Killing Our Gods, Loudly

I’m sure you’re wondering where this is headed, right from the start.  I was thinking about this today, and I knew a blog was coming.  Suddenly I realized I had a series of what seem to be disparate themes, which were about to come together to make this one up.

First, a recent update on things:  I am the kind of person that when I like something, I tend to dive into it in an effort to discover more.  When it comes to music I do this especially, but I also do it when it comes to reading material.

About three or four years ago, while writing “The Other Roads Club” trilogy, I decided that a certain character, Minoru had a very dark, eccentric way about him.  I made him an Edgar Allan Poe devotee, right down to the way he dressed.  He quoted Poe, read the writings and sometimes couched things in the way that Poe might well have done.

Later on, I felt Minoru needed to branch out.  He was an acting type, so I had him go out for plays.  But what would work for him?  The answer?  Oscar Wilde; I had him try out for some of that.

It seemed to fit, so I bought a collection of Wilde’s plays; I never acted in any of them, but I would love such an opportunity one day.  His lampooning of British upper class twit society remains among the most clever.

P.G. Wodehouse, yet another; my sister loved his stuff, and it’s funny…I love Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie together, but reading the “Jeeves and Wooster” books is somehow more entertaining.  Don’t know why, but that is how that is.

So my point?  I immerse myself in the material I need to write my own stuff, and develop characters, storylines and all the other things I need.  It also broadens my own, sorry to say narrow bloody horizons.

Next case in point to get us where we need to go:  Sylvia Plath.

Recently the 50^th anniversary of her suicide passed our way.  I had known who Sylvia was, but I am not much of a reader or writer of poetry.  Irony:  not long ago, I stumbled across “The Bell Jar” in a used shop, and having not bought it, dispatched my friend Alice back to the shop to get it for me.

If you have not read this book, beware:  it is dark, scary, hard to read, but enlightening.  You go inside the tortured and yet brilliant mind of this woman.  She was only 30 when she offed herself; her son would also in time do the same.

I’d read this book, and saw horrific parallels to my own mental issues.  Plath even tried to kill herself in a way I envisioned, 20 years ago.  How shocking is that?

Not long ago, I joined Google+, and made friends with a young lady named Trina, who has put up a page there called “Sylvia Plath Lives.”  Only like four members, and Trina is surely into the lady’s writing more so than I.

I needed to research this more; I found something that really stunned me.  The cult of personality that surrounded Plath, her writing, and her death. 

Today I picked up “Ariel,” a restored version of which has been put out by Sylvia’s daughter, Frieda.  Plath bore two children by the British poet Ted Hughes, who we would know as the creator of the brilliant “Iron Man.” 

The relationship was good for both, and bad for Sylvia.  It’s no secret Hughes cheated on her; Sylvia was jealous and suspicious, but in this case had a right to be pissed off.  In the forward, 
Frieda writes of the hopes her father had to make it up to her.

His handling of Plath’s writings after her death, and the US and UK versions of “Ariel” attracted great attention, and great ire.

“Look in my eyes/What do you see/The Cult of Personality…”  -- Living Colour

Now the song is more about dictators and politicians, etc., but Plath attracted a rabid following.  Plath may well have been one of the first truly feminist authors, but Frieda rightly is unhappy with the way her mother has been used.

Used, abused, whatever you like for adjectives and superlatives.  Hughes was harshly criticized for changing “Ariel,” swapping out some poems for others, but it is a clear fact he had to be careful.  The poem “Lesbos” was about two acquaintances who lived in England.  The poem was not about lesbians, but it is a cutting and vicious three pages.  Hughes I think was right to drop that one.

But Plath has been taken up, she was then, and still now by a fan base that believes she is some kind of perfect “Goddess” and that all she ever did was wonderful.

When in fact, she was like you and I, a flawed human being.

I do not criticize her, and I cannot judge her.  I do not judge Hughes.  And here is where I get to my argument:

We kill our Gods…and we do it at the threshold of pain.

I’m reminded of the t-shirt Axl Rose used to wear onstage in the early days of Guns ‘N Roses, the one of Jesus, and I think it said something about killing your idols.  Very telling.

Think about it:  Plath’s followers, many of them are so fanatical.  Frieda writes she was accosted on a street by a man who was furious about a plaque being put up at the home in London where Frieda was born, where Plath lived happily with the family, and did some of her greatest work.

He was frothing about how it should be at the place where she killed herself.  Never mind that 
Plath was only there a few weeks; everyone thought she should die there.

Frieda’s response…she already has a headstone, we don’t need another.

Oh, and the defacement of Plath’s headstone by these rampaging assholes?  Talk about respect for the dead!  Talk about respect for the resting place of the one you supposedly revere!

All because they think Ted fucked things up with “Ariel,” and drove Sylvia to suicide.  That’s simplistic I know…but these people are even more simplistic than that!

So what else am I talking about here?

Next disparate thread:  because I live in Pennsylvania, I’ll shift gears for something a bit closer 
to home.  Yes, I’m going there.

JOE PATERNO AND PENN STATE.

I really hoped I could avoid talking about this again.  I tried to keep my mouth shut about the ongoing drama, one year after his death, and the fact that the Universe According to Joe still acts like he’s alive, walking around, and an omnipotent “God-Head” to the Blue and White.

I am really no longer upset with Paterno himself.  He is gone, a legendary coaching career tarnished by one big mistake.  I’m sure he committed a few others, too, but the one decision he made to shut up about Jerry Sandusky and what he was doing in order to protect the almighty football Program at Penn State.

The bleating continues to this day:  let’s work backwards.  The university itself continues to grudgingly shoulder its self-created cross of martyrdom over those terrible sanctions, that $60 million, piss drop in the bucket fine, and oh, so sad, no bowl games and no bowl game money.

The Nittany Lions did pretty damned well this past season; no one expected them to win eight games.  I covered two of those games at Beaver Stadium.  The fans showed up, smeared in blue and white, the nubile young (and not so young), both male and female bared their bodies and everything else in their passion for the university, the Program, and you know who.

But you know what?  Not many sellouts…sure, 97,000 for example?  That’s one hell of a crowd; but Beaver Stadium after its latest refit can hold 108,000 easily.

What’s that tell you?  Cracks.  They’re there.

Now…we can go a long ways down and fire off any number of people who still believe that Joe-Pa was wronged.  He was a scapegoat, they whine and howl!  It’s a conspiracy, they scream to the heavens!  The NCAA is out to get us, they shrilly proclaim.

The late Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, he who saw conspiracies against his team by the NFL every place he looked would shake his head in disbelief.

So…let’s go right to the family, because they can’t let it go.

I do not have an issue with Joe’s widow.  Sue Paterno strikes me as a lady of dignity, and she’s only doing what any partner/wife/etc. would do; she’s defending her late husband.  I think she was right out of the loop; it’s clear to me Joe was not gonna tell her anything about Sandusky or what was going down.

Joe’s sons on the other hand, really bug me.  It would seem they spearhead the drive to trash the Freeh Report in an effort to try and prove that Louis Freeh overstepped his bounds, and that the NCAA went all out to destroy their daddy and ruin the program, blah blah blah.

Well…let’s take a look at certain aspects of why they might really be doing this.

When you’ve got a guy like Paterno who is essentially the most powerful man on the state university’s campus, you know what you get?  Perks.  Lots and lots of nice little bonuses, not just for the man, but for the family.

Hell, when Sandusky retired in ’99, he was given loads of them, even though everyone already suspected of just why he suddenly was leaving.  A hall pass to go anywhere he wanted, an office, use of facilities, discounts on tuition for him an all the family.

Transpose to the Paterno family:  now one son, Jay was an assistant coach so he too was an employee.  He was dumped along with the rest of the staff.

The Paternos began to make demands of the university in the wake of Joe’s passing.  They wanted goodies, all the goodies that Joe saw they got, and now…get ready for it…without in so many words…DECIDED THEY WERE ENTITLED TO THEM.

Stuff like…use of a private jet!

WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A PRIVATE JET IF YOU DO NOT WORK FOR THE BIG U. ANYMORE?

And of course they still wanted a luxury box, this that and the other.

I’m sorry…but you know, that really was unseemly.  What made these spoiled brat kids in adult bodies think they were entitled to any fucking thing?

This is an example of how you Kill Your Gods.  Yet another; fun, isn’t it?

I think Joe himself would be appalled that his grown-up family would try and hold up the university for stuff that really does not matter.

What exactly do they have to gain?  Joe made great money for a lot of years; they don’t need it. 

Two adult sons, free of the scandal in terms of having involvement should be able (you’d think) to get on with their lives.  Jay should be able to coach again; it would be unfair to hold the mistake of the father against the son.

Scott…I don’t really know what he does.  He ran for Congress back in like ’02, and I interviewed him a couple of times.  Nice guy, really; but he was a political novice running on the “Who’s My Daddy?” ticket.  Tim Holden ate him for lunch that Election Day.

I think the family doth protest too much.  Their “independent” review of the Freeh Report was a paid-for whitewash that would have made the creative writing team of World Wrestling Entertainment cringe.  ESPN must have been holding its collective nose when they aired a full report of that.

Again my point:  we make “Gods” of people, and we really must not do that.  Look at what happens; we make people, human beings out to be something spectacular.  When they fail, either we feel duped, or we cling to the cult aspects of what we thought they were, and convince ourselves they still are.

An old and dear friend has more than once said:  “I don’t go back.”  Her statement is about returning to the past; past relationships, and other matters that no longer apply to her life.

We live in the past.  We revel in it, and pretend it’s still happening.  I suppose that is why I do not suffer fools for the past well.  I do not have the patience for people who continue to re-live things that happened years and years ago like they were yesterday.

It’s been very difficult for me to get rid of my past, and I acknowledge this.  I have spent a long time trying to rid myself of shame, of guilt, of self-hatred for things I did and did not do.  I write of this in a number of my stories, and I find characters that seek a way out of that past.

We do indeed cling to that past, don’t we?  Look at the ongoing examination of Sylvia Plath.  Her work is indeed timeless, brilliant, cutting, and edgy for her time.  She was a woman out of her time, that’s my feeling.

But was she a “Goddess?”  No.

Joe Paterno…what was he?  A very successful football coach?  A leader of young men, a teacher, a guy who tried to do his best?  Largely, yes.  I do think that.

I also have said that a man’s life such as his should not be remembered for one mistake.  That I believe; yet at the same time, why was there such an act as he put on?  Why did he have to do it?

Why could he not at the end ‘fess up and say, “I screwed up.  I’m sorry.” 

I can’t answer that.

Last part of this:  look at the madness of organized religion.  I’ve blogged about it here before, and I’d refer you back to the “Samhain, and the Death of Anything Meaningful” blog for more on this subject.

I do not disrespect those who believe.  If it works, then good.  But look at how mad we have gone.  Most religions to me are the same thing, only we feel the need to destroy any interpretation but that which is the one we believe.

Everything else must be destroyed.  Isn’t that it?

Today, radical Islamists rape the ancient sites of Mali the same way radical Christians blazed bloody paths through Europe and the Americas.  The entire native population of Cuba, one example, no longer exists.

Is this what Jesus called for?  Did the prophet Mohammed really call for this?  What “God” demands this kind of tribute?

To me it is more human demands to serve a human purpose, not a spiritual one.

The two names are examples…and they were HUMAN.  Look at others, such as Buddha and Lao Tzu; they were HUMAN.  They did not require such things nor demand them.

Just another method of how we Kill Our Gods.

###

I have only read the foreword of “Ariel,” and skimmed “Lesbos” to get an idea of it.  I will read that once I’m finished here.  I think for me, I need to read more of her work, to expand my own horizon, and maybe get a bit more truth about myself.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense; this is all one draft, one stream of thought and consciousness.  I wonder what you will find, as I wonder what I’ll find in “Ariel.”

Peace, Out.

Screech. Dharma Fools, New England, and Writing Update

The first Dresden Dolls album is coursing through my brain at a non-syncopated gait this morning.  I have again crawled from the wreckage of last night, and I'll probably end up working backwards on this missive to the universe.

I have caught my first cold in like three or four years.  Being vegetarian does that...since going meatless back in 2001, really, I've rarely been sick.  It's not a bad one, either; no real symptoms, but that it goes straight for the throat.  Doesn't hurt, but it feels like I fronted a Screamo band.

That's the least of my worries.  Well, good things to start with:  the Dharma Fools returned to the stage last night for the first time in over a year.

http://www.reverbnation.com/thedharmafools?profile_view_source=header_icon_nav

Our new page is there, recent video and some old tracks.  Got a nice "love it" from a musician named Tim Caudill last night...thanks, Tim!

Yeah, last night...slightly new lineup.  Those who know of the history of The Band Formerly Known As Ahltyrra know that the Dharma Fools were to be a side project, and they became the project.

From the original lineup is myself, Dan Shearer and Merryiad.  Jim Hooker has joined us on harp, vocals and djembe; the former he mostly does and Jim brought us a wonderful djembe player named Mari up to Harrisburg for the event.

A fixture in Harrisburg's music scene is the Harrisburg Midtown Arts Center, or HMAC.  Wednesday night's Open Mic Night, hosted by Mike Banks.  He opened up with more of his blazing acoustic guitar pyro action, and an amazing voice that can do Leon Redbone stuff, and then with a more conventional, but exceptional voice.  Great guy, and we appreciate his support.

Well, wouldn't you know?  We had to follow his blazing set!  But we've done it before.  The set list:

Black Ambition (one of mine, an Ahltyrra standby and opener)
Keep on Truckin' (the product of Dan's grooving bass line, Jim's harp and words I quickly brought together)...smoked for not playing it ever.
Dead Flowers (yeah, we had to)

Got an awesome hand, thank you all for doing that!  Some old friends and fans turned up, and a couple of my radio friends turned up as well.  Wonderful time...we still got it.

Dunno what's next, but we'll keep at it.  Hopefully I'll have some new rehearsal or live tracks up on the ReverbNation site.

Good work last night by a lot of artists...Piano & Cocktail Murders (I think that's the right name), Cameron Malloy, Yellow Day, and Octavia all did great...the latter is a blues lady, find her music!!!

Doing some TV work this week for WITF...nice to get a chance to do some behind the scenes work, and I'm not averse to much of anything right about now.

NEXT...Radio-Airwaves is back on the air!

http://radio-airwaves.co.uk/index.html

I return to the air tonight at 11 pm Eastern time, as DJ Riff.  Got a bunch of new tracks to thrown down for you...some odd, some obscure, and some local stuff.

I was in New England last week.  Business and pleasure it all turned out to be.  Spent a few days in Maine with family, which was fun.  Also zoomed up the Midcoast to see my former boss and owner of a couple of interesting little stations.  

Turned out I had a job interview with a start-up AM.  Radio 9 WCME, on 900 AM in Brunswick has been an odd little station with a long past.  The new owner is a radio pro who has been making things happen on his own pace, and I had a nice chat.  Not much there right now, but worth staying in touch with the gentleman.

Also saw my old XM Radio friend Joe in Portland, and ran into another of his regular buddies, a good time.  Very good indeed.

Boston for two days...saw my old friend TJ Welch from Saint Joe's days.  The one year he was there shaped my musical vision in a big way.  He was the host of "Sonic Lobotomy," a punk show that for that one year defined a lot of things for me.

He introduced me to Dead Kennedys.  TJ's band The Welch Boys will support DK's in Cambridge, MA and in NYC and Washington this month.  Great to see him again, and I sold him a Telecaster. 

A wonderful time, I must say.  Spent a couple days at my friend Riz's house, and then it was back down here for the action.

Okay...writing time.

I have not written or edited much lately.  But I'm coming up with ideas again. Right now, I have to get "Parasite Girls" re-read as a book and ready for the self-publishing steps.  

My agent, Jeanie Loiacono has left Sullivan-Maxx and is forging ahead on her own.  LLA will be out of Irving, TX and I will likely re-up with her.  Jeanie has been kicking open doors and I feel she can help with the Sweet Dreams Series and get this into the hands it must go to.

It is that big to me, that some kind of help is required.  The SDS is the best thing I've ever written; it must get out there.

Now...not to diminish "Parasite Girls."  It's a good story, and I hope it will be received well.  Better to fail by trying than to not, eh?

My friend Nick Bento once said, "Even if it flops, at least you did it."  Something like that, and he's right.  Gotta go there.

Now...two new ideas have been slowly cooking in my head, and they have to stay there because they are not ready to come out of the oven yet.  I have to edit SDS-4, and do rewrites, because that's not what it should be.

"Time the Healer" needs a go-over...so much to do.

But I'd not have it another way; it's good like this.  Stuff ahead of me gives me incentive.

Okay, off to the mad world I've created for myself.  Peace, out.

Why Do I Write...and taking One Tiger at a Time!

Every now and then I ask myself, just why I do I do this?  Here I am, sitting in the Morebucks trying to gather some sort of wakefulness, considering what I've been doing the past several days, weeks, whatever...

In case you don't know, when I blog I generally do it in a stream of consciousness and I do tend to sidetrack myself.  A mental multi-tasking, as long as the tendons in my wrists allow me.

And I listen to my iTunes...a lot.

"Life is Just a Tire Swing," Jimmy Buffett...how appropriate.

So anyway...my last blog post was the announcement that I will put out my first novel, "Parasite Girls" later this year as an e-book, through Amazon.com and Kindle.

The first order of business was to get the manuscript ready.  It was not.  I had taken this rather strange, knocked out story with few characters and settings that are more familiar to American audiences.  Seemed the best and easiest one to get out there, and I feel it's a good story.

"My God," Jethro Tull, from Aqualung Live...

This is very different from what you will find if you page back through this blog.  I do not consider myself a great writer, nor do I consider myself cutting edge.  I just choose to write something different, and I like being different.  It's easy to make up silly stories based on whatever came before.  

I've made that mistake in the past.  It does not work, though it may for a short-term ego and checkbook fix.  

It is not cool to walk into a bookshop (there are no such things it feels to me around here) and see shelf upon shelf upon shelf of alleged original works that are nothing but knock-offs of Stephanie Meyer and whatever else.  It bores the shit out of me.

Because I know I can do better; but can I make myself do it.

"Parasite Girls" is not a great novel, but it is a good story.  About remaking oneself, finding oneself again, and realizing that no matter how many years pass and how many miles pass under you that there are still people that matter in your life.  Not always your family, either.

Not that I know much of what that's about...but I suppose it's what I wanted to see, and perhaps others will experience that.

As usual I tackle too many issues at once, but the issues become secondary I hope to the people that are living them.

So, why do I write?  I have always enjoyed it.  To me, it's fun.  I enjoy creating a world within the real world, and making characters up that are like those I see around me, but also those who are just a bit off-kilter, and even, yes, fucked up.  We all are.

That said...I'm nearly done with it.  I discovered through a friend an interesting software called Grammarly.  It's a trick to use, and you have to be patient with it and make it work to your advantage.  

The best way for me is to use it chapter by chapter.  It offers grammatical help, way beyond what spellcheckers do.  You also get a lot more in the way of alternatives to words you use too much. 

I did not realize how much I used certain words to the point of madness.  I feel incredibly illiterate now.  What the fuck happened there?

At this point, I am down to the final chapters, but even then I need to really read it over...the more I read, the more I realize it does not always flow.  Getting there, though.

Either way, should be a good read.  Once it's ready, then I'll worry about the next step of navigating the mad world of getting it formatted for online.  And every other damned thing.

--

That's what I do most days...not a lot of work, and time on my hands, better do something with it.  

"Caress Me Baby," by Omar Dykes & Lou Ann Barton...old Jimmy Reed stuff with Jimmie Vaughan on guitar.

My several months without medication has turned out okay.  I still feel periods of nervousness and my mind jumps ahead to things before I have to rein it in.  

When it comes to the writing, I find myself planning out ideas well ahead.  I have at least two more story ideas, one of which is good but it does not make enough sense to go anywhere.  You can't start something if you don't have a good timeline and plan in place.

And I have too much to do right now; so thinking about it is all I can do.

Idea to turn another story from my past into a first-person narrative...and then I have to get back to something else.

--

I am off to New England tomorrow, for a week to visit my sister and bro-in-law up in Maine; a couple days there, see some friends, and then to Boston where I'll sell a guitar to an old friend, and meet up with more friends.

Cool thing, here:

https://pinterest.com/pin/553168766700477254/

That's me, one of my agent's charges on Pinterest.  I think it's a good idea to get us out there, but I wonder how it will work.  Gotta wait and see.

"I Wish Lunch Could Last Forever."  Back to Buffett I see...great song from "Off to See the Lizard."

So yeah...the first book in that thing called the Sweet Dreams Series.  I am taking on an old and dear friend as my "Japan Advisor."  Sara may be interested in helping me plow through some of this, and give me some good insights on the land I've not been to yet.

I will eventually get back to that...as my friend Alice says, "One Tiger at a Time."  I think this comes from taming the tiger or something.

So I'm trying to do that...feel more and more like a person in a hurry.  Is this my lack of meds, so I am now foot to the floor?  No idea.

I also did get a bit of write-up in Front Row Literary, the online version.  A portion of the first book was put up, and the who I am bit.  Very nice.

Now...I will get the chance to take my new ride on a good long run, which should be enjoyable.  The Silver Saturn finally was retired in December, after just under a quarter million miles.  I have an '06 Honda Civic with few miles.  Nice ride, and I'm enjoying it.

I have to consider so many things, and a nice long ride will help with that.  

To answer that question again...this is something I love very much.  I enjoy coming up with these stories, ideas and things, and I want to see them in the hands of others.  I just hope very much that a larger circle beyond my friends can read these, and get something good out of them.

"I Cover the Waterfront," old version of the John Lee Hooker track...

So do I do this for the money?  Well, I've never made any as a writer; would be nice.  Could I make enough to do just that?  At this point, no.  But I also am first and foremost a broadcaster.  Radio is my first love, and I wish to stay in it, despite my just being a jobber the past four years out of the 29 I've invested in it.

It's how it goes.  You do what you can, and I still do.

I know that my ego would love to see some of these in book form.  I would strongly hope I don't let shit go to my head, but we're human.  I don't want it to be that way.  So I do it; cool, what's next?

I will eventually get "Parasite Girls" ready and it will get out there.  I just hope I can be patient enough to do it right, get it set right, get the right everything in place, without taking too long.  My goal is by the spring, and that I believe is in reach.

My recent examination of the story has shown it to be a good one.  I don't think much more is needed.  Other stories?  We'll see.

The one thing I will tell others who say, "Oh, I've always wanted to write a story about..." and then they tell me all about it.

Well...do it.

My old and dear artist friend Sunny said it over 20 years ago...you just have to do it.

Make the time, take it and fucking do it.

I'm outta here...Peace.