Arrogance, and the Obnoxious Fad that Passes for...

...wait for it...

...wait for it...

...you know where I'm going, right...

Religion.

Yep. I'm headed down a track that is sure to offend some of you, and start a whole new debate. I again have found myself in that position of having to defend my spirituality from someone who is not ready to admit that there's any "god" but their own.

I had a long, and interesting talk yesterday with not one, but two people. I will not use their names, because that's not necessary. But I received two points of view, and have reached my own conclusion about myself.

The first is a fellow who remembered me from several years ago. I'd come to write a piece about his workplace. A decent man, and I feel a good one, really I do. Hadn't seen him in a while, and he's back in town.

He wears his mask well.

The conversation turned to religion. I'll make no bones about what I think of Organized Religion. I defend to death your right to be what you will be, and are. But I draw the line when you use that "faith" to attack others.

I am sure he didn't mean it as such, but I was under attack.

When a person listens, but does not hear, and continually turns and twists words back through his own prism of belief, a tenuous one at best, and continues to attack you, what is that?

It is not the "faith" that a follower of Jesus should do, IMHO. Jesus (whom I now believe was not a real person, but a fabrication) did not walk about the world tub-thumping...but as Gandhi said in paraphrasing, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ."

I recall my Congregational upbringing, until I was 12. I remember sermons and a church led by two of the finest, kindest men I knew then, and find hard to match. Reverend Hazen, and the man who later replaced him, Reverend Fuqua. Two men who treated every single person with kindness, respect and decency. 

They did NOT attack with religion, they did NOT try to convert you, they did NOT make you feel inferior and try to make you one of them.

What the fuck happened?

Televangelism, electronic media, and a radical savagery of the faith, and it crosses all boundaries.

The discussion with this fellow reminded me of when I was 15. I was under attack by a teacher, and her fellow born-again haters. A hateful, thinly-veiled cynicism and disgust for all that were not like them.

You may be a Christian, but you are not Christian enough. Ever.

I recall feeling bullied, and attacked, and questioned. I wasn't already good enough as a human being for my own family, let alone this!

I am going to tell you what I am. I am Buddhist. I meditate to Kirtan, and I am a Pagan. Our people were here before Christ's creation as a character, and our people's ways were co-opted, borrowed and stolen.

And they have the nerve to try and wipe us off the map.

They have the nerve to massacre 18 million people in Central America, and wipe out the entire native population of Cuba, in the name of "God" of course.

I do not discount the massacre of a million Armenian Christians in the First World War. I do not discount the massacres during the wars in Bosnia. Nor the 13 million Hitler did to death...not just the Jews, but Cossacks, Krimchaks, Russians of all stripes, and those caught up in the occupied territories. Two million or more murdered during the regime of Pol Pot.

Not to say how many Stalin eliminated. Or Mao Tse-Tung wiped out.

And we see what the "Islamic State" is now doing in the Middle East.

What the fuck happened?

What happened to the Good Samaritan I learned of? What happened to the people who showed respect and kindness to others, regardless of what they looked like or where they came from?

When did faith get caught up in patriotism? 

This much I have learned: we cannot change other's minds. We cannot turn others who cling to views that they are fearful of losing. This fellow clearly had his prism, and all thing must pass through it.

I don't think, again, he meant harm. But he would not listen. To him, I am a terrible person, a lost soul, a creature destined for Hell (which does not exist).

And his own self-flagellation is bizarre. A sinner who will never be forgiven, no matter what. A life of existential suffering, and yet...oh yes, he'll be in the Good Land or whatever it's called.

But to suffer that whole way?

Suffering exists. But we do not have to die for it. We can make things better.

I am who I am. I am not perfect, as I'm human. I have tried, believe me I have tried not to hate. I don't believe in it. Hate is too strong, and hate kills.

I don't know of anyone who hates me. I don't know of anyone who despises me. I'm sure some don't like me, but that's fine. 

I do not profess to know great truths. "Jesus he knows me, and He knows I'm right...been talking to Jesus all my life." Genesis, the band...heehee.

No. 

I call bullshit.

I am Me.

I can trust myself to make the right choices.

I can trust myself to be as mindful as I can.

I take responsibility for this, and all things.

I do not agree with a lot of things, and I don't like a lot of things. I stand against a lot of things, especially the mad cults of Organized Religion. If you go there, it is your business and your decision. I do not say you're bad because of it. I hope it is right for you.

THIS is right for me.

There is One Race. The Human Race. We're it, folks.

Let's stop the hating. Let's stop killing. Let's stop feeling so fucking threatened by every little thing.

I'm gonna do my best. Here's hoping you can too.

We don't need to obsess or talk about IT all the time. To do that leads to the tunnel that you will never escape from.

This is a good world, but we each have to make it good. Stop looking for shit to stir. We can make this thing work, folks.

In my writing, I write what I want to see, not what others tell you you are supposed to see. Does that make sense? I hope so.

NOW...that all said, let me tell you about the second person.

Without going to deeply into it, this individual talked to me in an interview about her life, her career, her family, and what she loves doing. We are artists in our own way, and our own right.

This person, younger than me, showed incredible poise, maturity and sense of place. It has nothing to do with religion, and posing, and hiding behind something.

She was There.

Doing what she loved, and knowing the fulfillment to herself, and to others. Not about money. Not about fame. Not about anything but doing what is right for HER.

In her, I see how the madness can end.

I was reminded of why I write, and why I do the things I do. It is right for me.

Be right for you, and don't let others browbeat you, attack you, piss on you. You cannot change them, and you do not need to change for anyone.

Be YOU.

YOU is what is right for you. Change when you need to, and accept the inevitability that it does happen.

I change when I will, not when others dictate it to me.

I go where I will, not when others tell me to.

"An' it harm none, do what ye will."

My sense of place has been restored. I don't know if any of this makes sense, and I'm sure some of you will be stunned by this. 

I hate no one. I have malice toward none. I don't blindly love everyone, but I really hope that as we go on, we can be what we will be, but try and respect the differences.

And the similarities. 

We are all one...we're all we've got, folks.

Peace, Out.

"The only thing constantly changing is change..." -- Lou Reed

I took this mantra of sorts from "The Raven," and it is more than true. It's been a while since I have blogged, and mostly that is because I'm so busy doing other things. But anyway, I'm listening to this:

This collection is one I often meditate to. Really nice stuff. I'm using it now at the Office because who knows what is going to come up on playlist today? Not that it's all bad but I've made my pronouncements on some of the stuff.

So...change. It is inevitable, and for the past year I have contemplated the oncoming rush of change that has to happen. I have not been afraid of it, more concerned about the execution thereof.

Before I get into details, I have found a job. I accepted an offer from a certain company, and I begin training on Monday. I need to explain something to you...you have been hearing in the news (if not having experienced it yourself), how people just go on and on looking for work, and are not finding anything. How some people have given up looking for work, have lost their benefits, and so forth?

Well, it happened to me. It's no different than what anyone else has gone through, but I am fortunate that I only am responsible for myself and my cats. That made it easier, but I know how hard it's been.

With my acceptance of this offer, I should soon be moved from part-time training to full time. Do you know how long it has been since I have had a full-time job? Meaning however many hours one is supposed to work to get "full-time?"

Five years.

Yes. I was let go from XM Radio in January 2009. I have been a jobber since then. To be fair, I did have severance for a while, and I did go back to school for ten months. I did not plan to go back into broadcasting, but it kind of happened that way.

My official job search lasted 27 months. I have a 92-page document of all of my job contacts, answers, interviews, etc. Now it's not Excel, so it probably would be a whole lot smaller than that, but that's what it is.

I am not one to subscribe to conspiracy theories or wild ideas of what is coming in this country. I left junior high school, folks. I do think however that the landscape of our economy must change as well, and fairly soon or we will have a serious issue.

On the same token, we can't sit around. I have not. My job hunt was a job, as I've often said about other things. We each must make those things happen for ourselves, best we can. 

So, where am I going?

http://www.tangotraffic.com/

If there is one portion of the broadcast world that is still working, it is...traffic. What do people need? What do they have to have to get about their work, their day, their lives?

The science has come a very long way. I spent nearly five years at XM doing traffic for more than 20 cities. It is an art, to take masses of information being hurled at you and turning that into a report listeners can understand.

With Twitter and all the immediate forms of social media, it has intensified. Our thirst for information is huge, but think about what kinds we NEED?

Tango is a new player in the arena, relatively speaking. I do not know the whole deal by far, and I train with one of my old colleagues from the XM and Metro Networks days. We go back a decade or more, and I've seen inside enough to know where we are headed. 

This is pretty exciting, actually. Now, what is funny is back in '09 or '10, I briefly worked for a startup firm called Traffic Talk. Sadly they could not get the money together for this, but the guys who I was with had an interesting idea, another way to make the traffic world understandable. That could even still work, I think, one day.

It's funny: I cannot remember where I saw it, I think it was in a trade publication, around 1990 or '91. There was a joke one-page promotional ad for an LA radio station: ALL TRAFFIC, ALL THE TIME.

The idea was that you would have DJ's or hosts on the air in studio, giving you constantly updated traffic with their own twists. "The Great Pandini" was a guy who would hypnotize you while driving; another guy who's name I can't remember would play driving music to make your commute go faster, like stuff from the James Bond movies.

My favorite was the guy who would broadcast live, every day from a car. And a lucky motorist might get a huge rubber arrow stuck to their ride as they traveled about: this was the DRIVE-BY SHOOTING OF THE DAY.

Now, that probably would not fly in LA, or anyplace else for that matter. But it was funny.

Back then, we didn't have Internet, but for a very few clued in tech geeks. Cell phones were not a big thing for everyone, nor pagers. That would have been a very big challenge to do something like that.

All traffic would not work on a terrestrial radio station, but it sounds like it would be fun. I believe in Tokyo there is a low-power AM station that just does traffic, but I don't recall details. Stuff I learned while researching one of my books.

Bandwidth on satellite radio makes it easy to allocate space for Sirius/XM to do traffic channels, though the mashing of them together, post merger I wonder about.

Now how about the traffic world? Tango is out in Chester County, which is just to the west of Philadelphia. The warehouse they are in is a temporary location, and they'll move to a new place soon. Jim Battagliese, my former XM boss and one of the gurus of the changing face of traffic reporting likes to tell the story of his first company operating out of his house in Philly. The whole house, from attic to basemen was the traffic center. Think about that.

This is not unusual, not at all. Now, I have to tell where I was the other day.

Without naming names, I had an interview in Maryland at a company that has been around a long while. I wasn't sure what to expect...I didn't expect this:

A fairly active city site, floors up in a big building. You'd think this is gonna be slick, right, professional, all that?

WRONG.

The only parking was in an expensive garage next door. I then had to go through levels of madness to get into the building, show my ID, jump through hoops and then take an express elevator.

I got to the big glass door. It is locked. At 11 am.

It is dark. No receptionist. No lights on, apart from a screensaver showing all the stations they do traffic and stuff for.

The man who would have become my boss arrived after me. I waited while he did whatever he had to do to get ready for me. Quiet...deathly quiet.

I was taken on a tour of a dark, poorly lit level of Hell that only Dante could imagine. There is a horror movie to be shot here.

This huge floor was a dead zone. Lights off, cubicles that looked like from a time capsule. It seemed all the occupants got up and left things as they were, like they were going to come back. And they vanished. 

Everywhere I turned, there were places where people once worked, but no more. I saw at one corner nearly three dozen computer towers stacked on the floor like coffins.

The man I spoke with was very nice. He tried to put the best spin on things, consolidation of people down here, this, that, other. 

There was one person working in a tiny studio in one corner. Another way down the hall in another studio. The traffic center looked like an air traffic control center from the 50's or 60's. Three people there. Now it was not drive time, to be fair, but this was surreal.

I have never seen anything like this in my life. If this is how it runs, then fine, I've been in crazy places too. But this...I thought of Luigi Pirandello's plays and the interplay of ongoing behavior that leads all to think the rest of the universe is insane, but you are not.

Or is it you that is mad?

Escape from the time capsule led me home, and Tango's offer was waiting. So there you have that.

Honestly...would I have worked for the other? If that was the only offer, yes. What choice have I?

Change again, this is what has come about. I will have to move, after 14 years in York, 13 in the same place. There are things I will miss, but much I cannot miss.

The sameness. I have written and spoken of the feeling that this part of the world fears change more than most, and refuses to do so. A colleague likes to say this part of the world "still thinks Kennedy is president."

They live in 1962, Camelot, JFK and Jackie, Reds under every bed, the Cubans are coming to destroy us, and what do those "Negroes" want, anyway?

They didn't know from gay people. Of course where I move, is that any different? At least I am close to Philly, so that will be a change.

I have to move, and I do not like that. Moving is a horrific prospect, and I will have a company do it while I can still afford it. Trying to find a place, going through all that again, relearning my surroundings, and navigating a big city...

...you get used to knowing where stuff is, and I imagine "here" will fade away, as it does for most people. You go somewhere, where's everyone else, right?

The 'net lets us all stay sort of in touch, so wherever I go I know I'll be sure to hear/see about what everyone else is doing. The next chapter in the great adventure, right?

So what does that mean for other things?

I do not know at this point for a lot of it. I don't have a clue.

As for the writing, it goes on. I have to do a couple of readings of "Parasite Girls" in the near future here, and I'll find other spots to do them. I know I have to do them, and yet I am rather worried about trying this method. It bothers me, but I also know (back to the changing landscape) I have to engage the public.

Got a letter today from Barnes & Noble, regarding my wish to get "Parasite Girls" on the shelves. They just don't have the space for self-published books, and I get that. Worth a try.

They said they noted that most self-published authors only sell "about 100 copies." Well, thanks for that bit of lovely news, I'm soooooo encouraged!

But they are right, I guess. So what is my writing going to do? Apart from being therapy, and a hobby? I still plan to keep on writing. I pretty much do not see myself ever getting a publishing deal, but I think a lot of that has to also do with building a body of work, and I am just getting started. I hope to live long enough to see it really happen. But again, I must engage.

"Parasite Girls," well it's too soon to tell how it is going to be received, but I've gotten some nice comments. For that I am thankful, and I'm going to keep at it.

What's next...oh...lots of things, but what will be next? I do not know for sure at this point.

www.behance.net/torygates is my online site for numerous things. There, you will find rough cuts and openers. Two or three possibilities are right there. 

So I'm probably going to give out more copies of "PG" than I sell, but that's how it goes. 

The thing that is important to impart on you: my painter friend Sunny said over 20 years ago when I expressed doubt: just do it.

Not the Nike way, but the way each of us have. There you are.

So, hopefully I will have time to blog again in the near future and tell you how this new venture goes. And how everything else goes...time to move on because I feel my years are slowly getting away from me. Every day I have is one to make something happen, something more. 

Warren Zevon had an interesting take when he faced cancer, and the final days of his life: "Enjoy Every Sandwich."

I think he found a sense of place. Lou Reed did as well...his wife Laurie Anderson wrote that right to the end, Lou's sense of wonder at the world didn't go away. He lived to the end.

We gotta just do it.

Peace, Out.

Post-Rapture Meanderings...and Additional Weird Thoughts

Well, well, well...guess I missed "The Rapture," eh?

Suppose I better check with my friend Riz and see if there's an open chair by the fire in her little spot in Hell, hahahahahaha....so I wonder how many of those stupid people who actually believed that dried up old fart's rantings that the world was coming to an end?

$80 million worth, apparently.  "Family Radio" (which family, though?  His?  The Manson Family?) pulled that much in, in "contributions" I think last year, or is that the old man's career of fleecing the sheep?

Anyway, like William Miller before him in 1844 or thereabouts, and like every other charlatan before, during and after, oops, miscalculation, it happens in October. 

Yeah, right.

So anyway...there's been some interesting discussion of late as to whether the FCC might actually get off its ass, find its stones (unlikely) and go after the Jesus Freaks who have violated their public trust by broadcasting filth, lies, propaganda and their own peculiar brand of bullshit.

Look...if you want to believe in Christianity, go right ahead; you have every right to believe in what you want (or not, if ye choose).  My beliefs are rooted in centuries past, long before a fellow named Jesus made the scene in the Middle East.  He may well have even met one of the forerunners of my path, and added that to his experience, though you'd never hear anyone say anything about that, oh no no no no no...

I actually do think that Jesus existed, but I also think that most of the stuff written about him is untrue.  Check George Carlin's discussion about that on Youtube..."Religion is Bullshit."

Back to my original thought:  will the FCC finally examine the murky licenses that seem to perpetuate themselves about broadcasting?  Will people (and by the way, YOU can do this if you are an American citizen!) begin to demand to examine religious radio station's public files?  Will they, when the time comes up for license renewal, file a protest with the FCC, and make a case that said licensee does NOT serve the public, but only a tiny portion of it, and only for themselves?

My guess is probably not.  We all have so much to do in our lives, don't we?  "Oh, never mind..." as Mike Malloy likes to say...and I like to add, "Is Oprah on yet?"

Well, the reruns are, I'm sure.  That bag of gas is finally done with her show, thankfully...now if that narcississtic cow would just take her ill-gotten billions and go the fuck away, I'd be happy.  Go built another school in Africa, get the gloss for doing so, and then ignore it until another scandal erupts.  Nice job, bitch.

I've not had the chance to blow off any steam in a while, can you tell?  Hahahahaha...I'm rather enjoying this.

So yeah...here is the deal.  My feeling is the FCC will not go after religous broadcasters, because that is like a sacred cow, in more ways than one.  The Jesus lizards (sorry to the band) will wrap themselves in the Bible, the flag, and the First Amendment and proclaim all the good they're doing.  The FCC will say, "Fine," then go see about helping a fellow commissioner get a nice cushy job at Comcrap URRRRR!!!! Comcast, after allowing them to merge with NBC.  Gotta look after their own, y'know.

Ah, feels good to get all that out.  Well, guess what, friends?  We're still on this Earth, and we have to make the best of it, don't we?  I aim to; my spiritual health is just fine, and my mental health is quite good.  Physically, doing my best to work on it.

I make NO APOLOGIES for living my life the way I have, mistakes and all, THANKYOUVERYFUCKINGMUCH.

Now, that being said:  I am still sort of in recovery from a very long and busy week.  Five straight days of getting up at 2:30 am, downing a can of Amp to get straight and working "Morning Edition," on WITF.  Then...the KYW stuff on the weekends, then two morning of Radio PA Network Sports...urgh.

Yesterday, I suddenly realized I had some time off.  Concept.  Now, weird is weird, and here it is.  I was awake at 1:30 am on Tuesday, to go do the second of two days of the Radio PA thing...that involves getting to WITF early, getting and cutting down sound from our stringer who covered the Phillies game, getting together various other voice reports, other sound, writing some new pieces, composing and voicing four sportscasts, and getting two gigantic Sportslines ready for sending out.

Busy.  Yes.

So...I get outta there at about 6 am., busy morning.  I'm home...I can't sleep, are you fucking kidding me?  So what do I do?  I put on Hank III (Damn Right and Rebel Proud) and I clean!

I'm not good at cleaning, as my former wife will tell you.  It's not that often I get at it, but I did this particular morning.  Hank III is fucking nuts...anyone know that yet? Outlaw country/punk weirdness.  I'll bet his dad is pissed at the boy's success.  Actually, I think Hank #3 is like 40 now, isn't he?  I don't even know.

Anyway, good motivational music to get the mudroom, kitchen and bathroom cleaned.  Laundry, I'm still doing it!  And anyway, that all done and then off to the Office.

"Silk Road Days" has turned into a very strange novel.  It is now more than 400 pages, and I don't know why.  It is a rough draft, to be sure; and I realize that this is gonna take a lot of rewriting, crafting, sculpting and fuck knows what else.  I really bit off more than I could chew with this idea, but I am at least patient and I'll find a way to make this thing work.

Been waiting to find out if a publisher likes the Sweet Dreams Series enough to get going on Book 1, "Searching for Roy Buchanan."  I do realize that needs a rewrite as well; and I'm prepared for however that goes.  I must, I now realize get back to my voice taking over and speaking, telling the story, etc.  I veer away from that at times.

We will see how it goes, but either way I'll get this thing done.

I also need to get back to the radio thing, and thank the gang at WITF for all their help and encouragement.  It's a real team that works there, and I want to work with them one day; I really haven't done much.  I'm the backup QB, and that's fine with me.  Got enough else to do, right?

Alice is coming to visit...<grin>...I am quite pleased at the development of our relationship.  For once I feel a bit more grounded than I ever have...very nice thing, indeed.  You can read her poetic thoughts at Edgar Alice Croe -- interesting stuff.

Ei...gotta get outside...nice day today, and I need to figure out whatever else I must do.  Couple days off is kinda nice; need a few more of these.

The Weekend from Hell

Isn't that what it seems like in the world?  My old girlfriend/radio compadre Kelly K. first used the term Day from Hell, and we've all had plenty of those.

This one...whoa...

I have not blogged of late because I've been busy.  I mean it.  TrafficTalk is now ready to launch hopefully this Wednesday; my equipment appears to be ready to roll, and we are set to bring traffic reporting into a new dimension.

http://www.traffictalk.info/

Go there.  That'll explain everything.

Now...a double shift on Saturday.  The WITF/KYW shift went well, lot of sports to watch/monitor and cover, but it was good.  Then it was off to 1460 the Ticket to produce the Hershey Bears-Manitoba Moose (AHL for you non-hockey fans).  John Walton was up in Winnipeg, and my colleague Matt helped me get the procedures up and running.

It actually went pretty well, and it was an exciting game.  I am now ready to fly solo, which still unnerves me, but I have come this far, I can make it happen.

I didn't get outta there til midnight, so a 14 hour day, kind of.  Then a run to Kaitryth's house to make sure things were looking okay, and they were.

Up early this morning for WITF/KYW yet again, then zoom back home, dump 80 pounds of ice melter on that hellacious driveway of mine so people could get here for Ahltyrra.

Now...on our Myspace page, and elsewhere you will learn essentially what I tell you now:  Ahltyrra has ended, and we are now known as the Dharma Fools.

The lineup is changed, and the musical direction we hope to follow has also done.  We will still play a number of those songs, and there will be more. 

The DF's was a side project, that played some of the A. songs, plus a few different pieces, and a few more covers.  It's time to go this way; Ahltyrra will always be for me an amazing experience, which tested my skills as a musician beyond anything I've ever done.

Four of us are back, and we've a new female singer, who blew us the fuck away on a Sara Bareilles (is that how you spell it?) song.  My God, Katie's good.

We are energized once again, to get back at it.  We are up for consideration by the May Day Faerie Festival, and we hope to get a slot.  We're gonna be working it, believe me.

I feel better than I have in so long; I was feeling pretty good that I was back in radio, doing my first real love, and had time to write, and keep on writing, and now this.  It's feeling good; 2011 is our year, for all of us.

Yet in all this, we have the terrible tragedy in Arizona.  I have tried hard to think how do I react to this?  I am shocked, saddened, but not totally surprised.

I knew this would happen.

Now, the trolls and apologists are out in force, decrying that this fellow Loughner or whatever his name is, is everything from a deranged loon acting alone, to a flaming liberal who went mad, or a Tea Party freak, a Republican wingnut, this, that and the other.

What is he?  Who is he?  Do any of us know, except for him and perhaps those in his circle?

We have no right to decide, based on second and third-hand information.  I can only surmise.

Based on what little I've read, and listened on, I've heard different things.

We know that this individual had some definite mental health issues.  Those who knew him say he was a person who was outspoken and had some pretty crazy views on things.

His Youtube videos state that he was disillusioned, and paranoid.  He believed the government was after him, he had become disillusioned by religion in general, and spouted views that our money was something he could not trust, beyond silver and gold.

There apparently is at least one other person of interest the authorities are looking for, an older man that has not been identified, who was in the vicinity when Congresswoman Giffords and several others were gunned down.

The saddest victim was a nine year old girl, who was interested in government and wanted to meet the Congresswoman at an open event at a supermarket.

Who could have imagined this would happen?  I don't think anyone could predict it, yet we have plenty of proof that the rhetoric that has been spouted by people who are extremist in their views, and also possibly not the brightest bulbs in the case, either.

Individuals like Loughner, who despite a drug arrest in 2007 (he completed some kind of program and the arrest was I think expunged), and who had serious issues was still able to buy a Glock with an expanded magazine, turn up a public event and kill.

It is clear from evidence found he targeted Giffords.  The Congresswoman apparently was a conservative, Blue Dog Democrat, but that doesn't mean much.

Democrat means the enemy to a lot of these freaks.  Giffords' local office was targeted by people who didn't like her votes on immigration and health care.  She was also one of the people whose face was targeted in a rifle crosshairs on Sarah Palin's website, and probably elsewhere too.

Now...I am NOT blaming the former Gov. of Alaska for Giffords' death.  I do also appreciate that the crosshairs were taken down, a day late and a dollar short.  She didn't, as rightwingers like to postulate, put that gun in Loughner's hands.  Certainly not.

She is however one example of conservative, rightwing lightning rods who have made it clear that resistance to anything Barack Obama, the Democrats, the liberals, the progressives, the whomevers is a must.

I don't want to say by any means necessary; that interpretation is a broad one, and Loughner decided to put it into action.

There has been a terribly vicious, hateful segment of the media (Fox News at the top), including a number of talk show hosts, so-called "religious leaders," and attention-whoring politicians who have pushed the weak-minded, the vulnerable, and those on the edge to actually believe all the crap that has been spewed.

I am sure that people who read this are going to either agree with me or disagree, and will do everything they can to apologize for, dissemble, and divert attention from where it belongs.

These people pushed buttons...lots of buttons, and they need to reap the whirlwind.

True, the instrument of action was Loughner.  He must, if he's proven mentally able to stand trial, do so.  Nothing he can do will bring back that child, nor make so many people feel any better.  He needs to be tried properly and face his due.  Anyone who helped him, they too must be brought to justice.

Do we agree so far?

I hope so.

I want to know what Loughner's contacts were; his book reading list has been picked apart.

He liked "The Communist Manifesto."  Rightwingers have seized upon this to prove he's a liberal.

But he also liked "Mein Kampf."  Hitler, a liberal?  Hardly.  A lot of righties seem to have a sick fascination and admiration for that man, and I don't know why.

One thing a friend of his did say:  apparently, Loughner suffered a case of alcoholic poisoning some years ago.  I wonder:  did that experience unhinge a mind already close to it?  I'm no doctor, but I wonder if it did.

I've heard (but I'm sorry to say I don't know how true this is) that Loughner had some kind of tie or was known to an organization in Arizona that was known to be anti-Semitic.  I'd like to know if this is so.

Arizona has been a hotbed of drugstore cowboys who are focused on illegal immigration to the point they took up arms and started patrolling the US/Mexico border.  We know about some of those folks; Lou Dobbs was masturbating with glee at the stuff they were doing.

We have turned into a banana republic, where one's idea of political discourse is to kill your opposition.  This is not Colombia, nor is it India or any other nation where this kind of violence is stock in trade.

Everyone needs to think about this.  My old college friend Jay pointed out recently that the hate speech, the hate-filled rhetoric, the emotional madness that has afflicted us is what needs to stop.

We again, everyone one of us, need to be mindful.  What we say, what we do, all of it.  I know I'm twisting in the wind on this, because most people will just toss this off and forget it. 

We have to grow up.

We have to stop finding boogeymen under every bed, around every corner, and stop believing that others are responsible for the problems we THINK we have.

I don't want to know what all those arrogant pundits are gonna say.  Some will be angry, some will circumspect (not many), and others will sniff their noses and blame anyone they don't like for it.

I don't give a fuck what you think.  You need to think for yourself.  All I know is, I feel horrid; I feel dirty, and I feel sad.

We can't do this anymore, folks.  If we want our nation to survive, the violence, and that also includes speech and rhetoric must end.  We must stop.

It starts with you and me.  Each one of us.

Despite what I think of the rightwing nuts, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and political loons like Sarah Palin, I HAVE NEVER WANTED THEM DEAD.  I do NOT wish violence to come to them or to their people.

They have a right to how they feel, as do their followers.  But with that comes responsibility.

I'd like to see that taken up by everyone.

Now...one ray of hope in the human spirit is the Congresswoman's incredible will to live.  Despite a terrible wound, she was able to hear one of her interns speaking to her.  It's unlikely she'll ever have a normal life again, but who knows?  Amazing things have happened before.

I honestly hope the best for her, and all those hurt by this.

Another thought:  Loughner's family.  They must be thinking, "My God, we'll never live this down."  I don't blame them for what he did.

What a mess.  This world is seriously fucked up, and we have let it happen.  It's time to stop, step back, and realize that what we have in this nation is precious.  I'm not afraid of saying that, pithy though it may seem.

All I know is, if you agree or disagree, I don't really mind.  But think for yourself.  Let's see where it goes.

I've had enough.  Enough of all of this. 

Blessed Be.