let the authorities do their jobs.  Say what you will about the Boston police, I have friends on the force.  They do their best under difficult circumstances.  

Stay cool.  Breathe.

We can never be 100% safe, but we must not waste our lives looking over our shoulders, afraid the whole world is out to get us.  Too many people do that.  We need not be that way.

We also find a need to point fingers, and attack.  Do not be a part of it.

A friend of mine made an interesting point:  what "friends" post and write on Facebook may not make them friends of hers anymore.  

Harsh?  Don't know.  I've nullifed the newsfeeds of so many people who are friends, because I will not let social/political views ruin what positives we do share.

Still...makes you think.

I'm lighting incense and candles tonight for my friends, fellow Bostonians and the visitors to a great city.  

Peace, Out.

The Post-Zoloft Withdrawal, and Gut-Wrenching Psychosis (of Others)...

"Now you're time has come...I'm gonna cut you...Like I should've done...A long time ago........"


Penelope Houston's "Cut You" is a fabulous 90's record that went under the radar back in the day.  Great voice and wit.


Yes, this day is the day for me to fire off a missive about many different things.  I just left my doctor's office, where I reported my self-imposed takedown of the Big Z.  


Ten weeks without the compression drug.  Needless to say the first four weeks of withdrawal were enough to make me a wreck; there have been varied schools of thought about how long it would take to get 12 years' reside of the little blue pills out of my system.  The doc says it's definitely long gone.


It was not a fun period, at least the start of it.


"Criminal," the Pretenders, from that unplugged album of theirs.  Never been a huge fan of them, but it's pretty good.


How do I feel?  Well, I do feel much more like myself.  I have had friends say my color has returned, and that I seem more alive on varied levels.  I do feel that way, but the anxiety and stress levels are nowhere near what I thought they would be.


I still have issues that involve stress, which I'll get to in a second.  I wish to perhaps again pimp a new book, "Coming of Age on Zoloft," by Kathleen Sharpe; she writes for Psychology Today, and the book chronicles her being arbitrarily put on the Big Z while in college.  I think Sharpe suffered from some definite depression in her high school and college years, based on her very frank descriptions and assessments.  There I think was some OCD component, but beyond that I can't really say.


Her experience and that of the individuals she interviewed for the book show a cross-section of people who for as many different reasons ended up on Zoloft, Effexor or any of these other meds.  


The book is NOT an attack on the medical profession, nor is it a slur on the use of the meds...just a good report on the loss of the plot.


"Common Ground," Midnight Oil.  Superb song...Peter Garrett has gone on to represent Australia very very well in Parliament, but I miss him.  He's also a great interview and a really nice guy.


Doctors have admitted this...it became far too easy to hand over the pills and send people on their way.  Moneywise, doctors admit in a number of cases they can bill and make more by handing out the drugs than actually doing therapy and treatment.


What's wrong with this picture, folks?


My physician said that the main aim has been to get people off stuff, if they can tolerate it.  In each person, it's very different.  It also has to do with the ingrained anxieties and issues.


As she said, paraphrasing, when you're crying nonstop and can't stop, or you are so anxious and freaked out that you can't function, treatment has to be looked at.


In answer to my question, she's seeing a lot more depression and anxiety cases.  Much of it is tied to the economy, and the loss of jobs, etc.  Logical; money makes shit like that come down.  I wondered if even before the downturn, were we seeing more of it.


If you for example feel really down, and really depressed, and there's no reason for it, why is that happening?  That is hard to say, again we're so different.  I went through nearly 35 years of it, nonstop.


"Why Did You," Sass Jordan.  Another of the female singers still with us that didn't get the attention she should have.


I do not believe the purists who bitch about how over-medicated we are, because they apparently are all so very happy in their unhappy, grumpy world.  It's true, though a lot of us may well be.


My specialist was the one who suggested Zoloft for me; I at that point in my life felt this was the first medical professional I could talk to about a very serious depression that was leading me to think about some heavy plans to get out of this world.  Not fun.


I don't regret any of it; it kept me together, smoothed out the moods for the most part, and let me live my life.  I've changed.


And we do change a lot.  I'm older, my body has changed and my mind has changed.  Right now, I feel healthier than I have in more than a decade.  That's due to my choices, most of them anyway.


I still do have issues.  Anxiety, guilt, stress, an occasional hyper-awareness.


"Ain't That a Lot of Love," Fabulous Thunderbirds...there we are.


Now, I do think a fair number of people out there do need a little help now and then, and there's no shame in that.


There are however people whose internal chemistry, and the circumstances of their lives where's it's different.  Some serious cases do need meds, plus monitoring.  We can't just decide one way is the only way.


I don't even know what my way is.  I think that changes, too.


I still have stress in certain areas.  Mechanical devices seem to not like me.  I don't think I can use a copier once without it jamming or having a malfunction.  Happened yesterday; making copies at WITF and I'm up to my elbows in trying to figure out how to get that piece of paper out of the top drawer mechanism when you can't physically touch it.


Exasperating; and it's bad form to just walk off and leave it.  Cary Burkett walked into the room for coffee while I was doing this, and we said hello and exchanged pleasantries.  I then muttered, "I hate these things."


He laughed.  We both did.


"Blue Harvest Blues," Mississippi John Hurt.  iTunes shuffle iz good.


Computers...there's another one.  My friend Alice points out that patience is not a good thing with me in certain areas.  True; I can be patient in some ways, not in others.


Now, how about the second half of my title?  The giant metal claws that pop out of some people's fingers and then reach within and start digging and twisting one's self inside and out keeps happening, and I'm watching the sometimes infantile activity take people out of the picture.


"Watching Over You," Mick Fleetwood Band.  I think Rick Vito is singing on this.


This has been on my mind for some months...consider this:  


When you write an email, or post a message/reply on Twitter or Facebook, etc., do you catch the meaning behind the words?  The intent?


I don't always.  Neither do others.


Words are such an interesting and fun thing; we can do so much with them, but as George Carlin used to say, we also use them to hurt.  Not always with bad intent, but we do it.


We also use them for opinions, and those opinions I find become incendiary.  I know I'm guilty of this, as much as the next person:  we over-react.


Then, as Jim Rome likes to say about certain relief pitchers, out comes the gas can and the blue tips.  


FLAME WARS!


We argue over the dumbest things, don't we?  Politics, religion, whether the sky is really blue, and like that.


Opinions are like assholes, we all got 'em.  Why is it when someone actually has an opinion and someone counters it, do one side (or both) go mad?


Then it gets mean...name-calling, accusations, more and more arguing.  We're fighting over an opinion, folks.


Oh but that' right it's also the battle for supremacy, and righteousness.  You get pulled into the game; you must get the last word or you have lost.


Actually, I don't think so.  It is at times best to do nothing at all.


"How Long Blues," Eric Clapton version.


Of course someone's gonna tub thump and proclaim victory by saying they were right all along because they got the last word or wasted hours by dissembling every word to prove they were right.


Time to get a life...I have one, and I'm not being arrogant about it.  I write this blog not to make people mad, but because I like to.  I like to write about the things that interest me, and if you actually can think about this, then good.  I didn't say you had to agree with me.


"You and Me," Mick Ronson...sad loss to rock n' roll.


I suppose living as I do; barely employed, working to keep my sanity, keeping the projects running this way leaves me somewhere.  I don't know where.


The point I make is:  each day of my life, I have do SOMETHING.  I have to do something positive; it can be working out, editing or writing one of my works, cleaning my house, whatever.  As long as I did something of value this day, either for me or for another, then I have done my job.


There are days I don't.  I try not to worry too much about that.  I am more aware that more than half my life has passed.  What have I left behind?


To borrow a phrase, "What indeed?"


"Hangdog Hotel Room," Gordon Lightfoot.


I do feel remorse if I have wronged someone, and I wish to make right those things I've fucked up.  Often, I feel forgiveness is impossible to attain no matter what I do.


I can't back down from what I know is true, but the pull of the other makes me think.  From some I feel, nothing I do will ever be enough.  I will go from what I once was to them, to someone beneath contempt.


I have to live with that; and realize that if they're going to decide I'm a terrible, awful person, then that's their perception.


Maybe they need a bit of mood stabilization.


Now and then, I find I ask myself:  "Am I this horrible person?  Am I really so unapproachable?"


No.


Definitely not.  I'm a person.  If people are put off by my hair, my spiritual leanings, my politics or whatever, then too bad.  I'm not arrogant, just realistic.


"When Somebody Thinks You're Wonderful," Clapton.  Skipping...not one of Eric's better efforts.


"Milk Train," Graham Parker.  Much better!


We do tend to destroy one another, though; we shit on and tear people down because it suits us in the moment.  We make a point, we think we win.


I make jokes all the time about stuff, but do you think I hate people?  Not at all.  Hate is a useless emotion; I see too many people use it.  Just look at the comment section of any website.


People have nothing better to do than spew it, just to start a fight.  


Collective madness, perhaps?  


I'm not sure where this is all going, but we need to again think a little.  I'm sorry if people don't get it, or this, or whatever, but this is where I'm at right now.


Crossroads, maybe?


Could be...we all have one.  I for one do NOT believe 2012 is the end of the world or any of that.  I do not think we're headed for a full meltdown of the entire world, but if something does happen, we survive.  We adapt.  Or you hope we do.


Gotta go...more to do.  In future, we may be transferring the blog over to Wordpress, so I'll let you know where it goes.  


"This is no social crisis, this is you havin' fun..."