I Ain't Ever Satisfied (Steve Earle)

At the Office, before I head out on my latest job.  Kaitryth wishes to hire me as her "driver" for a time.  Kera is returning to work, so her coven/housemate cannot do it, and the old Neon finally said, "Bye."


I have the time, at least for now, after that, we'll have to see.  


Made it through the holidays; I have to find out where I'm supposed to be this weekend.  There's a NYE event in Selinsgrove I will be at, and I must get directions for all of it.  Too many this and that things to deal with.


Oh, and I've embarked on a rewrite of a story I wrote last summer, "The Beauty Way."  That is the title of a song by Eliza Gilkyson, and I own a cover of it by Ray Wylie Hubbard, which is really good.


The story only is about a half-book, about 130 pages, and I didn't like it.  It became a semi-autobiographical rant, and I had to do better than that.


I'm adding new elements, and slowly trying to make sense of it all.  It will take time to pull together, which I hope to do in the new year.


Nothing new on the agent front; we still have pubs. reading it, and I'm waiting to find out about them.  Need to learn more about Jeanie's idea of packaging the first three of the SDS to work that way.  An idea that would work, because the three stand on their own well.  All that other happy horseshit.


The need to read other's work is a very good thing, but sometimes I think you have to guard against listening too closely or reading too deeply.  You then become the people you're reading.  Not good.


I awoke to WITF's "Radio Smart Talk."  Now, I generally refer to this program as "Whine Talk," because the host and everyone on the show whine incessantly, and it's usually about local politics, or the disease of the week that's going to kill you.  The callers are by and large whiny as well.


Talk radio is dead in terms of growth and development.  Whining, complaining, false outrages, and staged activity that makes pro wrestling look like the UFC.  


Anyway, today was a rerun of an interview with David Sedaris.  Interesting guy, and they ran a cut of one of his short stories.  Very intriguing style, and a very intelligent person.  Clever stuff.


It's definitely not my style, but you can learn from that.  If anything, I have to stay me, and not worry about what others think.  The point is to get your point across, style and form be damned.


So anyway, back to "The Beauty Way."  This is going to be different.  This I suppose was my first stab at an adult novel or one with adults in it.  I don't know where it's going to go, but I just feel I need to create a lot more than what is already there.


We'll see what happens, and I'm sure I'll let the whole world know about it, harharhar.


Steve Earle's old song was going through my Walkman as I started this, and yes, I ain't ever satisfied either.  Not by much.


I can be for certain things, not others.


Oh...now I remember something Sedaris said that got me...he said in paraphrasing that we are always looking for something to make us feel better than the next person.


Case in point:  someone found out another person had cancer.  The first person (to themselves, I assume) thought well, that person is negative and has negative thoughts and so of course they got it.


The idea I think is that things like that can happen to any of us; we can't wish it away.


I do however feel that attitudes can contribute to health issues.  They may not be the only thing, but they might play a part in it.  The inability to let things go, guilt, fears, sadness, that kind of stuff.  It's not something to dismiss out of hand.


You just have to wonder about these things; I suppose I am looking at that as well.  Do I have things to get rid of?  I do; but how is the question.


That's one of the reasons I write; to get those things out, as ugly and unpleasant as some of them might be.  As my writings progress, more and more of that stuff gets out there, and I'm not sure what people are gonna make of that.


I do think that some of my family might just wonder what the fuck was going on in my head all those years.  In certain areas, some of them will think it's just Tory being Tory.  Others, they're probably gonna go, WHAT THE FUCK?!?


If anything, it'll make people think.  At least I hope to do that.


As Eddie Izzard so correctly pointed out, "You have to believe."  You have to believe that you are this, that or whatever.


I believe, no, I KNOW...