Okay...where have I been the last several days? My blogging is off because of my real life and all the shit that has to go along with it. And yet, it's really not that much at all when you think about it.
My Walkman's first track is the same one from last night; what happens is, when you shuffle every track (all 2500+ of 'em!), the last one stays when you stop it. That's fine.
"The Beauty Way," the song that inspired the story of the same name, was the one. Now, the version I have and love is by Ray Wylie Hubbard; the song was written by Eliza Gilkyson, and I think she does sing on Ray's version.
It is a very interesting, and easy song to play, and I may try it out on the band.
I have not been pleased with the way that story came out; a semi-autobiographical account of a short period in my life, it remained a short/long story of about 130 pages. Then I stretched it out, by adding incidents, scenes and other weird shit. It's still not right.
My friend Jess has offered to read it, reasoning I think that it can't be that awful. Well, I'm my worst critic.
Partly to avoid the reality that it is not that good, I have been busy editing other stories, and oh, did they not need it. I have blasted my way through "Parasite Girls," which is really good I feel. "SDS-6" also got a makeover, and I don't even remember what else I worked on.
So yeah...then...I've had ANOTHER one cooking upstairs. I have started to write out the character sketches and storylines for this one, which could become a series, but I need to think it through a lot more.
Segue..."A Little Soul," by Pulp. Interesting group; never knew them when they were popular, but then I didn't like Oasis when they were together, either.
Someone recently asked me what my days are like. Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you.
Weekends are one thing; as I work for WITF/Radio PA/KYW, and sometimes for Clear Channel, those days are pretty full.
During the week, I'm hosting TrafficTalk for the DC Metro Area, 3-7 pm. Go here:
www.traffictalk.info
That is what we're about. Okay, shameless plug done.
Now...what happens before and after the shift? I've made an effort of late to get my ass out of bed in the mornings. There was a long period when I'd get up at noon if I felt like it. I realize I needed that pretty badly, the sleep, and the rest. A smart man once said, "If you don't sleep, you can't think." Very true.
Segue..."This Charming Man," by the Smiths. Interesting morning already for music. Again, never a Smiths fan when they were together.
So I usually end up at the Office, between 10 and 11 am...I get coffee (drug of choice) and it's check my messages, check my schedule, return any calls, and then set to work.
Whatever writing I'm on, I edit, write, consider, and try to make it look like I'm actually doing something. This is work, you know...I wish one day to make this my career, and to have as much in the tank as I have will bode well for when Sweet Dreams: Searching for Roy Buchanan (that's SDS-1, or Book 1) is published.
This is what I do, folks. Oh yeah; so anyway, I hang in here for a while, do errands, then get back to the house to set up my laptop and get ready to host.
Segue..."What Do You Want From Me?" Pink Floyd, live version from Pulse...great performance!
Now there's not a lot of "traffic," right now, so while I'm monitoring cameras, I can usually take care of office-type things at the house. Multi-task, you see.
At 7, I usually leave the house and head back to the Office and keep working until closing time.
Sometimes I do more of this when I get home, sometimes not.
Okay...you must be thinking, "Shit, this guy's got no fucking life! No wonder he's not married!"
Sigh...think what you want, I don't really care what you think. The point of it is, I am like this partly because there is not much money coming in; this keeps me out of trouble financially. It allows me to focus my mind on the things that I hope one day will make me a living. Then I can be more like the Wardroom boys who are now gathering before me here at the Office...Coffeehouse Preacher, Loudmouth and one other, Bohemian looking gentleman are together. Thanks to the Floyd, I do not have to hear CP going off at the top of his high voice about things.
All these fellows are actually nice people, but I'm not of their "set."
Segue..."The Great Divide," Black Country Communion. Never heard of them, right? THINK: Glenn Hughes, Joe Bonamassa, Jason Bonham and Derek Sharinian...the last man I don't know much about, but...SUPERGROUP!!! Chickenfoot, EAT YOUR FUCKING HEART OUT!!!
Ahhh...so yeah, the Wardroom...sounds like the wardroom of a Royal Navy vessel when those guys and the recently missing regulars gather. They all sit about, sparking the world with their thoughts and putting it to rights.
Not my people, apart from my Zen Master...I tend to wonder where that man is, I miss him and his centered presence.
So yeah...this is what I do. Once I start working more in a full-time capacity again, it should change. At the same time: this is what I need to do. I need to do this type of work, to pay my dues as it were. I paid my dues in the radio business for 20 years before I made it to XM...that's normal, that's about right.
I'm still in the business after 26 years, give or take two or three that I was out of it. In any case, I still love it; I assume I'll always keep a hand in through the rest of my life, and I'd like to do that.
As a writer, this is what I want to do; this is what I have to do to get anywhere. You have to work it; you have to give a shit about what you're doing, and yes I put the hours in.
Segue..."Valerie," by Richard Thompson, from the excellent "Daring Adventures" album.
Not sure why I'm getting all this off my chest like this, but anyway this is what I do. Later on, I'll have more time to do what I'd like to do...I hope to live long enough to do some of that.
Either way, I cannot complain about my life. I'm in a better shape than most of my friends and my family, so what's going right now will do just fine.
Anybody that wonders, don't quit anything. The only time to quit is when you know and are aware there's nothing more you can do. That's gonna be a long time for me.
Outta here...
Showing posts with label The Beauty Way. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Beauty Way. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Shootdown, and Next Steps
Well, I can now talk about what has been going on the past several days, now that it is not happening.
Last Monday, I interviewed at one of my workplaces for a full-time gig. The discussions went really well, and I had to admit I felt very much in line to get this job. I certainly have the experience, the skill, and all that other stuff to make it a good go.
As often is the case, there's always one more person with just a bit more of what they're looking for. Actually, there may have been more than one, I'm sure of it; I appreciated being considered, and I got a nice phone call from my potential boss saying I was passed over.
I was not surprised; I've learned you cannot get your hopes up too high, or you will come crashing right down on your ego. It's not fun.
Now, I do admit there was a letdown; I momentarily felt bad, and envisioned myself smashing my head against a wall and screaming, "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK...!"
Then it passed. Very quickly, actually. Nothing has changed; I still work there, I am going to be needed in that capacity, and I still have options.
One of those is kind of one I should have thought of before, but I did look into it the past couple of days. Not much to expect out of that, but we'll see.
My other options remain; one of which is a practical consideration, which means holding out for a bit and waiting to see what transpires.
The other, I carry on with. This one is the longer-range goal, but I have continued on this line for nearly four years, and I cannot see a need to stop.
We're of course talking about my writing. I have finished off edits of two of my manuscripts in recent days, and I feel quite good about the improvements that were made.
This is not a me-me thing, but I have been intensely creative since I began writing the first installment of the Sweet Dreams Series in August of 2007. I have completed three fiction series of the kind that readers of the SDS drafts will understand; I have also completed a series of stories of a more adult-oriented nature, and that means the main characters are adults mostly, and these are for a more adult market. Though again, people of all ages can read these and get an idea of where I am going.
This is where I'm going; I am a writer, and again I believe. The same way Eddie Izzard said you have to believe you are whatever you are in order to succeed, no matter how long that takes you.
Izzard toiled in obscurity for many years, and he paid his dues. I remember Patricia Routledge (Hyacinth from Keeping Up Appearances, and numerous other stage, screen and TV roles) saying of a fellow actress who had worked for many years without ever being known that well, then finally getting her chance to show what she had. It's a great feeling to have that happen, and to see others have it work for them.
There are numerous friends I have about me who are writers of one kind or another. One is self-published; Jim Henry is the author of the "Antiquity Calais" series. The first book is out there, and he's getting the second one ready.
I am not into the self-publishing route, because I am aware that I do not know the first thing about it. Even what I do know, I don't feel confident on; I suppose also I want to do it the old-fashioned way, ie, going with an agent and a publisher because I want to see for myself (not just the readers of the world) that I can do this, and be successful at it.
For me, success is getting signed, and getting published. It has nothing to do with book sales figures, hitting #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list, or any of that. There are levels to success: the first one is getting there.
The second is perpetuating the storyline of the SDS, and how I see it working out. This has potential, and as I've said to others, there is nothing I've done in my life I feel more confident about than this.
The other series? The other stories? Most of them are as good, if not better. Some still need work, sure; they all do. I will see it through as long as I live.
In the meantime, what do you do? You keep writing. You keep working. You keep doing what you have to do to survive, and moving forward. That's it, folks, at least in my view.
No one is to blame for it not happening, and no one has stood in my way. I've taken this the direction I want it to go, and it'll go where it's meant to.
It is hard to patient, yes; but you have to be. This is a huge exercise in patience, but I feel like I've grown up just enough to make it work. It will, dammit!
Right now, I have one manuscript that is bugging the shit out of me. The Beauty Way has never really panned out the way I hoped it would. I've rewritten quite a bit, and lengthened the story; problem is, it's too familiar to me. It does not work.
That's a challenge; to make it work, and I will get back to it one day, but for now, it's just not there. More stuff needs to come up, or come out of me. One thing that seems to happen a lot is that stories, scenes, ideas, often little thing will just present themselves, and I'll realize I need it for that story. More time needed there.
Okay, that's my latest rant on the writing world...and life in general. Away we go...
Last Monday, I interviewed at one of my workplaces for a full-time gig. The discussions went really well, and I had to admit I felt very much in line to get this job. I certainly have the experience, the skill, and all that other stuff to make it a good go.
As often is the case, there's always one more person with just a bit more of what they're looking for. Actually, there may have been more than one, I'm sure of it; I appreciated being considered, and I got a nice phone call from my potential boss saying I was passed over.
I was not surprised; I've learned you cannot get your hopes up too high, or you will come crashing right down on your ego. It's not fun.
Now, I do admit there was a letdown; I momentarily felt bad, and envisioned myself smashing my head against a wall and screaming, "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK...!"
Then it passed. Very quickly, actually. Nothing has changed; I still work there, I am going to be needed in that capacity, and I still have options.
One of those is kind of one I should have thought of before, but I did look into it the past couple of days. Not much to expect out of that, but we'll see.
My other options remain; one of which is a practical consideration, which means holding out for a bit and waiting to see what transpires.
The other, I carry on with. This one is the longer-range goal, but I have continued on this line for nearly four years, and I cannot see a need to stop.
We're of course talking about my writing. I have finished off edits of two of my manuscripts in recent days, and I feel quite good about the improvements that were made.
This is not a me-me thing, but I have been intensely creative since I began writing the first installment of the Sweet Dreams Series in August of 2007. I have completed three fiction series of the kind that readers of the SDS drafts will understand; I have also completed a series of stories of a more adult-oriented nature, and that means the main characters are adults mostly, and these are for a more adult market. Though again, people of all ages can read these and get an idea of where I am going.
This is where I'm going; I am a writer, and again I believe. The same way Eddie Izzard said you have to believe you are whatever you are in order to succeed, no matter how long that takes you.
Izzard toiled in obscurity for many years, and he paid his dues. I remember Patricia Routledge (Hyacinth from Keeping Up Appearances, and numerous other stage, screen and TV roles) saying of a fellow actress who had worked for many years without ever being known that well, then finally getting her chance to show what she had. It's a great feeling to have that happen, and to see others have it work for them.
There are numerous friends I have about me who are writers of one kind or another. One is self-published; Jim Henry is the author of the "Antiquity Calais" series. The first book is out there, and he's getting the second one ready.
I am not into the self-publishing route, because I am aware that I do not know the first thing about it. Even what I do know, I don't feel confident on; I suppose also I want to do it the old-fashioned way, ie, going with an agent and a publisher because I want to see for myself (not just the readers of the world) that I can do this, and be successful at it.
For me, success is getting signed, and getting published. It has nothing to do with book sales figures, hitting #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list, or any of that. There are levels to success: the first one is getting there.
The second is perpetuating the storyline of the SDS, and how I see it working out. This has potential, and as I've said to others, there is nothing I've done in my life I feel more confident about than this.
The other series? The other stories? Most of them are as good, if not better. Some still need work, sure; they all do. I will see it through as long as I live.
In the meantime, what do you do? You keep writing. You keep working. You keep doing what you have to do to survive, and moving forward. That's it, folks, at least in my view.
No one is to blame for it not happening, and no one has stood in my way. I've taken this the direction I want it to go, and it'll go where it's meant to.
It is hard to patient, yes; but you have to be. This is a huge exercise in patience, but I feel like I've grown up just enough to make it work. It will, dammit!
Right now, I have one manuscript that is bugging the shit out of me. The Beauty Way has never really panned out the way I hoped it would. I've rewritten quite a bit, and lengthened the story; problem is, it's too familiar to me. It does not work.
That's a challenge; to make it work, and I will get back to it one day, but for now, it's just not there. More stuff needs to come up, or come out of me. One thing that seems to happen a lot is that stories, scenes, ideas, often little thing will just present themselves, and I'll realize I need it for that story. More time needed there.
Okay, that's my latest rant on the writing world...and life in general. Away we go...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
"Did you ever get the feeling you've been cheated?"--John Lydon
I sometimes wonder if I have...there is a strange influx of weirdness going on right now. A lot of it has to do with my current situation, and perhaps my concerns about where it's all going.
I have to go work soon to do the KYW 1060 sports shift; no big deal, and it's work that I have no problems with. Last night was interesting...three of the Dharma Fools caught up and we did some work on a song of Dan's.
The rhythm is still in my brain, and hasn't gone away. My role in the song is minimal, which is fine. It's a difficult piece, because it's in a key that I know nothing about...I know nothing about keys anyway.
I have started to wonder about my directions. The radio biz is the same, no changes planned for there. Then there's the band, TrafficTalk starts next Tuesday.
I also have to wonder about the potential offer of another job coming my way. I don't know what to make of it, because I've heard and seen nothing that tells me anything is coming.
Had a very strange moment in the dead of night: I awoke to one of the more unusual experiences I've faced in recent years. Got the very strong premonition that something bad had happened, or would happen.
Ever get that really strange feeling? That extremely creepy feeling that shit is about to hit the fan, and probably you?
It was a form of partial paralysis. Nothing was wrong with me, but I wondered immediately about my family, and then the people closest to me. Had something happened? Well, I've not heard from anyone, so perhaps it was just my imagination. Very weird.
I'm feeling very conflicted, and uncertain. I need to see what is going to go down here, in the next few days, and a lot of it will deal with my schedule, and also what I must do for those important things.
I finished another edit of "The Beauty Way" this afternoon. I've written in some new scenes, but it's still not right. There's something missing, and some of the scenes and characters are disjointed, badly.
Need to figure that out, before I can consider the next project. That one's coming on...and I gotta find the time to work that one out before I try anything with it.
I may well have overextended again; but it may also have to do with the fact that for two years, I've done pretty much what I wanted. Rather enjoyed that freedom; maybe I don't want to be tied down anymore.
Who knows...?
I have to go work soon to do the KYW 1060 sports shift; no big deal, and it's work that I have no problems with. Last night was interesting...three of the Dharma Fools caught up and we did some work on a song of Dan's.
The rhythm is still in my brain, and hasn't gone away. My role in the song is minimal, which is fine. It's a difficult piece, because it's in a key that I know nothing about...I know nothing about keys anyway.
I have started to wonder about my directions. The radio biz is the same, no changes planned for there. Then there's the band, TrafficTalk starts next Tuesday.
I also have to wonder about the potential offer of another job coming my way. I don't know what to make of it, because I've heard and seen nothing that tells me anything is coming.
Had a very strange moment in the dead of night: I awoke to one of the more unusual experiences I've faced in recent years. Got the very strong premonition that something bad had happened, or would happen.
Ever get that really strange feeling? That extremely creepy feeling that shit is about to hit the fan, and probably you?
It was a form of partial paralysis. Nothing was wrong with me, but I wondered immediately about my family, and then the people closest to me. Had something happened? Well, I've not heard from anyone, so perhaps it was just my imagination. Very weird.
I'm feeling very conflicted, and uncertain. I need to see what is going to go down here, in the next few days, and a lot of it will deal with my schedule, and also what I must do for those important things.
I finished another edit of "The Beauty Way" this afternoon. I've written in some new scenes, but it's still not right. There's something missing, and some of the scenes and characters are disjointed, badly.
Need to figure that out, before I can consider the next project. That one's coming on...and I gotta find the time to work that one out before I try anything with it.
I may well have overextended again; but it may also have to do with the fact that for two years, I've done pretty much what I wanted. Rather enjoyed that freedom; maybe I don't want to be tied down anymore.
Who knows...?
Friday, January 14, 2011
Another Long Week, and Weekend Coming
First, a shameless plug:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2hOVvsnkZM
Go here to see a rough mix of a new Dharma Fools track, tentatively called "For Whom the Bell Tolls (For You)." This is one of Dan's guitar pieces, spiced up by Johnny's lead licks and effects, plus his video wizardry.
The song was worked on by the three of us tonight. Dan added a bass part, and I have a semblance of a rhythm guitar as well.
There are words, Johnny's working on those. So a good night.
My Pro Tools is acting up...no fun...gotta figure what's wrong there.
A long week...I've made some decent headway on "The Beauty Way," a book I wrote last summer, and have finally begun to edit properly, as well as add new scenes, and flesh it out. Still a short book, 170 pages...there will be more to add to it, hopefully.
I'm beat...a weekend of work coming, and hopefully TrafficTalk kicks off on Tuesday. We've done a bit more walking through, and I think this is gonna be a good go.
http://www.traffictalk.info/ has more on what we're doing.
I ran into Chess Guy again today; that meeting was postponed about a recording studio, so we'll see how that went tonight. I need to see this place, and see how I might fit in, if possible.
Not counting anything before it's done; I'll see what comes down.
I'm falling down...so I need to crash...but I have more to write!
Urg. Finished reading Larry McMurtry's "The Last Picture Show." A good, but dark and stark read in a lot of ways. Something good to learn from, that is for certain. Quite liked it on a lot of levels.
Now I'm off...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2hOVvsnkZM
Go here to see a rough mix of a new Dharma Fools track, tentatively called "For Whom the Bell Tolls (For You)." This is one of Dan's guitar pieces, spiced up by Johnny's lead licks and effects, plus his video wizardry.
The song was worked on by the three of us tonight. Dan added a bass part, and I have a semblance of a rhythm guitar as well.
There are words, Johnny's working on those. So a good night.
My Pro Tools is acting up...no fun...gotta figure what's wrong there.
A long week...I've made some decent headway on "The Beauty Way," a book I wrote last summer, and have finally begun to edit properly, as well as add new scenes, and flesh it out. Still a short book, 170 pages...there will be more to add to it, hopefully.
I'm beat...a weekend of work coming, and hopefully TrafficTalk kicks off on Tuesday. We've done a bit more walking through, and I think this is gonna be a good go.
http://www.traffictalk.info/ has more on what we're doing.
I ran into Chess Guy again today; that meeting was postponed about a recording studio, so we'll see how that went tonight. I need to see this place, and see how I might fit in, if possible.
Not counting anything before it's done; I'll see what comes down.
I'm falling down...so I need to crash...but I have more to write!
Urg. Finished reading Larry McMurtry's "The Last Picture Show." A good, but dark and stark read in a lot of ways. Something good to learn from, that is for certain. Quite liked it on a lot of levels.
Now I'm off...
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010: Upon Further Review...
Okay...Old Man 2010 is about to have one more for the road...where are we now?
I have not taken that much time to look back at '10; it was an interesting year. Back in the radio business, and surprised at the prospect of staying in it for a while. The writing has gone at a frantic, but satisfying pace. The mad triumverate of myself, Riz and Jen must get at it to turn out some more manga stuff for the SDS, and I'm finally starting to make sense of the abortion known as the Beauty Way.
That book has been a royal pain in my ass. It was going to be a half-book, but I don't like it; so more stuff going in. A lot more. It could be quite some time before the draft is satisfactory.
TrafficTalk appears ready to roll next month. More training coming, then I'll hopefully have what I need to get some part-time hours in exchange for shares. Till at least we get the right funding. Leave it to the brain trust down in Northern VA to figure that out.
Emotionally: up and down year, yet another one. My depression had its moments of fucking with me, but not enough to cause any major demolition of my psyche.
To make a point on the whole year: steps forward, yes. Still up in the air: the SDS in terms of finding a publisher, getting Ahltyrra back together in some form, finding out if ever certain personal matters can be resolved, and if I can financially continue on this course.
Money...blech.
I fucking hate the concept of it. Fortunately, my living expenses are not huge, and I have been pretty decent at keeping spending on a reasonable level. I can for the time being work this way, but soon I need to see TrafficTalk bringing me some $$$, not just shares. Not gonna demand it, sure, but we need to get it off the ground, and hopefully we can go from there.
Now...in the radio business, the one thing I've learned after 26 years is: stick around. Hold a position, and soon the higher-ups will find out that you know what you're doing, and give you more work.
Are you listening, Radio PA and Clear Channel? Heehee...actually, I'm very happy to be back in the business at all, so I'm not gunning to push anyone out. I'll wait, bide my time, do my job and do it properly. Then we'll see.
I turned 45 on Nov. 1. The number 45 is a very strange one for me; it seems to pop up in my life a lot. I don't know the significance of it, but it means something to me.
I want to believe 2011 will be my year for at least one major step forward. I have to keep working in that direction, and not quit anything I don't have to.
The fun is about to begin, I really feel it.
Enjoy your New Year...see you on the other side!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I Ain't Ever Satisfied (Steve Earle)
At the Office, before I head out on my latest job. Kaitryth wishes to hire me as her "driver" for a time. Kera is returning to work, so her coven/housemate cannot do it, and the old Neon finally said, "Bye."
I have the time, at least for now, after that, we'll have to see.
Made it through the holidays; I have to find out where I'm supposed to be this weekend. There's a NYE event in Selinsgrove I will be at, and I must get directions for all of it. Too many this and that things to deal with.
Oh, and I've embarked on a rewrite of a story I wrote last summer, "The Beauty Way." That is the title of a song by Eliza Gilkyson, and I own a cover of it by Ray Wylie Hubbard, which is really good.
The story only is about a half-book, about 130 pages, and I didn't like it. It became a semi-autobiographical rant, and I had to do better than that.
I'm adding new elements, and slowly trying to make sense of it all. It will take time to pull together, which I hope to do in the new year.
Nothing new on the agent front; we still have pubs. reading it, and I'm waiting to find out about them. Need to learn more about Jeanie's idea of packaging the first three of the SDS to work that way. An idea that would work, because the three stand on their own well. All that other happy horseshit.
The need to read other's work is a very good thing, but sometimes I think you have to guard against listening too closely or reading too deeply. You then become the people you're reading. Not good.
I awoke to WITF's "Radio Smart Talk." Now, I generally refer to this program as "Whine Talk," because the host and everyone on the show whine incessantly, and it's usually about local politics, or the disease of the week that's going to kill you. The callers are by and large whiny as well.
Talk radio is dead in terms of growth and development. Whining, complaining, false outrages, and staged activity that makes pro wrestling look like the UFC.
Anyway, today was a rerun of an interview with David Sedaris. Interesting guy, and they ran a cut of one of his short stories. Very intriguing style, and a very intelligent person. Clever stuff.
It's definitely not my style, but you can learn from that. If anything, I have to stay me, and not worry about what others think. The point is to get your point across, style and form be damned.
So anyway, back to "The Beauty Way." This is going to be different. This I suppose was my first stab at an adult novel or one with adults in it. I don't know where it's going to go, but I just feel I need to create a lot more than what is already there.
We'll see what happens, and I'm sure I'll let the whole world know about it, harharhar.
Steve Earle's old song was going through my Walkman as I started this, and yes, I ain't ever satisfied either. Not by much.
I can be for certain things, not others.
Oh...now I remember something Sedaris said that got me...he said in paraphrasing that we are always looking for something to make us feel better than the next person.
Case in point: someone found out another person had cancer. The first person (to themselves, I assume) thought well, that person is negative and has negative thoughts and so of course they got it.
The idea I think is that things like that can happen to any of us; we can't wish it away.
I do however feel that attitudes can contribute to health issues. They may not be the only thing, but they might play a part in it. The inability to let things go, guilt, fears, sadness, that kind of stuff. It's not something to dismiss out of hand.
You just have to wonder about these things; I suppose I am looking at that as well. Do I have things to get rid of? I do; but how is the question.
That's one of the reasons I write; to get those things out, as ugly and unpleasant as some of them might be. As my writings progress, more and more of that stuff gets out there, and I'm not sure what people are gonna make of that.
I do think that some of my family might just wonder what the fuck was going on in my head all those years. In certain areas, some of them will think it's just Tory being Tory. Others, they're probably gonna go, WHAT THE FUCK?!?
If anything, it'll make people think. At least I hope to do that.
As Eddie Izzard so correctly pointed out, "You have to believe." You have to believe that you are this, that or whatever.
I believe, no, I KNOW...
I have the time, at least for now, after that, we'll have to see.
Made it through the holidays; I have to find out where I'm supposed to be this weekend. There's a NYE event in Selinsgrove I will be at, and I must get directions for all of it. Too many this and that things to deal with.
Oh, and I've embarked on a rewrite of a story I wrote last summer, "The Beauty Way." That is the title of a song by Eliza Gilkyson, and I own a cover of it by Ray Wylie Hubbard, which is really good.
The story only is about a half-book, about 130 pages, and I didn't like it. It became a semi-autobiographical rant, and I had to do better than that.
I'm adding new elements, and slowly trying to make sense of it all. It will take time to pull together, which I hope to do in the new year.
Nothing new on the agent front; we still have pubs. reading it, and I'm waiting to find out about them. Need to learn more about Jeanie's idea of packaging the first three of the SDS to work that way. An idea that would work, because the three stand on their own well. All that other happy horseshit.
The need to read other's work is a very good thing, but sometimes I think you have to guard against listening too closely or reading too deeply. You then become the people you're reading. Not good.
I awoke to WITF's "Radio Smart Talk." Now, I generally refer to this program as "Whine Talk," because the host and everyone on the show whine incessantly, and it's usually about local politics, or the disease of the week that's going to kill you. The callers are by and large whiny as well.
Talk radio is dead in terms of growth and development. Whining, complaining, false outrages, and staged activity that makes pro wrestling look like the UFC.
Anyway, today was a rerun of an interview with David Sedaris. Interesting guy, and they ran a cut of one of his short stories. Very intriguing style, and a very intelligent person. Clever stuff.
It's definitely not my style, but you can learn from that. If anything, I have to stay me, and not worry about what others think. The point is to get your point across, style and form be damned.
So anyway, back to "The Beauty Way." This is going to be different. This I suppose was my first stab at an adult novel or one with adults in it. I don't know where it's going to go, but I just feel I need to create a lot more than what is already there.
We'll see what happens, and I'm sure I'll let the whole world know about it, harharhar.
Steve Earle's old song was going through my Walkman as I started this, and yes, I ain't ever satisfied either. Not by much.
I can be for certain things, not others.
Oh...now I remember something Sedaris said that got me...he said in paraphrasing that we are always looking for something to make us feel better than the next person.
Case in point: someone found out another person had cancer. The first person (to themselves, I assume) thought well, that person is negative and has negative thoughts and so of course they got it.
The idea I think is that things like that can happen to any of us; we can't wish it away.
I do however feel that attitudes can contribute to health issues. They may not be the only thing, but they might play a part in it. The inability to let things go, guilt, fears, sadness, that kind of stuff. It's not something to dismiss out of hand.
You just have to wonder about these things; I suppose I am looking at that as well. Do I have things to get rid of? I do; but how is the question.
That's one of the reasons I write; to get those things out, as ugly and unpleasant as some of them might be. As my writings progress, more and more of that stuff gets out there, and I'm not sure what people are gonna make of that.
I do think that some of my family might just wonder what the fuck was going on in my head all those years. In certain areas, some of them will think it's just Tory being Tory. Others, they're probably gonna go, WHAT THE FUCK?!?
If anything, it'll make people think. At least I hope to do that.
As Eddie Izzard so correctly pointed out, "You have to believe." You have to believe that you are this, that or whatever.
I believe, no, I KNOW...
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