Book Deals, Writing, and Other Stuff

Hello once again...life has been keeping me on a fast track for the past several weeks, so I have not had time to completely process what has been going on. For all we say about slowing down and stuff, we really don't.

I will say this: my full-time work at GeoTraffic has kept me before numerous computer screens or behind the wheel of my long-suffering Honda for longer than I want, but I cannot complain. I'm full-time, I will have proper insurance, and I'm finally getting paid.

...did I mention I also have a book deal?

Yes...it finally happened. 

It's sunk in, and this is quite an event in my career. Yes, a dream to some extent come true. 

Here's the deal: about a month ago, I received a contract offer from Sunbury Press, which is located near here. They have a pretty fair-sized company with quite a roster of folks. I'd seen their books about, but didn't know much about the company.

Last summer, when I promoted "Parasite Girls" at the Midtown Scholar in Harrisburg (yes, I'm really name dropping, aren't I?), I shared the space with Robert Walton, who is on their label, as it were. He's author of "Fatal Snow," an interested adventure type story. Nice guy, and he put me in touch with the publisher.

I'd gotten some good feedback from the fellow, and so I went on about my business of getting what I THOUGHT would be my next book, "Drifters..." ready to go.

For some reason, I decided to again try and pursue an agent or a publishing deal with another book, "A Moment in the Sun." This one got some really unusual feedback from people. My friend Alice heard my shabby synopsis, and said, that one's interesting...

Another friend, Kat took the time to read the draft for me. Her response was very good. She liked the main character, Rei; she understood what Rei went through, and what some of the others were doing. She got an awful lot of it.

She predicted a winner.

Meanwhile, another friend Shelby agreed to read "Drifters..." This was right up her alley, she's just above the age group, and was avidly reading works of that sort. She was quite taken and thrilled with the adventure, and positive.

But is it ready, I wonder?

Doing too much, and too fast, and with too many plates being balanced doesn't work anymore. Multi-tasking is something I no longer do well. It gets tougher as you get older, and yet other things aren't so bad.

I'd decided to go through the channels with Sunbury, and "A Moment..." I didn't expect much. One agency in New York did ask for a two-week read-through period...they eventually said no, like the others.

All the others. Rejection is stock in trade in life, folks. You deal with it.

So...all of a sudden, here's an offer. My attorney friend Marakay looked it over...standard industry contract, but no screwjob. No murky fine print, no, "NOW WE HAVE YOUR SOUL" type of stuff.

They also don't mind Mitch Bentley doing the cover, but that's my cost to bear. No worries; why do you think I have a job?

So I signed. I have about 60 days to get it in, and hopefully they'll grant me a little more so Mitch can do his magic.

For those who ask: "Drifters..." is on hold, but not permanently. I think it needs a little more time, and I need to see if the sequel holds up in my head. I think it does, but that's for another year. 

"A Moment in the Sun" is a more logical step forward, and Mitch I think is right in his analysis. Flipping the titles is not a bad thing.

Here's the intro:

https://www.behance.net/gallery/13569033/A-Moment-in-the-Sun-Chapter-1the-Beginning

Got some good feeling from people. They like the start of this one. Like "Parasite Girls," "Moment..." deals with a peculiar aspect of Japanese society, but this is a problem that can be anywhere, and is.

I won't tell you what it is. Sorry, heehee.

I think there's more to do, and I know this will not be out till next year, but things take time, and I need to be patient with this one.

As it stands, I have this, I have work, I have my health (precarious at times, it feels), but I must carry on.

Having "Parasite Girls" in hand was quite a good feeling...the one that I get from a true publisher, and when I see this in shops...yes, then I will have done it.

Dreams are not unattainable. You have to go for them. You have to make them happen, and you cannot let anything stop you.

I admit, this has come at the expense of other things. Mundane things, stuff others take for granted, or find so necessary in their own lives that they can't let go.

I've let an awful lot go, and I cannot regret what I have done or not done. In the end, I know what I'm doing is right. 

My hope is to live long enough to see the reactions, and see the real feedback from people who "got it." 

That's better than money, believe me.

So, if I don't speak to you before then, have a Joyous Yule, or however you enjoy your holiday. I don't mind how you do it, but the people who think Christ is in Christmas...well, that was a Pagan holiday you know. Christ didn't have a thing to do with it, until that story was written by a Roman aristocrat.

Heh. 

So now I must be off to shamelessly plug my upcoming book, and get my car fixed. Fun, fun...see you when I do.

Samhain, plus the Death of Anything Meaningful

Well, this is it.  October 31st, Halloween for most of us, and me for a while in life.  That's not really what it is, though, but at this high holy day/night of Samhain, I'm finding myself not feeling terribly spiritual.

Believe me, I want to be, but I realized today that now is the time for me to blog about something that has bothered me tremendously over the past few months.  I am again going through another shaking of my belief system, and I'm processing it about the only way I can.

I realize some of what I am about to say will likely offend you; that is not my intent.  This is not to disrespect anyone who has any (or no) views at all on the subjects I'm going to tackle.  

Now I'm also not home, so I don't have all the resources at my fingertips I might require, but I'm not sure I'll need them.  This is not going to be a treatise on anything academic, more just my opinion and feeling about things.

In the wake of a hurricane, I think a lot of our lives our really disrupted, and Samhain for Pagans, Wiccans and the like may be stuck in that same situation.  

My thoughts may meander, but I'll try not to do that.  First of all, we have the dark night of Samhain, but it is not meant to be dark in the way that other alleged religions would have you think.

We head into the winter, less sun, longer nights.  We have harvested the fruits of our labor, one would hope, and now we have time to reflect.  One of the periods of a Samhain ritual mirrors the Jewish time of Passover (I hope I'm right on this) where the dead are remembered.

This past year, there have been several deaths; too many to mention.  Friends, colleagues and others; I feel a disconnect from them, yet tonight they might come around before they move on.  If they have, then so be it.  It's made me think of my own mortality again, though I feel physically much more able to live on for a lot longer.  I just hope my mental status remains good enough to keep up.

This kind of moves me to what I'm starting to think has happened to us:  I'm starting to see the madness inherent in organized religion, and how it's being used and misused.

I don't have any particular dislike or hatred of any religion; I just don't like the way people use it.  Most of them use it for their own gain, and don't think one second about the consequences of their actions.

Those who claim to be holy or religious may well be trying to live that way, but then one must realize we are human and cannot be perfect.  We pass ourselves off as that, though; by every means necessary.

I read recently that one of the tenets of the Sikh faith is that each person must try to live an exemplary life.  Well, don't we all?  You hope...but what does that mean?  A good life?  A fulfilling life?  One that makes a difference?

Interpretation I think is part of it; I believe most faiths want its people to do that, to do good, and so forth.  Again, what is and what is not is open to interpretation, and that's where we get off course.

People who claim religion point to their holy texts...the Bible, the Koran, the this, the that...the fundamentalist (read: fanatical) and possessed believe their word is the only word, and that's it.

I find these texts interesting, as Sherlock Holmes once said, "to a collector of fairy tales."

I do not believe any of these religious texts are the word of "God."  They are stories, anecdotes, quotes; were they transmitted from someone in the know, or were they the creation of historians and very early public relations men?

Jesus supposedly didn't write anything down, because he didn't want it traced back to him.  So who wrote all that stuff?  I don't think he did, and I don't think his "Father" did, either.

Most of this stuff is written to keep people in line, in fear, and unable to get out of a shell.  Then we have the grotesque interpretations of same...

You see and hear it all the time; most people just chuckle at it, but I don't find it funny.  For example, parallels to Christianity and Islam:  certain sects of both faiths believe...are you ready for this?  That all musicians are homosexuals.

How about that?  Didn't know I was gay!  I have heard people spout that shit off.

12 words in the book of Leviticus makes "Alleged Christians" believe all the lies thrown down about homosexuality.  If it wasn't being gay, it'd be something else, believe me.

Most of these religions are all about subjugation, in the context of how they are interpreted and used.  The Protestantism I grew up with was not a hate-filled, fear-inspired, "Us against Them" religion.  The Bible was not a word for word way of life; it offered stories, guidelines and thoughts that were important, supposedly.  Faith in it all was one thing, but that faith had to be in yourself, as well.

I do feel a lot of people, regardless of their religion really do try to walk the walk as well as talk it.  Of course, the ones who talk the loudest are the ones I suspect the most.  You talk too much, you doth protest too much; sounds to me like you have something to hide.

An old and dear friend I went to a Catholic (yes!) college with many years ago, on finding I followed Buddhism asked me:  "Does that mean you do not believe in God?"

Good question.  At the time I recall saying no; because as a Pagan, I believed in a God and Goddess.

Now let me get into the context of that, and what I think they really are:

To me now, there is a higher power...it is a universal life force that flows within and without us.  God and Goddess are male and female labels and manifestations given this force, because we then can recognize and understand them.

There is something there, but I don't think it's anything you really can see.  You can feel it, yes; perhaps you can even commune with it.  It's there, but the question for me is:  do we really need the names, the labels, and all the trappings that go with it?

No matter what we call ourselves, we all have rituals and rites.  We again call them by different names; the holidays are the same, just different names.

The Pagan ways that pre-date Christianity are still there; largely, they have been co-opted, borrowed, even stolen.  

Now if I may get onto a topic that is more current:  about 15 years ago I came up with the phrase, "the obnoxious fad that passes for religion."  I used it in a radio commentary, and it raised an affirmation from my boss.

Religion, especially Christianity became a fad to me in the early 80's, but it was like that long before, with television and evangelicals like Billy Graham.  Graham is looked up to even by non-Christians but I honestly don't think that man deserves all the credit.  Considering the pro-war, hateful stance his son has taken since taking over for the old man, and that Billy has not corrected his idiot son makes me wonder.

Graham was virulently anti-Catholic in earlier days, and made clear that John F. Kennedy was not fit to be president, because of that.  He later backpedaled and apologized when he found out what a howler he'd committed.

What followed?  Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson; two men of hate if ever there were.  I recall a radio colleague trying to apologize for Falwell and his rants against "Witches."  I technically am one; wonder how this guy would have reacted if he knew?

The point I make:  a flimsy, unreal form of faith has penetrated our consciousness to the point that it no longer represents what it was meant to be.  We trivialize our faith and spirituality at every turn; politicians for eons have declared "God" to be on their side, and their party's side.  The media repeats quotes of "God" and prayer and anything like that because it supposedly makes good copy.  No, it's just "working God in there," and it makes me sick.

To me it is offensive.  One of the most egregious and disgusting acts has been the dog and pony show starring Tim Tebow.  The NY Jets backup quarterback is the frontman of a money-grubbing operation led by his father.  The "Tebowing" and all the sickly sweet things that guy does are done with calculation and with an eye toward making him look good...and making all of them money.

It's all like that.  

The man who became Buddha never called himself a "God."  He was a man, and never said he was anything else.  What he learned he passed on in oral tradition; the Four Noble Truths, his sayings, thoughts and so forth are all things that came to him, and he shared them with others.

After his death, his followers traveled that part of the world to bring those teaching to others.  A monk is said to have reached the west shore of Central American in the 5th Century; they made it as far as the Middle East.  Would it be too much to wonder...did Jesus meet one of these traveling monks and share information with him?  Possible.

I do think Jesus was a real person, and some of the stories are plausible.  Most of what is written of him is long after his death.  

Another point:  Jesus supposedly did not walk about the world crowing to all that he was anything special.  He did not need churches, mosques or temples to show off how great he was.  He didn't want everyone else making a lot of noise either.

Add to this the trappings we throw down; look at the churches, the temples, the cathedrals.  Modern day ones look like Wal-Marts or malls, but the old ones do have some charm in their architecture.  I want to think these places were built with love and with the right intent, but again, it's the people who run these things and how they run them.

The point is:  we have allowed things to surpass yet again our reason.  We allow those who claim the power and the special line to the almighty to rule us, and dictate what we will do and not do.  

It gets downright stupid; laws are made to govern that men must wear beards, women must cover their bodies because the men are too stupid to control themselves, and it's the women's fault anyway.  Men have to do this, women can't do that, and you must give 10% of your wealth or more to the church, and so forth and so on.

You know what?  None of that is the church's damned business!

Then we have the lovely scandals...the Catholic Church, and that ongoing scandal that will never end I fear.  Look at the Mormon Church; they supposedly outlawed polygamy and child brides in 1902, but it still goes on.  They do nothing to stop it.  Of course a "religion" founded on the alleged visions of a man who claimed an angel delivered him the plates of a book should be considered suspect.

We have permitted ourselves to be taken in, ruled and controlled.  Pure and simple.

So where do I fit into this?  I am still trying to figure it all out.  All I know is that while I want to ensure that you have a right to your own mind and can decide for yourself, also know I am not trying to change your mind.  

I am not saying you're wrong.  I am not saying anything of the sort; if it works for you, good.

"An' it harm none, do what ye will," is the mantra, but there are others.  

I believe in the life force, and I do think it's there.  The spirit world does exist, and it is all around us.  This is not for peace of mind, it just is.

IT JUST IS...mindfulness of Buddhism, the mindfulness training that Thich Nhat Hanh put forth...we are, it is, it's here, so are you and I.

We all are here...like it or not, we need to learn to exist together.  In most cases we do, but we do have a way of destroying ourselves, don't we?

Of late, people will note that Krishna Das has again become part of my spiritual life.  He is a vessel; the chants (or Kirtan) that he sings are songs and chants that go back centuries.

Krishna Das wrote in his book, "Chants of a Lifetime" that he was not singing to any deity, but just to his guru.  It was what he had to offer.

Meditation, chanting, prayer, mindfulness.  They are all the same thing.

We all do it one way or the other.

I respect your right to do it how you wish...just don't put it on others, which we unfortunately do too often.  We demand everyone be like us, or else.

That has got to stop.

Organized Religion should have its hall pass revoked.  What you are and what you will be should be up to you.  It's time for the so-called religions to pull their weight; to pay taxes, to register for selective service and serve this country in some way.  I love how we can send young people to war, but some of those who support and push for the war make sure their own kind doesn't have to go.

Decide for yourself, where things fit in your life and be practical.  Be thoughtful; be mindful.

I'm still trying; I don't where I'll end up tomorrow, but know this, I'm making an effort to be me, to be a decent person and to try and correct the crazy things that I know are not all right with me.

I'm not perfect, never will be, but I can be better.

Blessed Samhain to you and yours; whatever you do or don't, it is up to you.  

I don't see you any different than I did before; to my friends, my people, I'm still me, and you're still you.  Let's keep working to stay together on that, and respect our differences, and the things that make us different.

For me, it's the life force that guides us.  If you think I'm fucking nuts, you have a right to your opinion.  

Peace, I'm outta here.

Day 16: Riding Out the Storm

Here we are on June the 1st, and it is on a day such as this that it's decided to go dark.  We just got hit with a good downpour through the late afternoon, and it hasn't adjusted my moods.


I am now on the 16th day without my anti-depressants.  The first 30 days are the worst, that I know, and I'm feeling it.  


By the way:  I am NOT writing this to make YOU feel bad; nor do I wish to acquire your sympathy.  This is also NOT a cry for help; I'm okay, I'm doing what I have to do.  I suppose the main reason I am doing this is so that I can explain to you just what is racing through my brain in the absence of the medications.


Time will tell whether going off them was a good idea or not.  So many people are in one camp or the other:  either, it's OMG YOU HAVE TO BE ON THOSE THINGS FOR LIFE OR OMG WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.................


...and then there's the other:  OMG THOSE DRUGS ARE KILLING YOU AND DESTROYING YOUR LIFE AND OMG YOU WILL NEVER REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL AND YOU'LL BE SHUFFLING AROUND LIKE A ZOMBIE ALL YOUR LIFE AND OMGOMOGOMGOMGOMG...


STOP IT.  RIGHT NOW.


It's too fucking soon to know which is the right course of action.  I have to feel this is the right way for me to go, at least now.  If things get too extreme or dangerous, then I'll consider what to do about it.


I do not feel in any situation I'm going to require sectioning or any of that shit.  So let's get the white-coated orderlies out of our heads right now.


I do admit to going through a fair amount of cycling; what that to me means is that my body is over-adjusting or over-compensating to the stimuli that's attacking me.


I am again feeling the lows very strongly.  They are not good; I am trying to convince myself that these will pass, and that I will be all right.


I am not feeling the highs at all.  I generally don't anyway.  I have reasons to feel that way, but I'm not sure yet of how they are going to manifest.


How do I feel?  One moment to the next, different.  I have managed some small changes that will be good for me in the long run.  I got a fair amount of cleaning done earlier this week, and things look a little better.


More to do there.


Stress...the level is extremely high at times.  I'm getting wound way too fucking tightly over things that I need to remember and accept as being the way they should be.


Guess what one of those things is...wait for it...


COMPUTERS.


Oh that's a good one, isn't it?  Considering how much time I spend on-line?


I find I am not very patient with these little items.  If they don't work, I ain't happy.  I must also remember that computers are only as smart as those who program or use them.


Quite a few times in the past two or three days I've been ready to smash my laptop.  Or my home PC.  I mean smash and destroy it.


Childish, yes.  Destructive, yes.  Stupid, very much so.


Yet in those moments, your mind does not think so.


Just need to take a deep breath, and remember that in that time, you must be patient.  Exercises in patience.  Indeed.


Need to pull back from it, too.  Got to convince my brain to think a little more.


The cycling is an issue, because it does not allow me to think clearly, or straight about things that I have to consider.  It's nearly impossible to think for any length of time about things that I have to think about.  I have to focus on certain things, and it will not happen.


I have to regain command of that ability.


I'm also seeing and hearing the voices that I know are not there.  The images of people (especially my family) who used to mock me when I was struggling.  They thought they were being funny; they thought they were trying to bring my attention to what my behavior must have looked like.


FUCK YOU ALL.  FUCK EVERY ONE OF YOU.  YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!


Ask my sister-in-law, who suffers from bipolar disorder; she has been, and I don't think it's a stretch, on the edge of madness for a long time.  Her issues are deeper than mine, harder to handle and harder to understand.  


I don't have what she has; thankfully I have not found myself there in the long-term in many years.  But I get it; oh, I get it.


So anyway...I've been sitting at one of the "Offices" for the past couple of hours, getting a few things in order.  I have been considering a bit of clean-up on the laptop, and that has been a good thing.


I have cleared tons of pages from my favorites that I don't need.  True, a lot of those were reference or resource sites for my writings, but I just don't need them.


I feel scattered all over the goddamn place, but that is what that is.  


I'm still working out, and I do feel a bit of energy returning there, and again, that has really been a good part of the recovery.  I'm not doing crazy shit like some of these people do (just look around and you see crazy everywhere)...none of this "I lift things up and put them down" shit.


My knees are a wreck, and I have to stay with the pool.  The bike is off-limits till this heals right.


Now how does one cope:

Check this out.


Krishna Das has given me a platform to get back to my Buddhist side...but then my Wiccan and Pagan sides are all a part of this.


I've been listening to "Breath of the Heart" and the CD included in his book, "Chants of a Lifetime."  This is shocking, in terms of what this does for me.


I am fucking moved.


Through what is offered, I was moved to write a song called "All One," which became one of Ahltyrra's most requested songs.  It is from a Hindu chant that is on "Breath of the Heart."  KD himself gave his blessing to my adding my own lyrics and arrangement.  It became something you won't believe.


I have also written another with this:

This is not something I just dove into.  I've been aware of this since 2006; it's been in and out of my life.


It is part of my meditation, and what I do.  


It's helping, believe me.


And while we're at it:  I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT "CHRISTIANS" SAY ABOUT THIS.


I know most Christians don't believe this, I truly know...but for those who can't get it:


THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SATANISM NOR HAS IT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING THAT IS A FUCKING THREAT TO THEM.


GET OVER YOURSELVES...NOW.


This is fucking saving my life right now.  If it keeps me from destroying all that I have or don't have, I'd say it's good.


Okay...enough of that.


I'd say to anyone who is struggling like me...if you can make it on your own, that's great.  If not, it's okay to ask for help.  When it gets really bad, if people don't get it, then they can't help you.


Keep looking.


It's all good.


Well, I feel a whole lot better after that.  Imagine.


Okay, thanks for reading, and know that you ain't alone, it might just take a while to go looking for it.


Good will hunting, or whatever that's supposed to mean.


Peace.

More Weirdness, and Strange Thoughts

So it has been a few days, and I wonder if there's been any progress. I rather doubt it, but for my own peace of mind I have to put some new things out there.


Part of my decision making process has been to consider just what needs to change.  When you recover from illness of any kind, doctors generally say that the repair of the body is the first thing that needs to be done.  The mind can wait, because it will follow after that.


I remember that very much being the case when I was in my car wreck in '94.  I had a long physical recovery, which did not get any assist from the other illness that followed it.  Mentally, I was not myself for probably two years.  I was there, but not always there.


That was then.  Physically, not much has to change right now.  So I can safely go to the mind, and figure out what needs to be done.


I knew that certain associations had to be cut.  One of the most difficult is my coven; as I have formally informed my leader, I believe it is okay to say so now:  I am leaving my coven, once we can prepare for the parting, and the other matters I must take care of in order to make a right exit.


Protocols are different in any group, but you don't just say, "That's it, I quit!" on something like this.  Certain others have done that, and it's bad form, along with whatever karmic madness that is likely to follow you.


That is a difficult decision, but it's one that I put off for two years.  Most of you are aware of the "relationship" that existed between the leader and myself.  We both thought that was in the past, but apparently it was not.  There to me is still an invisible link, if you will.


Also, that part of my life, while good, educational and inspiring, has come to an end.  I can give no more, and it can give me no more.  I have learned all that's learnable there.


I have to take in hand my own plans for my development and resumption of growth.  What I am does not change, only it will go forward.  I have to look into some other areas, too.


A lot of things are going to change; as I've warned, if people don't see me it's not because I'm avoiding them.  It's not because I no longer like them, or anything silly like that.  I just have to go this way, or else I'll go mad.  Or perhaps, madder than I naturally am.


Alice gave me some ideas...she lent me a pair of interesting books...it's funny how I used to read voraciously, then I stopped.  My attempts to read books that I thought were useful to me, I could not.  They would morph as I read into these repetitive, twisted plays on words that stopped making sense about halfway through.  What good is that?


When I began to write the Sweet Dreams Series in 2007, I didn't read much at all.  I was too busy creating my own universe to worry; but it is true, you really do need to read other writers' work, because you can learn a great deal.


Still, haven't read much, but now and again I would find things that did interest me, from either the storyline or the standpoint that I could understand that person's writing style.


Among them is Larry McMurtry, who of course wrote "Lonesome Dove" and "The Last Picture Show."  His style is very different, very short sentences, paragraphs, etc.  It's his unique way.  "Picture Show" was the book that pretty much made his career, and his recent "Rhino Ranch" ended the four-book series of that subject.  Great stuff.


It was no surprise that I'd become a fan of his son, James before all this.  James is a brilliant musician and songwriter, with some incredibly gritty, humorous and well-written songs.  I would recommend his "Live in Europe" recording which recently came out, or "Just Us Kids."  If you can find his 1990 recording, "Too Long in the Wasteland," that's also great.


So anyway...a lot of my spiritual readings tend to disappear into that aforementioned whatever...I just lose the plot.  Were they writing to fill up the book or what?


Alice did lend me a book by Osho, about relationships, which helped her back when she needed it.  I have a deck of cards by this man, which always make you think and refocus a little.  You're supposed to use one card a week, read it, think about it.


His opinions on religion will shock and anger a lot of people, but the idea is to get beyond the things that keep us unhappy, in place, and fucked up.  It's a slow, thoughtful read.


Easier was a short book of meditations by Tony DeMello...these are things I kind of know about, but a refocus comes through them.


I found one of my own...Jidda Krishnamurti wrote one called "Where Can Peace Be Found?"  This one is quite good.  I would recommend this to anyone; peace has to start with us, and we cannot rely on a church or a gov't to do this.  We can't even rely on our friends or family...it starts with us.


I think all of this is telling me, that I do again have to take a stronger hand than I have before in finding my own form of peace.  There are, as I've said times when I have it, and times when I don't.

Then there's this...I have never fully understood them, but Krishna Das brought these prayers and chants to the world.  One of these formed the basis of an Ahltyrra song, "All One."


The one you hear is becoming part of a new song.  I found myself chanting this one while driving the other day, and the calming atmosphere that arrives is a needed thing.


So there's more Buddhist stuff to be found here...a lot of the mindfulness, the grounding and centering required in Paganism, and these other things.  Basically, quieting myself before I can go anywhere else.


###


That said, I did another edit of SDS-2, aka "Call it Love."  Needed it; I'm starting to find my writing style in another direction, and I think the first two books of the series are finally on the track required.  All good.


Other than that, need to get my head together further...not always easy, and I have a feeling I'm going to be in the wilderness for a bit.  Whatever; needs to be done.

Over, Under, Sideways, Down...When Will it End?

Oh, it's on now!


The re-recorded Yardbirds tune came onto my Walkman just a few minutes ago.  I do feel like I've been taken over, under, sideways and down the past 12 hours.


I had a talk with Alice that lasted about six hours yesterday, then we had a phone convo that lasted more than an hour.  Relationships!  Well, I'm glad we did have it; I am NOT sharing the lurid details, because they ain't nobody's business but our own.  Suffice to say, things needed to be talked about, and it's all good.


Now...my attempts to edit "Silk Road Days" got about two pages, as I was diverted by other things.  Always something.


OK...I have been castigated as a hypocrite!  Can you believe that shit?  Apparently, my good friend Riz, she of the "Letters from the Disgruntled Fringe" blog has caused the hairs inside the butt of a "Christian" to stand up on end, and oh boy is he up in arms!


He's not too happy with me, either.  Yes, I must be a Visigoth in his Catholic eyes; Riz and I, among others are those who have ground the fine principles of fairness, morality and probity under our Pagan Wheels!


Well, ain't that a muthafuckin' bitch?


This all comes from Riz and her posting on Facebook about that Wall Street Journal writer, bitching about YA novels and what pervs us writers are in general.  I wrote about this in yesterday's blog, "The First Duty."


The Catholic fellow was mostly going on Riz, and I will say he might have a couple of pretty good points.  He did however go off on a rant, more than once about Riz's points of view, and on my blog.  


He was right, it did go off into a rant, but that is how I write on the fly.  Add to it, I was focusing on a specific part of society, which really is out of touch with the world about them.


This guy is a little out of it, too, in my own opinion.  This goes back to another of my recent writings about Child Worship and Child Obsession.  He I fear is far too overprotective of his children; far be it from me to say he is a bad parent, because I honestly do not think he is.  He is doing the best he can, with the tools at hand and what he feels is right.  I can't say ill of that.


I just think he's a bit too obsessed with molding his kids in his own image, and not letting them be children, and also not letting them be the human beings they will be.


We try too damned hard to turn our children into images of ourselves; some parents, and I see a lot of 'em here where I live, who have become so obsessed and paranoid that they become a detriment to their own kids' development.


It's not their fault, again with what tools one has to work with.  You have to realize though...people are gonna leave the nest and be what they'll be.  Is it not better to allow your child to open his/her mind and let them think for themselves?


I don't think a lot of parents do that.  They are so obsessed with controlling every aspect of their kids' lives, then they wonder why the kid flunked out of college, or if they did graduate, why they're back home living in the room they grew up in, unable to find a job beyond the third shift at Wal-Mart, or with thousands of dollars in credit card debt (all of these are actual individuals that I know personally)...and the folks wonder why.


Look in the mirror.  You're all trying, yes, but too hard.


Too often I see parents totally living out their dreams through their kids.  They make their kids what they wish they could have been...they make them play sports, make them go to dance classes, shove them into theatre, slam them into youth ministry and church activities.


Because THE PARENTS were failures at one or all of these, and they fantasize that the kid is THEM.  


Hey, if a kid expresses interest and an aptitude for these things, then wonderful.  If you as a parent can help them along and facilitate this, more power to you!  Just remember:  you cannot be Stage Mommy or Daddy...DON'T use your kids, let them be kids.


This all gets back to the fact that a lot of parents are so megalomaniacal that they monitor every second of their children's lives because they fear there's a pervert around every corner that will warp their fragile little eggshell minds.


As I said to that individual, and this is based on my own interactions with my folks:  the sooner you learn that life is hard, not fair, the better a person you will be.


As a kid, it was hard to get it at first, but I did soon after.  No harm, no foul, no one hurt.


We are also constantly trying to find the BAD in everything!  Everything we don't understand...where's the bad, the evil, the negative, the wrong?  Can't see it, it MUST BE THERE SOMEWHERE, WE HAVE TO FIND IT!!!


I suppose we all are too quick to judge, and rip on each other.  Sometimes, I feel I cannot do but hit back, because I have been called so many things when it comes to what I hold dear.  


"I defend your right to (believe in God), but please know that you're wrong!" -- Jim Jeffries


One opinion...me, it makes me laugh.


I don't agree with Jim on that, but my beliefs are not so simple...but, I know Riz's debate partner would probably say I'm wrong, or worse.


We worry too much, folks...waaaaaayyyyy too much.  We worry about everything we see in the media, we attack what we don't like, and in extreme cases, we try to destroy.


We obsess too much about things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things.  We fear the gov't is out to get us; Christians live in fear that non-Christians and Atheists are out to get them; too many people are busy attacking left and right.


We need to get off our high horses, and start thinking a little bit.  I know, that's hard, and rational, logical thinking is difficult for 99% of our nation, but well...


As human beings, we need to GROW UP.


We need to start seeing each other as human beings.  Now, this is gonna blow your brains, but think about it:


1.  CLOTHES DO NOT MAKE THE PERSON.  I don't give a fuck what you wear or don't wear.  I don't fucking care if you wear a suit or blue jeans; I don't care if your kid wears a school uniform or cutoffs and a t-shirt; and I really don't care what anyone wears.


I make jokes about stuff like that all the time...I certainly am not a fashion plate, nor do I care to be.  You must NEVER judge a person by clothes, hair, skin color, tattoos, whatever.


People for years...my family, one of my old bosses, and others have said my image lends people to feel numerous emotions about me:  fear is one of them.  "You scare people," my old friend Bob once said.  Maybe I do, but if you're gonna judge me on my looks, then I'm sorry...I really don't want anything to do with you, if we have never met.


2.  YOUR RELIGION IS YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, AND SHOULD STAY THAT WAY.


I don't have a problem with people having faith.  It's when you misuse it that I get offended.


I am a Buddhist and a Wiccan...the parallels are very much the same, they really are.  But I'm sure some of you will see me as some chanting hippie or a Satanist.  Your loss.


I DO NOT see all Christians for example, as hateful, obsessive individuals who attack others publicly.  I know many Christians who walk the walk and talk the talk as well.  They go by the belief that Jesus walked about in this world in a quiet manner, and did not attack and assault others.  His anger in terms of tossing the moneychangers out of the temple is one thing...an expression of anger, as Thich Nhat Hanh might say, is using it when it is required.


Taking care of Anger...it is an emotion that is a part of us...you must take care of it as you would yourself.  It doesn't mean you can't feel anger, or express it.  Just do not let it explode.


I have to be fair...my car has a Born Again Pagan sticker on it.  Some people ask me what it actually means, and I'm glad to tell them.  So to be fair, I don't care if people have Jesus or other religious stickers on their car.  Your business.


It's when people leave notes on your car about how "wrong" you are, or veiled threats about repenting, that's where I get ripshit.  Also, I despite people who justify hate and worse at people because they are not "just like them."


3.  SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU, PERSONALLY.


25 years ago, I believed things like that.  As you get older, you do indeed mature, and I've seen the world in a different light.  I am stunned to see so many people, normally who would be among the nicest, most interesting and intelligent people I know, suddenly go off the deep end.


The Rapture...Obama is a Muslim...Black Helicopters...WE'RE BEING WATCHED BY THE GOVERNMENT...the Pagans sacrifice children and animals (yep, I've heard that one)...THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME.........


GROW THE FUCK UP!


The government has more important things to do than worry about some damned unemployed sap who's glued to Fox News and Rush Limbaugh 24/7, the soccer mom who's obsessing over their three kids and their theatre/soccer/MMA practice (joking a little), and the religious wingnut who's stocking an underground bunker with three years' supply of canned goods and bottled water (I know one of those, too, yes I do...we were on jury duty together!).


4...(um, where were we?)


Oh yeah...I'm having to laugh right now.  This has been fun to write, because it helps clear my head, and I surely hope you might be able to do that yourself.  


Breathe, peeps...not every YA novel is going to corrupt your kid's mind...DIDN'T YOU WANT THEM TO READ INSTEAD OF PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, DAMMIT?!?


Not everything Lady Gaga says or does will kill you or your children.  Glenn Beck is not going to preside over the end of the world, unless you choose to follow him.  Obama is not sending the Men in Black to your house tonight (unless of course, you publicly threaten him).


Let's stop worrying so much over every little thing.  Let's open our eyes and see the world for what it is...and let's stop fighting over which God is better than the other...Steve Earle wrote, "God is God,"  and really it's all the same.


All things are the same, just as they were in the past, just in different forms.  Stop being so tight-assed and so paranoid.  We're not all gonna die, not yet; none of this is the end of the world.