2015, and the Next Time Around

Well, I'm probably not going to offer you any Earth-shattering stuff this time, and I largely detest year in review laundry lists. I'm trying to think exactly what I should say as I look back at my 50th year.

My half-century has been a good one, not always great but I can't complain too much. If anything, I've advanced in a few ways, and I'm finally starting to see things come to fruition, which is pretty cool.

So, let's see...1st things first, radio survivor. After nearly two years at Tango/GeoTraffic Network, I finally left when the place I really wanted to work and end my career at had something open up.

It's like this: I am Morning Desk Anchor for the Radio Pennsylvania Network, which means you hear me delivering the updates in the AM drive our network of stations all across the commonwealth. There's a lot more that goes into it than you can imagine.

I get up at 2 am (boo!), but I get out of there like before 9. That's pretty awesome. The work in itself is involved, and there's steps, and there's a lot to keep your mind on. After some rough spots, I'd like to think I've figured out how to do it and hopefully do it well.

Now to explain...WITF (the NPR/PBS) affiliate in Harrisburg, does own Radio PA, but we are a separate entity. Works well. I'm with the same people I've been around nearly six years, a short ride to work, a building that's nice, equipment that works (and gets fixed if it's not--CONCEPT!)...all good.

This is my last stop in my radio career. I want to end it here. That's it. I've done everything else I set out to do, now I need to do this. And do it right. Work in progress, but I'm getting better at the new job.

I've my hand in at another place which I've often spoken of by talking about Dante, and you can guess where that goes. But it's life.

Now...how about this...I'm gonna need your help here:

Okay, I don't know why that does not get bigger, but no matter.
It's finally happening. "A Moment in the Sun" comes out on March 1, 2016 on Sunbury Press Books. 

Published, by a real publisher. Ain't that some shit?

This will be available on the Sunbury website, and through indie bookshops (wherever you are, they should be able to get this, if they don't have it in stock...that is something I want to see). I'll be trying to get it into stores on the local level, and also I'll try my best to get it into bigger ones.

Our plan is also to do some appearances around this area, and beyond hopefully. I will be signing and also reading, that's the plan anyway as we carry on with some different ways of making this work.

I'll be asking you when the time comes to forward my message that the book is out on social media. Just one time, I think...I want to get this to as many people as I can, because maybe, just maybe...someone will buy it. And read it. And like it. And lend it. And recommend it.

That'd be nice.

I have much more in the can, and I'll be concerned with getting the next one out much later, but it's there. I am still writing. I am writing new things, I've two new manuscripts this year, I have two or three more I need to write, and I have an idea burning for another.

That's how it goes.

Other writing I do...you can find me on BroadwayWorld.com on occasion, writing features and stuff, and I've had some great conversations with people this year. Some of them individuals I've admired and have incredible respect for.

A lot of Skype chats, that is true, but sitting down in an empty theater after a show, and having a long interview/talk with Joe Ely was probably the highlight of my year. Nicest guy.

Not from that date, just a bit earlier in the year. This type of setup, and format. Way cool.

Back to the radio thing...it's well into my fourth year of hosting a program on the London-based Radio-Airwaves Station...you can find us at www.radio-airwaves.co.uk -- always growing and being different, I'm usually on Sundays, hosting The Music Club, from 3:30 ish to 6 pm Eastern.

I had a slight brush just the other day with melanoma...got it off my face, everything's cool, no cancer, none of that.  My health is good...my mind is somewhat settled after quite a bit of turmoil, and I hope to end the year pretty quietly.

And then make one hell of a noise with that book...this is the best thing I've written, maybe not the most creative, but it's a step forward, and we've got to get it done..

I have to get it done. So admittedly I'm not around that much, but this is what I do and I have to do it.

The future is bright, no matter what your situation may tell you. Find yours, go for yours.

As my friend from XM always liked to say, "Let's make it a good one."

Peace, Out.

50...among other things...

Well, here we are...to borrow a phrase, "So Anyway..."

I have hit the Big 5-Oh. Needless to say, I'm appreciative of the fact that I'm still alive, and by all rights should not even be sitting here writing this. I don't need to go into the gory details of what happened to me 22 years ago, and what left me torn apart inside, minus half of my body's blood, and looking like a death camp survivor. Not to mention two years of really getting my life and health back. You get the picture, I think.

I have a lot to look back upon, and I'm amazed that a half-century has come, but I don't see it as gone so much. This has been quite a journey, and I do not plan to have any end to it for a while.

Longevity runs in the family for the most part, and so I think I have got about 25 more left before this body finally gives up and sends me off. It's been alright; I've made a lot of mistakes, said and done a lot of stupid things, but I'd like to think I have learned enough to be able to say, "Okay, now let's move on."

So where are we now? Well, I have nothing to be sad for or complain about. Despite my ongoing depression issues, and the Black Dog that does tend to rear its vile head in numerous ways, I can say I've won a fair number of those fights.

Look at this: my second book, "A Moment in the Sun" is coming out later this month (I hope). I have written furiously over the past eight years. My 20th (I think) novel, "Live from the Cafe" is almost in the can, and I am working toward the hope of a good relationship with my publisher, Sunbury Press Books. The vision I have for these works could have the psychedelic mishmash of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, with a fair amount of Hunter Thompson. Gotta think of these things, or you will get nailed by them.

I have a 31-year broadcasting career, and I don't plan to retire (again). Tomorrow, I officially go full-time with WITF, Inc. as the Morning Desk Anchor for the Radio Pennsylvania Network. After 5-1/2 years of puttering about the radio, tv and network sides, I'm getting my spot. I don't plan to leave it.

After six years of struggling w/numerous part-time jobs, trying to find a real one (hah!) and writing maniacally all through it, here is where we are now. I have settled a bit; my health is at its best, and I am hopeful now to find the time to finish up everything I am meant to do.

I also have more than 3 years with Radio-Airwaves Station; the UK Internet place where I can play the music I like, and sound like me, and not that horrific creature that sounded like he did numerous lines of coke before opening the mic, standing back and screaming! What the fuck was radio thinking?

We are survivors; there are a few of us left in this business, who give a shit. We do it right. We don't think about our fucking egos, and we don't think about what's going to get us to the network, or in that individual's pants we fancy. Being a part of this is what we do.

And this is what I fucking do.

I admit, I am not normal. I do suffer from mental issues, but I am happy to say I no longer am on medication, and I don't need it. Yes, I do have issues from time to time, but I work on it. 

The best years are coming for me. I may not be married any longer or have kids, but I wasn't meant for that. No offense to Kaitryth; I don't regret one moment of our marriage because it was good, we did our best and I think we both learned an awful lot about each of us, and ourselves.

Add to it, no one gave us more than a year, heh. We beat that.

I'm alive. Last night, I was having those problems again, but somehow I got out of it. I realized I have matured.

"I'M NOT MATURE, I'M JUST DERELICT!" -- thank you, Ray High (from Psychoderelict).

Anyway...it's been one hell of a ride. I've done a lot more than most of us, and I'm not finished. I have a lot of writing to do, music to play, news to deliver, and I plan to live the rest of my life.

So, rhetoric aside: I do not think of 50 years lived, or wasted, or this, or that. I've long given up thinking about stacking up the things society says you're supposed to have by now. I am not in the mood of wanting more, demanding more or trying to take from someone else what isn't mine. What fucking difference does it make?

We do have to make our own way, and I think I've done well enough. It's been a varied life, and as I say, not done yet.

I'm enjoying my half-century. No, I'm not accepting my AARP card, thank you all the same.

I'm not going to be an old fart. I'm not going to sit around and bitch and moan about the good old days, because you know what? They might just be coming. I really think the best years are not here yet. We have a lot to do in this world, and we have to do for ourselves, and hope that the example rubs off.

I said this about my writing: I hope that it at least entertains. I hope that it makes readers think. I hope that it inspires them, but not in a religious way, because that is not my intent. More....look at the weird shit I put my characters through (my own life, and others). You get through that, you can get through anything. 

I should have been dead years ago. I don't thank deities for it, but I do think the life force that rules the universe may have helped a little. We are getting it done. I am getting it done. 

We all will.

Namaste.

Motivation, Madness, the Number 20 and "Drifters"

Greetings once more, blogworld...this is the first time in a while that I have time to write something other than what I am working on, and that is partly due to the inability to get in gear at a time when I must absolutely do it.

Where have I been? Back on the road again for GeoTraffic.com -- after the layoff, I was called back in. Restructuring has gone on, and I am back in action for them. Needless to say, glad to have it, and I think we might just make a significant step in the near future. Gotta be optimistic.

Busy doing my other jobs...Radio PA part of this week, which means getting out of bed at about 1:30 in the morning. Not much different than Geo, because the morning shift for me means getting up at 3:30. And the travel, and all the other stuff.

Writing...okay, recently I hammered out after several false starts a manuscript called, "Night Dawn."

https://www.behance.net/gallery/19966397/Night-Dawn-Chapter-5-Excerpt

It is potentially a young adult novel about one person's struggle through a critical period of teenage life, rife with numerous issues...most of which I experienced myself. Long way to go before that's ready. I had to get it out of me.

20.

I am not completely sure what counts as full and finished...but I may have 20 manuscripts or books written. 

20.

I can't remember if that number includes the horrific sci-fi novel I wrote in the 90's. But...since 2007, that's what I have been doing.

20.

So...what of "Parasite Girls?"

Forgive me, but I am going to say something that needs to be said. If I had a nickel for every single person who told me they were going to buy or download my book...I'd have a very big bag of nickels.

To those who have, THANK YOU. I am appreciative and respectful that you laid your money down for me. I hope the book is worth it to you, and that you at least enjoyed it. I hope you also let others know it was good.

The past year has been a year of learning what NOT to do. I have learned quite a bit about promotion on the fly, and I am going to have to use a very different set of tactics when I get the next one out there.

And yes, the next one, "Drifters: Tales of the Southern Cross" has potential for more than one book, but that's too far down the road. 

https://www.behance.net/gallery/14840009/Drifters-Chapter-9-The-Lonely-Ocean

There is a rough cut of it. I will be editing this fall, Mitch Bentley will be working up his magic for a cover, and I aim to publish again by Amazon.com -- I am not impressed with Smashwords and its lack of action, so I may not go with them for the ebook thing.

This is more of what I write, the young adult world, a bit of fantasy, fiction, non-fiction, travel, and yes, madness. I'm good at the latter.

I am also endeavoring to get another work, "A Moment in the Sun" a read from publishers or agents. This one is young adult/adult fiction...crosses over. Friends have told me this one has something more to it. 

I have to go all out for this...this is what I enjoy doing and what I want to do. The aim has been and still is, to get some of my work out there, get that built up, and then hope by the right time, someone will notice that, "Hey, this guy has something good."

I think I do, anyway.

One thing I've noticed--you still need a big name behind you, you still need a real deal publisher or you will not get much notice. I don't care what anyone says...we all can't get a "Colbert Bump," as a colleague suggested I go for, or have some self-serving twit on TV or wherever touching themselves over you. Doesn't work.

A band can make their own records and tour...but you still have to have support behind the scenes.

I am if anything, a stubborn SOB. I don't quit, even when my better judgment says I should.

So yeah...it's a battle. But one that I approach with the idea that at the end of the day, I'm still alive. So I haven't lost.

The one thing I wish I could get is about a month or two where I didn't have to chase money and could seriously map out what I need to do, beyond the writing. So far, I think a lot about it; not much more. 

It will get done when the time is right. Anyway, I need to hit the pool, and get ready for round two of my workday.

Round 3 is at 3:30 am, or as my colleague Tim Lambert says, "Oh-Dark-30."

Check out what I got on Behance...ask me questions, I'll have answers.

Peace, Out.

Updates, and New Steps Forward

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it? An awful lot has occurred since my last post, and I'll try to keep it concise. I'm not very good at that, as my posts are all one draft, not the edited, sculpted crafted work that is my writing.

"America Drinks and Goes Home" is going thorugh my iTunes and headset. Jean-Luc Ponty's version...my old school friend Jeremy sent me two boxes of CD's after he burned everything to computer...thank you, for turning both me and my friend Alice onto him. "King Kong," for those who don't know is Ponty's album of mostly Frank Zappa compositions. Works for what I'm doing here.

So...first a brief medical update: on the 1st, I underwent minor surgery to repair the old cyst issue in my leg which I wrote of earlier. The sebaceous cyst on my jaw is gone, and the one on my back is gone, kind of.

These things are not cancerous or dangerous, just there. The one on my back was the largest my surgeon had ever seen. The healing process is a long one, because it must heal from the inside out. So it's keep it clean, keep it bandaged, and stay outta the pool. I will not bore or gross you out further; I'm okay.

Now: it's time to shamelessly plug things!

https://www.facebook.com/ToryGatesMedia?ref=hl

The above is my new Facebook page: Tory Gates Media is a hub, which will direct you to the various places that you shall find my work. This includes the ReverbNation page of the Dharma Fools, and this:

http://www.behance.net/torygates

Behance is a site that is primarily used by graphic designers, so far as I can tell, but I fell in love with the site. Here you will find audio tracks from music projects (more as time goes on, bear with me), snippets of audio projects specifically for radio (in particular, WITF, Radio PA and others), and my writing.

Up at this point are rough cut openings for "Parasite Girls," "The Drifters" and "Time the Healer." I am very interested in what people think of these. As I say, apart from "PG" they are works in progress. I shall put up more as time goes by.

I appreciate the feedback, good or bad. I need to know. I am thankful to friends interested in the Young Adult and Anime worlds who have taken the time to check my stuff out. Their thoughts are constructive and useful.

This is a long, slow haul and an exercise in patience. I was talking with a friend recently, and at times you get a feeling that you've been braked to a stop. It's like, okay, I've done all this, but I don't feel like I'm moving at all.

Sometimes you have to take a break, stop, etc. Not much you can do at times, but you also have to know the limits, and that sort of thing.

So that is where we are: now, one last thing:

I have noticed in recent weeks, that a blog post I wrote over a year ago is getting slow, but steady traffic. It is the one I wrote about Post-Zoloft Withdrawal--the title included Psychosis, and that was partly a dark attempt at a joke. 

In my life, and my family's that took a pretty dark turn recently.

I am interested that so many people are still reading that blog about what happened to me when I went cold turkey on the Big Z. I think it's time to write the "Year After" blog, and I will do that soon. It has been a rough year at times, but in other ways it has been better.

I hope it will help.

Just in time for Beltane...a new blog!

I never really know what colors are going to work on this thing, and my immediate thought was, "Look what they dun to my blog."


I am not sure I am liking this new configuration.  Just as well...been slowly planning to get things moved over to my new website, once Alice has time to think about it.


Back at the Office after a busy midday..."Woke Up With Wood" by ZZ Top is finishing on the iTunes, and..."Say What!" by SRV follows.  Nice.


Some mid 80's blues/rock, very nice.  


I have been sick for the first time in nearly three years.  Caught a bad-ass virus of some sort, and it thrashed every part of me for about 10 days.  On and off feeling like shit, and whatever it was must have been fucking bad.  Alice tells me that she teched for "Memphis," some stage show and everyone was down with something.  


Lots of lovely herbs and thingies...they're working, better than anything I can think of.  Antibiotics are useless to me; I've only had them like three times in my life and I am allergic to one, but I can't remember which one.  


Anyway, today is the first day in a while that I feel more awake.  My workouts have suffered, and I was down to every couple days because I just could not get myself up for them.  


Got an hour in today, though; bike, sauna, pool and the spa...hit for the cycle I guess.  


Okay, where are we going here?  Yes, it's April 30, and Beltane is tomorrow.  Snuck up on me there...I must do something for it, and I think Jethro Tull's "Beltane" might go along well with that.  It is a great song, bonus track on "Songs from the Wood," I suggest you check it.


Faerie Fest...well, the Dharma Fools were left off the bill once again, but I am not surprised.  They got a very good lineup this year; Wendy Rule, Telesma (despite one of their bandmates suffering a heart attack), and a bunch of other names.  Good for them.


Sorry to say as much fun as the FF is, I have no interest in going this year.  It is not because I am not performing there, either; it's gone by the way for me to some extent.  I also have to work, and that is unavoidable.


Work is the same...I'm job hunting, but would rather stay here.


"Lupita," by Dave Grusin.  A short, but interesting piece.  I snatched this from the prod studios at Clear Channel HBG.


Weekend Warrior work is the same, WITF/KYW on the weekends, plus some Radio PA Network stuff here and there, and 89.5 gives me the call now and again.  CCH the same.  Jobbing about.


"Don't Pass Me By," by the late Sean Costello.  Interesting...sad loss, this man.  Far too young, and his health issues caught up.


Speaking of which...Alice and I had a long talk recently about my meds.  I recently did a double of the Zoloft on the suggestion of my primary care doc.  In the short-term, it worked out, because it calmed me down from a manic period that began to get a little weird.  Losing the plot is not fun.


But there were drawbacks.  Too calm...at times.  My workout energy dropped, and I figured within a month I'd be more attuned to it.  I was, but something's missing.


I then proceeded to literally forget to take it for a couple days over the weekend.  Going off can be dangerous for some people, but I've been able to for a few at a stretch, and I'm okay.  I could feel the mania again a little bit, but not seriously.


I'm trying to go back to the regular dosage right now, and see if that works. Perhaps I can get to where I don't need it anymore.


Now, I'm sure you're wondering how Alice is figuring in on this.  Alice is bipolar, and I've seen her in some of her problem areas.  I have an in-law, an old friend in fact with it, and it's crippling to her at times.  I am not bipolar, but I share some of the symptoms and actions of it.


Alice wondered if getting off it might be better now, because I am older, and my body has changed a lot since then.  She wonders if my guitar playing might become better as a result.


Recently played a little on my own, and could feel some smoothness coming back that I'd not had.  Might be temp., but who knows?  I'll see.


As for the DF's, Dan and I are searching for band members.  No one's been fired, but no one's showing up anymore.  We need the sound and the punch of a band again, and I wish to play more electric.  It's time to push it that way.


Now, here's another thing.  I am considering a move to Harrisburg.  It would mean saying goodbye to my lovely patch of rented land in York, but that house is gonna fall down before long.  I don't have the money to buy it, but I have to talk to the landlady anyways about all that.


"Changes," by Santana...ah, the "Zebop" album.  Good stuff.


Alice and I feel this relationship of ours, strange and dysfunctional as it sometimes is, could work.  I believe it will.  She needs to clear time to get her house worked on...actually, it's her father's, and that is an issue in itself.  But she needs to get rid of the "Hoarders's" candidate material outta there, and do some fixing.


I'm not Bob Vila, I freely admit it, but her ideas are good ones and I think they are the right ones.


We can cut expenses, I'd be spitting distance to WITF and to CC; and I like Harrisburg.  We spent some time at the Reader's Cafe recently, and Alice showed me around the city a little.  Funny, how I've worked there for years and know absolutely nothing about it!


Access to musicians, oh yes...even better.


Oh, now how about the book thing?


Okay...I finished "Time the Healer" on Sunday.  The rough draft is 605 pages long.  Yes.  I have no idea how it got so fucking long.  


It must be cut down, a lot.  I have a lot to do with that.


Now...I am also putting the boot in, regarding a possible effort to get an extract of "Sweet Dreams:  Searching for Roy Buchanan" into print.  Jen, Riz, Alice and whomever else are going to keep hearing from me until we get something down so we can do this!


"My Skin," Natalie Merchant...um...such a beautiful voice and a great lyricist...but I do not need to hear this right now.  Sorry, Natalie...


"Southern Streamline" by John Fogerty.  Better.  I still think he is a dick for the way he's treated his old CCR mates, but that's his problem.


So yeah, a chance at a monthly website, called Front Row Lit or something of the sort...if we can get in there, then we'd be considered for the print version.  


Exciting.  We'll see.


Meanwhile I need to get ready to consider "Time..." and an edit.  I'll get to it eventually.


So yeah, it's been a busy past month or two.  Not exactly making any money, but whatever.  I cannot complain, and the future is feeling like a bright one.  How can it not be?


Too much time is wasted worrying about shit we can't change, WTF is going on with too many other things...I don't have time to listen to people's bitching anymore about things they can't change.  Change yourself for fuck's sake.


That's it...I'm the fuck out.

It has been awhile, hasn't it?

Well, blurkers (a borrowed term from my friend Riz)...here we are in early February, and I return to the blog partly to keep from actually doing something I should be.


Monday has arrived, and with it the potential death of my Gateway computer tower.  Joy...I'm writing as we speak on my MacBook Pro, and glad that I have the big-ass Verizon package so I can snag wifi.


Computers are a weird thing; we need them for so much, and yet we hate them when they break down.  Kind of like cars, when you think about it.


Anyway...where have I been the last several weeks.  Busy in some ways, other ways not.


There's been good news on the health front:  about ten days ago, my doctor gave me a clean bill of health.  Blood pressure, cholesterol, this, that and the other all normal or close to where they should be.


Nice.  My knee is troubling me again, and I'm not sure if it was injured during workouts or what.  I'm having to be mindful of it.


Workoutwise, I am a little slower, due to the meds, but getting used to that.  I'm now feeling after about five months of hard training (for this body) that I'm where I should be. I feel a lot better than I have in years, and the regimen of sauna (love the sweatbox and what it does), swimming and work on the bike seems to be alright for me.


I do not need to be one of the iron slammers; I have the option of doing similar work if it so drives me, but I leave that to the others.


Work is strange; still doing weekends for Radio PA, WITF has now and then work, and Clear Channel is potentially stripping half the baseball season from the producers, because of ideas the Senators have.  Need to wait and see what that does.


I am job hunting, and I did have lines on work back in New England; personally, I'd rather stay here because it negates the need to rip up stakes and move.  If I have to, well, we'll see.


My landlord passed away a couple of weeks ago; Warren Harding was nearly 90.  A really nice guy, and amazingly active up until the past year or so.  He and his wife have been very good to me, and I wonder what the future holds for the Mrs., but I'm not going to be asking questions too much.  Not a good thing to do.


I'm back to writing again...I'd been writing a story called "The Complete Unknowns," but I've changed it.  That title actually belongs to another story outline, which I recently found.  Not sure if I'll use it or not.


The work is now called "Time the Healer," and it fits what I'm driving at in this latest fictional whatever it is.  I would guess I'm halfway done, but changes keep coming; I'm dropping some plot vehicle ideas that are too easy to do, and I can do better than that.


I'm working on getting up a new website, hopefully; I need to do more preparation for when we do get it up there, but we'll have to deal with that when the time comes.


I just finished Stephen King's "On Writing," last night.  My sister gave it to me for Xmas a couple of years ago, but I finally got down to finishing it.  One of those reference works you take in every so often.  I will say it is a fascinating autobio, because now I know where all that weird shit comes from in King's stories!


I was never a fan of his writing; I just flat don't like horror.  "The Shining" was a good book; I read that in high school.  "On Writing" is also most instructive, because King lets you in on his secrets, by and large however they're not.


Writing is something that needs to work for each person that does it; sure, there's things you can learn from the masters, but beyond that you have to use your own imagination and skill and bring it out.


In any case, I rate it highly and suggest anyone considering a writing career of any sort to read and have it.  "Elements of Style," that one, too.  It hasn't changed in 50 years, and it's well worth it.


Okay...I gotta go see about this poor tower.  I'm afraid it may have shit the bed for good; it is about six years old...or is it seven?  I don't remember.  That comes from getting old...heh.

Penn State: the Way of Being, and the Scandal (Part I)

It comes time for me to weigh in on the matter that has taken Pennsylvania, college football and a whole lot more by storm.  By now, even the most casual follower of major college football knows of the scandal that has gripped Penn State University.  The fallout has been tremendous, as was to be expected, but we are seeing much more happening here.  Much more, indeed.

Not so much that such terrible things are alleged to have happened; they unfortunately do in all walks of life, but that they may have happened in a place where such things could never have been conceived.  Add to it, by someone who was so respected, admired and honored as the one who started the terrible process.

It is also about those who chose not to "do the right thing," to cover up, to ignore and pretend it wasn't there, all in the name of protecting "the program."  I admit, a lot of what I will say will be opinion, observation but with a fair amount of reality.  At least I will do my best to dissect what has, and is happening...hopefully what will.

First, we have the man alleged to be the perpetrator, Jerry Sandusky:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Sandusky

I will be the first one to tell you that everything on Wikipedia may/may not be accurate, but this mostly appears to be.

Now, take away the charges and lurid details (more on that later); here's a guy that is a product of Penn State.  He played footbal there, went off to coach, came back and built a solid reputation as a defensive specialist.  For over 30 years, Sandusky served under Joe Paterno, developed very strong defenses, and a string of All-American linebackers, several of whom made to the NFL.  He was Def. Coordinator from 1977-99, when he retired; Sandusky had turned down offers to coach at Maryland, Marshall and elsewhere.  His heart it seemed was with Penn State, and who could blame him?

He founded a home for underprivileged boys called the Second Mile.  Sandusky had a precedent:  when he was nine, his parents lived in Washington, PA; they convinced the local officials to keep a small center for kids in need open.  They moved in above it, saved the place and kept a safe haven for kids.  Sandusky always talked about how that stuck with him, and I honestly believe it did.

Now...forgive my being a cynic, but Second Mile is a rip from the Bible, and that sure plays real well in Pennsylvania, especially up in the North-Central, State College area.  Nothing like working God in there, eh?

Well, for years, it would seem that Sandusky, his wife and all those who helped made the charity a going thing, a multi-million-dollar deal, that gave young kids (boys primarily, I think) a chance they never really had.  Hundreds have been through it, and I'm sure most of them don't have horror stories to tell.

Like these alleged victims do...

http://www.attorneygeneral.gov/uploadedFiles/Press/Sandusky-Grand-Jury-Presentment.pdf

I'm gonna warn you...that official report is not pretty.  We had known for three years that a grand jury had been investigating Sandusky, and reports (sketchy they were) of some rather strange and untoward behavior.

Since grand juries tend to be closed door affairs, we never heard an awful lot, but we heard enough to know there was smoke...a lot of smoke.  You know what comes next, right?

I'll put myself where I was as this all started to go down.  Friday, the shoe dropped, and it was learned that Sandusky, 67 years old, the man long thought to be Paterno's successor had been indicted on the charges described in the above AG's report.  I had not read the report until Saturday, when I was working the weekend shift for WITF and KYW Newsradio.

KYW was covering this as a full blown news story;  the arraignment had taken place Saturday morning.  Radio PA (the WITF-owned network I was working for) had an empty newsroom, but for me that afternoon.  Thanks to my colleagues from the WITF News side, I had material to work with, and I ended up rewriting and recording a couple of pieces for RPA's news.

Now, this was all sickening enough...but into the mix were two superiors:  Athletic Director Tim Curley and VP of Business & Finance Gary Shultz.

Look at the pictures of those guys (clearly from the Penn State site or somewhere they do those standups), and you have Dumb and Dumber.  They too face charges, for the alleged cover-up.

Let's do the skinny on that...it was clear that Sandusky was in trouble from as early as 1994.  In '98, one of these incidents occurred on the Penn State campus; there was an investigation, and University Police (yes, they have their own police force) chose to do nothing more (allegedly) than to warn Sandusky and they let it go.

They let it go...allegedly.

Fast forward to the incident that we now know involves Mike McQueary, now the receivers coach under Joe Paterno.  Back in '02, McQueary testified that he caught Sandusky sexually assaulting a boy in the football locker room showers...he testified that he took the matter to his father, and they went to see Paterno the next day.

The AG's office and all others agree that Paterno then took this matter to Curley, his superior, his boss, if you will.  Curley promised action; he and Shultz met with McQueary about ten days later, and assured McQueary action would be taken.

Here's what all appears to have happened:  part of the terms of Sandusky's retirement in '99 was the standard package a lot of folks get after years of service.  This included perks like education discounts for himself or dependents; Sandusky also got an office which he apparently used for the Second Mile activities, and unfettered access to the locker rooms, gym, workout centers, etc.  Like he'd never retired.

They took his keys away.

Yeah, and apparently also told Sandusky not to bring any more kids onto the campus.

Now it gets worse.

NO report to the police, the local and/or state police.

NO report to the state, as mandated under the Pennsylvania Child Protection statutes.

It also seems from the, "he said, he said" back and forth in testimony, that Curley and Shultz (allegedly) obscured the picture, not only to University President Graham Spanier, but to anyone else in the know.

Paterno, according to his grand jury testimony and all others agree, did the right thing.  He informed his superior, and did so in good time.  More on that in a moment.

So here we are:  Sandusky is free on $100-thousand bail.  Dumb and Dumber are free on $75-thousand each; Curley has requested and been placed on administrative leave, while Curley has returned to retirement.

That being said:  I want to make very clear, I am not trying to convict anyone myself.  Sandusky, Curley and Shultz deserve a fair day in court, and a right to be defended against these charges.  Innocent till proven guilty is the law of this land, despite a media (and quite a few others) who think it is the other way 'round.

Based on what we're hearing and reading (and you need to take a lot of this with grains of salt, many in fact), Sandusky was a classic pedophile:  he used his position at Penn State, with the Second Mile and within the community to build good will.  Somewhere along the line, it's conjectured he began using it all for something insidious.

The profile, experts say is very classic:  Sandusky singled out boys for extra-special attention.  He took them to Penn State games, they got to hang out at practices, Sandusky was showing them a good time, making them feel wanted.

In a lot of cases, a kid without a really solid family and not a lot of options can sure as hell use that kind of hand up.  No doubt a lot of kids benefitted.  But Sandusky appeared to have found the ones most vulnerable, the ones who would keep their mouths shut.

The grooming induces skin-crawling sensations that just make you ill, at least they do to me.  Others say that Sandusky's double life was obscured (mostly) by his personality, his way with people; you're made to think this is the last guy on Earth who would ever do things like these.

Yeah.  They've said that before too; many times.

So here we have the bones of the story, and how two university officials, high-ranking officials with great responsibility upon them, dropped the ball...allegedly. 

Why do that?  Why risk everything to keep this all hushed up?

For that, you need to understand a little more about Penn State, and the "Way."

###

What is the "Way?"

As someone who is not from Pennsylvania, I hope I can offer an outsider-looking-in sort of view.  Growing up as a kid, I was a sports fan.  I was into just about every sport there was, though I could not play any of them well enough to save my own life.

I'd never been a big fan of college football; it just didn't interest me as much as the pro game, and that includes the CFL, considering I grew up in Northern New England, near the Canadian border in pre-cable TV days.

But I certainly knew about Penn State, the Nittany Lions, and I knew who Joe Paterno was.  Those plain, blue and white uniforms, the huge stadium in a place nicknamed "Happy Valley."  JoePA was the grandfatherly coach who ran a unique program.

He believed that seniors, if they were still on the squad from their freshman year, got to start because they'd earned it.  You had to be damn good player if you were playing regularly in your first or second years.

The program seemed "clean."  You almost never heard of NCAA violations coming out of PSU, though occasionally there might be a miss-step.  Nothing, though that ever meant sanctions, loss of scholarships, loss of postseason play none of that. 

Considering what happened to SMU and how the program never fully recovered from the "death penalty" in '87, you didn't expect anything like that again.

Some have put the recent scandals involving pay to play at the University of Miami as somehow like this.  No, this is something other...it doesn't involve players, shady agents and the like.  It involves men in power, in authority and of influence.  Some who appear to have acted terribly, others who have acted out of cowardice, greed or some other need.

So now, let's look at Penn State...the university is indeed a reknowned and well-respected school.  You can't be dumbass if you go there; the courses of study across the state system are among the best in the region.  No argument.

The sports programs have always been touted as good, competitive programs, but that academics always came first.  It seems that way; you never hear much about football or basketball players getting sidelined because their grades stunk.  You never hear about players getting the smart kids to do their papers for them or letting them copy their exams, that kind of thing.

In this part of the world, there are supposedly strong values about honesty, ethics, integrity, all of that.  Penn State tries to live that way, but all schools should be putting those things forward.

The exception to the rule about sports was football, and Joe Paterno.

He is the all-time winningest coach in Division I football; he just passed Eddie Robinson of Grambling for wins, with 409.  He's won two national titles, numerous bowl games, and he's turned out a remarkable number of really good football players.  A great teacher, yes.

But with years and years of his being there, the success, the power...comes the cult of personality. 

It's not even Paterno's fault; Paterno became bigger than the university, for the very things he preached and practiced.  He elicited a following of alumni, students, boosters and whomever that basically saw him as a God.

Not God, mind...just one who rode on God's shoulders when he wasn't reading the classics or diagraming plays.

The adulation becomes frenzied if you dare say anything ill of JoePa; mention that he's too old, that in recent years his teams aren't that good, anything like that, and you will be smacked down by people who virtually foam at the mouth at your blasphemies.

This extends to the media, and I've not a lot of liking for colleagues who continually carry a torch for JoePa...I won't name names, but there are a few radio, TV and print media guys who week in and week out virtually masturbate in public over the greatness that is Joe Paterno.

Most of them aren't, anymore.

And that is where I come to the next point: 

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/football/joe-paterno-fighting-for-his-job/article2229289/?utm_medium=Feeds%3A%20RSS%2FAtom&utm_source=Sports&utm_content=2229289

This story is one of many out there.  The calls are loud for Paterno to step down, resign, be fired, anything.  So many of those who loudly tub thumped and trumpeted JoePa's praises are now demanding he be served up on a silver platter.

Why?

Let's look into that.

Technically and legally, Paterno did the right thing in '02 when that horrid allegation came up.  Paterno is 84; back then he'd have been about 75.  At an age when most men are having trouble getting out of bed, Paterno could still get about, but over the years people have wondered just how much coaching does the man actually do?

He never wears a headset anymore; he does talk to the players, the coaches, the officials, sure, but is he a figurehead as some charge?

Okay, back to the age thing...Paterno may not have understood the portent of all this, but I tend to think in the back of his mind he did.

He did the right thing.  He reported it; my feeling is he trusted Curley and the rest to do their jobs and do the right thing, too.

Only they didn't.  There's no proof yet that Paterno ever called to follow up on this.

Now here's another thing:  Paterno has a reputation of an, "Aw Jeez," type of guy, down to earth, friendly, grandfatherly, etc.  But he was and probably still is a tough customer...his relationship with Sandusky is an interesting matter.

Reports are they were not that close.  They worked well together and I'm sure respected one another, but Paterno and Sandusky argued a lot, to the point that Paterno would fire Sandusky (then re-hire him).

Apparently, after that '02 incident, Paterno distanced himself from Sandusky, even though he is an honorary chair member of Second Mile.

Paterno had to have known, it is said, that Sandusky was still around the campus, even after these allegations became known.  Paterno had to testify to a grand jury; he had to have at least heard of the other allegations.

Now...this is where Monday Morning Quarterbacking is a big problem.  Everyone is claiming moral high ground, and claiming that Paterno should have done more than he did.

How can you judge that, nine years after the fact?

Do YOU have the right to judge that?  I don't think you do.  I don't either.

Yes, I think Paterno could have done more, and maybe he did.  He was not allowed to speak to the media today at his regular Tuesday press conference, on orders from the president, Spanier.  More on that particular character in a bit

So yeah...this is being ripped apart, picked apart and torn up.  In a world of instant information, 24-hour sports channels and an ever-ready line of "experts" who want in for their face time and 15 seconds of notoriety, you have the inevitable pile of shit.

Paterno must go...Spanier must go...the coaching staff must be wiped out...the slate wiped clean...

Yeah, yeah.

Like you think that's gonna do it?

The general feeling is that Paterno, whose contract is up at the end of the season, will not be rehired.  He likely will be allowed to retire at season's end, though I wonder if he will be permitted to coach at a bowl game, which looks pretty likely.

President Spanier, I have never been a fan of.  He has done much for the university, including the establishment of a law school, but he has been a figurehead who has allowed himself to be walked all over.

He has been stepped on by Paterno, by the Athletic Department, by politicians and by the media.  Spanier has done nothing in my view to stand up for the students and their rights; he has no power.  He has been a weak leader, and I honestly think he too needs to leave.

Does Paterno deserve to go?  I'm afraid he does, but I feel sorry for him.  I never disliked or despised him the way so many have.

This is the double-edged sword of Penn State, and JoePa:  you either love him and the school, or you hate them.

You love them for all the good things the school allegedly stands for, the probity, the ethics, the decency, and all that mushy, rah-rah-let's-go-Penn State stuff.

Or you hate them for their arrogance, their swagger and their we're-so-fucking-much-better-than-you attitude.  In a lot of cases, they were.

I guess it comes down to this:

--Sandusky faces life in prison for what he is alleged to have done.  Following his day in court, we'll see what happens to him.

--Curley and Shultz are likely headed for prison, or at least probation and stiff fines, if found guilty in the cover-up.  Their lives are ruined; for if found guilty, they are guilty of failing to act when action was required.

--Spanier likely will lose his job, because all this went on under his watch.  His ill-advised statement of support for those two guys may have been meant well, but it backfired.  His weakness has helped kill him, too; for he did not stand up to the program, the program Curley and Shultz allegedly tried to protect.

--Paterno?  Honestly, I think once it all sinks in, this is a man who is going to hurt like hell, and not for himself.  He has done much good for sports, and for people; it was not that he made a mistake, but that it seems in the eyes of many he didn't go far enough in doing what was right.  We may never know why.

I don't think one error (if you can call it that) should be any person's legacy.  I know that I've said and done things I wished I'd never...but I would hope that no one would take one incident or moment and think that was all I was.

But yes...Paterno needs to retire, and do so with the grace the man has shown over the years.  It's time for that change, as well.

--Of course, we have the victims.  Those kids, eight of them, some now men...and were there others?  Again we might not know.  The eight we know will now have to live those nightmares over again, in order to see an alleged predator face his due.  Those guys will never be fully "normal," though I'm not even what "normal" is myself.

The whole thing is just sad.  My cynical, dark side laughs with what I feel is justification at a lot of people who blindly sang the praises of Penn State and Joe Paterno, and how wonderful it all is, was, etc.

Quite a few of you jumped ship right away, didn't you?  The whole story still hasn't come out, has it?  Were you ever really fans?  Were you ever really Penn Staters?  Gotta wonder about you.

Like the song says, "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself."

I love how the Harrisburg Patriot-News suddenly found its spine after years of fawning over Penn State.

http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/hr.asp?fpVname=PA_PN&ref_pge=lst

Sorry, but you know what?  You all set yourself up to fall, and hard.  Scary, isn't it, when your "Gods" show themselves to be human after all?

Yeah...but at the heart of it all, I feel sad.  No one I know is enjoying reporting on this, whether you went to PSU or not.

One of my colleagues is a Maryland grad...she HATES PSU, and has never forgiven Paterno for letting the Lions run the score up on the Terrapins years ago.  I don't even remember the game's she's talking about.

I feel the worst for those kids, and those young men.  Let's make sure we're clear on that.

I feel bad for Paterno, having to endure something he did not do, but is being made culpable...that is something he himself will have to deal with.  We don't have that right to do it for him.

Two men who worked for years at Penn State, when caught in the crisis of their lives, blinked.

One man who, as Paterno stated, "fooled" everyone with an act worthy of the greatest stage performer, for years.  And almost got away with it...allegedly.

Then there's a nation of alumni and students...you know what?  They didn't do this.  They didn't assault those kids; they didn't sweep it under the rug.  They've been played, too.  All in the name of what Howard Cosell sneeringly called, "BIG TIME COLLEGE SPORTS."

Is what it's all about, isn't it?

Well, I have to go up to Penn State this Saturday, to cover the Nebraska game.  I likely will have thoughts about this over the weekend.  I have a job to do; I wonder what I will find.