It is time as we approach the Deep and Dark December, that I again realize that I have to devote a period of time to this blog thing. I haven't done it much of late, because I'm busy. And I don't often feel I have much to contribute to the blogverse any longer.
Someone recently made an observation about my busy nature. It is that, to be busy, to be occupied, to be doing things. An old friend counseled me in her way of saying something without meaning it be a judgment, that I was doing things to keep myself busy.
She would be right.
The important thing for me is to try and keep myself moving forward, despite the ever-increasing need to focus an ever-declining number of brain cells toward tasks at hand.
The Simon & Garfunkel tune has always resonated with me. I wonder who that misanthropic character is based on. Interesting that song out of so many wonderful ones from that period showed up on my radar as a young person, and stayed.
I had old Columbia 45's (remember those?) my brothers had and left...I think those were David's, but I can't be sure. Anyway, the music of the late 60's was in the head of a young child, post-Boomer, pre-70's, who knows what I was.
I'm aware of certain things from that period, not all of them good. I remember the music my brothers listened to specifically: Beatles, Stones, CCR, Dylan, the Doors, I think. Not a bad template to learn from, and the generations after that followed them.
Music again is coming back around for me, but it is not taking. An old friend and bandmate is interested again, as is a friend from another project. I don't know.
I honestly don't. I can still write, but do I have the health, and/or the energy to do another band, another project? I have some questions that need to be asked before I commit.
My writing...I am a pre-Curmudgeonly Zen Pagan Bastard who is in a Fucking Hurry. I am trying to be patient.
I had a very interesting experience the past couple of weeks, and I want to share what happened with the online retailer Amazon.
I give you Exhibit A:
"Parasite Girls" came out in 2013, and you can get it from me (when you see me, heh!), on Amazon.com and on Smashwords for cheap, if you have an e-reader, any of them.
Well, this book was mired down in about 8-millionth-515-thousandth place for fiction not that long ago. There are something like 11 million books for sale through Amazon.
My old friend Jim Henry, author of many interesting things, such as the Antiquity Calais series told me that he purchased his books full price for his book signing stock, because it helped his sales numbers.
I thought about that, and so I conducted a test. I bought ONE copy of "Parasite Girls," $9.99 plus shipping. I wanted to see what would happen; it takes a day for the figures on Amazon to catch up.
Next day, "Parasite Girls" was at 255-thousandth something.
What's that tell you?
Was that a fluke? So just for fun, I tried with my latest, "Live from the Cafe."
Well, it was at 7 or 8-millionth whatever, too. That jumped to 250-thousandth or thereabouts.
One book.
One full-price buy did that.
What. The. Fuck?
Not like I'm getting a lot of the cut for those, but damn. So friends, this is why we need to have the support of those who dig what we do.
If a few people, just a few people buy the book, Amazon and the muckety-mucks who know what's what in the literary world will take notice.
"And if two people do it...in harmony..." (Thank you, Arlo Guthrie)
It becomes an organization, or a movement.
You know, I totally get that my writings may not be your thing. I get that money is tight as fuck, and if the tax package those drooling bottomfeeders want to pass in DC goes through, it will be even tighter.
The thing I need, however, is not just that. I have to keep writing, I have to keep working, and I have to get the body of work going in the direction it needs to go.
I'm not seeing the support of the community the way we thought we'd see it. Local bookshops may not be in the keeping of a corporate office telling them everything to do, but they too must stock what they know they can sell. Shelf space is not easy in too many cases.
Doing my best to get my work out there, to get that attention, to get the public to meet the real, live author, and then it becomes the pitch that you hope gets people to whip out their card or their wallet.
Hardest part is when someone is supportive, and says they'll buy your stuff...and then they don't.
I don't mind if you don't, but don't bullshit me. If it is not your thing, I'm cool with it. My work is a semi-acquired taste, I realize that.
But I gotta get the next one ready, and I'm formulating too many things at once, while doing everything else at the same time.
This is how it is. I'm in a hurry, because I may leave this body before all things are in place. So that's why I'm like this.
Okay...now here's the topic of the week.
Sexual harassment, and/or assault.
Yikes.
The body count is rising. From Harvey Weinstein's antics, it now has crossed all manner of business. Roy Moore, in his fake "Christian" arrogance and the idea that women are handmaids and girls are virginal creatures for the taking and abuse is still likely to win a seat in Washington.
Matt Lauer, #1 seat holder on the "Today" show is gone, and suddenly.
And why am I not surprised about Garrison Keillor?
Well...first of all, I don't know any of these guys. But you see them, and you know the culture we are in.
In the media business, believe me, it hasn't changed much. The Boys Club is still that, and horny, crotch-grabbing, masturbatory world of 40 year olds who didn't make it past middle school for maturity. All you need do is listen to sports talk radio, or any talk radio, and you can hear it.
Let's think about harassment. You know, I was as guilty as some, but thankfully I have not suffered consequences other than embarrassment, having to face something I didn't fully understand, and then owning it.
One reason we have people like this is because we do not have frank, honest discussion about sex, sexuality, and the breaking down of roles, re: what we are and what women are, and how we're supposed to treat one another.
I had no social skills growing up. None. I had very little understanding for attractions, and I didn't always understand what others said. I was behind the curve.
The things we said in college...you have to know, I didn't have hardly any contact with high school peers. I remember emotionally how I was the first year in college, awkward, shy, not mature enough to be there.
I admit that my efforts to know certain people were taken wrong...but that is my fault.
I own not understanding how I creeped out people that were my friends. I didn't know, but I did know.
That immaturity lasted until I got called out my senior year by a young woman. She let me have it and I deserve what I got.
I apologized, and I think she accepted that.
That incident changed a lot of my thinking, but I still had a lot of growing up to do. I have at times not been correct, but I am certain I've not intentionally hurt anyone.
I learned my boundaries, and I want to think I am ever more mindful of that.
So why has this perpetuated itself all these decades?
Well, let's look at some of what I heard and saw in my career. Certain jobs I had were pretty chill, in terms of the male/female dynamic. I did have one issue with one fellow employee; me forgetting myself, not gauging a sense of humor, a fuckup again, on my part.
Beyond that and before it: I could not be surprised at the sexist, and misogynistic attitude some men (and men old enough to know better) displayed toward female colleagues, be they announcers, in sales, or interns.
Ei, but the interns got shit from some quarters. I remember one station was a mill for interns. One executive had nicknames for some of them. The prerequisite for an intern was not where you went to college, what you were doing in school, or what you had for any kind of track record, but how short were their skirts, and how big were their breasts.
That's an observation. I know what I saw, and heard. I found out that one of the young ladies who was in the place for a time trained as a kickboxer. I was manager of the station at the time; I gave her permission to use her skills as necessary.
She was amused, but she understood, and seemed to have been through it before. I kind of hoped to walk in one day and find one of the offenders lying on the floor after taking a roundhouse kick to the teeth.
One of my colleagues was still thinking he was in his 20's when he was not. He totally was convinced that if a young female sat, stood or breathed in his vicinity that, SHE WANTS ME!!!
FACEPALM.
My point is not to stigmatize anyone or anything like that. My point is, we have all fucked up at least once in our lives.
We have said things we wished we didn't say; we did things we could take back. We can't. We can only hope to show some growth by being sorry, admitting our error, and trying to make it right.
Some people are beyond hope. They truly believe they can do no wrong, that everyone's overreacting, they're lying, they're soft, they're Milennials, they're snowflakes, this, that, etc.
NO. YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING CHILD IN AN ADULT BODY.
We need to grow up, folks. In so many ways.
We don't live in the past. This is not the set of "Mad Men," or any of those other shows.
I don't give a shit what you look like. I don't care what you wear, or don't wear. If you're working with me, you are a fellow, a colleague and we are working for the same fucking goals.
You might be asking, "Well, don't you have attractions for women?"
Of course I do. I'm just at the point of knowing that in my life, the way things are...I don't see women interested in me. Or anyone, for that matter.
Yes, people, male or female, neutral, this, that whatever, you interest me by what you say, what you do, how you are. I don't have to agree with you politically, religiously, spiritually, or on anything.
But how do you treat people? And how do you see me?
I take it as a case by case thing, and try to do my best to be the person who would like you to treat me as I do you. If that makes sense.
Yes, some people rub me the wrong way. Some people piss me off. Some people I find abhorrent.
I don't hate anyone. I despise some people, dislike others, have contempt for a few, but I don't hate them.
Hate is a destroyer. The people who spew their filth on social media from behind their keyboards and fake screen names, you are killing yourselves. You are taking a dull, jagged butter knife and disemboweling yourself on the Altar of Facebook.
If you think your employer, your family and friends can't see you, think again. They will find you; hopefully before your ulcerated cancerous soul dies, and your lie in a pool of your own self-satisfaction.
Now some of these people...a disturbing story has come about regarding Ann Curry, a co-host on "Today." I always felt that Ann was a good journalist, who would have made a very good host.
They used her as a toy, a fool, a joke, the token Asian lady. The worst thing they did to her was dress her up like a cheerleader.
Nothing surprised me about morning TV and it still doesn't. News is not delivered from a couch, assholes. I'm showing my age, but so what?
Curry it seems was set up to fail by those behind the scenes, and it appears Lauer, if not behind it directly, was in on the game and approved.
She was gone, Lauer was given millions to re-up in 2012-13, because execs were worried. Meredith Vieira was leaving, and the loss of the appealing and popular host, coupled with the potential loss of Lauer, left NBC in trouble.
They didn't trust Curry, nor like her, and they ran her out. They treated her like shit.
Now Lauer suddenly got fired. My guess is whatever he did or is alleged to have done was bad enough, or, a long enough pattern beyond circumstancial evidence or he-said, she-said that he had to go.
Keillor...I'll tell you what, the urbane, cultured, intelligent voice of Lake Woebegon was a gifted storyteller, and is. He is a decent author and writer, and he knew how to run a show.
I did not like certain things about "A Prairie Home Companion." For one, his use of executive privilege.
His singing. He can't. I can sing better than that.
I didn't mind his singing the open, "Ah, hear that old piano from down the avenue..." That sets the tone, you know where you are. That was fine.
But his insistance on singing with the guests! No, just didn't work.
And the pervy old geezer...I remember his bizarre, strange, haunted look he had on his face when the show was live on TV several years back. He was telling a story, and he looked and acted for the world as a perv. Something was just not right.
I thought, "Okay, it's how he looks, his voice, this is how he gets the point across."
Then later on, his perverse onstage gushing over a singer named Iris DeMent. Iris is a folksinger from Kansas, and her voice is unique. She is a good musician and a very good songwriter.
Her voice is high. Nails on a chalkboard high; I get it, but I don't.
Well, she was a staple on the show, and I figured out why one time while listening. Keillor introduced her and over-explained how they were going to sing "a love song" together.
He sounded like a quivering, licentious fiddler (not a musician) as he spoke to DeMent onstage in a way that was disturbing. Fucking Disturbing.
They sang "That's the Way Love Goes," which Merle Haggard made a hit with. She sounded fine; he sounded like himself. Embarrassing.
Why on Earth DeMent kept going on that show I have no idea. Maybe she didn't feel he was doing anything, I don't know. We'll have to ask her.
Now...this incident:
I do not know the woman's side yet...Keillor has admitted to touching her, but that either she moved, or things didn't angle right, and she was taken aback.
He apologized. Is that what happened? I don't know, I was not there.
This is not to defend Keillor, because his track record of treating backstage people is not good. He's not the nicest man, I hear, but to be fair I have not met him.
I think we guys need to check ourselves. Even if we have not said/done anything, and our records and consciences are clear, here is the lesson I've learned over the years.
Men are NOT chick magnets. Women do NOT want us, just because we're there.
I've often felt my physical condition, look, size or whatever is hardly sexy by the standards that we're expected to uphold. Women, well, see what they're forced to deal with. It's worse. I don't think I need to go there.
As a man, I know certain things attract me, but I hope I know that is not what makes a person, not one bit.
A little advice from an old guy about relationships, and the love thing: my experience has always been, that I didn't expect to fall for someone.
I was not looking for it. It happened. It didn't matter to me who that person was, the feeling was there, and it went from there.
At my age, I have a lot of what I call Intellectual Friends. People I can talk to, hang out with, discuss things. I find those the best relationships, because those people become your friends.
That's about it.
We are going through them changes, and we've resisted change with every fiber. We can't live in the past anymore, we need live for the now, and for the future. It's changing, all of it is changing, we are changing.
Embrace the change. Accept the change, and know that change does not have to kill you. Unless you want it to.
If that's the case and you cling to that past, my dear, you're on your own.
Peace, Out.
Well, it is the first time in a long while that I've had to blog and write meandering lines about everything that's going on in the world right now. I have quite a store of thoughts, ideas, decisions and other bullshit that I have to blast out of me, and I'm not going to do it unless I do it now.
I'm sitting in the Office, a place I spend very little time in anymore. As you have gathered from watching my Facebook and other posts, I'm on the road a lot and busy. Full-time employment, and the needs of chasing money are not something I enjoy. At least not the way I'm doing it right now.
I try not to think too much about it, because our obsession with that kind of thing leads a lot of us to split hairs. We'll say we don't believe in/need lots of money, but then we plot out how much we actually think we need, and scheme to get it. Like that's going to do you any good.
A lot of people haven't seen me lately, and that is because of what I do. Time is not on my side, and will not be for the foreseeable future. I need the job I have in order get insurance, and to pay for the medicine that gets pumped into me at various times in a hospital. I tend to wonder if it's really worth it. Add to it my specialist is retiring next year, and I wonder who I'll get referred to.
That is really not a worry right now. I feel like I am in a big fucking hurry right now. I have about 25 years left on this earth, perhaps more if I am lucky. Well, longevity in my family is pretty good, so perhaps I'll be granted a little extra time.
The deal is: I have too much to do, and to accomplish, not because of my ego, but because I want to do it. It also is a very good defense against a world that I see turning on itself yet again, and looking to kill itself.
I do not honestly think the world is coming to an end, nor do I think there will be any sort of end of days scenario that so many people seem to want to have. We are such a fatalistic bunch, aren't we?
Some of the things I say and think (especially the latter) would probably offend you, because it would seem so weird. I am just of the mind that with what time I have left, I have to make it count.
So what's this mean? I have yet to disengage from everything I need to in this world, but I'm working towards it. My goals are damned well clear, I have to figure out how to take all the proper steps.
This is where we are right now: I am this close to having "A Moment in the Sun," my second book, ready to come out on Sunbury Press. I am feeling very positive about this one. It is better than "Parasite Girls," in terms of how it's written, and it does have a pretty decent flow to it. The characters are interesting, intriguing, and I want to think all have a fair amount of humanity in them. In that, they are not perfect, even though a couple of them think they are.
A lot of you have asked what is it about? That would be telling, but let's say I examined an aspect of society that (while it's set in Japan) is unique to one place, it can be anywhere, and it is everywhere. That issue leads into others, and without knowing it, I got these characters to face themselves.
Those in the danger areas had to do that anyway, but those outside looking in are forced to examine themselves. Some have to let the boundaries of class and rank, as it were, go. They had to change, or at least accept differences in others that were always there, but they just pretended not to see.
That is a problem we have now. In the big picture, we are people who cling to what we have, our past, and all the issues that hold us back. I got sick years ago of people going on about all the stuff that held them back (they thought) and how they were going to do things, but always found an excuse not to.
Excuse, not reason.
I'm not saying I get everything done on time, and I do not always keep my word the way I should, but I make the effort. Too many people are making excuses, and they're not innocent ones.
We are also lashing out against one another, and as always over two subjects, religion and politics.
I'm pretty much done with one, and could fucking care less about the other. We have to decide for ourselves what we want, and fighting about it, and losing friendships does not make it right, nor does it do any good.
I've lost at least one person who I thought was a friend. He flamed me on Facebook for not following his POV about a certain presidential candidate, and insulted me. He went completely out of his mind over it.
His view is for himself, and against all others. I was really surprised, because this fellow is really an intelligent guy. I have no idea what happened to him; I think he melted his brain on Facebook.
I really want to give that up, and just do a website of my own. Unfortunately, it is a thing to bear, because it is the one site that is reasonable in its ease of use. Google + I use and I like, but damn it is slow. It takes an awful lot to get the thing to work; I don't really care for its setup, but I think it has potential to be fixed and improved.
Social media is still a weird animal to me. Thank whatever remains that has any form of goodness to it, that I do not have a fucking smartphone. I'm being encouraged at work to get one, but I don't want one. I am not one of those people.
I dug all the Star Trek stuff, esp. the technology of TNG, and we're using it now, the tablets and stuff. I have no use for it, though. I spend too damn much time in front of this laptop and computer screens as it is.
My writing is leading into a direction where in at least one story perhaps we can disconnect a little, and see what happens with that. Long time down the road, though.
Anyway..."A Moment..." is the big step up. It is a cross between young adult and mainstream fiction; anyone can read this and get it. You will I think find yourself in this story.
Now, where to get it? Sunbury has a website, and they primarily deal in independent bookstores. Unlikely you'l find this in Barnes & Noble, but I'm gonna try for it. So if not via the web (or one of the usual sites), go make friends with the manger of your local shop and tell 'em about me, haha.
My goal is simple: make this one work. Hopefully it works well enough that Sunbury likes what I offer. I am fortunate to have found a fantastic editor there; Janice and I recently met, and I am taken.
She understands my writing. How about that?
She got where I was going with the story; Janice also got some of the other project ideas, and got me to submit the potential next one as well.
This I hope is a platform, to lay the groundwork for the even better stuff I have planned. I have been on this kick for nearly eight years, and I'm not stopping.
I am writing what I want to see, not what the media, your politicians, your churches, your whatevers tell you you're supposed to see. Get that? Not saying I'm right, and I don't demand you buy in. It's not that different.
I'm trying to blow the fucking establishment out of my brain once and for all, and I hope one day to get there and yet still have enough of said brain working that I know where I am by the end of it.
To paraphrase a wise man, "I know where I'm going, I feel it deeply."
Peace, Out.
...wait for it...
...wait for it...
...you know where I'm going, right...
Religion.
Yep. I'm headed down a track that is sure to offend some of you, and start a whole new debate. I again have found myself in that position of having to defend my spirituality from someone who is not ready to admit that there's any "god" but their own.
I had a long, and interesting talk yesterday with not one, but two people. I will not use their names, because that's not necessary. But I received two points of view, and have reached my own conclusion about myself.
The first is a fellow who remembered me from several years ago. I'd come to write a piece about his workplace. A decent man, and I feel a good one, really I do. Hadn't seen him in a while, and he's back in town.
He wears his mask well.
The conversation turned to religion. I'll make no bones about what I think of Organized Religion. I defend to death your right to be what you will be, and are. But I draw the line when you use that "faith" to attack others.
I am sure he didn't mean it as such, but I was under attack.
When a person listens, but does not hear, and continually turns and twists words back through his own prism of belief, a tenuous one at best, and continues to attack you, what is that?
It is not the "faith" that a follower of Jesus should do, IMHO. Jesus (whom I now believe was not a real person, but a fabrication) did not walk about the world tub-thumping...but as Gandhi said in paraphrasing, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ."
I recall my Congregational upbringing, until I was 12. I remember sermons and a church led by two of the finest, kindest men I knew then, and find hard to match. Reverend Hazen, and the man who later replaced him, Reverend Fuqua. Two men who treated every single person with kindness, respect and decency.
They did NOT attack with religion, they did NOT try to convert you, they did NOT make you feel inferior and try to make you one of them.
What the fuck happened?
Televangelism, electronic media, and a radical savagery of the faith, and it crosses all boundaries.
The discussion with this fellow reminded me of when I was 15. I was under attack by a teacher, and her fellow born-again haters. A hateful, thinly-veiled cynicism and disgust for all that were not like them.
You may be a Christian, but you are not Christian enough. Ever.
I recall feeling bullied, and attacked, and questioned. I wasn't already good enough as a human being for my own family, let alone this!
I am going to tell you what I am. I am Buddhist. I meditate to Kirtan, and I am a Pagan. Our people were here before Christ's creation as a character, and our people's ways were co-opted, borrowed and stolen.
And they have the nerve to try and wipe us off the map.
They have the nerve to massacre 18 million people in Central America, and wipe out the entire native population of Cuba, in the name of "God" of course.
I do not discount the massacre of a million Armenian Christians in the First World War. I do not discount the massacres during the wars in Bosnia. Nor the 13 million Hitler did to death...not just the Jews, but Cossacks, Krimchaks, Russians of all stripes, and those caught up in the occupied territories. Two million or more murdered during the regime of Pol Pot.
Not to say how many Stalin eliminated. Or Mao Tse-Tung wiped out.
And we see what the "Islamic State" is now doing in the Middle East.
What the fuck happened?
What happened to the Good Samaritan I learned of? What happened to the people who showed respect and kindness to others, regardless of what they looked like or where they came from?
When did faith get caught up in patriotism?
This much I have learned: we cannot change other's minds. We cannot turn others who cling to views that they are fearful of losing. This fellow clearly had his prism, and all thing must pass through it.
I don't think, again, he meant harm. But he would not listen. To him, I am a terrible person, a lost soul, a creature destined for Hell (which does not exist).
And his own self-flagellation is bizarre. A sinner who will never be forgiven, no matter what. A life of existential suffering, and yet...oh yes, he'll be in the Good Land or whatever it's called.
But to suffer that whole way?
Suffering exists. But we do not have to die for it. We can make things better.
I am who I am. I am not perfect, as I'm human. I have tried, believe me I have tried not to hate. I don't believe in it. Hate is too strong, and hate kills.
I don't know of anyone who hates me. I don't know of anyone who despises me. I'm sure some don't like me, but that's fine.
I do not profess to know great truths. "Jesus he knows me, and He knows I'm right...been talking to Jesus all my life." Genesis, the band...heehee.
No.
I call bullshit.
I am Me.
I can trust myself to make the right choices.
I can trust myself to be as mindful as I can.
I take responsibility for this, and all things.
I do not agree with a lot of things, and I don't like a lot of things. I stand against a lot of things, especially the mad cults of Organized Religion. If you go there, it is your business and your decision. I do not say you're bad because of it. I hope it is right for you.
THIS is right for me.
There is One Race. The Human Race. We're it, folks.
Let's stop the hating. Let's stop killing. Let's stop feeling so fucking threatened by every little thing.
I'm gonna do my best. Here's hoping you can too.
We don't need to obsess or talk about IT all the time. To do that leads to the tunnel that you will never escape from.
This is a good world, but we each have to make it good. Stop looking for shit to stir. We can make this thing work, folks.
In my writing, I write what I want to see, not what others tell you you are supposed to see. Does that make sense? I hope so.
NOW...that all said, let me tell you about the second person.
Without going to deeply into it, this individual talked to me in an interview about her life, her career, her family, and what she loves doing. We are artists in our own way, and our own right.
This person, younger than me, showed incredible poise, maturity and sense of place. It has nothing to do with religion, and posing, and hiding behind something.
She was There.
Doing what she loved, and knowing the fulfillment to herself, and to others. Not about money. Not about fame. Not about anything but doing what is right for HER.
In her, I see how the madness can end.
I was reminded of why I write, and why I do the things I do. It is right for me.
Be right for you, and don't let others browbeat you, attack you, piss on you. You cannot change them, and you do not need to change for anyone.
Be YOU.
YOU is what is right for you. Change when you need to, and accept the inevitability that it does happen.
I change when I will, not when others dictate it to me.
I go where I will, not when others tell me to.
"An' it harm none, do what ye will."
My sense of place has been restored. I don't know if any of this makes sense, and I'm sure some of you will be stunned by this.
I hate no one. I have malice toward none. I don't blindly love everyone, but I really hope that as we go on, we can be what we will be, but try and respect the differences.
And the similarities.
We are all one...we're all we've got, folks.
Peace, Out.
Well, this is it. October 31st, Halloween for most of us, and me for a while in life. That's not really what it is, though, but at this high holy day/night of Samhain, I'm finding myself not feeling terribly spiritual.
Believe me, I want to be, but I realized today that now is the time for me to blog about something that has bothered me tremendously over the past few months. I am again going through another shaking of my belief system, and I'm processing it about the only way I can.
I realize some of what I am about to say will likely offend you; that is not my intent. This is not to disrespect anyone who has any (or no) views at all on the subjects I'm going to tackle.
Now I'm also not home, so I don't have all the resources at my fingertips I might require, but I'm not sure I'll need them. This is not going to be a treatise on anything academic, more just my opinion and feeling about things.
In the wake of a hurricane, I think a lot of our lives our really disrupted, and Samhain for Pagans, Wiccans and the like may be stuck in that same situation.
My thoughts may meander, but I'll try not to do that. First of all, we have the dark night of Samhain, but it is not meant to be dark in the way that other alleged religions would have you think.
We head into the winter, less sun, longer nights. We have harvested the fruits of our labor, one would hope, and now we have time to reflect. One of the periods of a Samhain ritual mirrors the Jewish time of Passover (I hope I'm right on this) where the dead are remembered.
This past year, there have been several deaths; too many to mention. Friends, colleagues and others; I feel a disconnect from them, yet tonight they might come around before they move on. If they have, then so be it. It's made me think of my own mortality again, though I feel physically much more able to live on for a lot longer. I just hope my mental status remains good enough to keep up.
This kind of moves me to what I'm starting to think has happened to us: I'm starting to see the madness inherent in organized religion, and how it's being used and misused.
I don't have any particular dislike or hatred of any religion; I just don't like the way people use it. Most of them use it for their own gain, and don't think one second about the consequences of their actions.
Those who claim to be holy or religious may well be trying to live that way, but then one must realize we are human and cannot be perfect. We pass ourselves off as that, though; by every means necessary.
I read recently that one of the tenets of the Sikh faith is that each person must try to live an exemplary life. Well, don't we all? You hope...but what does that mean? A good life? A fulfilling life? One that makes a difference?
Interpretation I think is part of it; I believe most faiths want its people to do that, to do good, and so forth. Again, what is and what is not is open to interpretation, and that's where we get off course.
People who claim religion point to their holy texts...the Bible, the Koran, the this, the that...the fundamentalist (read: fanatical) and possessed believe their word is the only word, and that's it.
I find these texts interesting, as Sherlock Holmes once said, "to a collector of fairy tales."
I do not believe any of these religious texts are the word of "God." They are stories, anecdotes, quotes; were they transmitted from someone in the know, or were they the creation of historians and very early public relations men?
Jesus supposedly didn't write anything down, because he didn't want it traced back to him. So who wrote all that stuff? I don't think he did, and I don't think his "Father" did, either.
Most of this stuff is written to keep people in line, in fear, and unable to get out of a shell. Then we have the grotesque interpretations of same...
You see and hear it all the time; most people just chuckle at it, but I don't find it funny. For example, parallels to Christianity and Islam: certain sects of both faiths believe...are you ready for this? That all musicians are homosexuals.
How about that? Didn't know I was gay! I have heard people spout that shit off.
12 words in the book of Leviticus makes "Alleged Christians" believe all the lies thrown down about homosexuality. If it wasn't being gay, it'd be something else, believe me.
Most of these religions are all about subjugation, in the context of how they are interpreted and used. The Protestantism I grew up with was not a hate-filled, fear-inspired, "Us against Them" religion. The Bible was not a word for word way of life; it offered stories, guidelines and thoughts that were important, supposedly. Faith in it all was one thing, but that faith had to be in yourself, as well.
I do feel a lot of people, regardless of their religion really do try to walk the walk as well as talk it. Of course, the ones who talk the loudest are the ones I suspect the most. You talk too much, you doth protest too much; sounds to me like you have something to hide.
An old and dear friend I went to a Catholic (yes!) college with many years ago, on finding I followed Buddhism asked me: "Does that mean you do not believe in God?"
Good question. At the time I recall saying no; because as a Pagan, I believed in a God and Goddess.
Now let me get into the context of that, and what I think they really are:
To me now, there is a higher power...it is a universal life force that flows within and without us. God and Goddess are male and female labels and manifestations given this force, because we then can recognize and understand them.
There is something there, but I don't think it's anything you really can see. You can feel it, yes; perhaps you can even commune with it. It's there, but the question for me is: do we really need the names, the labels, and all the trappings that go with it?
No matter what we call ourselves, we all have rituals and rites. We again call them by different names; the holidays are the same, just different names.
The Pagan ways that pre-date Christianity are still there; largely, they have been co-opted, borrowed, even stolen.
Now if I may get onto a topic that is more current: about 15 years ago I came up with the phrase, "the obnoxious fad that passes for religion." I used it in a radio commentary, and it raised an affirmation from my boss.
Religion, especially Christianity became a fad to me in the early 80's, but it was like that long before, with television and evangelicals like Billy Graham. Graham is looked up to even by non-Christians but I honestly don't think that man deserves all the credit. Considering the pro-war, hateful stance his son has taken since taking over for the old man, and that Billy has not corrected his idiot son makes me wonder.
Graham was virulently anti-Catholic in earlier days, and made clear that John F. Kennedy was not fit to be president, because of that. He later backpedaled and apologized when he found out what a howler he'd committed.
What followed? Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson; two men of hate if ever there were. I recall a radio colleague trying to apologize for Falwell and his rants against "Witches." I technically am one; wonder how this guy would have reacted if he knew?
The point I make: a flimsy, unreal form of faith has penetrated our consciousness to the point that it no longer represents what it was meant to be. We trivialize our faith and spirituality at every turn; politicians for eons have declared "God" to be on their side, and their party's side. The media repeats quotes of "God" and prayer and anything like that because it supposedly makes good copy. No, it's just "working God in there," and it makes me sick.
To me it is offensive. One of the most egregious and disgusting acts has been the dog and pony show starring Tim Tebow. The NY Jets backup quarterback is the frontman of a money-grubbing operation led by his father. The "Tebowing" and all the sickly sweet things that guy does are done with calculation and with an eye toward making him look good...and making all of them money.
It's all like that.
The man who became Buddha never called himself a "God." He was a man, and never said he was anything else. What he learned he passed on in oral tradition; the Four Noble Truths, his sayings, thoughts and so forth are all things that came to him, and he shared them with others.
After his death, his followers traveled that part of the world to bring those teaching to others. A monk is said to have reached the west shore of Central American in the 5th Century; they made it as far as the Middle East. Would it be too much to wonder...did Jesus meet one of these traveling monks and share information with him? Possible.
I do think Jesus was a real person, and some of the stories are plausible. Most of what is written of him is long after his death.
Another point: Jesus supposedly did not walk about the world crowing to all that he was anything special. He did not need churches, mosques or temples to show off how great he was. He didn't want everyone else making a lot of noise either.
Add to this the trappings we throw down; look at the churches, the temples, the cathedrals. Modern day ones look like Wal-Marts or malls, but the old ones do have some charm in their architecture. I want to think these places were built with love and with the right intent, but again, it's the people who run these things and how they run them.
The point is: we have allowed things to surpass yet again our reason. We allow those who claim the power and the special line to the almighty to rule us, and dictate what we will do and not do.
It gets downright stupid; laws are made to govern that men must wear beards, women must cover their bodies because the men are too stupid to control themselves, and it's the women's fault anyway. Men have to do this, women can't do that, and you must give 10% of your wealth or more to the church, and so forth and so on.
You know what? None of that is the church's damned business!
Then we have the lovely scandals...the Catholic Church, and that ongoing scandal that will never end I fear. Look at the Mormon Church; they supposedly outlawed polygamy and child brides in 1902, but it still goes on. They do nothing to stop it. Of course a "religion" founded on the alleged visions of a man who claimed an angel delivered him the plates of a book should be considered suspect.
We have permitted ourselves to be taken in, ruled and controlled. Pure and simple.
So where do I fit into this? I am still trying to figure it all out. All I know is that while I want to ensure that you have a right to your own mind and can decide for yourself, also know I am not trying to change your mind.
I am not saying you're wrong. I am not saying anything of the sort; if it works for you, good.
"An' it harm none, do what ye will," is the mantra, but there are others.
I believe in the life force, and I do think it's there. The spirit world does exist, and it is all around us. This is not for peace of mind, it just is.
IT JUST IS...mindfulness of Buddhism, the mindfulness training that Thich Nhat Hanh put forth...we are, it is, it's here, so are you and I.
We all are here...like it or not, we need to learn to exist together. In most cases we do, but we do have a way of destroying ourselves, don't we?
Of late, people will note that Krishna Das has again become part of my spiritual life. He is a vessel; the chants (or Kirtan) that he sings are songs and chants that go back centuries.
Krishna Das wrote in his book, "Chants of a Lifetime" that he was not singing to any deity, but just to his guru. It was what he had to offer.
Meditation, chanting, prayer, mindfulness. They are all the same thing.
We all do it one way or the other.
I respect your right to do it how you wish...just don't put it on others, which we unfortunately do too often. We demand everyone be like us, or else.
That has got to stop.
Organized Religion should have its hall pass revoked. What you are and what you will be should be up to you. It's time for the so-called religions to pull their weight; to pay taxes, to register for selective service and serve this country in some way. I love how we can send young people to war, but some of those who support and push for the war make sure their own kind doesn't have to go.
Decide for yourself, where things fit in your life and be practical. Be thoughtful; be mindful.
I'm still trying; I don't where I'll end up tomorrow, but know this, I'm making an effort to be me, to be a decent person and to try and correct the crazy things that I know are not all right with me.
I'm not perfect, never will be, but I can be better.
Blessed Samhain to you and yours; whatever you do or don't, it is up to you.
I don't see you any different than I did before; to my friends, my people, I'm still me, and you're still you. Let's keep working to stay together on that, and respect our differences, and the things that make us different.
For me, it's the life force that guides us. If you think I'm fucking nuts, you have a right to your opinion.
Peace, I'm outta here.
