Greetings, all...forgive my not blogging for quite some time, but I have been busy. There are an awful lot of things going on for me, and as usual I feel like the only time I arrive here to talk about it is either because:
1. I for once have nothing else to do (not true in this case).
2. I am wondering if the world around me really does exist in this fucked-up state (kinda).
3. I am falling back into significant depression and am trying to find my way out of it again (BINGO!).
You would think I should not have anything to be depressed about, but do not tell me that, because it changes from minute to minute.
I am right now in a sort of mixed-manic phase. I know this, because I am jumping ahead, and then backward again in an effort to recover lost ground, and on account of my thinking too far ahead so that I forget things. Too many things.
So anyway...GeoTraffic has been keeping me busy. Very busy, in fact so I am traveling an awful lot right now. It's good, the money is good, and I am hopeful to have a more set schedule in the fear future.
My usual summertime depression is upon me. You won't really see it, but I fucking hate summer.
I do not like the season. I do not like dealing with what Mainers like to refer to as "Summer Complaints," i.e., TOURISTS. I am also not enamored with a lot of things. I mean a lot of things.
I had kind of a strange date the other day. I won't say who this was with, but needless to say we were sort of introduced, and we talked a lot in leading up to a meeting. Went well; nice person, intelligent, etc.
We are too different.
Isn't that interesting?
Well, yes it is true. We like each other. No attraction beyond that. Nothing.
Oh well, you can't really force these things, can you? I have no regrets, and I'm not going to be on the hunt, so bear that in mind.
I realize that I am not the most outgoing of people. But I do not think I am unapproachable. I am perfectly approachable and willing to engage, unless you want to talk to me about religion, politics or THE DRAMA YOU THINK I CAN HELP YOU WITH.
Forgive me, but: DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR THERAPIST?
Now...in the midst of all this madness, I am trying to figure out what the fuck I am going to do next.
I have some friends (thank you all) who are "beta reading" my upcoming Young Adult work, "Drifters." One friend has been reading bits at a time, and so far she has been quite positive.
Waiting on the others. Also, I just finished the mind-numbing and migraine-inducing proof of "Drifters." Went alright. Christie Stratos, my Proof Positive reader, did a fine job and pointed out some issues.
Now, there is another: "A Moment in the Sun." One reader says so far, I have set a very fast pace. Faster than she usually can handle. But she likes it a lot.
This is good; can't wait for the others.
Now...if you like, you too can be a beta reader, let me know. But bear in mind, if you agree you will read it and give me an honest view, no punches pulled.
I can take criticism, lots of it.
So there's still "Parasite Girls." I have not done any readings or anything like that because I honestly have been too busy with the real world. Sales aren't good, but I didn't expect that. This was an object lesson in learning what to do and not to do.
Efforts to get signings lead to nowhere, but I kind of keep at it.
I wonder what is the point. I am adrift in a sea of horrific romance novels, smutty fan-fiction and knockoffs of whatever is popular now. Everyone thinks they're the next great author. I'm not saying I am that, but I write better than a lot of this shit.
At least I hope I do.
Don't worry, this is the usual cycle of doubt, self-criticism and verbal and literary self-mutilation that I go through about every three months. Nothing's changed at all, folks, haha...
And of course...I have another idea...another very strong, bizarre idea for a story. Do I write it? Do I start writing it?
That's where I am, folks.
The quote of the Who song is because I just got the 2013 Wembley Stadium performance of Quadrophenia. Review is good, but mixed. Sonically, fucking insanely good! Roger, well, his voice was not all there, but in his mid-60's what do you expect?
He is in finer form on his new collaboration with Wilko Johnson, "Going Back Home." GO GET THAT!!!
"You only became what we made you..." -- No, you make yourself, you allow yourself to believe THEY did it to you!
I make ME...I remind myself of this...
...away I go.
UPDATE: this makes me feel better. Be prepared.