...well, not exactly 30...tomorrow (4/1) will somewhat, approximately, kinda-sorta my anniversary.
My 30th Anniversary in Broadcasting. Excuse me...
...30 Fucking Years.
I don't even feel that old anymore. I started thinking about this earlier today and realized that if I don't write this now, I'm not going to do it tomorrow on the day of this momentous (hah!) occasion.
So...let's see...where do I start? I've had people ask me a lot of questions about my chosen profession over the years, including the inevitable ones of, "How do you get started?", "Why do you work a job that doesn't pay anything?", "Why aren't you like Howard Stern?", "Why don't you want to host a talk show?", and fuck knows how many others.
I've had all of those...the one about the money was occasionally alluded to by my family. But more on that later.
I admit to having an interest and fascination with radio as a kid, but I also have to tell you I really didn't see myself as ever having an opportunity to do anything like that. Not that I didn't dream about it.
Growing up in near the Canadian border, I got the best of both worlds, both US and Canadian radio, and that included music as well as news and other stuff. I remember certain personalities, people, music, etc.
A lot of strange stuff returns to my brain right now...today, these things would never be done on commercial radio, and probably rarely on what is now called "Community Radio." Those low power FM's and the like that try to go as mini-NPR stations, doing their own thing, and relying on the kindliness of the public.
Anyway...the whole thing for me started here:
Michelle Hartley painted this mural in the basement of Saint Joseph's College (of Maine) back in the 80's. I went to St. Joe's in '83, with no idea of what I would do for a career. I had horrific grades in high school; I was at best a bored and uninterested student in just about everything. Lots of reasons for that, but that's how it is.
When I learned that we were getting ready to go on-air with an FM station whose signal in those days reached into Portland, I thought: "Oh...this might be interesting."
We did not get on air until the afternoon on 4/1/84. I pulled a one-hour shift late in the first day.
My first song as a DJ? I honestly don't remember.
Well, fast forward to a month and a few days later back in Vermont. One day after going home for the break, I walked into the old WDOT-AM in Burlington, and by virtue of the world's shortest job interview, I had one.
OK...so I didn't look back. Much.
It has been one long and strange trip in so many ways. And the shit ain't over yet. I have passed through more stations (existing and not), more formats and more co-workers/colleagues than I can number or even remember. I've worked in the weirdest set-ups, the flashiest studios, and have dealt with the best...and not necessarily the worst characters, but some scary ones to be sure.
When I wasn't being weird one.
We constantly remake ourselves. Sometimes it works, but often it just does not. I have spent the majority if not all of my career not being known. And to be honest, I prefer it.
I am a worker. I am a "Service Machine." This is not a bad thing, you know. There came a time in my career when my ego had to get smacked down, and fucking hard. It happened two or three times, very early in my career. I won't name names, or situations, but the deal was this:
"Kid, you're good, but you ain't that good. You got a long way to go."
And...I'll add this: "You must never stop learning."
What I mean by that is you must never stop learning what you are capable of doing. When you get to turn your hands to something you never thought you could do, you become surprised and even stunned to find out...that yes, you can do it. And do it well.
Yeah, I've had a few points in my life where I wondered why I got passed over for things. When I was younger, I irrationally and immaturely believed I was getting the shaft.
Then...about ten years into my career a guy who came up behind me said the same damn things and an awful lot more. I suddenly realized he reminded me of me. Guess we all go through it.
The business has changed. We can go on and on about how bad things have gotten, how the jobs have dried up, how the revenue is gone, and how we are no longer valued.
I call bullshit.
You know, I have not had a full-time radio gig in five years. I'm still jobbing, getting hours when and where I can. 'Cause this is what I do.
I love the business, and the experience. Right now, I am part of a company that is headed into a new market and frontier...radio? Broadcasting? More the latter, but it's all part of the same damn thing.
It may also seem strange to you that I spend two hours on a Thursday evening, hosting a show on a small internet station.
www.radio-airwaves.co.uk
I do it to keep myself sane at times. I can be like I was in college and play music I like, music that I think has value and play it for others. If you like it, great, if not, that's okay.
People ask me all the time if I like what I do. My response is always the same:
"BEATS WORKING!"
If I had to do it over, I'd do it again. I'd hope with benefit of hindsight I might not make some of those mistakes again, but you have to learn somehow.
Thing is: a lot of us do not learn. There are people in this biz who are one-trick ponies. They do one thing, and it may be good, but it doesn't always stand the test of time. You need to remake, like I said; adopt, adapt, improve. If you don't, you will be on the sidelines wondering why.
I've been a DJ for nearly every format. I've hosted shows, co-hosted shows, produced shows, been a journalist, a traffic reporter, a this, a that, a manager...we all do these things. We don't always have the titles before our names, but we do them.
I think at this point, my career went about the way it was meant to go. This is not just about money, but that's nice when you can get it. I've had other jobs, but this is not a job. This is what I DO.
I also write, I play music, I do the things I enjoy doing. Yeah...I could have gotten a desk job, or some kind of management job, or whatever...I could have made more money, been more stable financially, but I would not have been happy.
Rich People have Rich People Problems. If I was, I'd deal. I didn't do too badly, though. And I'm done.
I like where this thing is going, and it opened doors to everything else. It was not always smile-inducing, these past years, and it was not always fun. But it was different.
That makes it good.
You think this many years is something? One of my colleagues at the new job has been in this business, non-stop, 51 years.
That's right. Guy's a legend...and he's now a traffic reporter.
He still loves it.
So do I.
Do what you love, life is too fucking short to be bored or killing yourself. Friend of mine once had that great job, but he said the stress got so bad, he was pounding a six-pack of Heineken every fucking night to get through it.
Not worth it.
For me, this is.
I have broadcasting to do, even in the shadows. I make a difference in a small way, but a good one.
I do everything else because I think it makes a fucking difference. Forgive my self-centered thought...even if it is just for me, in that moment.
Been fun...and I have more waiting for me.
Peace, Out.
Well, once again here we go with my Reports from the Road! It has been a hectic week in preparation for my road trip back to New England, i.e., finishing work, securing the domain, making sure someone's going to make sure the cats aren't gonna go all "Risky Business" (is that the movie I'm thinking of?) on the house while I'm gone, and all that.
"Escape" by Journey is playing on my iTunes. My Walkman does not play well with iTunes or a Mac, so the music selection is very different. Not as many songs, and also a number of "borrowed" discs from The River studio (hee-hee)...hell, I BOUGHT a bunch of these damn records back in the day, yes, records!
So two shows to deal with on the eve of my leaving; hosted "Fresh Air/All Things Considered" on WITF, and then it's zoom over to where I was staying, then to Clear Channel to do the Senators game.
Not much sleep, and at 5 am I was off and running...eight hours or so in the vehicle, propelled by my Walkman, the BBC, NPR, and occasional local radio. Scott Fybush would be all over my not giving you every dial position of every New York Public Radio station, and there are a lot of them.
A slightly different road trip for me, through parts of NY State and VT...the latter state I've not been to since my mother's funeral in 2005. Far too long; that scenic if somewhat slow ride up through SW VT on varied roads into Burlington reminded me quite a bit of what the whole Green Mountain State used to look like. Yes, used. I shudder to think what my hometown of Cambridge is gonna look like when I go there tomorrow.
My reason for the trip to VT is to watch my nephew Aubrey walk that aisle with his soon to be new bride, Erica. This should be interesting...very interesting, indeed.
I need to see what the home I grew up in looks like now, though I will not ask to see the inside. A/E did a great remodeling job, to the point I did not recognize some of the rooms I lived in the first 17 years of my life. Change is good; it is inevitable and I'm glad some of the family will carry it on.
Need to see the farm, see the rest of the gang...most relatives will not be there (and I don't mind telling you I am thankful for THAT). This is gonna mostly be Aubrey and Erica's crowd, most of whom will be young enough to be my and other sibling's kids.
I need to see what the place looks like, and the area. Recalling my earlier life there, it became the template for "Out Among the Stars," one of my "adult" novels (meaning for adults, not X-rated, come on, now!). Wonder if it'll stand up to the test of what I recall and how I envision it now.
Speaking of siblings...I do wonder where my sister and brother in law are? Susan and Robert are supposed to be staying in the same hotel I am...they've no-showed. That is not like them.
I am betting they either got sidetracked somewhere, or they ended up in the other hotel of the same general name in this neighborhood. What do you wanna bet?
Ah well...I had the chance to look about and see the changes. Essex, what I saw of it looked rather built up, but still the same...the Fairgrounds was redone, but the barns were the same. Interesting.
My hotel is on the border of Colchester and Winooski, so I dropped down through the latter, to find lots of food spots...and a PHO PASTEUR! Yes! To die for!
Susan and Rob owe me a dinner...heh heh heh...see what I can do to influence their decision...
I also drove into Burlington...it's a city that has so many memories and thoughts for me of my youth...and what I didn't have. I was born in Burlington, and it was "the big city" for kids like me. Going there for any reason was a special thing.
My radio career (the paying one) started there, too; in the old WDOT studios on College Street in 1984. I can't remember the last time I was in Burlington and actually looked around, but I got the chance to do it this afternoon.
Damn. I want to live here again.
It's so new again...cool places, stores, restaurants, the music, all of it. The old Oasis Diner building is there, but now is a deli of sorts. Looks like they're keeping the motif in some way.
Nector's, the place where a funky little band called Phish got their start is there...right next door is Esox, where I used to drink after my shifts on 'DOT...and right across the street from where the late Peter Freyne and I smoked a joint, in full view of the world on a hot summer night in 1985.
Memories. "Zombie" by Fela Kuti has been rocking for one hell of a long time, but it's cool.
The music shop is gone, but Pure Pop Records is still there...went in and looked around. My old friend/radio colleague Ira Melnick used to work there...wonder what happened to him, great guy.
The store was a little pricey, but I can see why. Snagged the new Boxer Rebellion CD The Cold Still and Johnny Clegg's Human, his first CD in 17 years.
"Real as an Animal," Alejandro Escovedo is playing now. Yeah...
Irregardless of what I see and experience tomorrow in Cambridge, I have to tell you: I NEED TO BE BACK IN NEW ENGLAND. IF NOT BOSTON, VERMONT, or somewhere in between.
This is where I'm from...the diversity, the culture clashes (the peaceful ones), the whole fucking world is so different here. It's not changed that much, not at all; despite the influx of Flatlanders (not the band, a not-always nice term for "Outtastaters"), there's still a unique character to Vermont.
My youth came back to me in a college city...oh! Passed the ballpark where the Lake Monsters play...$3 FOR PARKING.
3 FUCKING DOLLARS...TAKE THAT, FEDEX FIELD!!!
Now, I have felt rather focused on doing something. Before going out to do my shopping URRRR!!!! market research I got back to work on music. Two more songs that begged for months to get music put to them have music now. Just bare bones stuff, but I like it so far.
The rough mix of "Aki's Song," by my old band, Ahltyrra is playing...Dan and I did get together this week, but I wonder where it's all going.
Where am I going? I have no job prospects in VT or in Boston...I have to stay where I am, because of my commitments to WITF and to CC. I have nothing else anyway that I want or need to do in radio.
The book...getting the Sweet Dreams Series published, that may well do it. I have to hope so.
"Hot Burrito #2," Flying Burrito Brothers is up.
I am again at a new crossroads in my life...I wonder what the next change will be. Part of me wants out of PA, part of me feels my work is not done there yet.
Part of me is pulling me hard to come home to New England, doesn't matter where in it, but to be there.
I want to see how things go tomorrow...that will help me consider a bit more...then Boston once more.
I miss this area; some of my old friends are still here, and I'd love to see them again. I admit my ties to my family aren't much; my sister and brothers and I are cool with each other, as are the kids I think. The rest...I will not say anything...let's just leave it at that.
Life has gone on, and it always will. I now need to see what is going to come up next in these coming days. Whatever the case, I aim to enjoy myself a little and I will try to relax, but I also have to work out somewhere...other than minimal stuff here in this place, I'll have to wait til I get to Boston.
Either way, it's pretty good. 20 days without a smoke, feeling more like myself already, feeling more awake. We shall see...
