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Friday, May 27, 2011

The Radio Wasteland & Other Observations

Gotta tell you, one of those weekends if coming up...it's already been one of those weeks.

Got back about 30 minutes ago from Harrisburg; did the Radio Pennsylvania Network sports from 2-6 am.  The reports are two-minute deals that run across the network at :05 and sometimes :35 past the hour, depending on the affiliate's needs in the AM drive.

Also put together and send out two "Sportslines," which essentially are network feeds of all the stuff we can give them on PA sports.  All good.

Well, I learned sad news this morning, but it is not at all surprising to me.  Despite the ideas that the economy is getting better, the radio business tends not to follow the trend.

I have found that two good friends of mine are among a series of layoffs at one of my jobs.  Very sad; I hate to see anyone lose work.  Based on what I was told it was a business decision, regarding money, funding, this, that and the other.  Okay.

That being said:  I have another job tonight at Clear Channel, prodding a Senators game.  All good; but over the past few days I've been again made aware of the wasteland that is Sports Talk Radio.

Actually, that's an oxymoron.  You could call it Sports Whine Radio, CrotchTalk Radio, or anything you like.  Mostly a bunch of losers squeezing their tiny little nads (if they can find them) about sports, and showing off their (lack of) knowledge on the subject.

Morning Drive Sports Radio has descended back to the land of infantile, juvenile crotch grabbing, nuthugging and babble that is unfit for the mentalities of nine year old boys.  It has never been good; sports networks, desperate for 24/7 coverage and content will put anyone on by the look of it.

ESPN Radio has long touted that Mike and Mike in the Morning is the best show in America, and has been for years.  Actually, these two idiots should have hung it up several years ago.  Mike Greenberg's constant riffs on his metrasexuality (with continual body shaving and man purse jokes); Mike Golic's ongoing weight problem, their shameless pimping of P90X, some kind of fitness program that all the talk show hosts have been paid to shill for (something is wrong there; I don't think it works), and the rest.

Then you get to the lower tier of a bad lot:  Sporting News Radio has always been the retarded little sister to ESPN, no matter what they try.  They did get Dan Patrick and Todd Wright away from ESPN...no loss.

Patrick is whiny and bored on his radio program; he does not want to be there, he never has.  The only time he's enthused is when he anchors "Sportscenter," on TV.

Wright has for years been the weekday overnight guy; I don't doubt his passion for sports or his knowledge...but he is deadpan boring.

Also:  why do so many sports talk show hosts sound like 12-year-old girls when they talk?  They sound like they have no testosterone in their bodies at all.

Wright is just fucking boring...take the whiny voice, and this sloooooow, pedantic rap....I'm........Todd Wright......here on.........Sporting News Radio..........we'll talk with........(insert name of unknown sports figure)........and we'll have.......my grandma on to talk football......and we'll have........the "Women of All Night's".....(insert name of skanky calendar model that you can only find on Wright's website, or possibly Redtube.com)....

You get me.

Steve Czaban is now in morning drive there; I don't know why people think he's so great.  He is arrogant, loud, self-important and is a tool.  He is a tool of Sporting News Radio, and of himself...boring.

Fox Sports Radio is the worst.  All the hosts are whiners, or a bunch of grumbling dingbats.  They have exiled Tony Bruno to late nights, where he can grumble about false "outrages," run constant overdubbed clips of "The Godfather" with his name in them, and go on about his porn collection.

Most of the hosts are whiny, D-list losers who know nothing about sports, and quite a few of them seem to be two-bit gamblers, because they're always talking about betting, lines, odds, and they have nicknames like "Money."

It's easy for a station owner to just throw the switch, put up 24/7 sports radio coverage, maybe do a few local games, pay the "talent" per game, and then whore out a few hours of Sunday morning programming time to a church or a company hawking a colon-cleansing infomercial for a little extra cash.

Urgh.  True, you need money to run a business, pay the people and the bills, indeed you do.  Gotta be a better way than this, though.

You know, I am not a big sports fan anymore; I am paying more attention to it again, because my job(s) dictate that I do so.  I could care less what the Patriots do or who they took in the draft; I care about the same about the Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins.  I'm a native New Englander, and my heart will always be with the Boston and New England clubs, sure...but my life is just too complicated without worrying over it.

I'm amazed, I really am, at how we've made sports our religion.  It's the be-all and end-all.  Ei freaking fucking yi!

I have no problem with you wearing a jersey (I have a few), checking on the team's transaction, calling up a show and giving your opinion, that's all well and good.  But sometimes we gotta take a step back and see what is up.

Back to my first point:  I am sorry for my friends, and I wish them well.  I have been a casualty of this business so many times, and I know how much it sucks.  All I can say is what I've said to myself:  move forward, keep going and don't fucking quit.

Anyway...I must actually attempt to sleep, whatever that is.  If I don't write again before next week, enjoy your Memorial Day Weekend, and if you can, find James McMurtry's song by that title, "Memorial Day."  Funny as hell.

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