I am dealing with internal issues again this week; the next chapter of "Take Another Road" likely will be later in the week, but I have a wild one coming up.
First, the past week...I've done reasonably well in hitting the gym, but I also realize I have to ease myself back into this thing.
I will meet again with a trainer on Monday, and I think I know how to make this work: I am supposed to do some sort of training M-W-F; the other days I will swim, given the time to get there and do it.
So far, it's going well; I do feel a lot better already. Also: 9 days today without a smoke. Don't miss it much, though I am tempted at times.
I am not as sore as I thought I would be, but I can feel areas coming back to life, as it were. It is helping make me feel better, but I also know it has limits.
Depression is very difficult again; Tuesday I was in terrible shape. I was not supposed to work out, but I did to try and get it out of me. Helped to some extent.
I've been on and off depressed all week, and it is disconcerting to me, because while I have not had any episodes, I feel I'm sailing close to that wind again. Not good.
Without the Office, the gym has become it for now. Not a bad thing, I suppose; but despite people's opinons, 95% of those who pay to go to these places are there to work, as I am. I could care fucking less what anyone dresses like, looks like or how many hundred pounds their benching.
This sure ain't Planet Fitless, folks, and for that I'm grateful.
So anyway...I think my depression is coming from a lack of human contact once again; now, I am more concerned, because being around some of my friends as I was last night left me feeling worse.
Nothing anyone said or did to be sure, just a terribly strange feeling. Change; more of it.
Alice made a very interesting comment recently; we are no longer a relationship, but we are good friends and always will be. She doesn't want to get in the way of what I "will be." Or something that like that.
She sees more potential in me than I do; I know that is something that is hidden in each of us, and I think mine hasn't fully manifested yet. I've worked here, worked there, done this, done that, but has any of it every reached its full power?
Makes me think, it really does. I know however there's a lot I have to contend with before I get to that point. I must remember to believe that I am all these things, because I have accomplished them. Just have to go further.
I digress. Back to KYW tonight, and then I have a long week coming up: Radio PA sports in the very early morning Tuesday...then Wed. and Thurs. I'm back on WITF to host "Morning Edition." Changes are being made there, so I need to work on what those are.
I have other things to do, so many other things to do...urg.
Must get to it then...life goes on, doesn't it?