A Need to Be Reminded

I guess I need to remind myself at this point, of what we're doing all of this for. I have been quite busy, far too busy for my own good as we begin 2018, and I'm not without enterprise.

I had to finish off a manuscript I call "Times Best Remembered," and it's done but will need fixes and work. Quite a bit, really; but when you have a story burning a hole in your head for two years, it's probably best to get that out of your system.

It's actually a good, solid contemporary novel, and it has possibilities. I quite like it. That's saying something.

That leads me to preparing to edit the first book of the long-awaited "Sweet Dreams Series." The story of youth, time travel and the power of music is finally going to happen, but I have a lot to do before I get there.

I'm finding there's an interesting parallel in my work in recent years: the SDS is going to be a long-running commitment, but I have another.

Some of the non-SDS works have a very intriguing theme to them, even though every one stands alone. All of them have themes of young people, dealing with growing up, falling in love (or not), battling adult problems, and trying to figure out their direction. It's also a strange celebration of life, that I think might be lost on some readers. It was lost on me for a while.

So yes, the story is going to come out, and I need to keep pushing the other avenues. The film, the anime and other methods, but trying to find the right person to help with that, not easy.

Need the agent, too...gotta find the one believer that opens that door. But I have to kick their in first.

I am reminded that I have to occasionally look back at where I was, to figure out how many steps I took to get here.

Perhaps I can remind you, or have you go take a look.

Well then, how about this?

https://www.amazon.com/Live-Cafe-Tory-Gates/dp/1620067145/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Now, whatever did they say about this book?

It draws you in, just as the cafe and its owners seem to draw in those in need of a comforting place to meet over coffee and to talk with friends and neighbors. The book explores varying backgrounds of the main characters, as well as others who drift through for a day or night of music, all of whom seem to find the warmth and friendship they are seeking through the cafe.

These are Amazon.com reviewers by the way. An old friend who doesn't do reviews told me he was quite pleased to see my writing has matured. Yes, he said that. I've improved, and from a fellow writer, that is a very high compliment.

https://www.amazon.com/Moment-Sun-Tory-Gates/dp/1620066327/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

This story really is in my view probably the best one of the three currently published. I did not expect this story to hit people as it did, but I should not have been surprised. As I battle a similar urge to sometimes not leave my home (even for the work I love doing), let alone get out of bed, I can get it.

Gates demonstrates a firm command and knowledge of a topic that most readers will find foreign, but his compelling characters and in-depth description of modern-day Japan helps ground the reader in a strong narrative. The characters are edgy, multifaceted, and devoid of stereotypical memes. Because Gates frames his descriptions of the isolated world of the hikikomori through the eyes of Rei, the mood does not slip into despair, but, rather, remains hopeful and retains the air of a survivors tale.

As a high school English teacher I have seen withdrawn students over the past 26 years who can identify with the "hikikomori." Some of them make it, and sadly, some don't. Tory Gates gives them a voice in A MOMENT IN THE SUN and that may be the most poignant and liberating aspect of this novel beyond being a well written book that pulls the reader into the world of Rei and her friends as they discover the resilience hidden inside themselves.

Well...these were two significant reviewers' looks at what I was trying to get across. A good story, I think, strong characters that were not stereotypical, and also a real look at what some people face. This is not your happy-happy-joy-joy work; it has real moments.

https://www.amazon.com/Parasite-Girls-Tory-Gates/dp/1494401975/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Now, that first one...what did they say?

A fantastic book. Please read! You won't be sorry. Mental Illness is never an easy topic to discuss. Mr. Gates handles it flawlessly.

A great read about a tough subject in an interesting setting. Tory Gates introduced me to a unfamiliar world and yet I felt truly immersed in the culture and was filled with compassion for the complex characters he created and the challenges they faced.

Please read! You won't be sorry. Mental Illness is never an easy topic to discuss. Mr. Gates handles it flawlessly.

For a fast reader, with only four major characters, it turned out nicely. A relative who suffers from the affliction the cover character (Sora) has in "Parasite Girls" told me I'd got it. She deals with what Sora does every day. 

The "Sweet Dreams Series" I hope is a step into a new world, but one that people can get familiar with, as I hope my other works shall do.

I have the writing somewhat done...now to plan the next move forward.

This is daunting, I'll not deny it. It feels overwhelming, that I've gotten this far, but now getting the doors kicked open that need to be done. 

If anything, I do not quit.

Anyway, I decry looking back to the past and especially living in it. I do NOT live in that past whatever...now, today and tomorrow, if I can do something in the forward direction, then it's good, even if it doesn't seem like I did shit.

So that's that. If you didn't check those out, I hope you do. If you did, leave me a review over there at Amazon or at Brown Posey Press. Every one counts.

Peace, Out.

Ah, here again this way something pretentious comes...the last couple of days, I've seen at least one rant and one reasoned rebuttal (I think), about the evil that pervades the literary world, that terrible, scabrous plague from the pits of "scum and villainry..." (sorry to Mos Eisley residents)...that terrible, terrible beast called...wait for it...

SELF-PUBLISHING! (Insert favored "Holy [Oath]" here)

I won't say who this person was, but a certain author went off in a certain online publication recently about horrid, vulgar things being done to literary community, the English language, and all of Western Civilization by those people who DARE, DARE they say, to put their books out without a "traditional," "brick and mortar," "(whatever the fuck you call them)" agency.

There followed a rebuttal by an author named Adam Dreece (go look for him after you read this). Adam is in the same boat I, and so many are in, and I want to push this more toward what us authors are dealing with, and to see if we can figure some damn way of getting agents and those big-time publishers to get a look at us.

This is the deal here: that author who sniffed and snorted about the "vanity press," and those people who are ruining the fun in the sandbox for him/her(?) and like-contracted buddies, hang the fuck on!

I am pretty sure you were NOT born with the book contract in your tiny little hands when you came out of the womb. And hey, I don't begrudge you one thing you've got: contract, books in stores, signings, adoring fans, and likely a Twitter account with a following the size of all the Mirconesian Islands combined...good for you!

You likely worked your ass off on your writing, had a modicum of talent and imagination, and you made it work. I am not jealous one bit, not at all. I'd bet my work up against yours might have a struggle in a one-on-one match, but if I may say, it might hold its own. I certainly feel it would, but my attitude's biased.

Like yours.

You, gentle author, were once like me. And like so many of my friends.

I may go off on a rant here, and sorry if I do, but there's a bunch of points to make, and those come from my perspective. 

It is true, there are a lot of self-published books out there. There are books about every subject, every genre. There's fan fiction, interpretations of scriptural texts, madhouse conspiracy theories, expansive stories about stuff that only exists in the author's mind...I could go on.

But, guess what? The world has changed.

I'm gonna give you benefit of my experience, and where I am...while we're at it, while we may pound our keyboards in anger, call that established author all kinds of nasty names, there's a small point to be made amidst all the complaining.

Here's what I'm talking about, and let's see if you and I can figure this business together.

I'm that guy in the coffee shop; the one with the laptop, hammering away my keyboard for hours on end, sucking down gallons of coffee, smoking one cig after another (not anymore for me), pretending I'm Ernest Hemingway and downing shots of whiskey (never liked it much) as I go. Sometimes I write like a maniac, ideas coming to my head as fast as this blog goes. Other times? I write not one bit, and let a story burn in my brain for months, while I script out character sketches, outlines, time tables. I interview my characters, I talk with them, find out what drives them, makes them act like they do.

I am that person writing on his/her work break, pounding out a few jotted down ideas before I have to actually do what plays the fucking bills. I'm looking after my kids, taking them to school, to sports, to the doctor. I'm trying to be a good spouse, and do all the shit I don't feel like doing when I get home, but I do it.

I'm struggling with depression/bipolar disorder/anxiety/OCD/ADD/ADHD or some fucking health problem that is not enough to put my ass on disability (and I wouldn't do it anyway, because of that pride thing).

I'm trying not to kill someone/myself...I'm trying to figure all this out w/o benefit of a psychiatrist because my (lack of) insurance don't pay for that.

I'm broke as fuck, got more money than I know what the fuck I'm doing with it, or at least paying the bills, so it's all good.

I live in a row house, a trailer home, an apartment, on my best friend's couch, in my significant other's home, in my parents' basement, in the room I grew up in as a child, or maybe a fucking mansion. Maybe I'm homeless, who knows?

Still with me? Good.

I've got 20 books written, 200 story ideas, 500 poems, who knows how many short pieces, and a lot of ideas. 

I am, "all this and nothing more."

We're fucking authors. Every fucking one of us.

If you write a chapter a day like I try to do, you are a writer...or an author. 

If you spend hours thinking over that storyline, and what is really going on, and you know the direction it is going, you are writing.

If you are watching, listening, and viewing the people around you for ideas, or something hits you and you think, "Hey, I can use that. I can develop that into something." You are writing.

Okay...now that part is done. Let's move to this thing...

In 2013, I finally (after lots of arm-twisting) realized that a literary agent I was working with could not get me a deal for the creative thing I'd started six years before, "The Sweet Dreams Series." Just wasn't gonna happen. I'd been writing more the whole time, and in the end I realized, my style had changed. It was not ready.

​​

Okay...so here's what happened. "Parasite Girls" became my first release, but before all that...so much more to do. 

And this is where authors get tripped up, hard!

This is a hard and fast rule with me: YOU NEED TO GET A PROFESSIONAL EDITOR/PROOFREADER. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Why?

I did some work in the past year for a company that does book reviews. Pay to play, which I'm gonna talk about later. My task was to write a short review of the assignments tasked to me. Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down.

Only one of those few assignments made the cut. Why? No proofreading/No editing.

Painfully obvious. I've been working in journalism for years, where words are at a premium, and you have to get 'em right and make 'em count.

I read good ideas that were destined for the slush pile from the first page, because they were not edited or proofed. I saw the massacre of the English language and grammar. I experienced the idea that had so many facets and details the whole premise was lost. I saw a 400-page manuscript based on an actual event (highly romanticized, but still a good idea) rendered useless, because it was too fucking long. Half of it easily could have been slashed and burned.

You need that editor, that proofer. You need an unbiased view from someone who knows their way around the language, folks. You need to get the smackdown. You need a literary version of Gordon Ramsey/Simon Cowell/Hunter Thompson to smash you into the fucking ground.

Then you go back, edit, fix, repeat. You don't quit. That's all.

Now, I'm gonna warn you...there are pay to play, fly by night publishers that will fuck you. Agents will do the same thing. One simple rule:

NEVER GIVE A PUBLISHER OR AN AGENT MONEY TO READ YOUR STUFF. EVER. PROMISES OF A PUBLISHING DEAL ARE FALSE, IF YOU ARE CALLED UPON TO PUT UP YOUR OWN MONEY.

NO self-respecting agent will take money. NO legit publisher will take money. If they want money, RUN!

I hear people pimp out about certain pay for play publishers, and I ignore them. I don't know too many people that can lose money, not like that.

Next comes the legwork. 

You do have to hustle. I did "Parasite Girls" through Createspace/Amazon, because it turned out to be the best way to get into print as a starter. I paid nothing...they wanted to charge me $400 for a cheap, knockoff cover.

NO FUCKING WAY.

The cover artist for "Parasite Girls" and my second, "A Moment in the Sun," is Mitch Bentley, of Atomic Fly Productions. Great guy, brilliant work, and a good friend.

If you do not have the skills, find an artist who will make the vision big from your story. Do your own deal. The cost likely won't be that much.

You must remember: you are like an independent record label, one a band sets up when they cut their own record and sell it on Bandcamp, or CD Baby or iTunes. That principle is the same.

How about the indie publishers? You have to look, you have to check them out. You have to submit. You have to take that chance.

"A Moment in the Sun" is put out by Sunbury Press Books. I did a book signing (go find those, too) with Robert Walton a couple years back, and he put me onto the owner of Sunbury, Larry Knorr. I got an offer for this one. 

We will also put out my next book, "Live from the Cafe," in 2017. And...that long-sought "Sweet Dreams Series" may start in '18.

Now, sure...this ain't paying the bills. This is like being the opening act on a six-act bill in some underground bar, and you're lucky you get a free round of beer and gas money. But you pay your dues, and you do it because you love it.

Aim higher. I am.

I see my work improving, getting better, and eventually attaining the status of that unnamed author person up top. A bigger deal, a better one? A real agent? Open doors to graphic novels, films, other stuff?

This is why we go there...how far can we go?

Hunt for that agent, use "Writer's Market" or whatever you choose, and go looking. Make sure your query or cover letter is the best it can be (that's the worst and most difficult thing for me to write, believe me!), but you do it.

Don't worry about those people already there, or complaining that their club is being invaded by Visigoths of the Written Word, grubby hipsters, feminists, gamers turned authors, or crazy old geezers like me.

There's plenty of room in the club, but we just gotta prove it first. 

If you get the big deal, cool. If not, it will arrive in its own way. The smaller steps are best because you find out what you've got, and whether it works or not.

Ignore the bullshit, and remember that they were once where we are now. They just forgot, or they got a pass.

We do it our way, and "straight on till morning."

Peace, Out.

"If this were the last night of the world..."...and How to Find a Literary Agent!

Well, I am going to to all out here in these final hours before "The End of the World as We Know It," yeah, right and I'm going to give you a long-winded and Pepsi Throwback/Goya Decaf induced frenzy that has become the past several days.

As per the usual, my iTunes will chime in with its offerings...just finished the lovely first movement of Joe Jackson's "Symphony."  Right straight into Nick Moss & the Flip Top's "You Got to Lose."  

So first of all, the initial part of my title for this blog is taken from Bruce Cockburn's wonderful "Last Night of the World."  I suggest you find it and give it a listen.  It's really a beautiful song.

Tomorrow night is the Winter Solstice; Yule for those in my dual tradition.  For many more it is the end of the world, or rather they'll wake up in the morning and go, "Hey, wha'happened?" or whatever it is they'll do.

I could go on forever about these loons, but I won't.  They are not worth my time.

Anyway...December 21st for me shall be spent with good friends, many of whom I've not seen in too long.  So if indeed it is the last night of the world Friday night, I shall be amongst friends.

So what has been going on of late...well, I have been furiously working to finish a long-overdue edit of Volume 3 of the "Sweet Dreams Series," subtitled, "Tougher than the Rest."  The first two of the series are now as ready as they will ever be; the third, I don't know yet.  I need to read over the mad pace I set for myself this week.

Writing is never really finished; I have been advised by friends to not refine anymore, but you know, it's something that is different for each individual.  I am one who feels these stories are my children, and while I can't say how they're going to do in the world, I have to give them my best so they can be their best.

"Little Wing," from Axis: Bold as Love.  Jimi figures in a tiny little way in Book 3, or SDS-3 as I call it.  Kinda nice.

This leads to a question from a new friend.  I have joined this writer's community, through my new Google+ account:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/107534692606148129223

This is on the science of writing, and I think I'll meet some interesting folks who are as passionate about this business as I am.

Anyway, one of the fellows here asked me about my literary agent, and how I acquired her.

"Innocent Moon," Will Ackerman.  From Hendrix to gorgeous new age guitar...hmmm...love iTunes...for shuffle, anyway.

So you know, I am repped by Jeanie Loiacono of the Sullivan-Maxx agency, and have been for the past three years.  Jeanie has been kicking open doors, but no hits as of yet.  Bites, yes...but this is more about acquiring that agent, that person who can open those doors for you.

I am no expert, but I will tell you how I did it.  It was by working it like a job, and having a bit of luck.

How you find an agent is exactly how you find a job, in my experience:  you have to be ready to sell yourself, via the resume, or in the agent's case, a manuscript.

Whatever you have...make sure it's ready NOW.  Make 100% sure that what you have to offer is ready RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  You can go back and edit later, but you need to have it NOW.

"It's Time to Play," Alvin Lee...from a very good CD, "Saguitar."

There are conventional ways to find an agent, and there are books to help:

1.  Writer's Market.  This is one of the holy books of the trade, but there are others.  WM has one specially for literary agents.  So that's 2.

3.  Dustbooks publises a guide to Independent Publishers and Small Presses.  Just as it says.

1 & 3 are necessary!  2 if you want to go in-depth.

Figure out your genre(s), target audience, etc.  Then go hunting.

Read these books...mark them up, dog-ear the pages, highlight them, and keep a list (Word file or whatever) of everything about the presses and agents that are worth going after.  Everything...names, addresses, numbers, faxes, websites, web addresses...all of it.  You will need this, and it stays in your mind.

Do NOT waste the time of publishers (and YOUR TIME) by submitting to those that don't want your stuff.  If they say, "No this" or "No that," they mean it.

You will find plenty of places to send to.

"Into Brooklyn," by Innocence Mission...different.

Okay...next!  We go into Cyberspace.  

Check for websites, but...I will tell you right now:  keep a sharp eye out for sleazy, fly by night publishers and agents who want your money.

DO NOT GIVE ANYONE ANY MONEY, FOR ANYTHING, EVER.  NO reputable agency takes a reader's fee.  NOT ONE OF THEM.  YOU are NOT responsible for their costs.  THEY ARE TO GET PAID ONLY WHEN YOU GET PAID.

"I Kill Children," Dead Kennedys.  Love these segues.

There are several websites out there, in which forums are available to check out publishers and agents that might not list in WM or Dustbooks.  They all don't.  

AbsoluteWrite.com is a site I strongly suggest you join.  Look around, make contacts, and you will learn quite a bit.  I surely did.

"Sunday Papers," live version by Joe Jackson...with all that's in iTunes, they do repeat artists.

Okay...you often hear about "Vanity Presses."  These are companies that charge you money to print your books.  Createspace is one, Xlibris is another.  Avoid them.

If you want to self-publish, be prepared to know that you will be in charge of everything, from the editing (unless you hire an independent one) to your own marketing and promotion.  I have friends who have self-published in various ways, and they can tell you...don't quit your day job.

I don't have the money to invest thousands of dollars into this, only to get a cover that was not what I wanted, pages that fall out, typeface that is unreadable, and nothing anyone would buy just on the aesthetic displeasure you get.  Also, I've seen too many people sitting alone in bookstores with their horribly produced books stacked there, and smiling, hoping someone comes and buys their books.

There's so much more you need.  If you can get the help, then accept it.

Next up...the Internet is a great place to find reputable, decent and professional literary agents.  You can check them out through numerous ways, thanks to the 'net, so these can be vetted pretty fast.

Here's another...Twitter.

I have found not only a ton of bookstores, but publishers this way!  The big and the small, they all Tweet.

"Little by Little," by James House.  Great song; I generally despise nearly all the country music produced since 1991, but this one from '94 was alright.

Now...do you know who you are going to send to?  Have you got your target list, one you will add to as time goes by?  What do they want?  A query letter?  The first chapter?  Do they want email, or snail mail?  

Do it the way they want it!  Or you get nowhere; or at least a fast trip to the slush pile.

The Query Letter is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write, up there with a cover letter for a job.  Yes, this is a job, and I shall remind you now of this.  This really is a job, or your job.

No more than one page; clear, concise, no flowery bullshit.  That's all.  They'll want to know the word length (75-thousand is average for a novel), but few more or less is not a terrible deal.  

Get to the heart of it in just a few words (clearly, less than mine here!).

Keep track of every letter or email you send; date your master list, keep your receipts, all of it.

"Strange Brew," BBC session by Cream.  Nice...

Budget out your time; if you are still writing, good!  Time for writing, time for finding, time for sending, time for updating the lists.

Do what works for you, but keep in mind you're looking for a job here.  

So how long did this take?  I literally spent four months, nearly every day doing these very things I told you about.  I got lucky; damned lucky.

A small agency in Georgia, Sullivan-Maxx took me on.  My agent loves the "Sweet Dreams Series," she gets it.  Sometimes all you need is one believer, beyond your circle of friends.  

Do not quit, and do not get discouraged.  Can't stress it enough; this is a lot of work, it don't happen overnight.  If you wish to go the traditional route this hard work really will be worth it.  You will get somewhere.

Meanwhile, keep writing; keep refining, keep thinking about what you have dreamed of and get it ready.  It will happen...it's not a question of "IF," it is a question of "WHEN."

"I Feel So Good," Willie "Big Eyes" Smith and Pinetop Perkins...legends doing great music...

Now, I do not mean to denigrate anyone who chooses the self-publishing way, such as through Amazon.com or however you do it.  Make sure it is what you want; I honestly do not have the tools within me to do every single thing.  I do not know a lot of that, but I also know I have to keep learning as the time goes on.

Do what you feel is right, for you.  I wish you well on the journey...and for those who do, a Joyous Yule.

Peace.

5 Weeks Tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is five full weeks w/o the you know whats...and I'm cycling down from another rush of anxiety, depression and agitation.  It is a destructive thing, but once you come out of it, you find you're still hear.


iTunes stuff...after bashing through "Girl Anachronism" by the Dresden Dolls (see previous post for the video), I couldn't bear to hear stuff from my old band, Ahltyrra.  "Doctor Brown" by the Original Fleetwood Mac came up...knockoff of Sweet Home Chicago, pretty much.


Okay...we're hitting on five weeks.  The past several days my lack of focus has led to me causing myself more issues than I had at the beginning, isn't that funny?


I'm generally clumsy when cleaning...I'll make more of a mess than when I started, and have to do that, too.  Mindfulness training does not always work when your mind cycles, and you are trying to get things done, and you just plow into everything.


I'm glad for spellchecker...my fingers don't type well, even with years of training.  I took typing before it was fashionable and necessary, and there were few boys in my typing classes, believe me.


Anyway, my fingers don't always adjust to my laptop here, and then they don't go back to the keyboard on my PC, either here or at work.


Crank these normal things up by about 100 times, and you know what I'm dealing with.


"Warboys," Queen/Paul Rodgers...this has been considered a horrid album, and Queen purists hate it.  I do agree that while Freddie could sing some of those songs, some are not fitting with him.  But Freddie's dead...the other guys have a right to do music, damn it.  I think some of the songs are very good.


I managed to kill my PC; well, it was having its own issues, and I compounded the error by inserting the wrong reclamation disk.  Guess what happened.


I got it back last night, not from the Geek Squad (losers) who left numerous things unplugged from the last time (NO WONDER MY HEADSET MIC DIDN'T WORK, AND I COULD NOT HEAR A FUCKING THING...THANKS, LOSERS!); there's a local chain that for very little money worked it up.


Of course, I tried to plow ahead and re-fix things that I wanted on there, to which nothing occurred right.


Alice is coming tomorrow to fix it up, and get it to run the way it should, so I can do my writing, my on-line stuff, and my new endeavor eventually.


Also have to hope we can save the iTunes.  I'm running off my laptop account, which is not the same, thanks to the Cloud issues.


"Suspicion," by Asia.  Arena rock time, folks!


My iPod has all the music uploaded that had once been on the PC...now, can we transfer it from the unit to the computer w/o losing it all and starting all over again?


The worst can happen...it often does.  But that is a habit I must quit on.


The writing thing is also troubling me...I feel it very hard to trust certain people, where it is concerned.  


To explain:  the first book of the Sweet Dreams Series is being worked by my agent.  There has been some interest, but no deals.  Two publishers are looking at it, but I'm not sure what they think.


Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere came a request for the manga portion.  Two point five years after approaching, they're back...well, I have had to again push my collaborators to provide me something.


I can't go into all that.  Suffice to say, Jen has provided some pencil sketches that look quite interesting.  There'll be more, plus my six-page proposal outlining the grand scheme.


Well, that is almost ready; a little more to add.


They want to see it, now.


A bit of "Karn Evil 9," from a live ELP recording of some 20 years ago.  So we're getting this together...and here comes the paranoia.


This was sent to me by Alice:  http://indiereader.com/2012/06/how-amazon-saved-my-life/


Very tempting, to just cut loose, but then I have the contract with my agent, the issues surrounding it, and the possibilities of all that could go wrong.


The mainspring inside me gets tight...real tight.


"Dirty Little Thing," Velvet Revolver.  Yes!  Feels just like that!


I see it all going to shit, even though I know this will not happen.  I've not signed any rights away; no one has taken anything yet.  AND THEY WILL NOT.


Here's the thing that pisses me off about traditional publishers.  They, like record labels and TV execs, look for what fits a market.  But they don't always know.


The author of the above, Jessica Park is right:  WRITERS WRITE FOR THE READERS, NOT FOR A PUBLISHER.


You want another fucking knockoff of Twilight, do you?  Just look at your slushpile; there must be a hundred of them there!  Who cares if one of them sucks balls, the stupid people will buy them.


And they do.


Record labels sign their version of the NEXT BIG THING.  Prepare for the onslaught of Justin Bieber/Carly Rae Jeppsen brats who can't fucking sing, but look cute.


I am not part of that.  My stuff on the surface is not terribly difficult to digest, but if it is marketed toward Young Adult or YA, I am afraid of the Big C.


CENSORSHIP.


"In the Air Tonight," hmmm...despite all claims of the YA world being open minded and shit, they are not.  Swearing, sex, drugs and especially homosexuality is right the fuck out at a lot of 'em.


Well, Book 1 isn't so bad.  Book 2, well...


...I dare not sign an agreement for more than the first book because I know what will happen...or I think will happen.


They will tell me that I have to change characters, change the relationships, the sexual whatever they find or it's not marketable.


SORRY, NO DICE.


My stories are NOT offensive; at least I don't think they are.  I did my best to create the world I wanted to see, with some feet on the earth kind of thing.  The characters are not perfect, because we're not.  They make mistakes, they do and say dumb things, they err.  We all do.


Believe me, these are good stories or I would not be typing like this right now.  I have never felt so confident in my entire life about any fucking thing I have done.  This includes 27 years in radio, many years in theatre, and what I've done musically.  This is fucking it.


I am probably wrong in a lot of my assumptions.  When you feel like this, it takes you down.


Now...all of this having been said...I am finding again a way to as we'd say in Moonsong, 'ground and center.'


"A Change is Gonna Come," Shannon McNally.  Kind of a deep, resonant singer; Bonnie Raitt, and Lou Ann Barton are two voices I think of.  It's good stuff.


Weird how those titles pop up.  Alice's email tonight explained what she saw, and as usual she's brutally honest.  I did face the issue, and I worked through it today, as I have.  I know I have, and I have to keep doing it.


Most of what I fear is not going to occur, probably.  I have to hope that the publisher that wants to see the manga will put that forward.  That would be great; it would be excellent to give the book version of SDS-1 a push.  It would grant credits to Riz for all her help, and get Jen a platform to show the world how talented she is.  All down the road.


Bookwise, I've considered self-publishing.  Vanity Press, they call it; that label has changed, though.


If you pay a company to print copies of your book, that's a VP.  No editing, no promotion, no help but for your writing, and you're saddled with a thousand copies you have to hawk if you want your money back.  


"Angel Eyes," Kenny Burrell...a guitarist I've always admired.  Great stuff.


Vanity publishing is a dangerous thing.  I've seen too many people sitting in bookstores with a table full of badly-produced books, smiling in the vain hope that someone comes to buy their stuff.


They usually leave with the same amount of books they came in with.  Sad, but true.  


What struck me (and I learned this) was that these folks didn't give talks about their works; they didn't read from them, they didn't take questions from a small audience.  How else do you get the point across, and sell what you've got to sell?  You may have a wonderful story; but if you don't present it, what have you got?  Not much.


My friend Don Chase is on Amazon.com with a Kindle deal, of the kind that's talked about above.  He does not get as many sales as Ms. Park, but he has done pretty well for an unknown author with just one title (I think) out.  Don was also very kind with his advice and his time; he helped sound it all out for me.


I could do this, with other books I've written.  I will think about it; not yet.  The time is not yet right.


I need to be patient.


"Hold On Baby," old track from JJ Cale.  Another real good one.


I must see how the manga publisher takes it.  I feel good about it.


The others that are interested in book form; I will hold on, and see.


My contract with the agent runs into early 2013.  I don't regret working with her; she's worked hard and I've had her back when others have questioned her skills, experience, even her competence and motives.


She has my back, I have hers.  Fair is fair.


We'll see...more time is needed to think, and get the ideas in shape.


Tomorrow it could all be different.


Sometimes I feel like this:

This is the last segment of "Stephen Fry:  the Secret Life of a Manic Depressive."  It is an award-winning documentary on Bipolar Disorder; I am not bipolar, but I urge you to go to the beginning of this on Youtube and watch it.


It will explain so much.


The young woman in the image arrives at about the six-minute mark.  Some of what she deals with I feel deeply.  In fact, Stephen's own battle is well-chronicled here; and that of other public figures, and some not well known.


This video has helped me a lot; it has given a face to the terrible bouts of depression and what seems like madness.


I've written about this in my story Parasite Girls, and it pops up here and there throughout my writings.  The clip catches Stephen in one of his up moods, and you see what others deal with.  The girl above has it bad; not as bad as some, but I know the feelings all too well.


It is painful to watch at times, but one must.  


Nearly lost this blog a while back.  "We the People" by Guitar Shorty is on...


So yeah...here is where we are now.  I again must pull back and not let these things tear me apart.  Without the Zoloft, I am at times wracked by the stress and the insane feelings that should not matter but do.  This is war.


I am optimistic that the manga publisher will like what will be proposed.  I aim to have all the parts tomorrow night to send away to the agent and the publisher.


We shall see.  Meanwhile, for now I must wait on the other.  But I can lay groundwork for the other things I'm doing.


And trying to stop and look back, and forward too w/o expecting myself to perform miracles.  


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Other things...job hunting in the radio biz is never fun, especially of late.  It's a dying industry it seems, but we are survivors.  I have a bit of work Friday, a bit next week, and after that, who knows?


I have no specific prospects at this point; again, wait and see.


And try not to go too crazy with worry, or with sudden boundless optimism that takes away my better judgement.


This is how it is.


###


I end on sad notes...my friend Aimee Johnston is hospitalized after being hit by a car outside her home.  She has suffered terrible injuries, and faces a long road of recovery.


Then even worse:  my old high school class and bandmate, Brian St. Cyr was found dead on Sunday.  We don't know for sure yet what happened; I suspect health issues, but I do not know.


I wish only good for them, and their spirits.