Writing Essentials, or "How the F**k Do You Write All That?!?"

Greetings, blurkers, bloggers, readers and whomever else comes this way...earlier this week, I was issued an interesting challenge by my fellow writer, Christie Stratos.

Christie is my proofer, and has done excellent work for me on "Parasite Girls" and what MIGHT be my follow-up, "Drifters: Tales of the Southern Cross." More on that later.

So anyway, Christie challenged me to show/tell/explain to you how I write, and what in particular do I have around me when I do so?

Well...first let's see how Christie gets it done:

Okay! There are certainly no hard and fast rules as to how to write, but every writer does have their own little methods, ways, and so forth.

I pretty much write when I want, but when I'm on a writing/editing project, you can find me in certain places. There is no one place for me.

Now, since I don't own a video camera and I'm damned if I know how to use the one on my laptop, I'm going the old-fashioned way. I've taken lots and lots of pictures.

Work tends to make my hours different, so there is no set time you're going to find me at one of these places. I do not particularly like to write at home unless it's at night, and there's reasons for that. Several reasons for that...

First...I was challenged before Neil Young went off on a certain coffee franchise, and now everyone is in a, "WHICH MOTHERFUCKIN' SIDE YOU ON, BITCH?" mode. So you're gonna see pictures of a familiar place. 

As a former girlfriend likes to say: DEAL.

During the day, I'm at one of the places like this one:

This is my standard setup. Generally I will sit at one of the tall chairs, because the tables give me more space to spread my work out.

Note the necessities:

The laptop w/Zombie Snow White gets a lot of compliments and questions. Eye-catching but for that, and not usually what else I need.

My first book, "Parasite Girls" is out for all to see (shameless plug!), along with a flier, and I have business cards...always have business cards, people!

Other items: the ubiquitous jump drive, of which I have several. My entire literary career is on these things; one is stores in a fireproof safe, and I have Dropbox, and who knows how many other backups. Also good to kill off old drives and replace them.

To the right in the 2nd picture is my new external hard drive, a Seagate. Neat little thing, and a gadget I like a lot.

SCREENSAVER.

Pertinent to your work! People must see the SCREENSAVER. This is YOU that you are promoting.

Now, there are a few more things one needs; I generally work in public spots in order to have human contact. A necessity; people-watching is quite good, because character details, ideas, sketches, and especially fashions are useful future tools. It is not unusual for me to make mental snapshots of outfits that fit my characters.

COFFEE. LOTS OF COFFEE.

Since I don't drink anymore, this is my last drug of choice. Iced is how I usually drink it, but dark roast pourover is also good. Lots of cream, and cinnamon. Caffeine fuels the brain...remember that.

MUSIC. AN ABSOLUTE MUST.

I well remember the days of records (do you?), and typewriters (betcha don't). That album side had to get me through a few pages, and often I'd keep going and not get up to change it.

iTunes is good for something. My tastes run the gamut, and often I'll play the music that is working in tandem with my writing. Or it's whatever's on my computer. My desktop has all my rock, blues, Americana, etc., while the laptop has everything else, plus some duplicate stuff.

I have no set music to work to, whatever I feel like usually.

Now...that's away from the house. At home, I have two spots:

This is the Vibe Room. My office, studio, writer's room. The desk is a cluttered mess, from where I occasionally write, DJ, and do other things. You'll note two of my assistants at the left...more on them later.

Other side of the Vibe Room. Music, plus my altar.

Now since I'm weird about the keyboard that came with my desktop, and since Windows 8 has got a bunch of things that leave a lot to be desired, I don't write much with it. I use the laptop for almost all actual typing, writing and so on.

But...in the winter, it's damned cold in this house. So at night I opt for Plan B:

The bed is old but comfortable...you shall also note my assistants. Baldrick is in the foreground of this one, and he usually is close at hand to offer editorial advice. 

Namid also makes herself available to review my notes. Or sleep on them. Her brother Qi is in the background...when he is not offering advice he's usually either sleeping or doing something that causes the bed to feel like it's breaking 10 on the Richter Scale.

Then we have Sofia. This is usually where you will find her, between me and the keyboard.

So I'm certainly not left alone while I work.

Christie had noted she keeps a thesaurus at hand, which is a good idea. 

I keep a severely condensed bookshelf. There were more that I lost some years ago, and I gave away about 250 on Bookcrossing. These are reference materials, inspirations, entertainments, resources and other things.

I also have on my computer a ton of tabs for notes, and also the reference stuff, and Grammarly.com -- well worth the cost, let me tell you.

Well, that's a little look into my essentials for writing. But the main thing is, WRITE.

An old painter friend aptly said: the only way to accomplish anything is to DO IT.

Now...I hope in the very near future to have some big news about the next step in my career. I shall know more soon...but in any case, enjoy your writing. This is not a job, this is what you do.

Enjoy, Peace, Out.

Why Do I Write...and taking One Tiger at a Time!

Every now and then I ask myself, just why I do I do this?  Here I am, sitting in the Morebucks trying to gather some sort of wakefulness, considering what I've been doing the past several days, weeks, whatever...

In case you don't know, when I blog I generally do it in a stream of consciousness and I do tend to sidetrack myself.  A mental multi-tasking, as long as the tendons in my wrists allow me.

And I listen to my iTunes...a lot.

"Life is Just a Tire Swing," Jimmy Buffett...how appropriate.

So anyway...my last blog post was the announcement that I will put out my first novel, "Parasite Girls" later this year as an e-book, through Amazon.com and Kindle.

The first order of business was to get the manuscript ready.  It was not.  I had taken this rather strange, knocked out story with few characters and settings that are more familiar to American audiences.  Seemed the best and easiest one to get out there, and I feel it's a good story.

"My God," Jethro Tull, from Aqualung Live...

This is very different from what you will find if you page back through this blog.  I do not consider myself a great writer, nor do I consider myself cutting edge.  I just choose to write something different, and I like being different.  It's easy to make up silly stories based on whatever came before.  

I've made that mistake in the past.  It does not work, though it may for a short-term ego and checkbook fix.  

It is not cool to walk into a bookshop (there are no such things it feels to me around here) and see shelf upon shelf upon shelf of alleged original works that are nothing but knock-offs of Stephanie Meyer and whatever else.  It bores the shit out of me.

Because I know I can do better; but can I make myself do it.

"Parasite Girls" is not a great novel, but it is a good story.  About remaking oneself, finding oneself again, and realizing that no matter how many years pass and how many miles pass under you that there are still people that matter in your life.  Not always your family, either.

Not that I know much of what that's about...but I suppose it's what I wanted to see, and perhaps others will experience that.

As usual I tackle too many issues at once, but the issues become secondary I hope to the people that are living them.

So, why do I write?  I have always enjoyed it.  To me, it's fun.  I enjoy creating a world within the real world, and making characters up that are like those I see around me, but also those who are just a bit off-kilter, and even, yes, fucked up.  We all are.

That said...I'm nearly done with it.  I discovered through a friend an interesting software called Grammarly.  It's a trick to use, and you have to be patient with it and make it work to your advantage.  

The best way for me is to use it chapter by chapter.  It offers grammatical help, way beyond what spellcheckers do.  You also get a lot more in the way of alternatives to words you use too much. 

I did not realize how much I used certain words to the point of madness.  I feel incredibly illiterate now.  What the fuck happened there?

At this point, I am down to the final chapters, but even then I need to really read it over...the more I read, the more I realize it does not always flow.  Getting there, though.

Either way, should be a good read.  Once it's ready, then I'll worry about the next step of navigating the mad world of getting it formatted for online.  And every other damned thing.

--

That's what I do most days...not a lot of work, and time on my hands, better do something with it.  

"Caress Me Baby," by Omar Dykes & Lou Ann Barton...old Jimmy Reed stuff with Jimmie Vaughan on guitar.

My several months without medication has turned out okay.  I still feel periods of nervousness and my mind jumps ahead to things before I have to rein it in.  

When it comes to the writing, I find myself planning out ideas well ahead.  I have at least two more story ideas, one of which is good but it does not make enough sense to go anywhere.  You can't start something if you don't have a good timeline and plan in place.

And I have too much to do right now; so thinking about it is all I can do.

Idea to turn another story from my past into a first-person narrative...and then I have to get back to something else.

--

I am off to New England tomorrow, for a week to visit my sister and bro-in-law up in Maine; a couple days there, see some friends, and then to Boston where I'll sell a guitar to an old friend, and meet up with more friends.

Cool thing, here:

https://pinterest.com/pin/553168766700477254/

That's me, one of my agent's charges on Pinterest.  I think it's a good idea to get us out there, but I wonder how it will work.  Gotta wait and see.

"I Wish Lunch Could Last Forever."  Back to Buffett I see...great song from "Off to See the Lizard."

So yeah...the first book in that thing called the Sweet Dreams Series.  I am taking on an old and dear friend as my "Japan Advisor."  Sara may be interested in helping me plow through some of this, and give me some good insights on the land I've not been to yet.

I will eventually get back to that...as my friend Alice says, "One Tiger at a Time."  I think this comes from taming the tiger or something.

So I'm trying to do that...feel more and more like a person in a hurry.  Is this my lack of meds, so I am now foot to the floor?  No idea.

I also did get a bit of write-up in Front Row Literary, the online version.  A portion of the first book was put up, and the who I am bit.  Very nice.

Now...I will get the chance to take my new ride on a good long run, which should be enjoyable.  The Silver Saturn finally was retired in December, after just under a quarter million miles.  I have an '06 Honda Civic with few miles.  Nice ride, and I'm enjoying it.

I have to consider so many things, and a nice long ride will help with that.  

To answer that question again...this is something I love very much.  I enjoy coming up with these stories, ideas and things, and I want to see them in the hands of others.  I just hope very much that a larger circle beyond my friends can read these, and get something good out of them.

"I Cover the Waterfront," old version of the John Lee Hooker track...

So do I do this for the money?  Well, I've never made any as a writer; would be nice.  Could I make enough to do just that?  At this point, no.  But I also am first and foremost a broadcaster.  Radio is my first love, and I wish to stay in it, despite my just being a jobber the past four years out of the 29 I've invested in it.

It's how it goes.  You do what you can, and I still do.

I know that my ego would love to see some of these in book form.  I would strongly hope I don't let shit go to my head, but we're human.  I don't want it to be that way.  So I do it; cool, what's next?

I will eventually get "Parasite Girls" ready and it will get out there.  I just hope I can be patient enough to do it right, get it set right, get the right everything in place, without taking too long.  My goal is by the spring, and that I believe is in reach.

My recent examination of the story has shown it to be a good one.  I don't think much more is needed.  Other stories?  We'll see.

The one thing I will tell others who say, "Oh, I've always wanted to write a story about..." and then they tell me all about it.

Well...do it.

My old and dear artist friend Sunny said it over 20 years ago...you just have to do it.

Make the time, take it and fucking do it.

I'm outta here...Peace.

"If this were the last night of the world..."...and How to Find a Literary Agent!

Well, I am going to to all out here in these final hours before "The End of the World as We Know It," yeah, right and I'm going to give you a long-winded and Pepsi Throwback/Goya Decaf induced frenzy that has become the past several days.

As per the usual, my iTunes will chime in with its offerings...just finished the lovely first movement of Joe Jackson's "Symphony."  Right straight into Nick Moss & the Flip Top's "You Got to Lose."  

So first of all, the initial part of my title for this blog is taken from Bruce Cockburn's wonderful "Last Night of the World."  I suggest you find it and give it a listen.  It's really a beautiful song.

Tomorrow night is the Winter Solstice; Yule for those in my dual tradition.  For many more it is the end of the world, or rather they'll wake up in the morning and go, "Hey, wha'happened?" or whatever it is they'll do.

I could go on forever about these loons, but I won't.  They are not worth my time.

Anyway...December 21st for me shall be spent with good friends, many of whom I've not seen in too long.  So if indeed it is the last night of the world Friday night, I shall be amongst friends.

So what has been going on of late...well, I have been furiously working to finish a long-overdue edit of Volume 3 of the "Sweet Dreams Series," subtitled, "Tougher than the Rest."  The first two of the series are now as ready as they will ever be; the third, I don't know yet.  I need to read over the mad pace I set for myself this week.

Writing is never really finished; I have been advised by friends to not refine anymore, but you know, it's something that is different for each individual.  I am one who feels these stories are my children, and while I can't say how they're going to do in the world, I have to give them my best so they can be their best.

"Little Wing," from Axis: Bold as Love.  Jimi figures in a tiny little way in Book 3, or SDS-3 as I call it.  Kinda nice.

This leads to a question from a new friend.  I have joined this writer's community, through my new Google+ account:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/107534692606148129223

This is on the science of writing, and I think I'll meet some interesting folks who are as passionate about this business as I am.

Anyway, one of the fellows here asked me about my literary agent, and how I acquired her.

"Innocent Moon," Will Ackerman.  From Hendrix to gorgeous new age guitar...hmmm...love iTunes...for shuffle, anyway.

So you know, I am repped by Jeanie Loiacono of the Sullivan-Maxx agency, and have been for the past three years.  Jeanie has been kicking open doors, but no hits as of yet.  Bites, yes...but this is more about acquiring that agent, that person who can open those doors for you.

I am no expert, but I will tell you how I did it.  It was by working it like a job, and having a bit of luck.

How you find an agent is exactly how you find a job, in my experience:  you have to be ready to sell yourself, via the resume, or in the agent's case, a manuscript.

Whatever you have...make sure it's ready NOW.  Make 100% sure that what you have to offer is ready RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  You can go back and edit later, but you need to have it NOW.

"It's Time to Play," Alvin Lee...from a very good CD, "Saguitar."

There are conventional ways to find an agent, and there are books to help:

1.  Writer's Market.  This is one of the holy books of the trade, but there are others.  WM has one specially for literary agents.  So that's 2.

3.  Dustbooks publises a guide to Independent Publishers and Small Presses.  Just as it says.

1 & 3 are necessary!  2 if you want to go in-depth.

Figure out your genre(s), target audience, etc.  Then go hunting.

Read these books...mark them up, dog-ear the pages, highlight them, and keep a list (Word file or whatever) of everything about the presses and agents that are worth going after.  Everything...names, addresses, numbers, faxes, websites, web addresses...all of it.  You will need this, and it stays in your mind.

Do NOT waste the time of publishers (and YOUR TIME) by submitting to those that don't want your stuff.  If they say, "No this" or "No that," they mean it.

You will find plenty of places to send to.

"Into Brooklyn," by Innocence Mission...different.

Okay...next!  We go into Cyberspace.  

Check for websites, but...I will tell you right now:  keep a sharp eye out for sleazy, fly by night publishers and agents who want your money.

DO NOT GIVE ANYONE ANY MONEY, FOR ANYTHING, EVER.  NO reputable agency takes a reader's fee.  NOT ONE OF THEM.  YOU are NOT responsible for their costs.  THEY ARE TO GET PAID ONLY WHEN YOU GET PAID.

"I Kill Children," Dead Kennedys.  Love these segues.

There are several websites out there, in which forums are available to check out publishers and agents that might not list in WM or Dustbooks.  They all don't.  

AbsoluteWrite.com is a site I strongly suggest you join.  Look around, make contacts, and you will learn quite a bit.  I surely did.

"Sunday Papers," live version by Joe Jackson...with all that's in iTunes, they do repeat artists.

Okay...you often hear about "Vanity Presses."  These are companies that charge you money to print your books.  Createspace is one, Xlibris is another.  Avoid them.

If you want to self-publish, be prepared to know that you will be in charge of everything, from the editing (unless you hire an independent one) to your own marketing and promotion.  I have friends who have self-published in various ways, and they can tell you...don't quit your day job.

I don't have the money to invest thousands of dollars into this, only to get a cover that was not what I wanted, pages that fall out, typeface that is unreadable, and nothing anyone would buy just on the aesthetic displeasure you get.  Also, I've seen too many people sitting alone in bookstores with their horribly produced books stacked there, and smiling, hoping someone comes and buys their books.

There's so much more you need.  If you can get the help, then accept it.

Next up...the Internet is a great place to find reputable, decent and professional literary agents.  You can check them out through numerous ways, thanks to the 'net, so these can be vetted pretty fast.

Here's another...Twitter.

I have found not only a ton of bookstores, but publishers this way!  The big and the small, they all Tweet.

"Little by Little," by James House.  Great song; I generally despise nearly all the country music produced since 1991, but this one from '94 was alright.

Now...do you know who you are going to send to?  Have you got your target list, one you will add to as time goes by?  What do they want?  A query letter?  The first chapter?  Do they want email, or snail mail?  

Do it the way they want it!  Or you get nowhere; or at least a fast trip to the slush pile.

The Query Letter is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write, up there with a cover letter for a job.  Yes, this is a job, and I shall remind you now of this.  This really is a job, or your job.

No more than one page; clear, concise, no flowery bullshit.  That's all.  They'll want to know the word length (75-thousand is average for a novel), but few more or less is not a terrible deal.  

Get to the heart of it in just a few words (clearly, less than mine here!).

Keep track of every letter or email you send; date your master list, keep your receipts, all of it.

"Strange Brew," BBC session by Cream.  Nice...

Budget out your time; if you are still writing, good!  Time for writing, time for finding, time for sending, time for updating the lists.

Do what works for you, but keep in mind you're looking for a job here.  

So how long did this take?  I literally spent four months, nearly every day doing these very things I told you about.  I got lucky; damned lucky.

A small agency in Georgia, Sullivan-Maxx took me on.  My agent loves the "Sweet Dreams Series," she gets it.  Sometimes all you need is one believer, beyond your circle of friends.  

Do not quit, and do not get discouraged.  Can't stress it enough; this is a lot of work, it don't happen overnight.  If you wish to go the traditional route this hard work really will be worth it.  You will get somewhere.

Meanwhile, keep writing; keep refining, keep thinking about what you have dreamed of and get it ready.  It will happen...it's not a question of "IF," it is a question of "WHEN."

"I Feel So Good," Willie "Big Eyes" Smith and Pinetop Perkins...legends doing great music...

Now, I do not mean to denigrate anyone who chooses the self-publishing way, such as through Amazon.com or however you do it.  Make sure it is what you want; I honestly do not have the tools within me to do every single thing.  I do not know a lot of that, but I also know I have to keep learning as the time goes on.

Do what you feel is right, for you.  I wish you well on the journey...and for those who do, a Joyous Yule.

Peace.

Your DJ in Cyberspace...and Other Thoughts

Hey...it's time for a blog...still feeling very happy about my first time as a DJ in the ether.  After a bit of business about getting the proper software, and configuring everything, I made my debut this afternoon for Radio-Airwaves UK. 

You can find them here at www.radio-airwaves.co.uk -- just click on "Listen" and you're in!

DJ Groove Rider is my boss, and he helped me a great deal; the vision is music for the people.  We all love music, and it is one of the greatest driving forces in this world.

A little bit after noon did I get on, and ended up going till 5 pm due to equipment issues with one of the other folks.

Here's the set list (via iTunes):


Little Belle 3:14 Gene Dante and The Future Starlets

I'm Alive  4:01 Garland Jeffreys

Radio 4:01 Fono

It's You 4:24 Anson Funderburgh & The Rockets Feat. Sam Myers
Statesboro Blues 3:00 Taj Mahal
Here Comes The Sun 3:02 Sue Foley
Hurricane Party 5:56 James McMurtry
Johnny Come Lately [1987/Live in Raleigh, NC] 3:55 Steve Earle Copperhead Road (Deluxe Edition) [Disc 2]
Jimmy Reed Highway 4:05 Omar Kent Dykes & Jimmy Vaughn

Money for Nothing 6:19 Eric Clapton w/M. Knopfler

Make Out  3:27 Frenchy and the Punk
I Am The Big Easy 4:37 Ray Bonneville
I'm Gonna Catch Me A Rat 2:11 Fabienne Delsol
Ring Around The Moon 3:39 James Blundell
A Brighter Day  3:55 The Doobie Brothers

Down Home Blues 5:16 Z.Z. Hill

Hot Night In A Small Town (LP Version) 4:26 Billy & The American Suns
Green Mountains and Me 3:45 Slaid Cleaves
Be My Number Two 4:22 Joe Jackson
Over The Waterfall 4:33 Robert Earl Keen
Silver City 4:35 Joe Ely
Gimme Shelter 6:12 Joanna Dean
One Drop  4:52 Public Image Ltd.
Revolution 1 4:15 The Beatles
Big Green And Yeller 4:16 Seasick Steve
Easy Come, Easy Go! 4:40 B'z B'z 
Pick Me Up 6:56 Flying Colors
Ain't Doing Nobody No Good 4:47 Tony Joe White
Forefathers 4:57 Dan Fogelberg
This Time 4:18 Dan Colehour
Hey Darlin 3:20 Racing Rain
The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead 5:02 XTC
Time Is Passing (demo) 3:26 Pete Townshend
Redemption Song 3:28 Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros
The Point Of It All 5:35 Amanda Palmer
This Is Hip 3:27 John Lee Hooker
Underground 5:09 The Kentucky Headhunters
Iced Honey 4:38 Lou Reed & Metallica
Money 6:16 Roger Waters w/Paul Carrack
London Rain (Nothing Heals Me Like You Do) 3:51 Heather Nova
Little Wing 6:51 Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble
Easy Rider 4:51 Chris Rea
Help Us, Somebody 5:39 Chris Thomas (King)
Man Of The World 3:31 Alejandro Escovedo
Knowingly 4:43 Appalachian Translator
Seattle 3:55 The BPA Feat. Emmy The Great
Let Me Inside 3:31 Santana

Soul Machine 3:03 Manu Dibango

Run Conejo Run 4:52 Dave Alvin
Smokestack Lightning 4:10 Big Jack Johnson; Kim Wilson; Pinetop Perkins
Celestial Horses 7:48 Bruce Cockburn
Give Me The Wonder 3:37 Johnny Clegg
Cut You 3:39 Penelope Houston
Capricornia 3:18 Midnight Oil
A Horse Named Janis Joplin 5:20 Sarah Jane Morris
East Of Woodstock, West Of Viet Nam 4:25 Tom Russell
Say Africa 5:01 Vusi Mahlasela
Beautiful Swimmers 5:21 Jimmy Buffett
Cool On Your Island (LP Version) 4:59 Y Kant Tori Read
Imperfection 3:40 Rachel Fuller Cigarettes & Housework

I'm not saying I'm gonna do this for every shift, mind.  This was just to give you a look at the breadth of what I offered up.  My music collection got pretty sizable over the years, and I was happy as ever to finally get to play what I wanted again.

It's like college radio to some extent, or if you managed to have an owner who was cool about you doing stuff in the off-hours.  

Still some tweaking with the headset mic, jump drives, and monitor issues, all while running all this from my poor aging desktop.

But it was fun...and that's the point.  I for once got to (again) play music that while not at all mainstream, was music that had meaning to me, and I hope for others.

My thanks to Groove Rider, and my Radio Airwaves colleagues for their help and support; I feel good at being wanted in somewhere.

So...unless I get called to be a substitute, my regular gig will be Mondays, Noon to 2 pm Eastern time.  This was fun, and I'll have more next time 'round.

Thank you all for listening and helping me out!

###

That said...Open Wound Update:  my leg is doing just fine; the incision has not become in any way dangerous.  I do my best to keep it clean as well as wrapped up.  Tomorrow morning I see the surgeon again for follow up and we shall see what she thinks we should do from here.

I don't know how they will close this; the big problem with cysts like this one is that they can come back.  The area of the skin where it made its presence felt has to be completely free of it.  Either way, we'll see.

Biggest problem is getting the wraps tight enough, and then hoping normal activity doesn't pull or slide it away from the site.  I can usually tell when it does.  Still walking around like an old man, but at least it doesn't look really bad.

Really gonna need to see the chiropractor after this heals up.

###

Cleanup:  more junk outta here, and another giant green bin of rubbish and another of recycling is awaiting pickup.  Have not been in season to do much more of late, but eventually I will be able to handle it.

###

Brain waves...since I finished "Time the Healer," I've considered another edit, and also a new idea.  The latter is going to take a long time to "cook," so there will be no "new" writing for a while.  Enough going on in my life right now!

Anyway, that's life in the breakdown lane...up and outta here.

5 Weeks Tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is five full weeks w/o the you know whats...and I'm cycling down from another rush of anxiety, depression and agitation.  It is a destructive thing, but once you come out of it, you find you're still hear.


iTunes stuff...after bashing through "Girl Anachronism" by the Dresden Dolls (see previous post for the video), I couldn't bear to hear stuff from my old band, Ahltyrra.  "Doctor Brown" by the Original Fleetwood Mac came up...knockoff of Sweet Home Chicago, pretty much.


Okay...we're hitting on five weeks.  The past several days my lack of focus has led to me causing myself more issues than I had at the beginning, isn't that funny?


I'm generally clumsy when cleaning...I'll make more of a mess than when I started, and have to do that, too.  Mindfulness training does not always work when your mind cycles, and you are trying to get things done, and you just plow into everything.


I'm glad for spellchecker...my fingers don't type well, even with years of training.  I took typing before it was fashionable and necessary, and there were few boys in my typing classes, believe me.


Anyway, my fingers don't always adjust to my laptop here, and then they don't go back to the keyboard on my PC, either here or at work.


Crank these normal things up by about 100 times, and you know what I'm dealing with.


"Warboys," Queen/Paul Rodgers...this has been considered a horrid album, and Queen purists hate it.  I do agree that while Freddie could sing some of those songs, some are not fitting with him.  But Freddie's dead...the other guys have a right to do music, damn it.  I think some of the songs are very good.


I managed to kill my PC; well, it was having its own issues, and I compounded the error by inserting the wrong reclamation disk.  Guess what happened.


I got it back last night, not from the Geek Squad (losers) who left numerous things unplugged from the last time (NO WONDER MY HEADSET MIC DIDN'T WORK, AND I COULD NOT HEAR A FUCKING THING...THANKS, LOSERS!); there's a local chain that for very little money worked it up.


Of course, I tried to plow ahead and re-fix things that I wanted on there, to which nothing occurred right.


Alice is coming tomorrow to fix it up, and get it to run the way it should, so I can do my writing, my on-line stuff, and my new endeavor eventually.


Also have to hope we can save the iTunes.  I'm running off my laptop account, which is not the same, thanks to the Cloud issues.


"Suspicion," by Asia.  Arena rock time, folks!


My iPod has all the music uploaded that had once been on the PC...now, can we transfer it from the unit to the computer w/o losing it all and starting all over again?


The worst can happen...it often does.  But that is a habit I must quit on.


The writing thing is also troubling me...I feel it very hard to trust certain people, where it is concerned.  


To explain:  the first book of the Sweet Dreams Series is being worked by my agent.  There has been some interest, but no deals.  Two publishers are looking at it, but I'm not sure what they think.


Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere came a request for the manga portion.  Two point five years after approaching, they're back...well, I have had to again push my collaborators to provide me something.


I can't go into all that.  Suffice to say, Jen has provided some pencil sketches that look quite interesting.  There'll be more, plus my six-page proposal outlining the grand scheme.


Well, that is almost ready; a little more to add.


They want to see it, now.


A bit of "Karn Evil 9," from a live ELP recording of some 20 years ago.  So we're getting this together...and here comes the paranoia.


This was sent to me by Alice:  http://indiereader.com/2012/06/how-amazon-saved-my-life/


Very tempting, to just cut loose, but then I have the contract with my agent, the issues surrounding it, and the possibilities of all that could go wrong.


The mainspring inside me gets tight...real tight.


"Dirty Little Thing," Velvet Revolver.  Yes!  Feels just like that!


I see it all going to shit, even though I know this will not happen.  I've not signed any rights away; no one has taken anything yet.  AND THEY WILL NOT.


Here's the thing that pisses me off about traditional publishers.  They, like record labels and TV execs, look for what fits a market.  But they don't always know.


The author of the above, Jessica Park is right:  WRITERS WRITE FOR THE READERS, NOT FOR A PUBLISHER.


You want another fucking knockoff of Twilight, do you?  Just look at your slushpile; there must be a hundred of them there!  Who cares if one of them sucks balls, the stupid people will buy them.


And they do.


Record labels sign their version of the NEXT BIG THING.  Prepare for the onslaught of Justin Bieber/Carly Rae Jeppsen brats who can't fucking sing, but look cute.


I am not part of that.  My stuff on the surface is not terribly difficult to digest, but if it is marketed toward Young Adult or YA, I am afraid of the Big C.


CENSORSHIP.


"In the Air Tonight," hmmm...despite all claims of the YA world being open minded and shit, they are not.  Swearing, sex, drugs and especially homosexuality is right the fuck out at a lot of 'em.


Well, Book 1 isn't so bad.  Book 2, well...


...I dare not sign an agreement for more than the first book because I know what will happen...or I think will happen.


They will tell me that I have to change characters, change the relationships, the sexual whatever they find or it's not marketable.


SORRY, NO DICE.


My stories are NOT offensive; at least I don't think they are.  I did my best to create the world I wanted to see, with some feet on the earth kind of thing.  The characters are not perfect, because we're not.  They make mistakes, they do and say dumb things, they err.  We all do.


Believe me, these are good stories or I would not be typing like this right now.  I have never felt so confident in my entire life about any fucking thing I have done.  This includes 27 years in radio, many years in theatre, and what I've done musically.  This is fucking it.


I am probably wrong in a lot of my assumptions.  When you feel like this, it takes you down.


Now...all of this having been said...I am finding again a way to as we'd say in Moonsong, 'ground and center.'


"A Change is Gonna Come," Shannon McNally.  Kind of a deep, resonant singer; Bonnie Raitt, and Lou Ann Barton are two voices I think of.  It's good stuff.


Weird how those titles pop up.  Alice's email tonight explained what she saw, and as usual she's brutally honest.  I did face the issue, and I worked through it today, as I have.  I know I have, and I have to keep doing it.


Most of what I fear is not going to occur, probably.  I have to hope that the publisher that wants to see the manga will put that forward.  That would be great; it would be excellent to give the book version of SDS-1 a push.  It would grant credits to Riz for all her help, and get Jen a platform to show the world how talented she is.  All down the road.


Bookwise, I've considered self-publishing.  Vanity Press, they call it; that label has changed, though.


If you pay a company to print copies of your book, that's a VP.  No editing, no promotion, no help but for your writing, and you're saddled with a thousand copies you have to hawk if you want your money back.  


"Angel Eyes," Kenny Burrell...a guitarist I've always admired.  Great stuff.


Vanity publishing is a dangerous thing.  I've seen too many people sitting in bookstores with a table full of badly-produced books, smiling in the vain hope that someone comes to buy their stuff.


They usually leave with the same amount of books they came in with.  Sad, but true.  


What struck me (and I learned this) was that these folks didn't give talks about their works; they didn't read from them, they didn't take questions from a small audience.  How else do you get the point across, and sell what you've got to sell?  You may have a wonderful story; but if you don't present it, what have you got?  Not much.


My friend Don Chase is on Amazon.com with a Kindle deal, of the kind that's talked about above.  He does not get as many sales as Ms. Park, but he has done pretty well for an unknown author with just one title (I think) out.  Don was also very kind with his advice and his time; he helped sound it all out for me.


I could do this, with other books I've written.  I will think about it; not yet.  The time is not yet right.


I need to be patient.


"Hold On Baby," old track from JJ Cale.  Another real good one.


I must see how the manga publisher takes it.  I feel good about it.


The others that are interested in book form; I will hold on, and see.


My contract with the agent runs into early 2013.  I don't regret working with her; she's worked hard and I've had her back when others have questioned her skills, experience, even her competence and motives.


She has my back, I have hers.  Fair is fair.


We'll see...more time is needed to think, and get the ideas in shape.


Tomorrow it could all be different.


Sometimes I feel like this:

This is the last segment of "Stephen Fry:  the Secret Life of a Manic Depressive."  It is an award-winning documentary on Bipolar Disorder; I am not bipolar, but I urge you to go to the beginning of this on Youtube and watch it.


It will explain so much.


The young woman in the image arrives at about the six-minute mark.  Some of what she deals with I feel deeply.  In fact, Stephen's own battle is well-chronicled here; and that of other public figures, and some not well known.


This video has helped me a lot; it has given a face to the terrible bouts of depression and what seems like madness.


I've written about this in my story Parasite Girls, and it pops up here and there throughout my writings.  The clip catches Stephen in one of his up moods, and you see what others deal with.  The girl above has it bad; not as bad as some, but I know the feelings all too well.


It is painful to watch at times, but one must.  


Nearly lost this blog a while back.  "We the People" by Guitar Shorty is on...


So yeah...here is where we are now.  I again must pull back and not let these things tear me apart.  Without the Zoloft, I am at times wracked by the stress and the insane feelings that should not matter but do.  This is war.


I am optimistic that the manga publisher will like what will be proposed.  I aim to have all the parts tomorrow night to send away to the agent and the publisher.


We shall see.  Meanwhile, for now I must wait on the other.  But I can lay groundwork for the other things I'm doing.


And trying to stop and look back, and forward too w/o expecting myself to perform miracles.  


###


Other things...job hunting in the radio biz is never fun, especially of late.  It's a dying industry it seems, but we are survivors.  I have a bit of work Friday, a bit next week, and after that, who knows?


I have no specific prospects at this point; again, wait and see.


And try not to go too crazy with worry, or with sudden boundless optimism that takes away my better judgement.


This is how it is.


###


I end on sad notes...my friend Aimee Johnston is hospitalized after being hit by a car outside her home.  She has suffered terrible injuries, and faces a long road of recovery.


Then even worse:  my old high school class and bandmate, Brian St. Cyr was found dead on Sunday.  We don't know for sure yet what happened; I suspect health issues, but I do not know.


I wish only good for them, and their spirits.